Alice Kingsleigh placed herself in front of her mirror, surveying her solemn reflection. She looked tired. That was undeniable. She had always had the shadows of distress in the delicate skin under her eyes, but she herself could hardly believe how pronounced it had become. Even her coffee coloured irises seemed flat with exhaustion.
"We need to bring a little bit of life back into you, Alice." Margaret appeared over her shoulder, her skin glowing with a brightness that could only come from her late stage of pregnancy. It was funny, Alice mused, how alive Margaret looked next to her. She was happy with Lowell, and ecstatic about the coming arrival of her child. Her cheeks glowed with the rosy warmth of contentment.
"I am quite alive, Margaret. I think I would notice if I was not." She replied quietly, watching her sister comb through her honey strands of hair.
"How very funny. But come now, your birthday party is tonight! Twenty one is a grand age and certainly worth celebrating." Margaret's eyes sparkled with the excitement of a celebration. She was a social butterfly, her sister. She took pleasure in showing off just how happy she was at these events; she enjoyed impressing the assorted collection of 'important' people. A practice which Alice had never desired to re-enact.
"Birthdays...They are not that important." Alice gently pulled her hair away from her sister. Margaret paused, real concern showing across her features for a moment.
"Alice...you must not be so ungrateful. Lord Ascot is doing you a great service throwing you a party in his grounds."
"He should throw me a party. I made him enough money in China."
"Alice!" Margaret's scandalised face forced a smile across Alice's dainty lips. A few moments passed in silence as Alice allowed her sister to fasten her hair in an unnecessarily grand fashion.
"We're all worried about you, Alice. You haven't been the same since...well, since the day Hamish proposed." Alice looked up at that, meeting her sister's eyes in the dimly lit room. A familiar thud landed in her stomach, her throat closing up and forcing her heart to beat a little bit faster.
Ever since that day the dreams had started.
Dreams of caterpillars turning into butterflies...a beautiful woman in a white dress taking her hand...a woman with a disturbingly large head...and most puzzling of all, a pair of emerald green eyes. But they never stayed that colour for long. They always changed, a kaleidoscope of shades from the lightest of lilacs to the deepest of magenta haunted Alice's dreams.
No...Not haunted. They weren't threatening at all. They were watching her certainly...but they were protecting her.
"Well, my life has been busy since then." Margaret gave her a dubious look before pushing a lock of hair behind her sister's ear.
"I wish I could figure out what's in that mind of yours." Alice's mouth seemed to flicker in the candlelight, a shadow of a smile appearing and dying before anyone had the chance to register it. She also wished she could figure out her own mind.
Ever since that day there were moments in her life when she felt that her mind was burning from the inside out. Something lurked in a dark corner of her memory, bursting to get out...But she could never set it free. Sometimes she was so overcome with the constant weight of the emptiness she was carrying inside her, she found tears trailing down her pale face. She would never notice until someone pointed it out to her.
Margaret gave a bright grin, trying to change the subject and lighten the dreary atmosphere.
"I suppose there will be many handsome men at this party-"
"Enough, Margaret!" Alice snapped, a frown falling across her usually lax features. Her sister straightened her back, affronted.
"Well, I'm sure you can finish getting ready by yourself." Alice avoided her eyes, waiting until the tapping of heels left the room before she let out a long breath.
Since returning from an extremely triumphant voyage to China, she found her patience for the trivial things thinning every day. Everything that she should find interest in...The aristocracy, marriage...she could barely hold a sane conversation regarding it. Something fell into place the day she returned from China. Her father's dream was complete and Alice found herself without a purpose in life. She was floundering in an ocean.
A knock at the door broke her thoughts.
"We need to leave in a moment, Alice. The carriage will be waiting for you downstairs." Her mother's gentle voice pervaded the air. With a sigh, Alice scolded her reflection.
"Behave yourself. At least just for today. For one day." She placed a smile upon her face, one that she had seen Margaret wearing more often than not. With the somewhat strained mask across her lips, Alice obediently followed her mother's instructions down into the carriage.
Even Alice could not deny the beauty of the gardens. Lanterns twinkled and winked at her everywhere she looked; promising that tonight would be special. The turning in her stomach seemed to agree with her.
Tonight was not a normal light.
Guests lined up to sake her hand, congratulating her for her prosperous voyage to exotic lands. One by one Alice kept the same smile on her face, the facade as delicate as one of those hideous porcelain dolls her mother kept. Finally, someone of actual interest stepped forward to talk to her.
"Alice, I hope you are enjoying tonight?" Lord Ascot handed her a cool glass of some alcoholic substance, a smile gracing his kind features. Sometimes she felt that he was the only one who understood her. He knew the look in her eyes when she was caught up in a fantasy, and better yet, encouraged it.
"Of course." She said quietly, surveying the guests as they took part in a rather silly dance. Lord Ascot glanced down at the neatly trimmed grass with a sigh.
"I know when you're lying, Alice." She looked up at him, startled. Was she really that transparent? Everyone knew that she wore her heart on her sleeve, but she had hoped that she was not as easily read as a book.
"I'm sorry." Was all she could say.
"No, you do not have to feel sorry. I realise how bored you must be with things now. No more adventures in foreign lands, no more Emperors or opium to entertain you." Alice decided not to try and correct him about the opium. Her crew mates had certainly indulged in the substance with gusto. She however, had enough fantasies in her mind without the use of a drug.
"My father's dream is complete. I am grateful for that. To you especially, Lord Ascot." The man in question chugged the last of his wine back before nodding to her mother and sister.
