Written for challenge #15 at then theres us, photo below
I will never be ashamed for having loved you
I will always weight you like my name
You're in every breath I take, every promise that I make
With every tender touch our life can change
There's a band playing in the background; something festive and merry and she still can't get over how many candles they were able to hang from tree limbs. They are everywhere, casting a soft light as they turn and twinkle against the settling sun. There's so much food and drink, she's afraid that they'll be eating leftovers for weeks.
But nothing was too much for their little girl, or so Pete likes to say.
She moves to the side of the house, where she can watch without being noticed. She's not sure why she feels so anxious, so out of sorts. This should be a wonderful day, something she's waited for years for.
But today, she feels torn in half as if a part of her is missing and can't get it back. She doesn't think of him (hardly ever) but sometimes she wonders where he is and what planet is he on now. She wonders (idly, of course) who he's with and if he's safe.
There are times when she feels like she's missing out on something, as if an adventure is out there right now happening without her, an adventure that's passing her by. She can close her eyes and remember everything, from the scent of apple grass to the whirlpools of Catrigan Nova. It's as if all those moments were laid out just for her and snatched away, just as she reaches out for them.
Sighing, she looks around at flow of people in her parent's yard. Couples dancing, children stealing sweets from tables and laughter from all around. Everything appears so normal, so ordinary. Sighing again, she wonders if she was made for this ordinary life.
She doesn't realize that she's twisting the simple band on her left hand, around and around, until he gently places a hand over hers. He sits down next to her, moving his hand to caress the nape of her neck. She inhales the scent of him and a part of her acknowledges how right this, how good.
"No regrets?" His fingers slide gently down her arm before settling lightly on her hand.
She smiles as she turns to him, this man who is and isn't her doctor, and sees the trace of doubt that linger in his eyes. He hides his doubts and insecurities, showing her only confidence and (at times) his self-importance, but she knows they're there. Tucked away, waiting for her to dispel them.
As she looks up at him, she thinks about all those years of hollow days and endless nights; nights where she would look to the sky and silently beg the stars to align for her. She remembers the empty words her family had gifted her in their desperation to ease her pain and there are moments where she can still taste the bitter edge of disappointment.
But tonight; with this quiet, confident man sitting next to her, she understands that she will love this man for all her life and can imagine what life would be like without him. So with a small shake of her head, she allows all the memories to slide back into the past and beams up at her husband.
"None at all. I'm ready."
.end