This is a six-part story, set immediately following the events in the season four story, `Hippocratic Oath'
I do not own any of these characters, I just like to take them out to play now and then.
MENDING BROKEN THINGS
Part one
Keiko put her arm around her husband's shoulders.
"I thought tonight was your darts night with Julian, darling. Why don't you go off and have fun for a change? You need a break, and I still have a lot of work to finish off here before bed, so..."
Miles shook his head.
"We don't do that anymore..."
Keiko frowned.
"I don't understand."
"Julian and I don't play darts anymore. We don't do anything anymore."
"You don't? How come?"
Miles sat back and sighed.
"It's a long story Keiko, but what it all boils down to is that on a routine mission the other week, our lives were in danger, and I disobeyed Julian's direct order in order to save his life...at least, that's how I saw it at the time."
"I see...and he's angry with you still?"
Miles shrugged.
"He's not acting like he's angry. That's the thing. It would be almost easier if he did, but it's more like he doesn't know me anymore. He treats me like a stranger. Never calls me by my name, only `Chief', never asks for my company, and refuses when I invite him anywhere. No explanation or apology, simply says something like `No, sorry Chief, I can't'. At first I thought it would blow over, but now I don't think it will. I've lost him as my friend."
"Oh Miles, I'm so sorry. I suppose you've tried to talk to him about it?"
"Oh yes, and before I get any further than; 'Julian, can I have a word...', he'll ask me if I am sick. When I say `no', he tells me he is very busy and please excuse him. I can't get him to talk to me or to treat me like anything other than a complete stranger. He hasn't changed toward anyone else...but he's keeping me at arm's length all the time. Everyone has noticed it, but he refuses to discuss the matter with anyone. Not even Jadzia can get him to talk about it. I'm not sure what else I can do."
Keiko kissed him.
"This thing you did...do you regret doing it?"
"Of course."
"Alright, I'll rephrase the question. Are you still convinced you did the right thing? If you were to face the same situation tomorrow, would you do the same thing again?"
He paused, then nodded.
"I hate to say it, but yes, I think I would. I would rather be court-martialled than let my best friend be killed when I can do something to stop it."
"Then you have nothing to be ashamed of Miles. He has obviously decided not to press charges for his own reasons, and is punishing you by being hurt and upset. You'll just have to be patient with him. He may come round and he may not, but so long as you were true to yourself, what more can anyone expect of you?"
He nodded.
"You're right of course. Julian was being true to himself too of course. That's something I failed to take into account at the time. We live and we learn."
He kissed his wife.
"I'm lucky you're my friend."
That afternoon Bashir entered Sisko's office in obedience to a summons and met O'Brien in the doorway. O'Brien smiled.
"Hi Julian."
"Good afternoon Chief." he replied stiffly, and went in.
O'Brien's face fell, and he followed Bashir inside with a slight droop of the shoulders. Sisko had noticed the exchange between them, and the certain stiffness in the doctor's manner, and nodded to himself. Dax had been right, after all.
"I have a mission for you both. In the Gamma quadrant, the planet Cimeira, situated way off the usual trade routes, and a long way from any Dominion activity, but we want a detailed biological survey done. We want details of life-forms, weather patterns and plant-life that will either hinder or help any teams deciding to stay there for any period of time. The place has been geologically surveyed, and is believed to be a source of rich mineral deposits...so it is up to you two to go."
Julian frowned.
"Captain, wouldn't Dax and Kira be better suited?"
"I'm not sending Dax and Kira, I am sending the two of you. We shall be able to cope for a few days without you both. Have a good trip."
"Sir..." Bashir began again. Sisko stood up.
"Dismissed!"
Bashir sent a troubled frown in O'Brien's direction, then gave a curt nod.
"Aye sir."
In Ops, Kira, Dax, Sisko, Odo and Worf watched the runabout disappearing through the wormhole.
"Well done Captain. Do you think it will work?" Odo asked in his usual direct manner. Sisko shook his head.
"Those two, fifteen days alone in a runabout? Either they'll come back vowing never to work again within a hundred light years of each other, or they'll come back the best of friends."
Kira shook her head.
"I never thought I'd see Miles and Julian at war like that."
Dax grinned. She shook her head.
"It's not a war. Julian's too sensitive for that. He'll probably sit in that runabout for a few days, being charming, silent and very polite...things which irritate O'Brien more than anything else."
Kira laughed.
"And O'Brien will sulk, then explode. The pair of them will shout and bellow at each other, clear the air, then kiss and make up."
"I hope so people. And now, if it's not too much trouble, how about a little work being done around here?" said Sisko.
In the runabout, Miles and Julian sat silently side by side. Miles glanced sidelong at Julian a few times, aching to see that familiar sidelong smile, but Julian remained straight faced, watching the screen intently or down at his panel. Once the course was locked into the computer, there was no need for both of them to remain at the con, and Miles glanced at Julian again, wishing he would relent somehow, if only to give some kind of order that he could follow. Finally, Julian looked round.
