This story was inspired by an ME3 mod on Youtube entitled "In which Kaidan kicks Dr. Eva's ass and saves Shepard's". It got me thinking: how would Kaidan's role and his relationship with Shepard develop if she almost died on Mars instead of him? I didn't intend to write a whole fic about it, but the muse doesn't always take no for an answer.

My Shepard's background is Colonist/Ruthless/Vanguard/Renegon. Most of her key decisions and team interactions would be classified as paragon, but her preference for dealing with jerks and bad guys aggressively racked up a lot of renegade points. Although this story is AU, it's firmly rooted in my headcanon for the whole trilogy. Thanks for reading!

Chapter 1

Stasia Shepard threw herself to the ground as the downed Cerberus shuttle skimmed over her head and crashed several metres away. The impact hurled burning debris in her direction, but she barely felt it through her armour, and a few seconds crawled by before she felt it was safe enough to move. Groaning, she staggered to her feet and dusted herself off, then looked around for Kaidan and Liara.

Kaidan was lying face first on the ground not far from her position. Despite all the harsh words between them, or the fact that she had no claim to him anymore, she couldn't help the stab of worry in her chest. She started to reach out to him, but he rolled onto his side and held up a hand to indicate he was okay. Shepard turned away to hide her relief and spotted Liara further ahead. She was dazed, but sitting up at least.

Satisfied that her squadmates weren't seriously injured, Shepard looked up at the roar of the Kodiak and waved an arm to direct its descent. The shuttle set down in front of her, and Vega hopped out looking pleased with himself, which settled the question of whether she needed to have a talk with him later. She'd meant for him to pursue and disable Dr. Eva's shuttle, not re-enact an action vid by ramming the Kodiak headfirst into it. The crazy stunt had worked, to be fair, but he'd nearly killed himself and the ground team in the process.

"Normandy's en route," said Vega, sounding a little out of breath. "They'll be here soon."

Shepard jabbed her thumb at the smoldering wreck of the Cerberus shuttle. "All right, sit tight while I get the data."

"Yes, Commander."

On her way over, she passed by Kaidan, who had Liara's arm slung over his shoulder to help her walk, and their eyes met. Shepard tried not to let the eye contact last longer than was strictly professional.

When she drew closer to the shuttle, she slowed her steps, wary of any potential hazards or traps. She was about to sidestep some metal fragments in her path when a pounding noise from within the wreckage stopped her dead in her tracks. The pounding increased in volume and frequency, culminating in the doorframe flying off the wall as though it had been punched out. It missed Shepard by mere centimetres and landed behind her with a clatter.

A female figure rose from the inferno inside the shuttle, her blue holographic visor a ghostly contrast to the orange of the flames. Shepard's eyes went wide. How the hell was Dr. Eva still alive?

The reason for her inhuman strength, speed and durability became frighteningly clear when Shepard noticed how the fire had burned away her skin and clothes, exposing her true metal form beneath. Shepard had seen how deadly Dr. Eva could be while pursuing her across the Martian facility. She had to keep this bitch away from her squad. From Kaidan.

The synthetic lunged at her.

Shepard whipped out her pistol and opened fire, backing up as she did. Every shot struck her somewhere, yet failed to slow her down. She took one hand off her weapon to use pull, but Dr. Eva twisted her torso at an unnatural angle without breaking her stride, so that the sphere of biotic energy only grazed her shoulder.

Before Shepard could shoot her again, throw up a barrier, or do something, Dr. Eva's arm swept out, backhanding her in the face so hard that her helmet was turned askew. The strike would have knocked her off her feet if a metallic hand didn't catch her by the front of her helmet first.

Hot agony seared through her neck as she felt herself being lifted off her feet, and her pistol slipped out of her grasp. She punched and kicked at Dr. Eva to no avail, and the next thing she knew, she was slammed into a wall with such force that she didn't even have the breath to scream in pain.

Another slam. Something in one or both shoulders—she couldn't tell anymore—snapped. A third slam. She felt her biotic amp cave into its port, and her nose bounced painfully off the inside of her helmet. The sensory overload stripped all sense of reality from her mind, leaving nothing but scattered memories: Mindoir. Torfan. Virmire. Horizon. The friends and family she lost. The people she would lose if the Reapers won.

Kaidan's wistful smile on Earth was the last thing she saw before everything went black.

Kaidan watched in horror as Dr. Eva seized Shepard by the helmet and smashed her repeatedly into the side of the shuttle.

"Shepard!" he yelled.

