Disclaimer: Daria belongs to MTV. I own nothing. Gee, thanks for
reminding me.
Family Tradition
by Arianwen P.F. Everett
Helen Barksdale Morgendorfer looked up from her case file, glancing
each way, before grabbing under the couch coushin for the hidden hand
mirror. This was foolish, yet she had to look. Squeezing her eyes shut,
she moved the glass in front of her face, then slowly slid one eye open.
Her sigh of relief filled the livingroom.
It was silly. It truly was. Just because every other Barkesdale
woman with red hair, suddenly turned completely gray the day before their
50th Birthday, didn't mean she had to worry like a superstitious ninny.
That's all it was, superstition, and she wasn't going to waste anymore
time with this nonscence. She was going to get this pile of work done, so
that tomorrow, she, her loving family, and her aubern locks could
celebrate her reaching half a century.
So distracted by her own internal pep talk was she, that she didn't
even notice her oldest daughter, Daria, enter the room till the girl stood
right in front of her.
"Mom?" Daria barely whispered.
"I'm working Sweetie. Is there something that you need?" Helen
asked, turning over a page on her legal pad.
"Mom, how old do you have to be before you can get married?" Daria
asked, a croak in her voice, which caught Helen's attention even more than
her words. Daria never cried, even as a baby.
Suddenly there was a knock at the door.
"No Mom, don't get it please! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Please
Mommy!" Daria cried out hystericaly, as Helen approached the door.
Whatever it was, she wanted her daughter to be strong. She couldn't
let Daria hide from her fears. Whatever was behind the front door, they'd
face it together.
She was pleasantly surprised, and confused, when all she found
behind the door was Daria's friend, Jane Lane, holding a large, empty box.
"Daria, it's only your friend Jan,"
Daria let out a blood curtling shriek of terror, as Jane entered the
house.
"Hey Sis! I emptied out a box of my art supplies in honor of this
special occasion. You don't have too much to pack, do you? I mean, I've
seen your room... I mean, your old room! I always knew this day would
come. I just didn't think it'd all happen so soon. And to think, if I
hadn't mixed us up those margaritas last night, none of this would be
happening!" Jane said proudly, the beginning of a tear lighting her blue
eyes.
"Oh God! Oh God!!!" Daria cried, even more hysterical.
Okay. Time to stop watching the game. Time to take charge. Momma
to the rescue! "Daria! Jane! What is going on here?" Helen demanded of
the two girls.
"Hey, calm down, Helen. I can call you Helen, right, now that
we're related in some way I have yet to figure out. Anyway, we're family
now. See, all legal," Jane explained, handing the stunned Mrs.
Morgendorfer a folded sheet of paper.
Helen quickly unfolded the paper, expecting a supeona, never in her
wildest dreams did she expect... "A MARRIAGE LICENSE!!!"
"I'm so sorry Momma! I'm so sorry!" Daria wept, her face half in a
couch pillow.
"Oh, this goes beyond sorry, young lady! JJJAAAKKKEEE! Oh this
goes way beyond sorry! I can't believe your married to...."
"Where's my blushing bride?" A rough voice called out, followed by
a cough.
"No, no, no! It was all a mistake! I can't be married. I'm too
young! Surly you can see that Trent! We're too young! We... we can get
an annulment! That's it! An annulment! We can get an annulment,
Trent!!!" Daria shouted, this time in shear joy.
"An annulment? No way, Daria! Lanes don't quit when the going
get's rough! Sure we may break a few laws of man and nature..."
"And physics, don't forget physics," Jane chirped in, happy as a
clam.
"Right Janey, and physics. We may leave the country! Sell
national secrets! Drive to Tejuanna with a one legged dog, and, well the
rest would be cliche', but we never ever quit when something is this
important. Besides, my Love, Daria, after last night, whose to say there
isn't already another Morgendorfer-Lane already on the way..."
The last thing Helen heard was her youngest daughter, Quinn's
voice. "Hey, Mom, when Daria leaves, can I get her room. I'm thinking of
turning it into a walk in closet! Oh, Sandi will be SOOO jealous!"
"And she's down!!! Beautifull everyone! Simply beautiful!" a
voice said, poking it's head around the door frame.
"Aunt Amy. Now that you've terrorized Mom into passing out, can I
go to the mall like you promised me if I helped you out?" Quinn chirped
eagerly.
"Sure, have fun," Amy said, leaning over her sister's limp body,
curling a lock of silvery hair around her fingers.
"Oh, and Daria, thanks for the idea with your room and all. When
you go away to college, maybe I really will turn your room into a walk in
closet. Bye everybody," Quinn said, waving behind her, as she rushed
towards the door.
"Oh, Quinn," Daria called after her sister.
"Yeah"
"Your hair looks 'nice' today," Daria commented.
"Thanks Daria," Quinn said, genuinly touched, for a milisecond,
before stepping outside into the warm spring air.
