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Sano-wan in northeast Siberia, Thursday 20 April 2017, two hours after breakfast (Tōkyō time: Breakfast)...
The Sun loomed almost to the south and the full Moon hung high in the sky to the southwest as the fifth of the Yamato-class sipped the herbal tea that had been made for her by the world's first nuclear powered surface ship. "Arigatō, Naomi-chan," Yonaga breathed out as she gently blew the steam away from the cup, then she sipped from it. Relaxing herself as she felt the herbs in the tea — which had been prepared by the shipgirls of the First Canadian Battleship Squadron to help her fully adjust to modern food given her crew's seven DECADES on short rations — work down her gullet and flood her boilers with power, she gazed past the entrance to the bay where she had been trapped for decades into the clear Arctic day. "It's not too cold."
Long Beach smirked as she sipped her own Navy coffee. "Yeah, Big Y, not too chill," the shipgirl flower child — who had to be the most MADDENING person Yonaga had encountered in her life as warship OR shipgirl — breathed out, her voice possessing that faint lilt which would demonstrate her considerable spiritual awareness, which even outdid people such as Erinsville and her squadron-mates. "Must be nice to have finally punched the ticket of that square on Nóvaja Zemljá."
Yonaga smirked, the huntsman's look on her slender, drawn face looking quite evil. "Hai, it was. That yōma's actions..."
A flash of energy then nearly blinded both shipgirls...
"O-ha!"
As their vision cleared and the faeries representing their crews shook their heads to get their own senses back, Yonaga and Long Beach looked over...then the latter whooped in delight as she got up and walked over to embrace the shorter girl in the grey skintight uniform with the turtleneck halter dress top, capped with white buccaneer boots, a white belt and a white lemiscape insignia on her chest just over her cleavage. Possessing dark brown hair in a centre-parted blunt cut to her shoulders, her dark brown eyes were wide and insanely expressive, which instantly reminded Yonaga of her companion's tales concerning the young English magical reporter Luna Lovegood. Once ki sight was clicked in by the would-be participant in Operation Z, the carrier then winced as she shielded her eyes from the blinding aura of power that radiated from every point of this person — who was Japanese — and could easily match that of Earth's own Praetorian Guardian...
"Oh! Sorry about that, Yoiko-chan!" the newcomer then said as she calmed her own aura down.
"What'cha doin' up here, Ōsaka?" Long Beach asked as she kissed the forehead of the Goddess Who Walks Among Men.
Kasuga Ayumu shrugged. "Oh! I just wanted to tell you that whole thing about poor Ataru-kun being sent back in time by Nengmek'i-yu is all fixed up, Naomi-chan! He got sent back in time yesterday in Onishuto. Negako-chan's gone to Tomobiki to get that bomb out of town and send it back in time with Haruhi-chan's help! So..." Here, the current incarnation of Infinity then gazed on the seventh carrier of Operation Z. "I'm sure your sisters are all really, really worried about'cha, not to mention Anna-chan and the others, Yoiko-chan! I can get'cha down to Kyōto so you can visit Tennō so he can override the orders Reiko-chan's dad gave Hiroshi-ojiichan, so you can be with everyone back home...!"
Yonaga's eyebrow twitched as she tried to take in that rattle from the woman who could literally reboot the Universe...
The Seventh Shipgirl
Alternate History Story
What If Yonaga Came Home Early?!
By Fred Herriot
C&C by Rose Ash. Plot suggestion by Baran3.
For The Fallen (1914), written by Laurence Binyon.
The Last Stand (2016), written by Joakim Brodén and Pär Sundström, produced by Peter Tägtgren.
Based on The Seventh Shipgirl, created by Fred Herriot.
Including characters and situations from Kantai Collection, developed by Kadokawa Games; The Seventh Carrier, created by Peter Albano; Gunslinger Girl, created by Aida Yū; Mahō Sensei Negima, created by Akamatsu Ken; Katekyō Hitman Reborn, created by Amano Akira; Gall Force, created by Artmic and AIC; Azumanga Daiō, created by Azuma Kiyohiko; Koihime Musō, created by BaseSon; Kamichu!, created by Besame-mūcho; Men In Black, created by Lowell Cunningham; You're Under Arrest, created by Fujishima Kōsuke; Kidō Keisatsu Patlabor, created by Headgear; Sweet Valley High, created by Francine Pascal; Harry Potter, written by Joanna K. Rowling; The West Wing, created by Aaron Sorkin; Urusei Yatsura and Ranma 1/2, created by Takahashi Rumiko; the Suzumiya Haruhi series, created by Tanigawa Nagaru; normalman, created by Jim Valentino; Buffy the Vampire Slayer, created by Joss Whedon; and Stargate SG-1, created by Brad Wright and Jonathan Glassner.
Also including characters and situations from Belated Battleships, created by the JMPer; Greatest Generation, created by sasahara17; Harry Potter and the Shipgirls, created by Harry Leferts; Gaijin Teitoku, written by IJNFleetadmiral; Misuteru, created by Brian Drozd; Urusei Yatsura: The Senior Year, created by Mike Smith and Fred Herriot; and Phoenix From the Ashes, Magic and Canada and The End of the Circus, created by Fred Herriot.
Note: In the timeline of the main story, the events as depicted in the first Urusei Yatsura movie Only You occur on 15-19 April 2017; on the last day, Moroboshi Ataru was moved back in time and sent to the planet Okusei by the sky dragon Nengmek'i. The start of the main story of The Seventh Shipgirl begins on 19 May 2017. Yonaga (Itō Yoiko) became a shipgirl thanks to her crew's mass suicide on 18 November the previous year. So it would be possible for her to return to Japan early...!
Yokosuka, the Naval District, Thursday 20 April 2017, an hour before lunch...
"I do not comprehend that order, Heika."
Moroboshi Negako HATED to be confused about ANYTHING.
"With Ataru's past-self having been sent back in time to Okusei..."
The Heavenly Sovereign chuckled as he sat back in his chair; Japan's head-of-state was in his office in Kyōto and the two were communicating through the main video screen mounted on the south wall of the main conference room. Also involved in this was President Josiah Bartlet, now in the Oval Office in Washington. "Be assured, there is method to my madness, Negako-kun," the Son of Heaven said as he gave his personal assassin a look. "In the time you've been helping with the removal of the Niphentaxians from Earth, you've also researched what happened to Moroboshi Kyōsuke-taii's ship."
"'Moroboshi Kyōsuke'...?"
That was Akagi. The six veterans of Pearl Harbour had been invited to this meeting, as had all four of the Yamato-class and the significant other of the lead of that class. Also present were Gotō Kiichi, Nagato and Ōyodo. Another screen off to the right of the admiral's seat was transmitting the image of his chief operational subordinate, John Richardson, from his office in Sasebo; the American lower-half rear admiral was currently accompanied by Nagato's sister Mutsu.
"He was Fujita Hiroshi's junior navigation officer aboard Yonaga, Anna," Negako stated as she gazed over her shoulder at the converted battlecruiser. "He assisted Hiroshi's staff in plotting the approach course to Hawai'i for the Kidō Butai."
Jaws dropped. "They found her wreck...!" Sōryū hissed out as Hiryū lowered her head, her eyes tearing in horror. As Shōkaku began to weep and Nagato lowered her eyes in grief — outside the carriers, the flagship of the Combined Fleet when the Greater East Asia War began was the only other shipgirl to know of the long-missing member of the Yamato-class — the raven-haired carrier then asked. "Heika, with all respect...what HAPPENED?! Did Ayumu-chan...?"
"Relax, Sei-chan! Relax! Yoiko-chan's okay!"
Silence.
More silence.
Still more silence.
Then...
The six veterans of Pearl exchanged shocked looks as they processed what Kasuga Ayumu just told them over the communications link. "Hey, wasn't that...?" Zuikaku began.
"...the human name that...?" Akagi continued.
"...Ataru-kun gave her?!" Kaga finished.
"'Yoiko'?!"
That was Yamato, who was staring in disbelief at the carriers, who were quick to gape at the shocked looks on the faces of her and her sisters. "Yasuko-san, weren't you...?" Shōkaku began before she glared at Nagato. "Reiko-san!"
"ENOUGH!"
That was Gotō. As the shipgirls all gaped in shocked surprise at his quickly cutting into the conversation, he sat back in his chair. "After I took charge of the Fleet Shipgirl Project, Reiko told me about your missing sister, girls," he said as he gazed on Yamato, Musashi, Shinano and Izumi. As hurt looks crossed their faces, he gave them a stern waving down with his hand. "Her name is Yonaga; 'Itō Yoiko' is the human name Ataru-kun chose for her. Since no one had ANY idea what happened to her after she disappeared back in 1941 — last contact with her was in early September that year — and since all records concerning her were wiped out due to her crew then being temporarily affiliated with Unit 731..." — the room instantly chilled on his mentioning THAT unit — "...it was decided that you girls wouldn't be filled in on all the details concerning her until we knew what happened to her." He then took up a pen and sketched out the kanji 代永 on a piece of paper to show to them.