"They seem very happy, Alice. Are they well?" Surveying the two women, she couldn't help but feel a spark of warmth. Margaret stood, hands clasped across her bulging belly while her mother fawned over her pregnant daughter. Their smiles were radiant enough to light the entire garden.
"They are. Margaret and Lowell are due to have the baby in three months. Mother is ecstatic over the prospect of becoming a Grandmother." Alice accepted the arm Lord Ascot offered her, letting him lead her into the gardens. It was quieter here, Alice thought. More peaceful, away from the laughter and lights of her own celebration.
"Yet you are unhappy still, Alice." The man's deep voice seemed to shiver with regret.
"I do not know why, Lord Ascot. Reason tells me I should be happy. But I cannot be. I find myself weeping when I have no reason to. It troubles me." He gave her small hand a pat.
"The best thing for you, dear Alice...I believe would to embark upon an adventure. Find yourself. Find the people who understand you. Don't settle for being an Alice, become the Alice."
"What did you say?" Alice stopped in her tracks, looking into his sparkling blue eyes. Those words had sent her heart plummeting into her stomach, sent her breath coming a little bit faster.
"Take care, Alice." Lord Ascot briefly stroked her cheek, a fatherly gesture that grounded her wandering mind. He was gone a moment later, joining the party just beyond the trees. She took a look at her new surroundings, eyes flitting from tree to tree. Her eyes trailed across the landscape before settling on something before her.
She stepped a little closer, peering down at it.
It was a rabbit hole.
Alice took a shuddering breath, a salty substance lingering on her lips. Placing her fingers gently to the dampness, she found that she was crying.
"Why are you crying, Alice? What about a rabbit hole could be so damning that you must cry?" She scolded herself, trying to hold back the dam that was threatening to break. Falling to her knees, she peered over the edge.
"Hello?" Her voice echoed back to her in the darkness, bounding to her ears. Shuffling forwards a little bit further, Alice tried to determine how far down the hole actually went. Judging by the echo, it seemed to be impossibly deep.
"How curious..." She mumbled. What kind of rabbit could make something like this? Cocking her head to the side, she placed her weight on her left hand.
She realised her mistake too late however, as the damp earth crumbled beneath her fingertips, propelling her forwards and into the hole.
The White Queen held up her immaculate skirts, floating delicately across the colourful landscape. Her dark eyes searched for him...She knew he would be here somewhere.
"Tonight is a special night." A gentle voice reached her, the lisp of it unmistakeable. Mirana smiled, although it did not reach her eyes.
"Tarrant...I think you should come back to the castle. It is getting to be quite cold out." She peered behind a tree, heart beat slowing as she found the tangled mess of red hair she had been desperately seeking. The twitching of one eye betrayed her calm demeanour. She had had the entire castle searching for the Hatter for the best part of the day. He had gone missing that morning, no word to anyone.
Yet here he was, silhouetted in the moonlight.
"No, I cannot you see. Alice is coming. She is returning. Just as she promised." Mirana's hand fluttered to her heart, trying to soothe the dull ache it gave at the words. She steadily walked towards her friend, the white strands of her hair shining silver in the night.
"Tarrant, we have been over this. It has been many years. Why tonight?" She asked gently, fingertips stroking the coarse material of his jacket. He turned, fixing her with sapphire eyes.
"I do not know. I just feel it. Tonight will be a special night." Mirana frowned softly, heart aching for his poor soul. The small giggle following his words did nothing to settle her anxiety.
"Alright. Why must you stay here?" Here was nowhere special. The only fixture of interest was a small pool in front of them, the rainbow assortment of fish swimming through the transparent water.
"I left her a note down the rabbit hole. She will come here." He said fiercely, his eyes flashing a deep auburn with his determination. Mirana surveyed the quiet night around them and somehow doubted it.
"Shall I wait with you?" Tarrant turned and gave her a wide grin.
"I would like that very much. It would only be good manners to give Alice a good welcome home." Mirana smiled, her body flooding with sorrow for the poor creature beside her. He had always been unstable, her Hatter. His mind jumped from one thought to the next, an array of ideas clambering over one another to get his attention. No one could fault his madness if they saw inside his head.
But ever since Alice had left...Tarrant's mind had become almost dangerous. He locked himself away, making hats upon hats and dresses upon dresses. He didn't eat or sleep for weeks. It was only when he collapsed with exhaustion that Mirana was able to nurse him back to health.
The mood swings were worse than ever after that. He would go through bouts of calm and sweetness before flying into an almost toxic rage at the mere mention of Alice.
Mirana knew that this waiting was the calm before the storm.
"Alice will come, she will come, I know she will." Tarrant said fiercely. He seemed to know with every fibre of his being. Mirana opened her mouth to enquire if he was hungry before a great splash interrupted her.
The shallow pool in front of her seemed to lurch as one before spitting a small body from the crystal water. Tarrant cried out as two pale hands scrabbled at the damp bank of grass by the side of the pool.
Mirana hurried forwards, kneeling as delicately as a Queen must do and grasped the cold hand. Tarrant grasped the other.
Together they pulled the girl from the water, panting as her large skirts dragged her down. Finally she lay on the bank, chest heaving with each breath she took. Mirana swallowed hard as she stroked a clump of sodden blonde hair from her face. She gasped as she saw two brown orbs staring back at her in a panic.
"Alice..." She whispered, not even needing to look at her Hatter to see his happiness.