Instinct took over as he dropped Liara's arm and ran forward with his own pistol drawn. At his approach, Dr. Eva paused in the act of lifting Shepard for yet another beating, then tossed her aside like a piece of garbage. Time seemed to slow to Kaidan as she charged at him next, and with a clarity born of rage, he aimed at where her heart should be and fired three times.

All bullets hit home, causing her to convulse and tumble backward. The synthetic shouldn't have gone down that easily, but Shepard must have inflicted enough damage beforehand for him to take the finishing shots. Once he was certain she wouldn't be getting back up, he turned his attention to Shepard. She was sprawled on her back in a twisted heap, unmoving.

Panic overrode all rational thought. He raced over to her, remembering at the last moment that the synthetic still held the data, and glanced behind him in mid-run to bark out orders to Vega. "Grab that thing! Bring it with us."

Joker's voice blared over the comm. "Shepard, we've got Reaper signatures in orbit!"

"Shepard's down!" said Kaidan as he skidded to a halt beside her, and he heard Joker utter a string of curses under his breath. "Get us out of here as soon as we're aboard."

He knelt down and touched her shoulder, checking frantically for any signs of life. Her eyes were closed beneath her cracked visor, but unless he was imagining things, her chest plate rose and fell ever so slightly. It was a thin hope, one that he latched onto for dear life. He couldn't lose her. Not again.

Even with the added weight of her armour, he scooped her up easily in his arms, and a massive shadow loomed over their heads to herald the Normandy's arrival. With the synthetic thrown over his shoulder, Vega reached the ramp first. Liara limped in after him and Kaidan hurried to catch up. During lift-off, Kaidan managed with some difficulty to remove his helmet and Shepard's.

No one spoke on the elevator ride up, and the silence continued into the med bay. Vega dumped Dr. Eva's body on one bed, while Kaidan lowered Shepard gently onto the opposite bed. His heart constricted at the bruises marring her features, and he brushed some dark brown strands away from her forehead, not caring how the gesture looked to Vega and Liara.

He stood there transfixed by a sickening sense of déjà vu. This was like Eden Prime all over again, but much worse—no Dr. Chakwas to treat Shepard this time; no medical staff, period, because of their hasty departure from Earth. The closest thing to a medic was himself or Liara, but their first aid training was inadequate for injuries of this magnitude.

He became aware of Liara calling his name, but she sounded oddly distant to his ears. Finally, she bent down and pushed her face right up to his.

"Kaidan!" she said in a louder voice. Reluctantly, he tore his gaze away from Shepard to look at her. "We'll take her to the Citadel. We can get help there."

He nodded, not trusting himself to speak yet. He also realized that as the highest-ranking officer on board, command of the Normandy fell to him in Shepard's absence. So, as much as he wanted to, he couldn't afford to linger at her side.

Drawing on years of practice, he shoved his personal feelings behind the mask of professionalism the brass often praised him for. For now, nothing mattered except the mission. Regarding the synthetic, he instructed Liara, "See what you can learn from that thing."

"I will assist Dr. T'Soni in this endeavour," said a melodious voice.

Kaidan jumped and looked around. Other than Shepard, Liara and Vega, he didn't see anyone one else in the med bay. "Who said that?"

"I am EDI, the artificial intelligence on this vessel."

"An AI?" Since when did Shepard allow one of those on her ship? Vega's confused expression mirrored his own, but Liara didn't look surprised.

"Jeff felt it was best if as few people as possible knew of my presence on the Normandy. I posed as a VI for those who dealt with my systems directly. I apologize for the deception."

"It… it's fine." It wasn't really, but there were more pressing issues. "Joker, set course for the Citadel."

"Roger that," came Joker's reply over the intercom.

"Major, I'm receiving a signal over the secondary QEC," said EDI. "I believe it's Admiral Hackett."

His stomach dropped. That was a conversation he dreaded having given the outcome of the mission.

"Patch it to the comm room," he said, and strolled out of the med bay without another word.

Finding the comm room took longer than planned, as he wasn't familiar with the SR2's layout yet. After getting off the elevator on the CIC, he almost walked right back in expecting the room to be there like it was on the SR1. He tried the door next to the elevator that wasn't obstructed by cargo, and breezed through the winding corridor until it ended at a tech lab. In the very back was the comm room.

Hackett's hologram kept flickering in and out on the projector, the audio quality so degraded that Kaidan barely understood his words.

"Shepard, are you reading me? Commander?"

"I will attempt to clear up the connection," said EDI.

Kaidan suppressed a wince. It was going to take a while for him to get used to having an AI around. Admittedly, the ease and speed in which EDI filtered the signal was already one point in her favour. Hackett's hologram stabilized, and Kaidan stood a little straighter.

"Admiral."