Musashi blinked. "Why that name, Teitoku?! If she is Yamato-class, she should have received a provincial name."
"We would have sniffed it out, Mutsuko."
That was Enterprise, who gave the ash-haired battleship a knowing look. Seeing that from the blonde aircraft carrier/intelligence officer, the second of the Yamato-class moaned. "Well, it was an interesting choice...!"
"When was she launched?! When was she 'commissioned'?!" Shinano asked as Izumi sniffed back tears. "Tell us, Teitoku!"
"Shizuka-san, that is NOT the way to speak to your admiral!"
Everyone jolted on hearing that ice-cold woman's voice echo over the screen, then they looked...before gaping on seeing the VERY tall aircraft carrier now standing beside the Heavenly Sovereign. Seeing this from Washington, Bartlet could only chuckle. "Why do I sense YOU are also there, Naomi?" he then asked, which made Yonaga gape and the Son of Heaven laugh.
"Oi! Where else would I be, Papa J?!" a voice with a mixture of flat New England and southern California then demanded.
Laughter echoed over the communications net from both heads-of-state as everyone blinked in confusion and one of Negako's eyebrows twitched, forcing her to massage the skin over her left eye. "Cass..." the ninjutsu grandmaster muttered...
Mamiya's Café, mid-afternoon...
"Hoppō-chan! What are you doing under the table?!"
A certain silver-haired Abyssal installation princess was shuddering in mortal terror as she glanced in the direction of the main administration building. "Angry One...Crazy One...they're really friends...!" Hoppō quietly squealed.
Hearing that, the replenishment ship blinked, recalling what happened on New Year's Day. "They're here?!" Mamiya asked before she exchanged a curious look with Hōshō, who had come over from her rāmen shop to have some tea with her friend.
"H-h-hai!" Hoppō gargled. "They...!"
"Mamiya-dono!"
Hoppō screamed as footfalls echoed from outside, making the food supply ship and the world's first true aircraft carrier turn to look while the curtains covering the front door parted, revealing a tall, raven-haired mass in green and grey, the accoutrements of an aircraft carrier shipgirl of the older style on her chest...which was also augmented with a considerable amount of modern technology and weapons as the hexagonal pads of the Aegis combat system on the steel hairband emblazoned with a name Mamiya believed she would never see again showed. As Hōshō gaped at such a large aircraft carrier — she seemed to effectively be Shinano on STEROIDS! — the newcomer moved aside to allow a considerable crowd of carriers and battleships to also enter. "It has been a long time, Mamiya-dono," the newcomer said as she bowed her head to the supply ship. "I trust the ice cream machine my friend obtained for you at New Year's is being put to good use?" She then turned to bow deeply to Hōshō as the smaller carrier took in all the visual clues as to what this shipgirl was. "Sensei. Regretfully, I must announce that my admiral and those of my crew who once had the honour and pleasure to train with yours did not live to return to these shores. I have already apologized to Tennō because of my failure to see them safely returned to their families."
"Our former division commander, Sensei," Kaga added in a voice of ashes.
Hearing that, Hōshō shuddered before she bowed her head. "Tell me what happened to you, Yoiko-san," she then asked, not surprising anyone by the fact that she was quick to guess out Yonaga's human name...
Yokosuka, Hōshō's Café, Friday 21 April, after breakfast...
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! ONĒ-SAMA HATES ME! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH...!"
"OI! COOL YOUR JETS, LITTLE Y!"
A wet-cheeked Yamato yelped on hearing that shout from a certain missile cruiser, then she slowly turned to stare in confusion at Long Beach. Nearby, Shinano and Musashi were busy trying to comfort a very green-faced Yonaga, who was desperately trying not to throw up the very rich breakfast her sister had lovingly cooked for her. As Enterprise tried to comfort her girlfriend, the missile cruiser took a deep breath. "She's got nothing against you, Little Y!" she then said. "Click your CIC in for a moment, huh?! You know what Big Y went through over the last three score and ten, right?! How would she react to having such good food after her crew had to nearly STARVE, just having fresh fish and seaweed all the time, huh?!"
The other shipgirls now in the café all winced before a chorus of sympathetic looks crossed their faces as they gazed in mute horror at the seventh carrier of Operation Z. "Oh, Onē-sama, I'm sorry!" Yamato nearly sobbed.
Yonaga grunted as she waved her sister down. "Do not fret about my issues, Yasuko-san," she said as she leaned on Musashi while moving to return to her chair. As several destroyers shifted themselves to remain close to the large carrier, Yonaga reached into her kimono top to pull out a small packet. "Could someone prepare this tea for me, please? Just one cup is necessary," she hissed out as she held the packet out, gazing around at the other shipgirls in the café.
That was quickly taken by Kirishima. "I'll do it, Yoiko-san."
"My thanks, Isabel-san. If anyone is interested in finishing this..."
Here, she waved to the large plate of partially-eaten food — a mixture of standard Japanese and American fare fit for someone of her nature — before her. Seeing that, both her would-be mission mates and her sisters jolted. "Onē-sama, you have to eat SOMETHING!" Izumi hissed out as her eyes teared while she stared fretfully at her sister's rather drawn face. "Look at you! You must be running on fumes now! Even if you've been supported by the Ryūseizen all this time...!"
"Izumi-chan, enough!" the youngest-yet-oldest of the Yamato-class cut her off. "The mesonium embedded in the rocks and glaciers of Sano-wan and which were fed into my systems through the geothermal vents that were in the inner end of the cove ended up causing my systems to be purified to the point where my fuel consumption is a quarter of any of you despite my larger mass, four extra boilers and two extra turbines. In one sense of the term, I'm as 'nuclear' powered..." — she made a single finger-quote — "...as Naomi-chan is." As people gazed on Long Beach, Yonaga indicated Kirishima, who had come to this meeting with all her sisters save Hiei (who was in Sasebo). "The tea Isabel-san is preparing now was specifically created for me when it was discovered that I inherited my crew's vulnerability to having rich food after being on short rations for so long. It will suppress the nausea down enough, but I won't be able to enjoy Yasuko-san's cooking for some time..."
"It is a weird-tasting tea," Kongō said after dipping her finger into the boiling pot that her sister was using to make the tea, then tasting it. "The Ryūseizen made this for you? Why didn't they stop your crew from...?"
People instantly winced as the British-born fast battleship stuttered before finishing that question. "Their crews were oath-sworn to never interfere in local traditions, Anne-san," Yonaga explained. "If any they rescued chose seppuku..."
"It was honoured," Enterprise finished.
"Hai, Yvonne-san." Here, Yonaga gazed knowingly at Hiryū.
The pony-tailed brown-haired carrier tensed on sensing that look, then her eyes went wide. "Teitoku...Kaku-taisa...?"
"Hai, Hiyoko-san. Two days after you foundered off Midway, her captain gladly served as kaishaku-nin for both Tamon-san and Tomeo-san," Yonaga gently finished, which made all the shipgirls save Long Beach gasp before they turned to stare wide-eyed at Hiryū. "The night before that happened, her captain gladly allowed them to write letters that could be passed down to those kami who rose from you...and you specifically." As the former flagship of the Second Carrier Division blushed on realizing that her beloved "Tamon-maru" had sensed all along that her living spirit did exist within her hull, Yonaga lightly smiled as Sōryū gently squeezed her sister's shoulders. "I'll given them to you in private, Hiyoko-san."
Hiryū sniffed. "Arigatō, Yoiko-san..."
"It's a pity we can't find out more about them," Aoba mused from nearby, she seated with her sister and the other members of Cruiser Division Six. "Given how much they're known among us all, that we don't know specifics..."
"A certain treaty stands in the way of that, not to mention the fear of those like Reiko-san's son about your learning their whole story, Ayako-san," the large carrier said as she gave the shipgirl news reporter a knowing look.
The pony-tailed pink-haired cruiser perked at that stare, then she smirked. "Loud and clear, Yoiko-san," she said as she toasted the seventh carrier of Operation Z with her own cup of coffee. While Yonaga was oath-sworn to stay silent about the specific details, that one statement concerning Nagato's adopted son gave Aoba the right sort of clue to investigate further. Not to mention told everyone about what sort of agency controlled those mysterious monster-hunting battleships whose crews had saved THOUSANDS of sailors on all sides of the world wars from deadly sea leviathans about the size of Gojira in the original movie that always appeared during times of incredible battles such as Jutland and Leyte Gulf.
