First of all, I'd like to give a huge "Thank you!" to the talented author Cairistona. Not only did she beta-read this for me, but she also helped me end it and brainstormed the title. Thank you Cairistona! :D
Anyway, this is a pointless little one-shot I wrote a few months ago, and I finally got around to posting it. I'm very inexperienced with writing Transformers, so please be nice. However, tips and constructive criticism are welcomed, and of course I'd love to get a positive review. :)
'Bee's Songs:
(In the order they appear)
What Was I Thinking? –Dierks Bentley
Good ol' Boys –Waylon Jennings
What Was I Thinking? –Dierks Bentley (Again)
Liar, Liar –Some random kid
Pumped up Kicks –Foster the People
Some Random Game-Show Host
Boom, Boom! (Ain't it Great to Be Crazy?) –Unknown
Little Lion Man –Mumford and Sons
Audience at a Comedy Show
That's The Way (I Like It) –KC and The Sunshine Band
"Italicized text in quotation marks is Bumblebee's dialogue, since it isn't actually his voice he uses."
"Italics partway through dialogue mean that the speaker is putting emphasis on certain words."
Unquoted italics are thoughts.
Timeline: Post-Transformers 2007 and Pre-ROTF
Title: Bee Hazzardous
Sam dashed outside in his socks, leaving clear footprints in the grass as he forgot to take his father's path.
"Oh-no, oh-no, oh-no! 'Bee, you're going to have to drive fast!" The teenager was trying to tie his shoes, comb his hair, run to his car, pull his jeans up, and button his shirt at the same time. All the while, he was speaking rapidly in his panic-enhanced scramble.
"I'm supposed to meet Mikaela for lunch in two minutes! Last time I was late she just about broke it off and I wasn't even that late! I mean, I only missed it by a couple hours and she should understand because I was asleep even though you tried to wake up and-one minute fifty-seven point eight seconds! She's going to kill me!"
With one shoe on, two buttons on his shirt in the wrong holes, and bed-head that suggested he was asleep moments ago, Sam reached the loyal muscle car and tried to open the door.
"What the…? Bee, unlock your doors NOW! Please, we have to hurry!"
"We ran outside hood-sliding like Bo Duke." Dierks Bentley answered his frantic plea.
Crap!
Sam had known it was a bad idea to insist 'Bee watch his Dukes of Hazzard DVD's, so he could learn how to 'fly' like the General Lee. While at first Bumblebee had looked at Sam with optics that suggested he was scanning for alcohol intoxication, before too long, they were both entranced with the classic TV show.
Bumblebee had been very interested in the General Lee, surprised that a non-Cybertronian vehicle constructed by humans could do such things. He was also keeping his optics on the cop cars for any telltale signs of Barricade. Sam, meanwhile, was trying to decide if he could style his hair like the Duke boys, because he was sure that was what made them so appealing to the female population. The duo had stayed up until nearly 5 AM watching the DVDs, thus Sam's reason for sleeping so late.
"No, 'Bee. I'm not going to do it."
"Just the good ol' boys…"
"Knock it off!"
"Never meanin' no harm."
"Come on, I don't have time for this. Let's go!"
"Beats all you never saw, been in trouble with the law since the day they was born."
"No, that's not happening. Let me in…NOW!"
"…hood sliding like Bo Duke." And they were off of Waylon Jennings and back to Dierks.
"Listen, 'Bee." Sam tried to sound calm enough to reason, "The actors had to practice before they could do it, and so will I. Take me to my lunch date, bring me home, and I'll be hood sliding by tomorrow, alright?" He smiled forcibly, affectionately patting 'Bee's hood.
"Liar, liar, pants on fire!" A child's voice taunted. Sam groaned internally, wondering if the little 'bot had a built-in lie detector.
"Alright, you got me. I'm not going to hood-slide, okay? That show's like thirty years old-way older than me. Besides, I'd look ridiculous. Let's go."
"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks, you better run, better run, outrun my gun."
"So that's it, then? You won't let me in until I do it? You, my perfectly-drivable car, are going to make me walk?" Sam was incredulous.
"That is correct!" some cheesy game-show host announced. Sam glowered at the scout.
"Well, fine then. You can sit in my driveway forever. See if I care. I'll go buy a car that won't order me around. Do you want that, huh? You want to be replaced? No more spot in the garage, no more hanging out, no more car washes or-"
"Are you…talking to your car?" Tony, their forty-something neighbor, asked from the sidewalk. He was on his daily jog, but at the time was just glancing back and forth between the Camaro and the young man. Sam looked at him, straight-faced.
