Disclaimers: I don't own Star Ocean: Till the End of Time. It'd be kind of nice if I did, 'cause that'd mean I'd have money, which I currently don't, so unless you want a cup of pennies, don't sue me.
Don't bother flaming me about the subject matter. I'm a lesbian, I write shoujo-ai (lesbian) stories, you have been warned. Don't read it if you have a problem with either of those facts. It's not my responsibility from here on if you're offended by homosexuality, so don't bother flaming me. If you do, you will be ignored or mocked. That said, on to the story. I haven't finished the game yet, though I am most of the way through, so I'm just using scenes that I've already seen. For the most part, this will be missing scenes that I had in my head when I was watching the events in the game, and thoughts during regular events.
I may not have captured the characters perfectly, or even well. Sometimes the characters will be deliberately out of character, but I'm claiming poetic license and really weird hours. Tell me so I can fix it if you notice something major.
Two Soldiers: Fire and Ice
Chapter 1: Nightmares, Fear, and Comfort
"It's me. Can I come in?"
Clair Lasbard looked up at the knock and the soft voice, setting aside her book.
"Of course, Nel. Come in."
She was a little surprised by her friend's visit, since it was the middle of the night after a hard mission, but not displeased. Nel Zelpher was always a welcome sight. The red-haired woman walked in, her steps almost silent and a strangely distant expression on her face. Clair tilted her head, pushing one light gray tail of hair out of her face.
"Nel? Is something wrong?"
Nel looked like she was torn between turning around and coming closer, her green eyes pained.
"Nel?"
"Clair..."
She wavered slightly, unsteady on her feet. That alone was enough to cause alarm bells to start in her old friend's mind.
"Nel, what's wrong?"
The spy took a hesitant step closer, and her friend rose to meet her, shaken by the continued silence. Nel was one to get straight to the point, and she rarely did anything without cause.
"Clair... I just wanted to say I'm sorry."
"Sorry? For what?"
"For... for a lot of things. I didn't mean to worry you today, but I..."
Clair put a hand on the small but muscular shoulder, her head tilted again. Nel was acting very strange, and she wondered if something more had happened today than what she knew.
"I know. You had to rescue Tynave and Farleen. I understand that. I'd do the same for you."
Nel smiled faintly, then swayed again, and her friend could feel her shaking slightly under her hand.
"Nel? Are you okay?"
"I..."
The hand she had wrapped across her chest in her typical pose moved away, revealing a stain on her clothes that she hadn't noticed before, hidden as it was by the strong arm. The aforementioned arm was bloody, as was the cloth around what was obviously an injury.
"What happened?!"
"Before Fayt and Cliff found me... the Black Brigade had me cornered. I got cut."
"Could I see it?"
The redhead's response worried her, because she didn't complain about being fussed over as she usually would. She didn't object at all, actually, just pulled aside the broad belt and took off her shirt, leaving the gash plainly visible on the pale skin.
"Nel!"
Her friend swayed, then fell against her, leaving Clair to hold her up and help her lay down on the bed.
"Easy, Nel."
She examined the wound, finding that it wasn't deep, but it had to be painful and it had obviously bled quite a bit.
"Why didn't you take care of this sooner?!"
"I didn't... I didn't want to make you worry more than you already do. I didn't realize how much it was bleeding until later, after the meeting. My clothes put pressure on it, it seems, but when I started to change, I saw it."
"Then you came here?"
There was a long silence as Clair patiently healed the wound as best she could with runology, waiting for the answer.
"I... yes."
"Why? You're capable of healing yourself. You've done it before. I'm not saying I mind, Nel, but you've never come to me with something you could handle yourself."
"I..."
The green eyes turned away from the light brown focused on her, another warning sign to her old friend. Something wasn't right with the other woman, something that had caused her to seek out Clair.
"What is it?"
"I knew you'd make it better..." the redhead whispered, staring at the wall.
"The cut?"
"No."
The intense eyes focused on her again.
"The day. This day."
Clair's brow furrowed. Whatever happened on the mission today had thrown her friend far off her typical stride, something she had never seen before.
"What happened?"
"I..."