"Canada, Australia and New Zealand," Enterprise noted, a smirk crossing her face. "The original ones from the Great War were Canadian. The Australians and the New Zealanders had copies of the ship whose crew saved Hood's and Bismarck's in 1941. People noted the maple leaves, kangaroos and kiwis on their funnels, so their countries of origin are quite obvious."
People nodded as Kirishima came over with Yonaga's herbal tea. Nodding her thanks, the carrier sipped from it, though she was quick to see the third of the Kongō-class wink conspiratorially at the fifth of the Yamato-class...
Tomobiki, Tomobiki Senior High School, the cafeteria, lunchtime...
"Man! Finally, we get some information about the shipgirls! What the hell blocked it for so long?!"
"Search me, man!"
As several known kanmusu fans began to scan their cell phones and tablets to get updated information about what had been going on concerning the Abyssal War over the last year, others had gathered around a table headed by Kanzaki Ryūha of Class 2-5. The notable absence of all members of Class 2-4 thanks to the recent issue concerning Moroboshi Ataru's other "fiancée" was telling on everyone. Shortly after Ataru and those who were very close to Redet Lum — Sakurambō Sakura and her uncle Hayao, Miyake Shinobu, Fujinami Ryūnosuke, Mendō Shūtarō and the core members of Lum's Stormtroopers — were taken on Saturday into space, the others of the class, including homeroom teacher Onsen Mark, had been kidnapped right from class on Tuesday afternoon. Such had caused a massive shitstorm to stir up among the parents and other adults in town...with the blame for the whole issue being squarely dropped on Ataru's shoulders. Of course, that also reflected on the students...
"I hope Mendō-san's safe," one senior girl mused from the table next to the one where Ryūha was seated. "The way that stupid biker girl came along and just ripped him and the others out from their houses like that...!"
"How could Ataru have two-timed Lum-chan like that?!" a freshman boy asked from Ryūha's left. "Having another girl...!"
"He didn't know about this Queen Elle," Ryūha said, making people gaze at him. "That's what Megane told me before Benten-san took him and the others away on Saturday. Still, given how much Ataru hates Lum-chan..." — saying that made many of the boys hiss in outrage — "... he certainly would have wanted to get the chance to get away from her. Don't know why Onsen-sensei and the others were taken away by the Oni, though. Maybe Lum-chan stopped this..."
"HEY!"
People turned as a wide-eyed sophomore ran into the room. "What is it, Hideyuki-kun?" one of the girls from Ryūha's class asked as Mifune Hideyuki, who had been in Class 1-4 before April (when he advanced to Class 2-7), came up, iPad in hand.
Hideyuki stopped and placed the tablet on the table close to Ryūha "This just got in! They found the fifth of the Yamato-class, Warship No. 797!" As people gasped on hearing that, he grinned. Even if he was part of the Stormtroopers, he was a major kanmusu otaku. "She's the one the Abyssals call the 'Angry One'!" As people gasped again — the many legends and tales of the deadly and nigh-invulnerable hunter who always tracked down and killed the demons of the oceans that dominated the Arctic basin since right after Blood Week were known — Hideyuki took a deep breath. "There's worse news. Ataru's grand-uncle Moroboshi Kyōsuke-taii was assigned as her junior navigation officer. Somehow, the whole crew survived until last November when they all committed mass seppuku to turn her into a kanmusu." He paused as people croaked in horror while many girls began to sob at the idea of a large group of people doing THAT. "Right now, she's in Yokosuka..."
A bright flash of energy caused people to gasp!
As the students all blinked to clear their vision, a cold woman's voice then echoed over the scene, "So this is Kyōsuke-san's alma mater. You would think they would build improvements into this place since the Greater East Asia War."
"Yeah, this is Partytown HQ," another voice with an American accent declared as people looked over to the main entrance.
Silence.
More silence.
Still more silence.
Then...
"Holy shit! She's Shinano-chan on STEROIDS!" Ryūha exclaimed.
Hearing that, the eyebrow of a certain carrier with grey-flecked black hair arched to just under her gold headband bearing her name and two of the hexagonal pads that represented the antennas of her AN/SPY-1 three-dimensional radar system. "Young man, are you insisting that my little sister takes performance-enhancing supplements?" she then coolly asked.
That made Ryūha — who had pretty much taken over leadership of the Stormtroopers thanks to the absence of Aisuru Satoshi and his small group — awk as he sensed the newcomer's huntsman glare drill right into his soul. "N-n-no...!"
"Are you insisting that I am taking such supplements?!"
He shrieked before rapidly shaking his head. "Oi, Big Y! Go easy on these poor cats! They can't help it if the square spirits in this town have been screwing around with their brains all this time!" the smaller shipgirl beside her noted.
The aircraft carrier — which she obviously was given the mixture of kyūdō and kendō gear she wore over her green kimono top with grey hakama trousers; the katakana ヨ on her black tare with landing stripes loudly indicated that — sighed. "You are quite correct, my friend. Indeed, the wa of this town makes me feel as if we're now in the midst of a major Abyssal base." As many students hearing this all gasped in horror, the newcomer gazed at them. "Be calm, minna-san. It is not the enemy that threatens you, but selfish yōma who gladly delight in influencing your lives in ways you might not desire. Such as a certain dream demon that gave you quite garish nightmares in his quest to give one of your peers a 'good dream'." As confusion crossed people's faces for a moment, the carrier — some of the people close to her had been quick to read the kanji of her name on her forehead, etched into her bridge wing-augmented hairband — smirked. "Mujaki-san?"
The eyes of many girls instantly lit up in recognition as some of the boys winced as they recalled the aftermath of that particular night during the winter fair back in February. "You mean that thing's still out there, Yonaga-sama?!" one sophomore girl then demanded as blooms of outrage began to billow around many of the sophomores and seniors who had been juniors and sophomores back then; such instantly made many of the boys nearby shy away from them.
"Hai, he is..."
Yonaga's hand then became a blur...
"HEY!"
...making people gasp as the carrier instantly snatched a VERY familiar — to those who had been part of Class 1-4 the previous fall such as Mifune Hideyuki — dwarfish man in a tuxedo with top hat out of NOWHERE! As many of the students shrieked at the sight, the cruiser — clearly American with the hull number 9 on her psychedelically-camouflaged armoured thigh-highs — looked over, her blue eyes focusing like targeting lasers on Mujaki. "Hey, Dream Dude! How's it going?"
The dwarfish dream demon looked straight into the cruiser's eyes, then turned as white as a ghost on sensing what was now staring him down. "N-n-Naomi-ch-ch-chan...!" Mujaki sputtered. "N-n-now, there's n-n-no need for violence...!"
"Oh, yeah?" the American asked. "You thought you'd get away from causing the bad scene in the 'Nam?" As some kanmusu otaku in the room perked on hearing that, she smirked as she grabbed Mujaki by his collar, yanking him out of Yonaga's hand. "C'mon, square dude! You and I are gonna have a little pow-wow about you causing such bad scenes! 'Scuse me, Big Y."
"Have fun," Yonaga bade as the cruiser walked out of the room.
The dream demon's frightened screams that followed soon became music to many people's ears...
The principal's office, an hour later...
"RIDICULOUS! MOROBOSHI-KUN WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO TRANSFER...!"
KK-KRUNCH!
Yonaga pulled her hand back after she viciously smacked the elderly administrator who ran Tomobiki High School down with a mild slap to the back of the head, which sent his head face-first into his desk. As several students — the whole of the student council was present to represent the class groups save Class 2-4 for obvious reasons — gave the large aircraft carrier grateful looks, the would-be participant of Operation Z then gazed on the older female look-alike of Moroboshi Ataru in the black martial arts gi seated before the Principal's desk. "Please continue, Negako-sama. I'm sure that the good secretary here is more than happy to see to it your desire concerning Ataru-san is fulfilled without this abusive braggart's interference."
Moroboshi Negako sighed. "My thanks, Yoiko. As I was stating before Tomohiro interfered like he did, Mariko, Ataru will no longer attend this school," she then said as she gazed on the school secretary/administrative officer, Nanase Mariko. As the boys in the background gasped with dread and anticipation on hearing that — with the departure of the "cancer of Tomobiki", the other boys' chances with Redet Lum increased exponentially...unless Lum went after him to Sasebo, where he would be living while he worked as a "special boatswain's mate" for the shipgirls there, Yonaga above all — the ninjutsu grandmaster and current Steward of the Moroboshi Clan of Mutsu smirked. "Since residents of all members of the Galactic Federation of Planet-states are not permitted to reside anywhere beyond the borders of Tomobiki-chō, Lum will not be able to continue to pursue Ataru to justify her false claim of marriage." As all the boys in the room gasped again, this time in delight, a cruel smile crossed Negako's face. "Which will no doubt convince her to return to Uru post-haste and never return to this solar system."