"No, of course not; you must be hearing things."
"But I could have sworn-"
"Well, I was not talking to my car. Since I'm younger, I have the better hearing, so that means you were just imagining things. What crazy psycho would talk to his car as if it were alive?" Sam finished off his rushed explanation by laughing; not realizing that the way he laughed made him sound like a crazy psycho.
"Um…okay. Have a nice day." Still looking uncertain, Tony stared for a moment longer before taking off on his jog again, going noticeably faster than he had been before.
With a huff, Sam turned back to Bumblebee, frowning.
"Nice going, 'Bee. Now I'm going to be late for lunch, I look like I just crawled out of bed-which I didn't, in case you were wondering-and our neighbor thinks I'm crazy."
"Boom, boom! Ain't it great to be crazy?"
"Quit it!" He smashed his fist into the yellow door, considering his options. He could give in to the Autobot, and get to lunch only a little late, or try calling Mikaela and explaining the situation. She would almost inevitably side with the yellow Camaro she loved so dearly, and they could be through forever. With a drawn-out sigh, Sam walked around to 'Bee's passenger's side and backed up for a head start.
"I give up, okay? You win. I'll do it-once-and then I'll never talk to you again, and you need to 'fess up to Mikaela and tell her that you made me late."
"It was not your fault but mine." 'Bee agreed to his demands with another song.
"Okay," Sam ran several steps, jumped, and slid across 'Bee's hood. About halfway across, he admitted to himself that it felt pretty cool. The paint job was wrong, and his car was actually alive, but for one glorious moment Sam felt like one of the Dukes; sliding across his car as if he didn't have a care in the world. The smile that crossed his face vanished as he slid right off the hood and onto the ground. Laughter from some comedy presentation erupted from 'Bee's speakers, the scout bouncing around on his suspension in sheer amusement. Sam stood quickly, red with embarrassment, and started to hop in the now-open driver's window feet first. He nearly fell back to the ground, awkwardly half-falling and half-climbing into Bumblebee.
"Yee-haw," He grumbled unenthusiastically, buckling his seatbelt. "There…you happy?"
"That's the way (uh-huh, uh-huh) I like it. (uh-huh, uh-huh)"
"Yeah, well, you're not about to be dumped by your girlfriend, are you?" Bumblebee ignored the comment and took off at a leisurely pace.
"You've got to be kidding me." Sam protested, "I can walk this fast. I've seen you go over a hundred miles an hour for no apparent reason. You should be pushing two, maybe even three hundred by now! This is my girlfriend 'Bee! Hurry it up!"
The speedometer needle flickered up half a mile. Sam moaned in frustration, raking his fingers through his unruly hair.
"I'm so dead!"
Sam tied his shoes, re-buttoned his shirt, and tried to mash his bed-head down as 'Bee drove them to Burger King. Seeing Mikaela sitting alone at one of the tables outside, panic-crazed Sam leapt out of 'Bee and, without thinking, slid across the hood again. This time, he stuck the landing, and wasted no time in running up to Mikaela.
"I'm sorry I'm late! Come here for a minute and Bumblebee-"
"Sam!" Mikaela interrupted, "What are you talking about? You're like, ten minutes early."
"But my alarm and 'Bee's clock…I'm early?"
"Yes, early. See?" she opened her phone and showed him the screen.
12:19 PM
"We weren't supposed to meet until 12:30, remember?" She smiled, "I came here early to do my book report, figuring you'd be late again, anyway. What made you think you were late? Your terrible track record?"
After a glance at his own phone confirmed the time, Sam set a stony death glare on the sleek Chevy Camaro in the parking lot, ignoring Mikaela's attempt at a joke.
"And by the way, that hood-slide was perfect. It reminded me of the Dukes of Hazzard. I always thought the Duke boys were cute." Mikaela said as she kissed Sam's cheek, bringing him out of his human-Cybertronian deathly stare-down, which he was undoubtedly losing anyway.
Sam suddenly grinned. Maybe giving in to 'Bee's demands hadn't been so bad after all. Maybe the loyal 'bot had found out that Mikaela liked the hood-sliding. That would be cool, having Bee help him keep his girlfriend. Bee might know some other tricks.
He'd like that.
He would definitely speak to the 'bot about messing with his alarm clock, but otherwise, they were good to go.
Please review! :D