Right, yes. Time to do this.
Shale, Sten, and Morrigan were with Gwyneth scouting ahead into the Brecilian Forest, and Wynne was attending to the elves in the Dalish camp, their fires glittering across the clearing from their own fire. Hero was asleep in Gwyn's tent. Now was his only chance. Setting aside the last bottle of Antivan brandy, glass clinking against the other two empty bottles, Alistair tried to stroll nonchalantly to Zevran and Leliana where they were huddled around the fire. They looked up from the stew pot when he spoke, with only a little slurring! "So… Zevran, Leliana. I have something important to ask you."
"Alas, Alistair my friend. I'm afraid I must decline. Our lovely Warden would surely be heartbroken were I to steal you from her." Zevran smiled at him, smug git, and sipped his own brandy.
"And I don't look at you that way, Alistair, I'm sorry." Leliana gave him a sweet, innocent look.
Rather than blushing and scurrying off like he wanted to, Alistair gave them a drunken glare. "That's not what I was going to ask you, and you know it."
"Of course. Sit on down here, Alistair, and ask your question." Zevran scooted over on the log, leaving more space for Alistair to sit.
He thudded down, and took a deep breath. Okay, this is it. For you and Gwyn. Gwyn especially. Alistair could feel his cheeks heating up as he stammered out, "So, Gwyn and I… neither of us are very… experienced. I adore her. I do. But if we, erm… woo… each other, I do have at least a good foot on her… and I weigh more… Um, she's just so small and delicate… and...I-I don't want to hurt her, but I don't know what I'm doing!"
Leliana's eyes went round, and she let out a surprised, "Oh!"
Zevran's smile got wider and wider as Alistair spoke, and he had a bad feeling at the way the elf's eyes danced with delight. "So I was right! You are woo-less!"
Smacking a hand over his face, Alistair groaned, "I knew this was a bad idea. Nevermind. Three bottles of Antivan brandy gone to waste."
"Zevran, hush! We need to help him, he's concerned for our dear Gwyn, and that's adorable."
Great, it's 'adorable' and not serious. This was so a bad idea… but Gwyn. C'mon Alistair, suck it up, and listen enough to get the basics.
"If you two are quite done, I am absolutely serious about this. I'll ask Wynne if neither of you are going to at least pretend to be as serious as I am." He made like he was going to stand up, but was happy to drop back down onto the log when Leliana frantically waved him back down.
"Sit! Sit back down, I'm sorry, Alistair." The redhead cocked her head to the side, "You really do care about Gwyn, don't you?"
Well, duh.
"I thought at least that much was obvious." Alistar rolled his eyes at Leliana.
"Ah, my friend. It is more than obvious. And I am glad that we are available to help you with your predicament. She is a beautiful woman, and she deserves to feel that way after a vigorous… wooing." Zevran dodged the half-hearted slap.
"She is beautiful, and precious, and I just feel so much for her." Alistair pressed his hand over his eyes. Don't be a crying drunk, don't be a crying drunk. "I would feel awful if I didn't make our first time special… or if I did something wrong and hurt her. I've heard it can hurt if you don't do it right."
"It can, but we will help you out as much as possible, no more teasing. Right, Zevran?" Leliana shot a glare across the fire at the elf.
"Of course, of course." He flipped a careless hand at the Chantry sister. "Now, before we just start throwing advice at you, perhaps you should tell us what you do know of the act?"
Right, well, here goes nothing.
"So… I don't know much, just a forewarning. I mean, I know the basic mechanics, and… Maker, Zevran, don't laugh at me. I had to down three bottles of Antivan brandy just to do this. So what I do know..."
They heard the rumble of Shale's voice first, and felt the subtle vibrations of the ground from the golem's heavy steps. Alistair shot up from his seat, "She's almost back!"
"It's alright, Alistair, calm down. We've covered the basics. Check in with her, listen to what she says, take it slowly, and spend plenty of time beforehand making sure she's comfortable and enjoying herself." Leliana looked at Zevran. "Any other advice? Quickly, before they get back."
"Hmm." Zevran tapped his lips, enjoying the panicked look on Alistair's face as Morrigan's voice came through the trees. "The only thing I would suggest so things don't end too quickly, if you understand my meaning, would be to spend some time alone before hand. Take things in hand, as it were. Do you understand?"
"Maker's Breath." Alistair could feel himself going completely red, even with all the brandy still sloshing in his system. "Yes, I get it. Do...things beforehand so I'm not… done to quickly with Gwyn. Right. Maker."
"Don't worry, Alistair, everything will be fine. You two care about each other a great deal, and that will help." Leliana gave him an oddly reassuring nod. "Trust in yourself."
Oh yes, trust in the one who asked Leliana if she was a woman. And once asked a new dwarven recruit if they were a mage. Fantastic idea.
"Alistair, wipe that look of your face or Gwyn is going to worry that Zevran and I are being mean to you. Oh! Last piece of advice. Don't rush it. Let everything build. Even if that means delaying taking her to your tent another night. Make sure the time is right for both of you."
She stood, brushing herself off. "Well, I must get the dishes from the creek, they should be dry now. Zevran, come help me carry them."
Leliana and Zevran passed Sten, Shale, Morrigan, and Gwyn as they entered the camp. Morrigan immediately passed the fire and went to the tent set up on the far side, lighting her own fire and pulling out that book Gwyn had given her. Sten and Shale stopped in front of Sten's tent, rumbling to each other as Sten cleaned and sharpened his blade. Gwyn looked at Alistair, then flushed and ducked into her tent.
Alistair was at a loss. He was still drunk, and no one to talk to, since Wynne appeared to be staying with the Dalish tonight. The log rocked as Sandal plopped down next to him, hands folded as he waited for a bowl for the stew. The slur still in his voice, Alistair looked at the dwarven boy and asked, "Well, do you have any advice for a lovesick fool?"
"Enchantment."
"That is surprisingly good advice." Hero let out a yip, bouncing into Alistair's back. "Oi! What's that all about?"
"Alistair? Are you drunk?" Gwyn's head was sticking out from her tent. She was changing. Alistair gulped when he realized he could see that she was only in her smalls. Thank you, Maker, for this angle. Wait, she'd asked a question.
"I'm not as think as you drunk I am!" Smooth, Alistair. Time to go drown ourselves in the creek? Yup.
She let out a snort of laughter, nose crinkling. "I think you're drunker. Give me a minute to finish changing, and I'll get you a fresh skin of water. You're going to wish you were dead tomorrow otherwise."
Gwyn ducked back into the tent. Maker, could I love this woman more?