As the boys all croaked in gut-wrenching horror on hearing THAT possibility — which was their ultimate nightmare — the girls perked in delight at the idea of the warlord's daughter never coming back to haunt their lives anew. Despite Redet Lum's help many times when it came to dealing with things like perverts and the like, the fact that nearly all the boys of the school were deeply infatuated with Lum always made their skins crawl. "Will Ataru-kun be alright, Negako-san?" Nagahama Aiko, one of the participants in the Miss Tomobiki High contest from March who was also the captain of the girl's basketball team, asked. "I mean, even if he hated the whole idea of marrying Lum-chan, he still cared for her. And we don't..."
"Be assured, Aiko, Ataru no longer has the emotional need to pursue women as he did before he was nearly forced to marry Lum on Wednesday morning our time," Negako stated. "Personal gifts given in apology for his past behaviour will be delivered to all those in school whom he bothered for telephone numbers to pursue dates; that will be done by this time next week. To prove his honesty, Ataru wishes to ensure that he does not miss anyone and also desires to ensure the gifts are appropriate." She then smiled before sipping the tea that Mariko had given her. "Of course, that also includes Fujinami Ryūnosuke. Be assured, all will be done to ensure her father cannot destroy such gifts to deny them to Ryūnosuke..."
And sure enough...
"HOW DARE YOU IMPLY THAT MY SON IS A GIRL, YOU FOOLISH WOMAN...?!"
"HEY, OLD MAN!"
Before Fujinami Fujimi could race in on a tidal wave to berate Negako for such a ghastly "mistake", a surfboard flew in...
KK-KRACK!
"I love the seaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...!"
People sighed, many shaking their heads, as the elderly fisherman was flung out the open window of the Principal's office thanks to a certain missile cruiser. "Doesn't he ever STOP...?" Sada Yuko, another participant of the Miss Tomobiki High contest who now served as the president of the school student council, moaned as the other girls all glared in disgust at where the clearly-misogynistic janitor and supervisor of the school store had been flung out of the building.
"The old surfer dude won't have a choice," Long Beach said as she wiped her hands. Her identity had shocked the kanmusu otaku as NO known modern warship had been summoned back as a shipgirl since the general war began. "Hey, Earth Child! I made sure that cat-ghost ain't gonna get into the A-man's way when he comes here to get his stuff down to Sasebo Town."
Negako looked over. "How did you...?"
"STUPID GHOST! HOPPŌ SAID STAY STILL! GHOST LEAVE ATARU-NIICHAN ALONE!"
As people gasped on hearing that childish shriek from the foyer, Negako's eyebrow arched. "I see," she calmly noted as she ignored the shrieking howls of what had to be Kotatsuneko. "I would assume Reiko is here as well, Cass."
"Yeah...!"
"HOW DARE YOU MAKE HOPPŌ-CHAN UPSET, YOU MONSTER?!"
As many of the students raced out of the principal's office, Negako smirked as she rose to follow them out, accompanied by Yonaga and Long Beach. Reaching the T-junction that connected the west wings of the school with the main doors, they stopped to see a certain mike-furred cat-ghost now being held from running out of the building by a child-like installation princess from the Aleutian Islands. As some of the students laughed — much that they knew how powerful Kotatsuneko was, they never cared for him given all the yowling he caused neighbourhood cats to engage in ever since he came to town — Hoppō snarled as several of her fighters moved to gnaw at the cat-ghost's ears, making Kotatsuneko screech in pain. Standing at the doorway with her rigging deployed was a certain raven-haired battleship, who had a gruesome look on her face as she watched her adopted daughter go to work on this pathetic yūrei that had caused far more harm than good.
"You may release him, Hoppō," Negako bade, which made Hoppō gaze her way. As she tried not to shiver at the presence of the Angry One and the Crazy One standing to either side of the Earth Angel, the ninjutsu grandmaster smirked. "I made sure the whole grounds of the house were warded against him and his kotatsu is now in the lot where Hayao normally resides. He will not stop Ataru when he arrives here with Roberta to obtain his belongings and move them to Sasebo."
Hoppō's eyes narrowed. "Earth Angel sure stupid ghost won't bother Ataru-niichan? Hoppō won't like it if Ataru-niichan puts on his death armour! It scares Hoppō and makes Zia Roma upset since she can't do mushy stuff with him!"
"Be assured, Hoppō, Ataru can control himself better than he did when he returned to Earth in November," Negako assured.
As many of the students and staff listening to this blinked in confusion, Hoppō nodded as she released Kotatsuneko's leg while Nagato stowed her rigging. "Stupid ghost go away!" the young princess snarled as the large cat-ghost raced off, a trail of smoke marking his passage. "Hoppō hope that Ataru-niichan zap stupid ghost with stinky alien girl's lightning to make him go away!" she then muttered as she walked over to stand beside her mother, her fighters hovering at her shoulders.
Silence.
More silence.
Still more silence.
Then...
"Little One."
Hoppō gargled on hearing that cold voice, then she looked over. "H-h-hai...?"
Yonaga's grey eyes were narrow as she glared at the Abyssal. "By what you just said now, are you implying that you and your sisters worldwide came forth to expunge the ALIEN presence that has been on this world since well before the Roswell Incident in Shōwa-nijūninen?" she asked, which made people gape...save Negako, who was nodding as a grim look crossed her face. "Especially when it comes to young Lum's so-called 'most faithful'? And their unfortunate 'slave' assistants?"
Hoppō blinked before she nodded. "Hai, Angry One! Stupid stinky copycat aliens break End Treaty! Since Undying Lord not here to punish stupid stinky copycat aliens, Hoppō and Hoppō's sisters take care of them when they close to shore!" She blinked. "Can't Angry One or Crazy One smell them in this bad place?! They stink up everything in town, especially poor kids who be spied on to make stupid 'holy book' about stupid stinky alien who hurt Ataru-niichan all the time!"
"Fret not, Hoppō," Negako stated. "The last of them who are in this town do not realize their 'slaves' were freed of that loyalty lock system when the bioroid factory was moved into the third Sol-Terran libration point last July after Ataru and I assisted in the liberation of the Avalonians." As the students exchanged stunned looks while a couple began to gape as realization dawned and Hoppō whooped in delight while her fighters chatted in excitement, the ninjutsu grandmaster added, "That starbase self-destruct device buried in the Ginza near Tampopo's old restaurant was neutralized for the chance to come to have it teleported back in time to destroy the Niphentaxian fleet at Phentax Twenty. Tennō wishes to have as devastating a victory as possible delivered on the observers in town before we obtain Haruhi's help in repatriating them."
"Tennō's wishes will be honoured, of course," Yonaga instantly cut in.
Hoppō hummed, then she nodded, crossing her arms. "Hoppō think it hurt worse if stupid stinky aliens from Oni world be made to see what happens to stupid stinky copycat aliens! Not to mention stupid alien lovers here in town!"
Negako smirked as some of the boys gulped at the fact that the Abyssals didn't care for aliens...especially one particular alien who had entranced them for a year. "That sounds like an excellent plan, Hoppō."
The installation princess from Unalaska madly blushed as Nagato reached over to rub her head, which made Hoppō shudder. "Um...Negako-san, are you saying that Ataru was somehow MOVED BACK IN TIME?!" Mifune Hideyuki demanded.
"Exactly, Hideyuki. On the very day that Ataru first encountered Lum here, his 'future-self' was moved to another planet controlled by the Noukiites, very old rivals of the Urusians, to allow him to escape the many issues that haunted him here. He has had a year and more to expunge his feelings for Lum. With Roberta — Roma — now forging a soul-bond with him, there is no possibility for either Lum or Amora (whom you know as Queen Elle) to seek his hand in marriage. As I am now his legal guardian as so decided by the Tōkyō Family Court in November due to his parents' chronic abandonment and abuse of him, the 'deal' Muchi and Kinshō made with Invader and Chim concerning Lum's marriage to Ataru has no legal standing either on Earth or Uru. Never mind Lum's original lie concerning her being engaged to Ataru at the end of the Tag Race."
The students gaped in shock as that information overload slowly overcame them...
The Dobu Salada Inn (near the border between Nerima and Nishitōkyō), nightfall...
"Restaurant not stinky! Why it called 'sewage salad'?"