"Major Alenko? Where's the commander?"

"We got to the Archives, but so did Cerberus. We had to fight our way through them and the commander... got the worst of it," Kaidan informed him grimly.

"I see." Hackett cast his eyes down, probably the closest Kaidan ever saw to an emotional display from the otherwise stoic admiral. He was all business again within seconds, though, bringing one hand up to his chin and crossing the other over his midsection. "I was worried Cerberus might try something. Did you get the data?"

"Most of it." Kaidan gritted his teeth. "The Illusive Man downloaded some before we could stop him. EDI and Liara are analyzing what we've recovered."

Right on cue, Liara entered the comm room and took her place next to Kaidan.

"What have you learned?" asked Hackett. "Was it worth the effort?"

It damn well better be, thought Kaidan. He only half-listened to Liara's answer to Hackett, since he already knew what the blueprints were for. His thoughts kept drifting to Shepard lying unconscious in the med bay below, but he forced them back in line when Hackett re-addressed him.

"Alenko, you were part of the crew that faced Sovereign. You were there when the Reapers hit Earth; you know what we're up against. Talk to the Council, show them what you've found. With luck, they'll give you all the support you'll need."

"Yes sir," said Kaidan, though he doubted securing the Council's help would be that simple.

"And Major," said Hackett abruptly. "Try to keep Shepard's condition quiet as long as you can. Regardless of what's been said about her in the past, she's a hero in this war. If word gets out that she's out of commission, it could be a serious blow to morale."

Kaidan couldn't agree more. Without Shepard to hold them together, the crew of the first Normandy had drifted apart two years ago. Without her to rally the galaxy, the disparate races would never set aside their differences long enough to unite against the Reapers. And that wasn't including how much she meant to him personally.

He gave his sharpest salute. "Understood."

Hackett returned the salute. "I'll be in touch soon. Hackett out."

The projector powered down. No longer obliged to appear the strong major before Hackett or the crew, Kaidan plodded to the cylindrical structure in the centre of the tech lab and sagged against the console. Without anything else to distract him, the day's events cycled through his mind unchecked.

The Archives had provided both a Prothean device and a face to the organization he hated so much. If anyone deserved to have his neck snapped with a biotic kick, it was the Illusive Man. Kaidan didn't understand how he could claim to act in humanity's best interests, yet commit atrocities like the ones on Mars—all against his fellow humans. Murderous asshole. Even Shepard had been just another tool for him to discard once she outlived her usefulness.

It shouldn't have taken Shepard getting nearly beaten to death by a Cerberus synthetic to prove her loyalties. She was never with Cerberus; she told him so all along, but he didn't listen. How could he have been so stupid? Why did he waste so much time on pointless fights and accusations? Part of it was that any mention of Cerberus always triggered knee-jerk anger in him, robbing him of all objectivity, but crippling fear was the main reason—fear that Shepard wasn't the same woman he fell in love with, fear that her miraculous return was too good to be true.

Kaidan forgot Liara was still there until she said softly, "Major, EDI is extracting the data from the Cerberus machine. We'll have details to present to the Council by the time we reach the Citadel."

"First good news we've had all day," he muttered. "How is she?"

Liara didn't have to ask whom he was referring to. "I've done what I can for Shepard, but we need to get her to a medical facility soon."

Not the most comforting answer, but he would take it. He thought Liara would leave him alone after this, but she showed no signs of budging. "Is there something else?"

She fidgeted, and Kaidan frowned. Whatever Liara had to say couldn't be good if she was this nervous. When she opened her mouth, everything spilled out in a rush. "I'm sorry, Kaidan. I should have told you sooner that I was the one who gave Shepard's body to Cerberus. When they said they might be able to bring her back, I had to let them try."

Liara was tense as though bracing herself for an explosion. If she had revealed this at any other time, Kaidan might have reacted with the outrage she anticipated. Now, just like everything else related to Shepard's temporary alliance with Cerberus, it didn't seem important anymore.

Her choice of words didn't escape his notice. She'd handed Cerberus a body. He used to think "clinically dead" had been Shepard's strange, roundabout way of saying she'd faked her death or been on life support. It hadn't occurred to him to take her explanation literally because resurrection was supposed to be impossible—or not, according to a growing list of people. He hadn't spoken to Liara in years, but he'd never known her to invent wild stories.

"Then it's true?" he asked dully. "They really brought her back from the dead?"

"Yes."

Kaidan shut his eyes and bowed his head, guilt tearing at his insides. As crazy as the notion sounded, he believed her. He believed Shepard. He shuddered as he recalled Joker's disjointed description of the explosion hurling her away from the escape pod and into the depths of space, where two equally gruesome fates had awaited her: suffocation or burning up in Alchera's atmosphere. If he was struggling to process it, he could only imagine how Shepard must have felt experiencing it.

