After watching Episode 12 of Season 13 when Sam confessed to Rowena that he had seen Lucifers face and his slipping into depression last few weeks woken up my muse so I thought I write a story about it. Takes place after the episode. This story is dark and thoughs of suicide is mentioned.
This story also supports Jared Padalecki's campaign "Always Keep Fighting" I support his campaign and his will to overcome his own depression. Many out there are suffering from this and it's good to know that you aren't alone.
Disclaimer: I do not own CW or any of the characters of Supernatural. I just love writing fan stories about them :) The song below is credit to Garth Brooks "If Tomorrow Never Comes" I thought this would fit perfect.
Warning: Mentions and thoughts of suicide.
Sam Winchester had his up and downs for the past 12 years he has gone through a lifetime of pain wondering how he ever got through it all. He sat alone in the bunker drinking whiskey slipping further into depression, hearing what Rowena said "He showed me his face" That stuck with him because he had been where Rowena was.
He still remembered it all when he was trapped in hell and being possessed by Lucifer. The sheer horror of being shown his face kept him up most nights. He never spoke about hell not even with Dean.
Dean would understand what hell was like considering he had been there after the deal to save Sam's life. This was different. Dean didn't see the face and he wasn't trapped in a cage. He found a paper and a pen then started writing.
"Its hot and dark I lie there wondering when I will wake up. I see it every night I close my eyes. I feel the flames growing on my skin. I see the face in my dreams that haunts me. I can't do this anymore. Evil took Jack and then Mom what else is it gonna take. Things I can't even tell Dean to this day and the hope is gone. I have to make things right I have to stop this from getting worse."
He sighs some as he lays the paper and pen on the bed then gets up, putting on his jacket and leaves his room. Sam notices Dean wasn;t in the main area so he went up the stairs and left without a word. Dean had been in his room worrying about Sam the entire night. He knew his brother was slipping further into depression after they gotten out of the bad place. He needed to talk to Sam and find out what was bothering him. He gets up and heads to his room only to find it empty. Dean finds a note on the bed which cause a panic in him he yells out "Sam!"
Dean rushes out of the room and looks for Sam he was nowhere to be found. The note felt like a suicide note he had to get to Sam and quick. Dean grabs his coat and keys heading out to the impala as he dials Sam only got the voice message "Sam! this is Dean whatever you're think you're doing don't..Call me okay we can work this out." Dean wondered what that note meant he saw his face. The part about hell then dawns on him "Son of a..."
Sam found a small bridge walking to the edge he could see the water rushing down below. If only he could just be at peace right now. He didn't want to leave Dean but he felt he was causing more pain. He was in pain himself. He closes his eyes as he was hearing the waves below getting louder and louder. He reflects back on how he had wish his life was normal, he didn't know about the demon blood then or what hell was like then when He lost Jessica things turns into a nightmare.
He put his hands on the ledge as more thoughts enters his brain. How many times he died and brought back. Would Dean do something stupid to bring him back then possiably kick his ass cause he did this. He had his mom and Jack was like his child to him. Short time Jack was here he took care of the kid. He remembers when Dean was a bit cold to Jack at first it helped that he warmed up to him then he ends up trapped with Mary. He also wonders how things will end he knew badly. He wonders what happens if tomorrow never came.
Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt
The way I feel about her in my heart
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel
'Cause if tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes
Sam will get saved by the most unlikely scource. Can you guess who it will be? :)