The owner of one of Tomobiki's more popular eateries laughed before he reached over to gently rub Hoppō's forehead. "It's was named as a joke, Hoppō-chan! This place used to be a manure dump for local farmers who worked for the Mendō and the Mizunokōji back in Edo days. People still remembered that dump was here even after the area was built up in the wake of the Reformation. When my grandfather built the first version of the restaurant, he named it 'Dobu Salada' in reference to the old dump that was here. Didn't do much in the way of business because of that at the start, but given the standards Ojii-san demanded of his cooks, people came back because they liked the food too much. So we kept the name."
The installation princess blinked on hearing that, then she shook her head. "Hoppō still think it weird," she muttered before perking on hearing a mournful yowl echo from the direction of the Moroboshi home. "Stupid cat-ghost...!"
"Oi, Negako-san! Is there some way to get rid of that thing?"
That was Mifune Hideyuki. A representation of Lum's Stormtroopers from Tomobiki High and the Rosebuds — who represented all of Mendō Shūtarō's many fans across all the high schools in Nishitōkyō and Kodaira — had come here to meet the woman who was now legally in charge of the most notorious (to them) high school student in Japan if not the whole world. Having long known how much certain elements of the Japanese government — in concert with the Kantō Magical Association, to say anything of the many yōkai who haunted Tomobiki itself — had worked to keep the truth of the Abyssal War secret from the aliens who had come to Tomobiki over the last year, Moroboshi Negako knew that the revelations she would soon make would rock the foundations of many people's worldviews. And in the end, save lives; she also knew of certain international interest in the events in Tomobiki — which had been blared out uncensored by the news media and investigated thoroughly by worldwide intelligence agencies — with an eye towards making sure such events would never come to harm anyone again.
"He will be properly exorcised in due course, Hideyuki," Negako then stated. "Ataru would gladly have done it himself given the abilities I gave him by my presence in his subconscious mind over the last decade, but given Tennō's desire to deliver as vicious a psychological blow to the Urusians and the Lumite-aligned Niphentaxians as possible, such an exorcism will be carried out when Lum and Jariten are permitted to return to Earth to retrieve their belongings."
All the boys in the room save for Unbaba Tetsu and the Nyōke twins Hitori and Futari — who normally supported the Rosebuds — all visibly winced. Seeing that, Negako sighed. "Do you all wish Lum to die?" she bluntly asked.
Gargled gasps escaped the boys as the girls gave them sympathetic looks; much that they all deeply hated Lum, they never would wish THAT on her. "Oi, Hoppō-chan, is there something you can do?!" Kanzaki Ryūha asked as he gazed hopefully at Nagato's adopted daughter; the battleship was seated at her own table with Yonaga and Long Beach. "I mean, I can guess why you'd want these Niphentaxians off the planet because of their slaves and all that, but Lum-chan means no harm!"
"Oh?"
That was Nagato. As everyone stared at her, the battleship's eyes narrowed. "You people were deliberately kept blind by whatever group was responsible for the masking of all information concerning my daughter's 'friends' to the aliens, but the rest of the world really has no care for aliens. This is not just because of the Niphentaxians and what they did to the Avalonians, of course." As Hoppō snarled on thinking about the poor crystal-bloods who suffered for years at the hands of the stupid copycat aliens, the flagship of the Combined Fleet at Pearl Harbour sighed. "Think of the incident with the world's oil Aisuru-san and his friends instigated after the Tag Race. Don't fall back on the habit of blaming it all on Ataru-kun. After all, did HE know how to summon that taxi in the first place?" Here, her eyebrow arched as she gave the gathered students a knowing look.
That made the girls perk. "Hey, how the hell did Megane know how to do that?!" Ogin Haneko, the Sanrinbō Institute senior who lead the Rosebuds, asked as she gazed intently at Ryūha and Hideyuki. "Did he ever tell you that?"
The boys exchanged looks. "We don't know, Sempai," Hideyuki then confessed. "We never really thought to ask him."
"The yōma were responsible for that, Negako-sama?" Yonaga asked.
"Most likely, Yoiko," Negako affirmed. "I would require some time to fully reintegrate myself into the wa of the town to determined the true spiritual history of Tomobiki in the decade or so I was in Ataru's subconscious mind."
"Ataru was made — tricked, I mean! — to take this 'promise' to keep you alive when he was SIX, Shihan-sama?!"
That was Tetsu, who had a wary look on his face. As soon as he learned that Moroboshi Negako was the legendary Imperial Special Agent #49, the strange being who had effectively wrote finis to the Greater East Asia War when she went forth to kill the last ebony meson-infected warriors of the Black Dragon Society that had long opposed the War Hawks in that conflict, he had gushed over her like she was the Heavenly Sovereign himself. Even getting the true explanation of who and what Negako really was — Earth's first true artificial intelligence who acquired full sentience back in 1808 and the spiritual "daughter" of the Immortal Master Hosan Hirosuke himself — didn't change the large thug-like dropout's view of the beautiful woman now living in a Terran-form Avalonian body patterned after her last host's DNA at about twenty years physical age. Given how much people in Tomobiki's tough crowd respected Tetsu's opinions, that would make their accepting Negako's words as sacrosanct. And while the Rosebuds found it hard to accept Negako as she was given her association with a man they didn't care for, they knew that having her on their side would knock some big holes in the Stormtroopers' desire to support Lum.
With one of the most famous shipgirls in the world and her Abyssal-born adopted daughter accepting Negako up front...!
"Indeed, he was tricked, Tetsu," Negako stated, which made the girls scowl on hearing that while some of the boys shuddered. "My previous host, Hana Hirosuke, had been fatally wounded while carrying out Tennō's desire. In his delirium, he deliberately sought Ataru out as my next host regardless of the fact that Ataru had never been physically or emotionally prepared to serve as my host. The Promise was made and my soul transferred over, but that caused a...fracture in Ataru's psyche." As people winced on hearing that and some of the people from Tomobiki High who had seen Ataru in "serious mode" nodded in grim understanding, the ninjutsu grandmaster then gazed intently at the former Butsumetsu High senior. "Tetsu, please do not call me 'shihan'. Much that Tennō did declare me as such, I have no use for such titles in public speech."
That made people blink. "That's an odd attitude, Negako-san," Haneko noted.
The grandmaster of Saikō Jinseijutsu-ryū sighed. "Haneko, even those who have achieved such a rank in their own Art strive to learn new things. I find it ridiculous to claim such a title when I myself still have much to learn about the human condition, especially now that I have finally achieved what I have sought since I became fully sentient in Bunka-gonen." As people nodded in understanding, Negako sat back in her chair. "Now, concerning the issue of Ataru's former classmates..."
She was interrupted by a light tremor that surged through the building, making her eyebrow arch. People tensed — even in Tomobiki, they were long used to minor earthquakes — before they turned as Nagato gasped. "What the hell is THAT?!"
Negako looked to the west, her eyes narrowed. She then sighed as Yonaga and Long Beach both chuckled. "Oh, well done, Roberta-san," the carrier mused before sipping the sencha that had been prepared for her.
Negako shook her head. "Let us proceed outside," she bade.
People blinked...
Onishuto on planet Uru, the Onishuto Central Medical Facility, an hour later (local date and time: The 25th day of the Third Month in the 897th Year After Liberation, two hours after midnight)...
"Holy shit...!"
"Look at the size of that thing...!"
"Is that really a starship version of Roma...?!"
"What's it doing over Japan...?"
"Who BUILT it...?!"
"Oi! Mendō! Did your people do that?!"
Hearing that question from the leader of Lum's Stormtroopers, Mendō Shūtarō sighed as he imagined what his parents were going through at this time; he knew thanks to the smiling Oni technician who had helped the Terrans get some news from back home that there was a little delay in the news transmission from Earth. Right now on the large holovision screen in the guest lounge where the students of Class 2-4 plus their homeroom teacher, school nurse and her uncle had gathered for a late meal, an incredible shot of a FLYING BATTLESHIP which clearly was based on the Italian Littorio-class in general design — save for small details like a flush deck, horizontal elevators at the stern to couple with steering rudders and thrust jets where the screws would be, never mind more modern sensory and obvious missile launchers on the superstructure deck and weather deck — now floating over a kilometre above the streets of their home city was being displayed. The sheer scale of this thing — according to the NHK news feed which was being relayed by the Neptunians on Triton through automated sensor probes at the asteroid belt between Jupiter and Mars — had the talking heads in Tōkyō gushing like crazy about the possibility of Earth gaining its own SPACE FLEET, which would DEFINITELY guarantee the planet's freedom from "alien monsters" who would try to threaten the human race in the face of the ongoing war against the Abyssals. As for why this ship had come...?
