Blame it on your Heart, a janet evanovich fanfic

So when my husband and I take a car trip, we have to combine our musical tastes right?? For every Queens Ryche, for every Rush, or Talking Heads, or Frankie Goes to Hollywood, Elvis Costello or Buster Poindexter tune, there has to be a Garth Brooks or Terri Clark or Dave Koz or the Commitments ….well, you get the idea, right?? (DH and I do share a large interest in a lot of music—down the middle, --Billy Joel, Elton, Hornsby, Melllancamp, Bruce, Jimmy Buffet (well, more Me on the last two) but …

Anyway, we took a road trip this past week. And this darned song got my addled brain going… (I know, its NOT BIG CHILL!!!!) hope you like….

Blame It On Your Heart ,

PATTY LOVELESS (Harlan Howard/Kostas)

You've got a thing or two to learn about me baby
'Cause I ain't taking it no more and I don't mean maybe
You don't know right from wrong
Well the love we had is gone
So blame it on your lying, cheating, cold deadbeating,
Two-timing, double dealing
Mean mistreating, loving heart

I slammed my suitcase onto the bed in a cold fury. No, not even a cold fury. I was past that. I was seriously motivated and 100 over and done with the bull. I flung back the top and pulled open my top dresser drawer. Without care I tossed all of my lingerie into the suitcase, slammed the drawer shut and moved on to the next drawer. I had my dresser and closet emptied in three minutes flat, long before the adrenaline rush was over. I pulled on the zipper, sitting down onto the overstuffed top and stuffed one last shoe into the crack before standing again, and tugging the full to bursting bag with me into the hall.

I stood in the hall, with the bedroom door closed and leaned against the wall for support. My heart was racing. The moonlight was casting a cool glow along the walls, the lines of the blinds bending around the picture frame that hung by my head. I looked at the photo. Huh. And they say photos don't lie. Who are those smiling people then, I thought to myself? One big freaking lie. I hated doing it. But what choice did I have? Serafina came home from preschool and asked again why her daddy isn't here; and I had no answer to give her. Well, none that I was willing to share. How do you tell your baby that her hero isn't heroic at all?

Well all I wanted was to be your one and only
And all I ever got from you was being lonely
Now that dream is laid to rest
'Cause you have failed the test
Hey blame it on your lying, cheating, cold deadbeating,
Two-timing, double dealing
Mean mistreating, loving heart

I shook myself to clear my head, and opened her door quietly. I picked up the laundry basket, and filled it with clothes and took a few of her favorite stuffies and put them on the top. I gently settled myself onto the edge of her bed, and watched her sleep. The sleep of the innocents. Her dark hair was plastered to her forehead, her lashes rested along her cheek. Those rosy cheeks. I brushed my finger along her cheek tenderly. Her chubby hand was shoved against her mouth, thumb firmly inserted. I tugged at it gently, but she was stubborn even in her sleep. "I'm sorry baby," I whispered, and stood up, gathering the laundry basket and heading down the steps.

I had the SUV loaded and ready before I tried to corner the cat. I had her box out, and I knew she knew something was up. "Come on Beckie," I coaxed. "Beckie-Blue-Eyes, come out, sweetie… look, I have a treat for you…" I shook the container of fishies and the silly thing was fooled and popped out from behind the sofa, anxious for a treat. I grabbed her and got her scruffy butt into the box without bloodshed. "Siamese my ass," I muttered, looking into the holes of the box at the as she began to mewl.

I should leave her here, I know I should, I thought. But Seri just adored Beckie and Miss Blue Eyes herself seemed to like Seri; although she had no use for the rest of the human race.

Are you headed for a heartache, oh yeah
Gonna get a bad break, oh yeah
You made a bad mistake, oh yeah
Well, you're never gonna find another love like mine
Someone's gonna do you like you done me honey
And when she does you like she'll do you, it ain't funny
You need some sympathy
But don't be calling me
Hey blame it on your lying, cheating, cold deadbeating
Two-timing, double dealing
Mean mistreating, loving heart

I could hear the cat crying from the stairs as I carefully carried my sleeping daughter out to the SUV. I settled her in and strapped her up without her ever even stirring. Thank goodness for small favors. I put a few more fishies into the box to get the cat to shush for a minute, and settled into the driver's seat, the doors closed and locked. I sat staring at my house; our house for long minutes. My mind went over the fight on the phone. I saw myself finding the lipstick on his collar. Again. And the scent of her perfume, time after time, mixed with the scent of cigarettes and booze.

As if I couldn't identify her perfume over all those other scents. It was a scent I would never forget, jasmine and sandalwood. He had always smelled of it; I recall even that first time together, that that smell overpowered every other sweet thing around us. Of course I hadn't known it then; that it was her I smelled. I was so young, so naive. Gullible.

I put the SUV into drive and pulled out into traffic, my mind a million miles away. I couldn't believe the past few days, the revelations that had occurred. The tears and the screaming and the threats. The begging. The crying. The promises. But how many times was I supposed to forgive? To forget? To believe? There was a limit to anything. To anyone. There had to be a limit on the amount of pain one should have to endure. I had given no thought as to where I would go; or even why I was leaving! He moved on, not me! Our child deserved her home. But I couldn't stay another night. I couldn't sleep in that bed, even though he hadn't come home in days.

I didn't even realize that I had parked, let alone where I had driven finally before parking. But I sat there, with my head in my hands, leaning against the steering wheel, tears soundlessly streaming down my face. The cat had stopped carrying on finally, and there was no sound but that of the breathing of Seri and the low humming of the motor. A tapping on my window drew me from my stupor, and I looked out. I hit the power button and as the window went down, I gave him a sad smile and shrug in response to his microscopically arched eyebrow.

He grabbed the handle of the door and opened it. "Babe," he spoke softly, and reached out to me. My hand moved to his, and he took it, and he held it firmly, and he squeezed it. And in that moment I knew I would find peace.

Hey blame it on your lying, cheating,

cold deadbeating, two-timing, double dealing
Mean mistreating, loving heart