Big Headed Boy: It may be true that Raz is technically a psychonaut, but he still needs some more experience under his belt which was why Sasha brought him in to help with a brilliant Scientist's son, Dib. There are no such things as aliens. Right? No pairings.

Rating: Teen.

Disclaimer: If only, if only, the plot bunny sings.

…

How about a little bout of irrationality,

Perhaps with some sugar and tea.

In this world there is no need,

For sanity, however brief.

Which I'm gladly admitting

Makes us both quite mad, more tea?

…

Chapter 1: The Scientist's Son

"Nein… is this really necessary? I saved the world and my fellow camper's brains. I even volunteer at the camp as a Counselor with Lilly. I'm a full-fledged Psychonaut … I can handle a little madness. I already solved three bouts of it so how is this one any different?" asked the seventeen year old in almost a bored manner.

The taller man gave him a rictus expression before he nodded softly at a white draped orderly that walked by. Raz gave the parting woman a weary glance and looked at the other for a moment.

"I know I'm a Psychonaut but mental institutions give me the heebie-jeebies. The smell, the orderlies, everything … especially this one. What kind of institute is called Crazy House for Boys?"

"One that houses boys, Razputin. I think that it is rather forward actually," added the man as they came to a gated door, the guard in his little glassed-off room giving Nein a shrewd look as the two psychics both showed their identification cards. A moment later the gated door buzzed open for them. The guard then waited for them to come around before he plopped some papers onto the table top, grumbling, "Names, branch of the Psyconauts and the patient you have been requested to treat."

Sasha wrote his name down in tiny print before handing it to Raz, turning to the man as he spoke, "We came here by request of Professor Membrane for his son, Dib Membrane. Can I have access to his paperwork and what room is his?"

The orderly huffed as if it were a joke before he took the papers back from Raz, curtly murmuring as he headed to a filing cabinet, "We'll get you some beds ready then. Bradley will take you to the kid's room."

"We will not be spending the night," added Sasha as he barely noted a younger orderly coming up to them. "If we need more time we will get a motel."

Chuckling as he placed the papers into a file, the orderly with the name-tag Chuck, stated, "Well, the last two that went in that boy's head … Let's just say it took them a few days to gather themselves, murmuring about horrors and monstrosities. Thought we were getting some new patients, we did."

Raz smiled timidly at this and nervously stated, "Well, we deal with psychic campers every summer. If we can take that, we can deal with a little insanity. That's what we are good at."

Chuck just gave the youth a wicked smile as he gave some paper's to Nein, waving Bradley off as he stated, "We will see."

Sasha glanced at the file quickly as he followed the orderly without another word. Raz could only cringe.

…

The young orderly, Bradley, was a bit unsettling. He had a twitch about him that made the two psychics give each other a look wondering. Had this kid actually escaped one of the rooms and stolen said uniform? Such thoughts drowned in the water as the small group came to a halt though.

Bradley refused to get to close to the door as he unlocked it, stammering, "This is it… Dib's room. He doesn't get many visitors except for doctors or specialists his father s-sends and sometimes his dad-d's floating head and e-evil s-s-s-s-sister. W-whenever Dib's lucid he screams about a 'nightmare world'. H-he's confined to his room because he thinks everyone is horrible monsters. He's i-in a straightjacket so he can't h-hurt you. Call down the hall when you're done or w-we'll check on you in an hour or two."

The two mental healers nodded to the parting orderly and Raz quickly peaked into the small window on the door, trying to see inside.

"So… why's this mad man so important? You generally don't sink to asylums Sasha," added Raz, seeing something move in the room.

"Well, I took an interest because Dib inadvertently discovered the brain tumbler: the device giving an untrained individual the ability to enter their own head or other's through a network of pre-created passages. I'm sure you remember it from your first year at camp. Dib is also the reason there are now many other types of mental machinery since they were created in an effort to see if Professor Membrane could reverse the side effects of the brain tumbler on his son's mind," said Nein as he closed the thick file he had been reading. "Unfortunately, this has been going on for nearly a decade. Membrane admits that his son was going mad long before the incident, but … there has been no improvement. The professor is getting older in his years now, slowing down because of his health and wants his family together. That is why we are here."

Raz gave the other a slightly confused look before he nodded, "I didn't need the textbook description, but it's been nearly ten years? Why hasn't he asked other psychonauts? That orderly had to be lying. It was probably a con man taking advantage of the old scientist's desperation."

"Chuck, what a horrifically bland name, was not lying Razputin. Membrane has asked many."

"And no one's been able to do anything? They come out," Raz swallowed, "… screaming? But even with bad cases even a minor pysconaut could do something."

Sasha reached to open the door while Raz continued, "I'm all for an interesting mind and all, but if his mind is that volatile should anyone even be going in there when it has been proven not to help?"

"We have to … or risk losing funding. Membrane has been a contributor to the camp and other Psyconaut programs for years now as an incentive for his son's mental health," state Sasha slowly, pressing his glasses against his nose. "He is a man with a lot of power and usually Dib's treatment was an incentive for our organization, but now it's a demand. Personally, I think insanity might just run in the family. The sister, Gaz, I just looked at her once and got the same vibe I do when entering a serial killer's mind. If we had the man power I would have someone investigate her further."