Daria and Aunt Amy caught each others eyes, and two large smiles
formed on their faces.
reminding me.
Family Tradition
by Arianwen P.F. Everett
Helen Barksdale Morgendorfer looked up from her case file, glancing
each way, before grabbing under the couch coushin for the hidden hand
mirror. This was foolish, yet she had to look. Squeezing her eyes shut,
she moved the glass in front of her face, then slowly slid one eye open.
Her sigh of relief filled the livingroom.
It was silly. It truly was. Just because every other Barkesdale
woman with red hair, suddenly turned completely gray the day before their
50th Birthday, didn't mean she had to worry like a superstitious ninny.
That's all it was, superstition, and she wasn't going to waste anymore
time with this nonscence. She was going to get this pile of work done, so
that tomorrow, she, her loving family, and her aubern locks could
celebrate her reaching half a century.
So distracted by her own internal pep talk was she, that she didn't
even notice her oldest daughter, Daria, enter the room till the girl stood
right in front of her.
"Mom?" Daria barely whispered.
"I'm working Sweetie. Is there something that you need?" Helen
asked, turning over a page on her legal pad.
"Mom, how old do you have to be before you can get married?" Daria
asked, a croak in her voice, which caught Helen's attention even more than
her words. Daria never cried, even as a baby.
Suddenly there was a knock at the door.
"No Mom, don't get it please! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Please
Mommy!" Daria cried out hystericaly, as Helen approached the door.
Whatever it was, she wanted her daughter to be strong. She couldn't
let Daria hide from her fears. Whatever was behind the front door, they'd
face it together.
She was pleasantly surprised, and confused, when all she found
behind the door was Daria's friend, Jane Lane, holding a large, empty box.
"Daria, it's only your friend Jan,"
Daria let out a blood curtling shriek of terror, as Jane entered the
house.
"Hey Sis! I emptied out a box of my art supplies in honor of this
special occasion. You don't have too much to pack, do you? I mean, I've
seen your room... I mean, your old room! I always knew this day would
come. I just didn't think it'd all happen so soon. And to think, if I
hadn't mixed us up those margaritas last night, none of this would be
happening!" Jane said proudly, the beginning of a tear lighting her blue
eyes.
"Oh God! Oh God!!!" Daria cried, even more hysterical.
Okay. Time to stop watching the game. Time to take charge. Momma
to the rescue! "Daria! Jane! What is going on here?" Helen demanded of
the two girls.
"Hey, calm down, Helen. I can call you Helen, right, now that
we're related in some way I have yet to figure out. Anyway, we're family
now. See, all legal," Jane explained, handing the stunned Mrs.
Morgendorfer a folded sheet of paper.
Helen quickly unfolded the paper, expecting a supeona, never in her
wildest dreams did she expect... "A MARRIAGE LICENSE!!!"
"I'm so sorry Momma! I'm so sorry!" Daria wept, her face half in a
couch pillow.
"Oh, this goes beyond sorry, young lady! JJJAAAKKKEEE! Oh this
goes way beyond sorry! I can't believe your married to...."
"Where's my blushing bride?" A rough voice called out, followed by
a cough.
"No, no, no! It was all a mistake! I can't be married. I'm too
young! Surly you can see that Trent! We're too young! We... we can get
an annulment! That's it! An annulment! We can get an annulment,
Trent!!!" Daria shouted, this time in shear joy.
"An annulment? No way, Daria! Lanes don't quit when the going
get's rough! Sure we may break a few laws of man and nature..."
"And physics, don't forget physics," Jane chirped in, happy as a
clam.
"Right Janey, and physics. We may leave the country! Sell
national secrets! Drive to Tejuanna with a one legged dog, and, well the
rest would be cliche', but we never ever quit when something is this
important. Besides, my Love, Daria, after last night, whose to say there
isn't already another Morgendorfer-Lane already on the way..."
The last thing Helen heard was her youngest daughter, Quinn's
voice. "Hey, Mom, when Daria leaves, can I get her room. I'm thinking of
turning it into a walk in closet! Oh, Sandi will be SOOO jealous!"
"And she's down!!! Beautifull everyone! Simply beautiful!" a
voice said, poking it's head around the door frame.
"Aunt Amy. Now that you've terrorized Mom into passing out, can I
go to the mall like you promised me if I helped you out?" Quinn chirped
eagerly.
"Sure, have fun," Amy said, leaning over her sister's limp body,
curling a lock of silvery hair around her fingers.
"Oh, and Daria, thanks for the idea with your room and all. When
you go away to college, maybe I really will turn your room into a walk in
closet. Bye everybody," Quinn said, waving behind her, as she rushed
towards the door.
"Oh, Quinn," Daria called after her sister.
"Yeah"
"Your hair looks 'nice' today," Daria commented.
"Thanks Daria," Quinn said, genuinly touched, for a milisecond,
before stepping outside into the warm spring air.
Daria and Aunt Amy caught each others eyes, and two large smiles
formed on their faces.