"Go on Chief, I'll be quite alright here on my own for a bit without your august presence. I promise to yell for help if I start to panic."
Blushing furiously, Miles headed for the rear of the
runabout, biting his tongue. He had never dreamed that Julian would make such an unpleasant enemy. He ordered a hot coffee from the replicator and sat on the edge of one of the bunks, cradling it in his hands. He thought back over the last few years. Times of friendships, Racquetball, games on the holodeck, good times and hard times, heartbreak, laughter and tears. Through everything, Julian had always been there, as steady as a rock. Memories of T'Lani III, where he and Julian had been forced to hide, in danger of their very lives from both the T'Lani and the Kellerun. He himself had been dying of a killer virus. He recalled how Julian had kept him alive and protected him from their pursuers whilst at the same time completely rebuilding an old, wrecked communications console, with only some whispered instructions from a dying man to help him.
Against all the odds, Julian had come through, as he always did. In fact, everything Julian did, he put his whole heart into. His entire being. He cared passionately about people...about lives. Not just those of his friends, fellow humans, or even the lives of Federation citizens. He cared about ALL lives. The lives of his enemies mattered to him as much as any other. He would shoot a phaser if he had to in order to protect his fellow officers, but as soon as the danger was over, he'd be out there if he could, treating those he had just been shooting at, whatever the cost to himself. Foolhardy perhaps, brave most definitely.
Julian was glad when Miles finally left the con. He could feel somehow that Miles wanted to try and talk to him again. The pain he had seen in Miles' eyes, after his last sarcastic comment had pierced Julian to the soul. But he couldn't stop being angry. Why was he still so angry with the man? Miles was obviously desperate to make it up somehow. Julian shook his head. He was not angry any more, that was the problem. He had not been angry for long, only very, very hurt. The hurt would just not go away. How could it? Miles had not done anything out of character. He had been true to himself, just as Julian had been. If Miles' convictions were such that he was led to disobey Julian's orders; even though Julian was sure he would never have disobeyed any of the other officers; then where did that leave their friendship?
How could he bring himself to play darts and racquetball with a man who considered his own opinions far more valid than those of his senior officer? Should he have pressed charges against him after all? No never. He could never have done that to Miles anyway, but as the Chief Medical Officer, he needed people to trust him. How much respect would he have earned from station personnel and residents if he had court-martialled his own best friend? He would have had to start packing his bags within a few days. No one would have wanted to go and talk to him about anything personal ever again. No. The friendship would have to go...unless he could somehow let go of the hurt...he shook his head, surprised to find himself holding back tears. No, Miles had betrayed him, abused their friendship. No matter how much he tried to tell himself that Miles was as imperfect as everyone else, that everyone makes mistakes, that hurt, that feeling of betrayal kept coming back to haunt him. He hated to see the hurt feelings on Miles' face when his attempts at friendship were rebuffed, but he could not bring himself to forgive him. Not yet. The hurt was still too raw. He looked round as Miles came back and handed him a mug.
"Here, a mug of Tarkalian tea, extra sweet."
"Thank you."
Julian swallowed his pride, accepted the mug, and took a sip of the drink. It was very good, and very welcome. He couldn't help letting out an audible sigh.
"You look tired. You want me to relieve you for a few hours so you can get some sleep?"
For a brief moment, Julian paused, then gave in, and nodded.
"Thanks. Call me in five hours."
"Only five? I'd have thought..."
Miles trailed out as he saw the look on Julian's face, and nodded.
"Five hours it is sir."
He kept his eyes forward, so he did not notice the shadow that passed across Julian's face as he left the cockpit. For five hours Julian lay on his bunk staring at the bulkheads.
Exhausted though he was, he was unable to sleep. Thoughts of all sorts whirled around and around in his head. When he received O'Brien's reminder, he appeared in the cockpit looking thin and gaunt, dark circles around his eyes. Miles was shocked.
"Didn't you manage to get any sleep sir? You look terrible!"
"Thanks. No I didn't."
There was silence for a while, then Miles ventured, almost timidly;
"Am I the reason?"
"Now just why would you think that Mr O'Brien?"
"Oh come on doctor! You know as well as I do why Sisko put you and me together on this trip. Either we'll learn to be friends again or we'll end up killing each other. Whichever it is, by the time this runabout gets back to the station, you and I are expected to be at peace. You've refused to talk to me so far, even to tell me what the hell you think of me, so I assume you'd rather the second option. That is fine by me, lieutenant, as I would rather be dead than end my career being avoided by you. So do you want to do it now and get it over with, or shall I wait until we've finished our survey and do it myself?"
As Miles finished this tirade, he was amazed when Julian suddenly burst into laughter.
