a/n: an extremely odd drabble on neah. no pairings. might be confusing, but it's not supposed to make a ton of sense; especially if you aren't caught up in the manga. but anyways, enjoy, and leave a review on your way out?

note that 'adam' refers to the earl, being the first disciple and all. standard disclaimer applies.

ivory.

He can feel the hints of leftover sun trace his skin in an almost rhythmic pattern.

He can still see the orange glow that lighted the clouds in a musical way, before setting down for the night and inviting the large moon to waver overhead, strong and sturdy like he never was.

He can feel that hand intertwine with his, another part of his very being, his only blood relation.

But that was so long ago, and his memory is barely able to recall the summer evenings spent with his brother, before the world turned upside down; oh, how the world turned, never ending and forever constant. It's saddening yet, even as those barely there images slip through his non-existent fingers, he also feels something else, something stir within him that he had long since forgotten – the feeling of a family, the reminder that he is not alone, that he was never alone.

Because even his time spent as the number after last was never as perfect as those times he spent with his brother. He has not felt alive since his time as a Noah, when the world was still turning opposite of what it should have, and he was close to the leader of it all and –

Hey, Adam, I'll never leave your side.

And betrayal, oh how it burned his tongue and corroded his mind.

Hey, brother, let's play –

Again, he can scarcely recall those translucent memories, yet somehow, it's comforting to know that there are still remnants of his brother he thought he'd never see again.

Hey, Allen, sorry about this.

He never meant to hurt anyone.

He never meant to hurt someone so young.

He never meant to hurt the boy that was his brother's charge, that his brother had brought under his wing and –

Hey, brother, do you know what you did? Or were you confused? Hey, brother, can you answer me?

No, no he can not. But then again, maybe he doesn't want the answer to his rhetorical question, because it'll just cause more heartache in the end – yes, there will be an end, and it will not be Adam who is the cause of the inevitable destruction. He wishes he could truly feel the ivory beneath his skin as he plays the melody that he knew all too well.

But, alas, he will let the cursed boy have his time, and he will let the old friend do the explaining.

Hey, Cross, thanks for looking after Mana.

Allen's fingers dance across the keys mercilessly, the lullaby filling the stiff air like it was always meant to be there.

God, are you cruel?

The notes caress Allen's ears, but he's never heard something so beautiful.

God, did you intend to cause a war? Was this war truly for you?

He apologizes to the boy playing the piano, because that boy will only have an identity for so long before it is stripped and is replaced by him. God, he chastises, is cruel. Was his decision wrong?

Hey…

For now, he places the regrets in a locked part of his transient mind, and he will visit them later when he can not turn back. And suddenly, the lullaby ends. Allen still doesn't know.

Mana…

Because, when that day comes, he will destroy Adam.

Do you forgive me?

He can almost hear the whispered words, a questioning tone and a confused mind, and he's so sorry, Mana –

Because I will be the one to watch this world go up in flames.