ScrewedBob SquarePanties

Episode Six: The Golden Fryed Cock

Wow... I find it hard not to let tears come to my eye when I think of all my wasted life I've spent writing, editing, and ditching, rewriting, banging your mom, and reediting 6 ScrewedBob SquarePanties stories with little appreation and a fan base as small as a old guys boner. Hell, no one even noticed my temporary hiatus. Don't get me wrong, I'm not crying from sadness, I'm actually crying from joy. Why? This is it. The last ScrewedBob SquarePanties story thats ever going to be written. Enjoy the hell out of it. Anyway, this latest work of insainty is a PARODY of "The Golden Fry Cook", but I don't own any rights, restrictions, episodes, scenarios, characters, or work from the SpongeBob series, Nick does. All I have is this ultra-low-budget phone-it-in crap. For actual SpongeBob stuff, go to NICK and it's surrounding companies. For a small dicked, (often) naked, swearing, drugged-out version called ScrewedBob, read on... By the way, this is rated M for, well, absolutely everything a story can be rated M for! Harsh language, harsh sexuality, harsh sexual jokes, and harsh gore, and all that other family-frendly goodness!

Ah, what a wonderful day in Bikini Bottom... peaceful, and relaxing, and SpongeBob is awake. I know your thinking, "How in hell is that possible?". Well, it's because he and Patrick are out of town... and not making love in a Port-O-Potty eithor! Today's just full of surprizes, I guess. Well, over at the Fry Cook museaum, all is not well...

SpongeBob and Patrick are looking at famous Chefs condoms. Saying "Oooh" and "Aaah" and often stopping to lick the cum of them. they walk up to Chef Emeril's condom collection.

"...Hey SpongeBob?" Patrick asks.

SpongeBob replies "Yeah?" Patrick asks "I wonder what it would be like to be straight?". SpongeBob thinks about it for a while.

He imagines himself walking up to a Pearl and saying "You're hot, wanna go make out" A few minutes later Mr. Krabs walks in on them having sex in the back. "You're fired!" Mr. Krabs yells.

SpongeBob snaps out of his daydream. "That must be awful!" he moans and shivers. "Yeah" Patrick said, hugging him for confort.

Pretty soon, the duo come across a boiler pot full of grease with a plaque in front. SpongeBob reads it aloud. "Kind Neptune's wife caught him cheating in this very spot, shoved his boner in the grease and snapped his cock off. Many have tryed to pull the boner from the liquid grease but they have all lost there arms due to the intense heat. In fact, trying to pull it out is still the number one cause of death in Speedo Bottom, and..."

"Psssh!" Patrick interupted. "Aids is the number one cause of death in Speedo Bottom..." Patrick stated matter-of-factly. "Why the hell don't they just filter it?" Patrick asked "And why the hell is is boner green?... And why the hell was he having sex in an empty museaum?... And why the hell was there a random grease pot here? It's just a myth." "No, look Patrick!" SpongeBob says, reading the end of the tablet "...and it's true!" Then Patrick scremed "OH MY GOSH!! It must be TRUE!" "Do you believe anything anyone tells you?" SpongeBob asked. "Well," Patrick responed "I believed you were on the pill and look at this!" Patrick pulled a baby clam out of his ass-cheeks. "Patrick, the authour in need of a girlfriend hasn't even parodied that story yet." "Oh yeah" Patrick said, and the baby poofed away. "By the way, the loner auther payed me a buck to say if your a single, hot, and perferably female call 1-800-9". All the sudden SpongeBob decided to pull the boner from the grease, and the lound noise somehow censored Patrick saying my phone number, much to the disappointment of ladies everywhere. Spongebob, who was so expirenced in pulling dicks, started to pull it out with ease. "Patrick, film this with my camera!" Patrick pushed RECORDon SpongeBobs camera and filmed SpongeBob accurately. SpongeBob's hands burned. "AHH!" he screamed in pain but grew new ones when the heat got too intencse. And, ironically simliar to the scene from Disney's The Sword In The Stone SpongeBob pulled the boner from the grease.