"No, Megane, my family had no involvement in this," Shūtarō answered as he stared at the leader of Lum's Stormtroopers, Aisuru Satoshi. "While there were rumours of contacts with aliens before Lum-san came, we had no concrete knowledge of such things before Blood Week forced the nation to see to its own defence against the Abyssals." As the technician who had been helping them winced on hearing that, he sat back in his chair. "Does anyone who serves Oyuki-sama have any idea of what's going on, Shabe-san?" he asked the technician, Dedron Shabe. "Given that they are our system-mates..."
The slender and plain-looking green-haired man shook his head. "This totally caught Field Marshal Pukaze — she's Princess Oyuki's cousin and chief of the Royal Neptunian Defence Forces — totally off guard, Mister Shūtarō," he answered. "The Boss just got the word about NSI Roma an hour ago." The farmer's son from the Urusian colony world of Shingetsu normally served as a signals technician on Redet Invader's flagship, the battlewagon Kashin; along with a small landing party, he had come down to help keep his boss' guests comfortable while the military authorities tried to figure out what had happened a little under two days before at the Onishuto Cathedral in the west end of the capital city. "Supposedly, it was in sidereal synchronous orbit at the meridian of the big Italian naval base at Taranto when it powered up its systems and flew down to your home town; that's when the Neptunian sensors picked it up. Must have been held at standby power after it was built."
"By who, though?!" Shitto Kōsuke, "Perm" of the Stormtroopers, asked. "There's no way in hell that we have that type of technology! Building a TEN-TO-ONE scale version of a Littorio-class battleship?! We don't even know if it's warp-capable...!"
"Oh, it's warp-capable, alright, Mister Kōsuke!" Shabe said with a delighted laugh. The Terrans had been quick to discover over the last couple of days they had been forced to stay here that he was quite knowledgeable about their home culture and felt proud of the fact that he had been part of the crew that had initiated first contact with Earth despite the initial pretext of an invasion; by now, all of Class 2-4 had learned that the "invasion" had been a necessary ruse to keep Uru's enemies away from the Sol system. "The sensors picked up a matter/antimatter drive system in Roma's two inboard engines; the outer ones are impulse drive units." As many of the Trekkers in the crowd gushed on hearing that, he added, "Don't know its speed or how in the name of the Maidens its systems are being controlled, but it has to be pretty advanced. Still, it doesn't look like it's based on Goa'uld technology; there's no sign of naquadah use even if the mesonium radiation output of that thing's huge..."
"The parasite race that pretended to be gods to our ancestors, you mean?" Sakurambō Sakura asked from beside Onsen Mark.
"Same snakes, Ms. Sakura," the technician stated with a nod. "I don't know the whole story, but your American friends made war on them for quite some years until these Abyssal things probably knocked out your first starships during this Blood Week thing when the Men In Black were killed off." As the students — who, in Shabe's eyes, were showing a lot of fortitude being their planet's first true ambassadors of sort to the Urusian people — nodded in understanding, he smiled. "Well..."
"OI! THERE'S ATARU!"
Hearing Megane's shout, people stared at the holovision...
...which now showed the image of a smiling man in a black martial arts gi with hakama trousers descending down a laser gangway from the weather deck of Nave Stellare Italiana Roma towards the front yard of his family home near Tomobiki Senior High School; thanks to her 2377.6 metre length, the space battleship had been able to position her bow over the central residence of the Mizunokōji estate at Tomobiki's northern end and her stern over the central mansion of the Mendō estate at the western end of town. On Moroboshi Ataru's face was a tired smile even if he looked quite refreshed...
...and he wasn't alone.
"Roma-san...?!" Gekasawa Kumiko breathed out.
"AH! ATARU! YOU BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU HOLD ROMA-SAN'S ARM LIKE THAT?!"
As the Stormtroopers and their supporters all began to snarl at the sight of their classmate and the third of the Littorio-class battleships descending from the latter's starship namesake arm-in-arm, Shabe blinked. "Um, Mister Groom appears to be escorting Miss Roma down to meet all your friends in town, Mister Satoshi," the technician noted as he stared at the quaking Megane, whose glasses were now glittering with righteous outrage at the sight of Ataru "betraying" Lum like that...!
"Hey! Turn the volume up!"
At Inu Chigaiko's suggestion, the technician tapped a control to bring up the volume. "...returning to his hated hometown after a year being forced into hiding after a time travel incident that transported him from the planet Uru and a blatant attempt at entrapment in marriage with the alien warlord's daughter Redet Lum — which took him to a planet owned by Earth's true galactic next-door neighbours, the Imperial Dominion of Noukiios, on the very day his 'past-self' was made to face Redet-san in the infamous Tag Race of last April — Moroboshi Ataru, a true hero of the modern world, is now escorting his beloved fiancée to meet up with the living spirit of his late great-uncle's ship and the current secretary ship of the Japanese Self-Defence Force's kanmusu, Yonaga-dono and Nagato-dono," the reporter's voice echoed. "The truth of what happened to Moroboshi-san is only now being allowed to be published within Tomobiki-chō itself thanks to the necessities of preventing a major temporal paradox issue because of the interference of a great Noukiite kami, the heavenly dragon Nengmek'i, in Moroboshi-san's life and stop his being forced to marry Redet-san for potentially nefarious purposes. The primary story that haunted Moroboshi-san's life in the last year was his forging a loving relationship with Roma-dono, the third of the Littorio-class battleships reborn as a kanmusu, known in public records as Roberta Ansaldo-chūsa of the Italian Navy...!"
"What...?" Miyake Shinobu demanded, her face paling.
"...whom Moroboshi-san actually saved from the Messina Princess, an Abyssal war leader that tried to attack Roma-dono's home base of Taranto, on Christmas Day last winter," the reporter continued. "According to people in both Japan and Italy who are experts in the phenomena commonly called 'magical sparkly shipgirl bull-'..." — here, a beep! clicked in to block out the rest of the profanity — "...that act of salvation forged what is seen by mystics worldwide as a Magical Life Debt between Moroboshi-san and Roma-dono. Who, hopefully soon, will become Mrs. Moroboshi Roberta. After all he was made to endure at the hands of the alien invaders over a year — not to mention his suspected involvement in the liberation of the Avalonians, our new allies who had been enslaved by Redet-san's so-called 'most faithful' from the planet Phentax Two, last July...to say anything of his killing FIVE Abyssal installation princesses since he began residing in Taranto last November — we here at NHK can only wish Moroboshi-san and his fiancée all the best in the future. We'll keep you informed of this 'first contact' between the people of Tomobiki-chō and the REAL Moroboshi Ataru as this event in that long-suffering town continues."
Silence.
More silence.
Still more silence.
Then...
"Hmpth! To believe there's someone ELSE who finds that idiot attractive...!"
KK-KRACK!
That was Chigaiko, who had just winged Sakura in the side of the head with a handy chair, knocking the shrine miko/school nurse down. As the boys gasped on seeing "Yon-san" do that to their favourite teacher and all the girls gaped in shock at such a vicious reaction, the basketball team forward put the chair down. "Remember this, Sakurambō: You have to be ALIVE to curse someone! Not to mention have a working LARYNX! Keep your fucking opinions to yourself, you useless idiot!"
As Sakura moaned, Onsen shuddered. "Now, see here, Yon-san...!"
KK-KRACK!
The long-suffering vice-principal and English teacher got it this time! "Who?"
As people winced — while many had noticed that they couldn't remember Chigaiko's name no matter how hard they tried, they hadn't really done anything to investigate the "why" this always happened — a metered clapping sound echoed from one corner of the room, which was covered in darkness. "Ooh! You gotta LOVE that righteous anger! Nothing I've seen in ALL my lifetimes doesn't get the fight scene going better than a revenge quest! No wonder Ataru likes you, Chigaiko..."
A gargled, mind-numbing scream from Shabe made everyone stare at him. The hapless technician was now as white as a ghost as he looked in the direction of that part of the room, which made the students turn to look themselves...
...then they gaped as someone dressed in an off-white jumpsuit with a turtleneck halter-top design without sleeves walk into the light as the technician nearly fainted in horror. Possessing black buccaneer boots and a black belt, she had a black insignia on her upper chest resembling the head of some type of wild dog. Her face was quite pretty if plain, with shaggy brown hair in the very style that their just-found classmate normally had. In fact, given the cant of her face and the lanky track-runner's body she had, she could easily be Moroboshi Ataru's own fraternal TWIN SISTER. As people gaped in shock at the sight of this being, her eyes instantly locked on the lone Urusian in the room. "Okay, umale..." she said in a weird mix of accents, primary being the mix of boyish western Kantō and southern Tōhoku dialects Ataru himself used. As people blinked, her smile turned lethal as her eyes glowed a brilliant silver for a moment, which made Shabe nearly piss himself. "RUN!"