"You're quite right of course Miles. Sisko, Dax, Kira, Odo and Quark have all been on at me to find out what happened between us. I suppose they did to you too?"
Miles nodded. Julian raised an eyebrow.
"So, we are either friends or at least enemies on truce when we get back to the station."
"I'd rather we were friends..." Miles muttered hopefully. He looked up, and saw the tears brimming Julian's eyes as his former friend replied.
"Alright Miles, you want to know what I think do you? I'll tell you. Other people might be able to dismiss what you did, but I can't dismiss it so easily. I realise the reasons you did it, I understand it, and I know that you were just being you...I have even tried to forgive you for it, on the basis of the fact that you were being true to yourself, but you hurt me, Miles. I can't get passed the fact that you abused our friendship. I feel betrayed. You don't need to protest that you only did it to save my life. I remember. I keep on and on telling myself that, over and over. You believed you were doing the right thing but so did I dammit! No doubt Dax and Kira and Worf and the others quite agree with you, and think I was being foolish to try and help those men, but the decision was mine to make, not theirs and not yours! You recall I did not attempt to stop you from leaving without me. The decision to stay behind and risk my own life was also my decision to make. Not anyone else's. Believe me I am trying to get passed all of this, so that we can carry on as we did before, but I..."
Miles was humbled. Just because Julian had refused to talk to him did not mean, after all, that he was trying to forget about him. On the contrary, he was trying to work his own way through the hurt feelings that were left behind. He sensed that Julian was lonelier than ever, and suddenly realised how important their friendship had been for Julian. If he had been willing to simply forget about Miles altogether, and dismiss their friendship as over, he would have had no difficulty in interacting with him. No awkwardness, the decision made. But there had been nothing but awkwardness. Miles blinked long and hard for a moment, then touched Julian's arm.
"I just want you to know this...I am sorry I hurt you so much. I should never have disobeyed your direct orders...but I was absolutely convinced that you would have been killed, sooner or later. I knew we had a chance of getting away, and I knew you wouldn't stop me if I pressed you about it...but I was damned if I was going to let you be killed if I could do anything to stop it. If I had obeyed you, and left you there, then come back later and found you dead, I would have blamed myself. You're a doctor. You know about wanting to save lives, to the exclusion of all else. That...that's how I felt. I felt that your doctor's instinct was blinding you, and that you would understand and forgive me later on. I'm sorry that you can't, but my feelings haven't changed Julian. I will die before I let anyone kill you, especially since all you ever want to do is help people. I did it then and I know I would do it again. If I can possibly save your life, even if it means disobeying your orders, or dying myself, I'll do it. If the price I have to pay for that is losing your friendship, then so be it..."
For the first time in a few weeks, he gazed at Julian unflinchingly. Julian knew Miles meant exactly what he said. He remembered how Miles had once disliked him, and had not been afraid of saying so. He, on the other hand, had liked and admired Miles O'Brien immensely, and had not given up seeking his friendship. Gradually Miles had grown to see and admire the man behind the facade, and the two had had, for a while, a very close and much envied friendship. Julian was much moved by Miles' words, and knew his old friend well enough to know the truth of them.
Searching his heart, he knew he still considered Miles his closest friend, and he knew he would have to make something of an effort to reach out before Miles gave up on him and started looking elsewhere for a friend.
"Listen Miles, I..."
To the astonishment of both of them, Julian's voice broke with emotion, forcing him to take a deep, steadying breath before continuing.
"...Miles, you're just going to have to be patient with me. I'm sorry I've been so distant with you, but it's going to take me a little while to get over this thing. I feel like a man with a torn ligament... it'll mend, but it'll ache for a while..."
Miles nodded, not trusting himself to speak.
Miles returned from a few hours of sleep to the news that they were within long-range sensor of their destination.
"Barren desert or Ocean planet?" he asked flippantly.
Julian flicked a switch. A flood of information filled the screen.
"Cold mostly. Plenty of vegetation...like Britain in winter I'd say, minus the snow. Plenty of heat nearer the poles..."
Miles nodded, glancing at the twin suns that gave this system its extraordinary features. He slipped into the pilot seat beside Julian.
"Keep this speed Chief, orientation mark five two zero. Head for the northern pole. Activating active scan."
"Aye sir." O'Brien replied, concentrating on his controls.
He frowned.
"Doctor...Julian!"
He got no further, as Julian cried out at the same moment, both paralysed by the view through the view screen. An energy wave was heading towards them from far behind them, like a tidal-wave pushing ahead of it everything in its path.
"Chief!" Julian yelled, seeing what was coming. "Alter course for the equator, or the wave'll take us straight into the sun!"
"Angling the ship...I'll try to ride the wave if I can." He commented, frantically fighting for control of the ship.
"Prepare for a crash landing...going..."
A flare, a series of enormous jolts ripped through the ship, tearing through the bulkheads as if they were paper, and then nothing.