Unfortunatly for SpongeBob, King Neptune was still somehow attached to it and unscorthed by the burning heat. He was tall, and green, and meancing, and had a 10-pack of abs and a 3-foot long boner to boot. "ARRGH!!" he yelped in pain You would too had your boner just been ripped off from intense stretching. "WHO PULLED MY BONER FROM THE GREASE?!" SpongeBob let go of his dick. "Uhh, it was Larry." Larry was standing at the Chef Emirrel condom exibit from paragraph two. "Who the hells lifeguarding the people at the beach, and since when do you care about Fry Cooking?" Patrick asked. Larry said "Uhh... The beach... Do you remember the random lifeguard from Episode 5, Dick All?"

"Yeah!!" Some random nerd with square glasses, a pocket protector, and socks stuffed down his underwear said. "I've read all of this authors work! I especially love when random chracter show up and get vaporized!" King Neptune looked at the nerd. He waved his fingers, and... a flying ice cream truck fell on him. (for the non-nerds out there, that was a refrence to the epidsode when SpongeBob becomes a lifeguard.)

"Wait a second..." King Neptune said with a booming voice, "I heard the pink lummix say he filmed the ordeal, come, let me see the camera!" Patrick, being a, well, big pink lummix, said, "Duh, okay, but be home for supper!" SpongeBob was sweating buckets. He was screwed over, and he knew it. Neptune pushed PLAY. SpongeBob shut his eyes and awaited his demise."WHAAAAT?" Neptune yelled, "This is naught but a black screen with sound" "Ooops," Patrick said "I left the lens cap on. And I think this joke was from Episode 1: The Mermaid Man and Branicle Boy Porno. With all these recycled jokes, who says I'm not environmentally friendly?" "Argh!," Neptune announed "For punishment, let you face go where your a0ss ought to be!" Patrick looked around. His face was indeed on his ass, but he didn't fell any pain. "Well this ain't so bad" he said. Neptune looked at his ass-face angrily. "Well then let you have to take a shit" he zapped Patrick again. "Oh, shit." he said and ran to the washroom. "Well, this Larry looks strong, but he is halfway across the room. He could not have done the deed! Oh well." Neptune said, and vaporized Larry. Patrick came back, with his ass-face all brown and having a nosebleed. "It hurts to wipe!!" he yelled. Spongebob, being completley random, said, "I challenge you to a cook off! If I win, I get to keep your boner. If you win, you can have mine! First to make 100 patties wins!" Neptune, totally confused by his randomness, simply said "Okaaaaay, whatever."

One magical transportantion or something queer like that later

Neptune and Spongebob were eye and eye. "I've got faith in ye, boy." Mr. Krabs said inspirationally. "I love and trust you, Spongebob" Partick the ass-face said lovingly. "I just saved a whole lot of money by switching to Gieko car insurance!" some random guy said. "Yo quiero Taco Bell" the Taco Bell Dog exclaimed. "3...2...1..." Mr. Krabs counted down... "GO!!" SpongeBob flipped a burger, Neptune flipped 100 at the same time with a giant spatcula. SpongeBob Put the buns on one, Neptune put them on a hundred. The came the buns. Then, well Neptune gave his 100 burgers to the cround, SpobngeBob sang his burger a lullaby. Psssh, what a loner. The scoreboard above them read "NEPTUNE - 100, SPONGEBOB - 1" "I wiiin" King Neptune said. "Give me your boner!"

Right then, though, something amazingly boring happened. The croud started yelling "Your patties suck!!" and Neptune, ashamed, admitted, "I know". The crowd gasped. The King said. "But what makes you think his are any better?" he SpongeBobs burger. "Oh, these are amazing!" SpongeBob said "Thank you." Neptune responded "You are so curtious and a great chef. I will not take your boner." "Wow, really?" SpongeBob said. "Nah, I'm just messing." Neptune said "Off with his dick!"

They then put SpongeBobs dick on a really tiny guillotine, and cut his dick off. The blood loss caused him to die. "Woot!" Mr. Krabs said, "I bet $1000 SpongeBob would lose!! Haha, this ending was sooo predictiable!"

EVERYONE LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

THE END

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed my ScrewedBob SquarePanties series... Y'know I really don't care if you enjoyed it or not, as long as you pretend to enjoy it and leave it a good rating. Leave an honest, bad review, will you? I'll hire someone to hurt you.