Seeing fear in Nel's eyes was like watching the sky turn the color of their depths. It just didn't happen.
'What could have frightened her so badly?'
She slipped into the bed, gathering her into her arms, almost shocked to feel the strong form shaking in her grip.
"Nel?"
"I would have died, Clair. If they hadn't come, I would be dead now."
If it had been a normal soldier, she would have been concerned, but not surprised. Nel wasn't a normal soldier. She stared down death every day without blinking an eye, and she had certainly been closer to it at other times and had always come out fighting.
"That's never bothered you before, though. You always say you've accepted the risk of that happening. You risk your life every day."
"But I've never..."
"Never what? I know I've seen you get out of worse situations than today."
Nel closed her eyes, leaning into Clair's welcome warmth.
'How do I say this without losing everything? Why did I come here?'
"I've never... had a regret. I always knew I was doing the right thing for my country, and I knew that even if I had to die, it would be worth something."
The taller woman brushed her hair out of her face again, pushing it over her shoulder.
"And there was something you regretted today, or were you not so sure you were doing the right thing?"
Nel sighed.
"Both. If I had died today, it wouldn't have benefited anyone. I wouldn't be able to serve my country in ending this war any longer, Tynave and Farleen would have died... Fayt and Cliff might have died, too..."
"Okay, so I understand why you're confused, but what would you have regretted?"
There was another sigh.
"That I hadn't said goodbye."
Clair blinked at the unexpected answer.
"To them?"
"No."
The green eyes reopened, piercing her with their sharp focus.
"To you. I just left last night without saying goodbye, and as those soldiers stood over me, I realized that I'd never realized what I'd be leaving behind. I... I didn't want to do that to you, Clair."
The commander was forced to fight back tears at the response, tightening her embrace around the slim spy.
"I'd be devastated if you died, Nel, but you've never been this upset by a brush with death. Why is this time so different?"
"Because I didn't... every other time, I've said goodbye to you. I've always done it if I could, even if I had to go out of my way."
Things started falling into place in the gray haired woman's mind, but she still didn't have all the pieces of the puzzle. Still, it was obvious that Nel was exhausted, and she pulled her blanket over both of them, finding herself in the unusual position of providing comfort for her friend.
'It's usually the other way around. When we were young, if I had nightmares, she was the one I went to, not Adray, even when he was there. Even now, she takes care of me if I'm upset.'
The spy shivered again, then relaxed.
"Thank you, Clair."
'You don't realized how much I need this after today, after that... nightmare.'
The runologist just smiled, waiting patiently as sleep claimed the redhead. When she was sure Nel was asleep, she let out a long sigh, thinking of earlier that day.
(Flashback)
Nel came in the door with Tynave, Farleen, and the engineers, but Clair hardly noticed them.
"Nel!"
She had approached the smaller woman, unsure if she should allow herself the indulgence of embracing her friend, then decided she didn't care what anyone thought. The redhead returned the gesture, and they stayed like that for a long moment, Clair allowing herself the luxury of breathing in the smell of her skin and hair.
"Sorry to keep you."
She might have laughed if she weren't so grateful to see her friend back alive. That was so typical of her, calm and collected after facing down death yet again.
"I was so worried," she whispered, barely loud enough for even Nel's sharp ears to pick up, her speech hidden from the others, "I was afraid you weren't coming back this time."
They separated, but not before Nel gave her a rare smile.
(Flashback)
Thinking back, she realized something was strange then, too. She may be Nel's best friend, but she still didn't allow such public displays under normal circumstances. Something more had happened in the training facility, but she had no idea how to find out what. The engineers weren't likely to know, and Nel wasn't likely to tell her. Tynave and Farleen might know, but that too was unlikely.
'What happened to you, Nel? What has you so frightened you came here rather than dealing with your wounds on your own as you normally would?'
With a sigh, Clair settled down, watching her redhead friend sleep. Once, early in the morning, Nel stirred, her face tensing and her body shaking.
"No..."
The word was the whisper of a soldier long accustomed to keeping quiet, even in their sleep. It was obvious, at least to the runologist, that whatever dark dreams haunted Nel, they were taking over a well-trained, confident mind weakened by sleep.