Raz bore his teeth for a moment at the thought of a female serial killer, but was suddenly distracted when Sasha pushed the door open to the room. For a moment, the two men were still, expecting some mad man to launch out at them and try to bite their ears off or something. Instead, there was merely a soft giggle, drawing the two psyconauts to peek in, both men had to stare. There on the bed, legs crossed, sat a boy with a very large head.

Yes, that was what they saw first.

Not the fact that he was grinning like a madman or staring at them like they were the funniest damn things in the world. His eyes were rather wide as well… shivering with what could only be called insanity. It was hard to tell if he was even looking at them right now or trapped in his own little world. Either way, stepping into the room, neither agent was worried about being physically attacked.

"So this is Dib Membrane. Seems like a happy fellow. Is Professor Membrane sure his son needs our help?" asked Raz nervously as he stepped into the white room after Sasha.

Nein gave Razputin almost a bored look before he stated, "I rather doubt his expression is from joy, Razputin. I'm sure he just doesn't know how to handle emotions anymore. Not that I blame him, I'm sure it's a mess in there."

Sasha, even though he knew it was against this ward's policies, mentally pulled out a cigarette and took a puff. Raz paid the man no mind though because he knew that that cigarette helped Sasha clear his mind. It was his personal chill pill which kept away nasty emotions like fear or nervousness or in this case anxiety. After all, when a mental patient didn't even note your existence, it was a bad sign, like a floating void kind of bad. Broken minds were not the same as a mad mind. There was no base for anything in a broken mind. There was nothing for figments or baggage to hang onto. If he had to explain it to a normal person, it would be like a world without gravity, the ground slowly being pulled apart and displaced. Those kinds of minds … Well, sometimes they were too far gone.

Trying to keep away the look of pity on his face, knowing now why Professor Membrane still sent agents, he murmured, "He has a cracked mind, doesn't he?"

Tasting his personal poison for a moment, Sasha slowly inclined his head. "Yes, that would seem a reasonable evaluation especially since he hasn't regained any coherency from the previous agents. I am sure there is nothing we can do. The previous agents probably exhausted themselves trying to pull the mind together."

Throwing a surprised look, his goggles glinting, Raz asked, "That can be done?"

Taking another puff before he answered, Sasha exhaled out of his nose, smoke clinging to the room and making it seem foggy. Dib didn't even seem to notice as Sasha slowly shook his head. "I've heard of partial recoveries but even if all the pieces are anchored down … the person will never be cured since only they know how their mind was organized in the past. A psychonaut merely would place things where they think they would go which risks a new personality all together. The old mind would no longer be able to exist with the new configuration and the new mind would either be unable to function or would be a new personality all together."

Raz stalled, his face pulling at itself in distress and he whispered, "No … Sasha, we aren't. We can't!"

Sasha sighed, turning to look the younger physic in the eye, "There is a reason I brought you here and not the Metal Minx for such a sensitive case. She couldn't stomach even the idea of what we may have to do and Raz and you need the experience."

Shaking his head, the usual carelessness lost from his form, Raz's voice was ragged, "B-but it's as if we are murdering him, just covering up his old mind as if it was nothing!"

Sasha actually glared at the other, taking his cigarette in hand as he murmured, "And what else would you have us do? Make enemies with a man as powerful as Professor Membrane? We need his support … Besides, from what I understand, he didn't know much about his son anyway. He wasn't exactly a dotting parent."

The next words were harsh.

"I doubt he will even notice."

Razputin actually looked away, ashamed and yet unable to do anything but agree. Pulling his hand into a fist, he slowly nodded his head in agreement, "You are right … but it still feels so wrong. Hopefully, it won't come to that."

Sasha nodded, finishing his cigarette, "Hopefully, now are you ready to go?"

Raz still didn't seem terribly excited as he slowly pulled out a worn mental portal, giving it a weary look before murmuring, "Yeah, I understand it has to be done, but regardless … age before beauty."

Frowning, noting that Raz was still trying to keep the atmosphere positive though it seemed so hopeless, the other agent was about to object to that statement when he noticed something.

"Hey, is that my portal? That went missing years ago."

Raz, having kept the door for years even though, for the longest time, he wasn't supposed to have one, stumbled over his words before he joked, "... Uh, age is getting to you Nein. I've always had this."

The glare Nein gave him could have melted glass, but the older agent nodded waving his hand as he signaled for Raz to throw the door. Giving one more forlorn look at Dib as he imagined the boy the young man must have been, Raz accepted that this was for the best.

Throwing the door onto the mad man's forehead, Sasha was quick to jump in, Raz at least took the time to whisper, "May the old Dib forgive us."

And then he jumped in as well.

XXX

Paw07: Why are there no other crossovers out there like this? I know I'm not the first one to think of a Psyconauts/Invader Zim crossover. Regardless, this has been gathering dust for years and I figured it was high time I got it out. Yes, I have multi-chapters planned but I don't know if I will ever get around to it. So here's a dark one-shot for you chickies.