To Make Everything OK
Disclaimer: I don't own CSI: NY or the characters.
Summary: Adam takes back something he regrets saying.
Spoilers for season 6 episode 1
'This has got to stop' he thought to himself, as Stella and Mac watched the video he had managed to pull from the victim's computer over his shoulder. Adam was more than fed up of the way he couldn't even talk to Stella anymore, despite knowing that the only thing keeping them from being together was the fact that he was too much of a coward to tell her that he lied when he told her that he agreed that it had been a mistake. If he could tell her what he really felt, it would all be OK; because he knew that she felt the same and only broke up with him because she didn't want him to get there first.
They couldn't even work together properly anymore. Like now, he can't talk to her because she won't look at him if there's a risk she might catch his eye. She doesn't want him to know how much it hurts her to be 'just friends', but he can see when she doesn't think he's looking at her, and he would have told her the truth right from the start if he wasn't so afraid of what would happen is he's read her wrong and she really does regret that one night.
There's only one way to fix it, he thought decisively, as Mac hurried off to find out whether Hawkes had any leads, leaving Stella to hover awkwardly while she waited for the printer to finish printing a photo of their second suspect. Adam was going to have to tell her that he hadn't meant it when he agreed that they shouldn't pursue a relationship together. Timing had never been Adam's strong point, and the words stumbled from his mouth without going through his brain first, tearing Stella's gaze from the blank ceiling. "I didn't mean it, you know, when I said I agreed, I actually would like to do something like that again, and it wasn't as stupid as it seemed at the time, now I think about it, and I was hoping…" Adam trailed off, not entirely sure what exactly he was hoping, and looked back from the floor, which had become interesting as his brain had realised what his mouth was doing, to look at Stella. A startled look appeared on her face as she realised what he was trying to say, and then she suddenly grabbed the paper from the printer and left.
This panicked Adam for a while, as he had been hoping for a slightly more positive response, but he reminded himself that at least she hadn't outright said no, and made himself forget until he no longer had work to do. He refused to give up on her this easily.
The look on Stella's face when he had tried to explain how he felt was stuck in his head all of the subway journey home, and he was desperately trying to figure out how she had felt about it. Her sudden departure had made Adam less sure that she had agreed with him, and by the time he got home his hands were shaking almost too much to hold his keys to open his front door, wondering how big a mistake he had just made.
Closing the front door behind him a little too forcefully behind him, Adam dropped his keys on the coffee table in his living room, seeing that there were messages on his answer phone but too nervous to check them.
Half an hour later he had put off listening to the messages for as long as he could justify, and he collapsed onto the armchair next to the phone while he listened. The first, from his cousin, did little to remind him of anything other than Stella, and he noted subconsciously to listen to the message again when he could think straight. The second and last message was from Stella, and he had to hear it three times before the words sunk in. "Hi, its Stella. We could try. I'm sorry I didn't try harder to make it work from the start, and I hope it didn't look like I was rejecting you earlier, but I wasn't really expecting you to tell me that right there. Call me."
Adam thought carefully about the obviously rehearsed message, a thrill of happiness pulling him to his feet as he realised that they had a chance. He wasted no more time dialling the number he had learned by heart to follow the instruction she had left, and was delighted to hear that her voice was once again friendly as she answered the phone.