"Nel! Wake up!"
The sleeper didn't seem to hear her, instead curling into a ball away from her.
"Nel!"
"No! No, please!"
"Wake up!"
This was frightening. As a rule, the Crimson Blade was a very light sleeper, always awake and aware at the slightest hint of trouble.
"Please... I'll do anything.... just don't hurt her, please... no..."
Clair closed her eyes, unable to stand the pain so obvious in Nel's tormented voice.
"Nel, wake up, please! Wake up!"
"Clair, NO!"
With a shout, the spy jerked upright, knife in hand.
"No..."
The taller woman sat up, wrapping her hand around Nel's shoulder. She lashed out with the knife, cutting her friend's upper arm before she could stop herself, her eyes wild. The green eyes focused first on the cut, then on Clair's face.
'What... what have I done?'
The gray haired woman smiled gently, shaking her head.
"It's okay, Nel. You just woke up from a nightmare. I remember I've hit you a few times waking up from some of the bad ones."
Nel shook her head, rubbing her face.
'That was the same nightmare I had before... but even worse. It was even clearer this time. By the grace of Apris, what can I do? How can I fight what's in my own mind? Any enemy who can be hurt, I can defeat, but this...'
"I'm sorry, Clair. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"I know that, Nel. Calm down. It's just a little cut, nothing to worry about. I'm more worried about you. What was that nightmare about? It sounded really horrible."
The redhead sighed, turning away from her friend's gentle, concerned face, unable to take that look after hurting her.
"But..."
Clair was the one to sigh this time. Sometimes Nel was just a little too ready to accept too much guilt for small things.
"It's nothing. Please, tell me what the nightmare was about. You sounded very upset."
Nel shuddered just remembering it, welcoming Clair's warmth when her friend embraced her.
"It was terrible, Clair. I was back in the arena where we found Tynave and Farleen. They were tied to these... things above the ground, and they were so obviously in pain. It was a terrible sight."
The taller woman tilted her head, wondering what this was leading up to.
"I'm sure it was. It's never good to see your friends hurt."
"No, it's not, but they weren't why I had those nightmares."
'"Those nightmares"? Did she have one earlier?'
"What happened, Nel?"
She gently stroked the muscular arm, the hand at the end of it still wrapped around the knife. The gesture had always soothed her, made her feel enough at ease to talk about her nightmares, and she hoped it would work the same way for Nel.
"It... it was you up there, not them... and Shelby was there... he was laughing and hurting you..."
The spy shook her head, fighting tears at the memory of her friend's cries.
"You were dying... there was so much blood... He laughed even more when he saw me. He said that I was getting what I deserved for being such a gullible fool, and that if I hadn't come you'd be safe. I begged him to stop... said I would do anything if he would, but he just kept... kept hurting you."
This time, the tears did fall. Her green eyes burned, and she let her head fall against Clair's shoulder, listening to her heart beating. The sound was calming, the steady rhythm comforting her own shot nerves and racing pulse.
"He killed you, Clair... he made me watch you die... I couldn't move... I couldn't help you..."
The commander tightened her arms around her badly shaken friend, holding her as tightly as she could. Several more pieces of her earlier puzzle came together, and she smiled faintly. She had known that Nel cared for her, because she alone was allowed to see her when she was weak, but she hadn't known how much. She was a devoted woman to those who had earned her respect and loyalty, and Clair felt privileged to be one of those people.
"It's okay, Nel. I'm fine, and you're safe. I know you wouldn't let anything happen to me anymore than I would you."
The Crimson Blade relaxed slowly, her slim, muscular form going almost limp in her arms.
"Clair?"
"Yes?"
"Would you mind if I stayed here tonight? I fell asleep after we came back, and waking alone... wasn't a pleasant experience."
Clair smiled, contentedly inhaling her friend's unique scent.
"That's the easiest request I've been asked to grant in a long time, Nel. Sweet dreams. I'll be here when you wake up."
"Thank you."
Nel allowed herself to fall asleep, lulled by the steady, strong beat of Clair's heart and the warmth of the one person she wasn't afraid to let see her fears.