He disappeared in a cloud of smoke, a wailing shriek marking his passage. The newcomer watched him go with an amused smile, then she shrugged as she faced her genetic twin's old classmates. "Well, while the stupid umale are busy soiling their trousers and acting like beheaded barn animals, what say we do as the great Snagglepuss himself once said..."
"EVIL SPIRIT! BEGONE!"
WHAM! BAM! KK-KRACK! KA-POW! CRUNCH! KLUNK!
That was Sakurambō Hayao, the elderly Buddhist monk known as "Cherry" to all in Tomobiki, after he was literally smashed down by a DOZEN cinder blocks that came out of NOWHERE to drop him before he got close to Ataru's mysterious twin. As many of the students gaped at the sight of the little glutton being put down so quickly, the newcomer sighed. "Fates above! What an homr'bu umale! You could set an atomic clock to this old fool! Ataru UNDERSTATED how much of a heel he was!"
"You're Yizibajohei...?!"
Megane croaked. "TSURUYA! DON'T SAY THAT DAMNED WORD...!"
A wild chorus of screams echoed through the hallways as alarms sounded off. Hearing that, the newcomer smiled as she raised her right hand to snap her fingers. "To quote the great master himself..."
SNAP!
Tomobiki, the front lawn of Tomobiki High School, that moment...
"...'Exit: Stage Left!'"
Everyone gasped in shock as the slight difference of gravity between Uru and Earth registered in their minds once they materialized on their homeworld, then they looked around to take in the familiar sights of their rustic school in early evening, the sun setting now behind the peaks of the Kantō Mountains off to the west...and underneath the hovering keel of NSI Roma, whose systems were making a thrumming noise in the air over Tomobiki. The drone of helicopters then made people look up to see a virtual air group of machines now hovering around the space battleship with its beautiful pendant number 21 in red on the hull under the forward superstructure, her name in red letters close to her stern. Many of the helicopters were civilian machines with the logos of various news stations on their hulls, with the others being a mixture of Japanese and American attack and scout machines from nearby military bases. Not a single Mendō Air Corps machine was visible, which made Shūtarō shudder; his clan's paramilitary forces had always been allowed to operate without any undue restrictions by the government, so why on Earth hadn't they deployed from the airport at the southern end of the estate to examine this ship?
Unless...!
No...!
NO!
Had Moroboshi somehow...?
"WE'RE HOME! WE'RE FREE FROM THOSE ALIEN MONSTERS!"
He jolted on hearing Marubeya Momoe shriek out like that, then he winced as the others girls — even Shinobu! — whooped in delight, many hugging each other in relief at having escaped their effective kidnapping to another planet. As many of the boys looked lost and confused, Megane shuddered as a bloom of anger appeared around him, his glasses glittering. "YOU STUPID, ARROGANT BITCHES!" he then roared out. "HOW DARE YOU CELEBRATE LUM-SAN'S SUFFERING...?!"
"OI! TARIKO! GIVE HIM A NUMBER FIFTY!"
"Hai!"
Megane jolted on hearing that hated voice...
...before he howled in near-mortal agony as DOZENS of cinder blocks began smashing his head and body like jackhammers, making him engage in a macabre dance that seemed to elevate him into the air thanks to the rain of blows that was turning him black-and-blue without ultimately killing him. As the other core Stormtroopers wailed at the sight of their leader being bashed apart like that, a moaning voice then called out from the front gate, "Tariko-nēchan's being MEAN!"
The blocks stopped as a bleeding and nearly-insensate Megane collapsed to the ground in a pool of his own blood. As people looked to the gate to see a huffing Hoppō standing there with Nagato standing protectively close to her daughter, the woman who had teleported all of Class 2-4 and the others from Uru looked over. "Oi! What's wrong, little one?!" Moroboshi Tariko asked as she walked over to rub Hoppō's head. "Ataru asked me to give him a Fifty, remember?!"
That made the childish princess blink before she blushed a deep grey. "H-hai! Hoppō remembers Ataru-niichan asking Tariko-nēchan to give stupid, stinky alien lover Fifty! But Hoppō wanted to beat up the stinky alien lovers!"
Tariko hummed, then she gazed on the three still-whole core members of the Stormtroopers. "Well, seeing as there are three more of..." Here, she hummed again as she tapped her chin. "Oh, what was that script line Ataru used again?" She then snapped her fingers. "Ah, yes! 'Traitors to humanity'?!" As the three boys awked in horror on hearing THAT term being applied to THEM, she gazed down on Hoppō as the installation princess' eyes lit up with delight. "Go get 'em, kiddo!"
"Hai!"
The three boys screamed as their classmates instantly cleared the road between them and Nagato's daughter, who instantly summoned several fighters to chase them down. As they ran away as fast as they could, they screamed every time tracer bullets zipped past their skin, all three of them wailing for Lum to come save them from the horrible little monster who was a million times worse than Redet Ten himself! As the girls and some of the boys — Shūtarō included — laughed at the sight of the Stormtroopers being put down so easily by Hoppō, a panicked yowl was heard from the street. "Oh, shit!" Ryūnosuke hissed out as people turned to look while a huge cat-ghost ran their way. "Here comes Kotatsuneko!"
"LEAVE MY DAUGHTER ALONE, MONSTER!"
PUNT!
Kotatsuneko screeched in angry fright as he was literally kicked into the eastern sky by Nagato. As the students goggled in disbelief at that as they got an up-front look at how powerful a shipgirl really was in comparison to the town's most powerful resident, Hoppō cheered as her mother lowered her leg, then she shuddered as Tariko rubbed her hair again. After an explosion in the area of the east gate lit up the sky to indicate that Hoppō's fighters had finally nailed the Stormtroopers, Chigaiko began to laugh while a barely-recovered Megane sobbed in horror at the idea of the Abyssals specifically coming after HIM because of his veneration of Lum. "Oi, Hoppō-chan! You going to be sticking around for a while?! Anything that makes these four fools suffer for all the crap THEY unleashed is definitely good for the rest of us in this town!"
Hoppō gazed at her, then she hummed before she walked over to wave her mitten-covered hand over Chigaiko's head. "Curse go away! Leave Nii-chan's friend alone! She nice, not like other stupid girls who love slick-haired stinky alien-lover...!"
"'SLICK-HAIRED STINKY ALIEN LOVER?!'" Shūtarō shrieked as a look of total disbelief crossed his face.
Hearing that, Ryūnosuke howled with laughter. "Yeah, kiddo! That's kinda fitting for that arrogant ass!"
"'ARROGANT ASS?!'"
Joining in the laughter was Tsuruya Rumiko, which made Shūtarō look as he just got stabbed in the back. "Well, what did you expect, you rich idiot?! That ALL the girls in the world want to get into your boxers?!" Here, she made a face before looking away. "Thank Buddha I'm a lesbian! The idea of being in bed with someone like you makes my stomach turn!"
A croak of gut-wrenching agony escaped Japan's richest teenager before he collapsed in a semi-conscious daze onto the ground. Seeing that, Nagato shook her head. "Kami-sama, when Ataru-kun told me about how much you've suffered for lack of dates, Rumiko-san, I thought he was joking," she muttered, which made the only outed homosexual attending Tomobiki High gape at her. "I think we best get both yourself and Chigaiko-san down to Yokosuka as soon as possible."
That made both Rumiko and Chigaiko gape before they gazed at each other while the others all stared in confusion at them. "Chigaiko?! Inu Chigaiko?!" the former then asked. "How the hell did we all forget your...?!" She then stopped before looking at Hoppō. "Is that the curse you just saw, Hoppō-chan?" she demanded as she pointed at her classmate.
Hoppō nodded. "Hai! Stupid boy with red cape scare witch long time ago, so she cursed stupid boy's girlfriend to be forgotten by all their friends! Girlfriend die of loneliness!" As the other girls gasped in horror on hearing that as they instantly recalled the elderly gentleman in the tuxedo, mask and cape that had visited on Hallowe'en evening, the installation princess added, "When stupid cape-boy come back to this school to make people remember him, curse hits girlfriend of unluckiest or most hated boy then going to school! Curse always kills girlfriend from loneliness! Back on Hallowe'en, stupid cape-boy come to school! Since everyone here hate Ataru-niichan, he became curse's target. But since Ataru-niichan never really loved stinky alien Oni girl or stupid backstabbing hulk-girl, they not hurt! Ataru-niichan saved Chigaiko-nēchan when both were kids, so Chigaiko-nēchan always care for Ataru-niichan! That make curse hurt her until Ataru-niichan leave school!"