"Why didn't you tell me? Or the rest of the team?" he said without opening his eyes.

"I didn't want to get anyone's hopes up. If it didn't work, no one would ever know except me. And I was afraid you would try to stop me."

He hauled himself up from the console, ready to argue, then thought better of it. "You're right, I would have," he conceded.

"I thought about telling you after I heard Shepard was awake and fighting the Collectors, but I wasn't sure if you would listen after what happened on Horizon."

"You know about that?"

"I... have my sources."

Kaidan decided to inquire about the nature of her sources later. The important thing was that Liara came clean with him and clarified what happened to Shepard after the first Normandy's destruction. Everybody had coped with her death differently—his method had been to throw himself into his work and shut out everything else, and Liara's had been to help Shepard cheat death. While he would never agree with her actions, he understood them.

"Thanks, Liara," said Kaidan, and he meant it. "I know it couldn't have been easy turning to Cerberus for help, or telling me that you did."

Nor could it have been easy for Shepard to work with Cerberus, because no one else would help her fight the Collectors and their masters. Today, she'd come close to paying for that lack of support with her life.

They couldn't get to the Citadel fast enough.

A team of medics rushed down the corridor carrying Shepard on a stretcher. Kaidan jogged to keep up with them, with Liara and Vega trailing close behind.

"Barely got a pulse here," a human medic called out.

"Move her out," said the turian medic at the rear.

"Where are you taking her?" demanded Kaidan.

The turian spared him a glance over his shoulder. "Huerta Memorial. Best care on the Citadel."

The medics picked up speed and crowded into the elevator up ahead. Kaidan stopped running and stared at the top of Shepard's head, the only part of her visible to him before the doors slid shut.

True to Hackett's orders, he hadn't mentioned Shepard by name when he told traffic control that they needed emergency medical care for an Alliance soldier. Although her facial bruising made her almost unrecognizable, the doctors would be able to identify her eventually.

Vega tilted his head. "We're not going with?"

"We need to see the Council," Liara reminded him.

"Right."

Kaidan scanned his surroundings for a cab, but maybe it wouldn't be necessary. A blonde man in a C-Sec uniform was heading toward them.

"Looks like they might be coming to see you," Vega remarked.

"Commander Bailey, C-Sec." The middle-aged man spoke with a distinctive twang, and he shook hands with Kaidan. "Got word that you might be arriving."

"Are you here to bring us to the Council?" Kaidan asked.

"I'm here to tell you the Council is expecting you, but they are dealing with their own problems, with the war and everything," said Bailey wearily. "They apologize for the inconvenience and send blah, blah, blah." He showed them a set of coordinates on his omni-tool. "Meet them here at Udina's office. They'll be ready soon enough."

"Okay," said Kaidan.

"You might have time to go by the medical centre if you want to check on the commander's progress over there."

Kaidan blinked at the casual mention of Shepard.

"I never said—" he began, but Bailey raised a hand to interrupt him.

"When she didn't come out leading the cavalry herself, I figured she was the patient."

"Oh." He didn't know what else to say to that.

"Good soldier, the commander," continued Bailey. "She's a big help around here whenever she stops by. Hope she pulls through."

"So do we," said Liara, and she gave Kaidan an encouraging smile. "You go on ahead. I'll head up to Udina's office."

"One of my men can show you the way," said Bailey. As Liara made her way to the elevator, he turned to Vega. "You?"

"Uh, I'm just a tourist today. I'll try not to get in any trouble."

Bailey eyed him sceptically, and Kaidan wondered if his suspicion was justified. Kaidan didn't know James Vega that well; just that he'd been assigned to guard Shepard during her six-month detention in Vancouver, though crashing his shuttle on Mars had certainly made an impression. The responsible thing would have been to take Vega with him, but he chose to let him wander off to the lobby instead. Truthfully, Kaidan wanted to be alone with Shepard anyway.

If Bailey had anything else to add, it was cut off by a call on his comm. He touched his ear, listened to whoever was on the line, and sighed. "I'll be right there." To Kaidan, he said, "Got a job to get back to. I'll see you around."

With his departure, Kaidan was the last person left in the corridor.

Everyone, including the C-Sec officer he met a few minutes ago, was fine with him going to Shepard even though he never expressed the desire aloud. He didn't stop to think about the implications. All he cared about was taking advantage of this opportunity, especially since he might not get another for a while.

He strode into the elevator and tapped the button for Huerta Memorial.