Stunned silence fell over the scene as all the people there gaped in horror before they stared wide-eyed at the woman they always called "Yon-san". Finally, a recovered Onsen Mark took a deep breath as he got up. "Inu-kun, if you wish to transfer out of school because of our total FAILURE to look out after you, please tell your parents to come visit the school tomorrow morning." As Chigaiko gaped in shock on hearing one of the staff call her by name after nearly six months of "Yon-san" or "Hey, you!" save from Ataru himself, the vice-principal gazed on the other students. "The same goes for the rest of you. Clearly, things have happened in this place that have hurt people more than helped! That's not right!"
Hearing that, the other students blinked before Momoe sighed. "The only real way to do that, Sensei, is to kick Lum out once and for all!" she snapped. "All the craziness happened after she declared Ataru-kun as her husband...!"
"Which was a flat-out LIE, by the way!"
Silence.
More silence.
Still more silence.
Then...
"A lie...?" Shinobu demanded as everyone stared at Tariko.
"Of course!" the latter responded. "You know about the mindless slab of beef that empathic vampire Ran wants to have pillow scenes with, right?" As people nodded even if they were confused by the terms Tariko used, she added, "Well, turns out that two seasons ago, the slab of beef actually got so hungry, he almost ATE Lum!" As all the boys shrieked in horror on hearing that, she shook her head. "Can't blame her for wanting to be Ataru's pillow scene partner after he tagged her horns and accidentally said 'For marriage' after the slight here..." — she pointed to Shinobu — "...promised she'd become his pillow scene partner if he won the stupid tag game against the homr'bu umale!" As people gaped at Shinobu, Tariko shook her head. "Of course, Lum was betting on the fact that Ataru never knew that tags for 'marriage'..." — here, she made a disgusted face — "...don't happen in Tag Races! When Ataru got sent by that cutie Nengmek'i back in time to Okusei, Kyech gave him the lowdown! Which means that Lum won't have a chance to pillow him! Of course, if she tries something dumb, she'll probably face her death scene!" She shook her head. "Then again, she's just a dumb same! Won't be missed!"
All the boys stared in horror at her while most of the girls gaped in confusion at what had just been revealed. "Well, that proves you're Yizibajohei, alright," Rumiko stated, which made all the boys gasp in horror. "Who are you, Tariko-chan?"
Hoppō smiled. "Tariko-nēchan is Coyote, Rumiko-nēchan!"
As the boys croaked in shock, Momoe gaped. "The Horror of the Mother of All Fight Scenes?!" she demanded; it had taken the girls of Class 2-4 about six hours to get the story of that tragic time from Dedron Shabe and his shipmates.
"You realize what THAT means, girls?!" Kumiko wondered.
They exchanged looks, then girls shrieked, "WE'RE FREE! LUM'S GONE! WE'RE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...!"
As many started to dance and whoop at that, most of the boys screamed in agony while Nagato shook her head...
To Be Continued...
WRITER'S NOTES
Translation and explanation list: Yōma — Ghost, apparition, monster or demon, this is the general term for potentially harmful divine spirits in Japanese folklore; Yu — Noukiite suffix honorific equivalent to the Japanese "-chan" for vowel-ending names (for consonant-ending names, it's "u"); Tennō — Heavenly Sovereign, the proper title for Japan's head of state; Heika — Your Majesty, the honorific applied to an emperor or king; Taii — Navy lieutenant, Army captain or Air Force flight lieutenant; Kidō Butai — Mobile Force, the main striking formation of the Imperial Japanese Navy in World War Two; Dono — Honorific suffix for a titled lord; Ryūseizen — Dragon-killing warship; Taisa — Navy captain, Army colonel or Air Force group captain; Kaishaku-nin — Literally "the one who corrects a mistake", the person who beheads someone committing seppuku to stop the pain; Wa — Peace or harmony, the general "feel" of a home or other establishment; Yūrei — Specific term for ghosts; Zia — Aunt; Shōwa-nijūninen — Twenty-second Year of Shōwa (the year 1947 CE); Shihan — Grandmaster of a martial art school; Bunka-gonen — Fifth Year of Bunka (the year 1808 CE); Nave Stellare Italiana — Italian Navy Starship (short-formed NSI); Chūsa — Navy commander, Army lieutenant colonel or Air Force wing commander; Fight scene — Yizibajohei term for a battle between metahumans or any other group of sentient beings; Umale — Same/sameness, this concept is applied to anyone who is genetically or socially seen as an effective drone by Yizibajohei, doomed to eventual extinction; Homr'bu umale — Literally "scripted same", this is someone who seems to follow rigid dogma to a VERY unhealthy degree, which Yizibajohei hate above all others; Heel — Yizibajohei term for what one might perceive as the "bad guys" in a fight, those who do what they do for selfish reasons; Script line — Specific words spoken by someone; Pillow scene — Sexual intercourse; Season — Yizibajohei term for a solar year; Pillow scene partner — One's lover or life-mate; Slight — A term used for someone with somewhat minuscule metahuman powers, not that much about a "norm" (non-powered person) to the Yizibajohei.
Urusei Yatsura and The Senior Year minor character notes:
Kanzaki Ryūha is a character created by Depecheion for various Anime Addventure chapters written after I wrote something there.
Mifune Hideyuki was planned to be a character in a side story to The Senior Year written by Mike Smith which hasn't been published yet.
Mujaki was the antagonist of the second movie, Beautiful Dreamer; he first appeared in the manga story "Waking to a Nightmare" (manga chapter #31).
As noted above, Nagahama Aiko and Sada Yuko were participants in a school beauty contest depicted in the four-part "Miss Tomobiki High Contest" (manga chapters #186-189). Their family names are my invention.
Ogin Haneko, the Rosebuds and Unbaba Tetsu first appeared in the anime story "Goodbye Season" (anime episode #64). Nyōke Hitori and Nyōke Futari also appeared in that episode, but were referred to there as the "Franken twins". Haneko's given name is my invention, as are the birth names of the Franken twins.
Oyuki's cousin Pukaze first appeared in The Senior Year story "Mie's Story".
Gekasawa Kumiko and Marubeya Momoe first appeared in the manga story "Even Though I Wait For You" (manga chapter #27). Their family names are my invention.
Inu Chigaiko first appeared in The Senior Year story "Darling's Secret Date".
Tsuruya Rumiko is my name for the girl who often appeared in early manga stories that looks a lot like Takahashi-sensei herself, such as "Food Fight" (manga chapter #106); on the title page, she's at the left of the screen in the inwards curve of running people. Her being a lesbian is my invention, of course.
The "stinky boy with red cape" that Hoppō speaks of is the Red Cloak, who appeared in the like-titled manga story (manga episode #41).
For everyone's convenience, here are the human names for the shipgirls who appear or are mentioned by name here (listed by country and in order of introduction):
CANADA
(ship prefix HMCS [Her Majesty's Canadian Ship] in English or NCSM [Navire Canadien de Sa Majesté] in French)
HMCS Erinsville — Erin Jane Fingal
GERMANY
(ship prefix DMS [Deutsches Marineschiff] ["Germany Navy Ship"])
DMS Bismarck — Wilhelmine Luise "Luisa" von Bismarck
ITALY
(ship prefix MM [Marina Militaire] ["Military Navy"])
MM Roma — Roberta Ansaldo
JAPAN
(ship prefix THG [Tennō Heika Gunkan] ["Warship of His Majesty the Heavenly Sovereign"])
THG Yonaga — Itō Yoiko
THG Akagi — Fujita Anna
THG Nagato — Yamamoto Reiko
THG Ōyodo — Kobayashi Okiku
THG Mutsu — Yamamoto Chiyoko
THG Sōryū — Sumire Sei
THG Hiryū — Sumire Hiyoko
THG Shōkaku — Matsubara Kanako
THG Zuikaku — Matsubara Suzue
THG Kaga — Fujita Kei
THG Yamato — Itō Yasuko
THG Musashi — Itō Mutsuko
THG Shinano — Itō Shizuka
THG Izumi — Itō Izumi
THG Mamiya — Ōtani Shizuka
THG Hōshō — Asano Hoshie
THG Kirishima — Chihaya Isabel
THG Hiei — Chihaya Sarah
THG Kongō — Chihaya Anne
THG Aoba — Fujimoto Ayako
UNITED KINGDOM
(ship prefix HMS [Her Majesty's Ship])
HMS Hood — Mary Sonia Hood
UNITED STATES
(ship prefix USS [United States Ship])
USS Long Beach — Ellen Naomi Michelle "Mama Cass" Haight-Ashbury
USS Enterprise — Yvonne Claudia Swanson