Indomitable Nadeshiko
Introduction.
"Hi there. My name is Sakura Kinomoto and I am fourteen years old- well, almost fifteen. I am about to turn one year older in just a month. I love gymnastics more than anything, though I enjoy reading almost as much. I know, it doesn't click off right, you are one thing or the other; a sports girl or a geek. But here I am, though I can't say school counts on my favourites list. In any case, I would much preffer be sleeping comfortably on my bed, dreaming, rather than spending five daily hours-"
- Sakura, it's already twenty minutes past seven. When are you planning to finish your breakfast? You are going to be late to school yet again! And it's not even more than a WEEK it has started!-
Umm, yeah. In truth, I was just trying to finish my homework- but it seemed impossible. What a good start of the year. The task was simple, to write a short introduction to myself; idea of a very, very, creative Literature teacher. Poor Mister Gordon, I liked him very much already, not mentioning we had counted on each other's presence for about five years in a row- don't know how we managed- and STILL didn't get on each other's nerves. I tried writing again but I was taken off course by another shriek of my mum's muffled voice coming from the hall. She had a potent voice.
-SAKURA! Sakura, if you aren't inside the car in at least five minutes, I swear I am throwing the computer to the rubbish bin! And I don't care if you are losing a double life if I do, just get to the DAMN car!-
Well, she wasn't exactly my mother; she was more like an adoptive one, though I felt her as close to me as such. Mine was a sad yet predictable story; my real mum loved to have fun, or that's what was taken from the long periods of absence during her teenage life. Nadeshiko, a very beautiful name- just like her. She began modeling when she was my age, having already developed, besides a beautiful and pleasant semblant, a breath-taking silhouette proper of a mature woman. Ever since she began, her time was greatly occupied by said job, and she came at a grand disagreement with her parents- or in any case, my grandparents. Members of the rigid aristocracy with the due huge amount of money and bearings, plus the reputation, the Sutou household's reaction was quite expected. Mostly when the modeling job was considered such a disgracing ocupation, without mentioning the implications it held.
My mother distanced herself from the Sutou's frigid aristocracy, resulting in her long disappearences, and, in due time, the indefinite departure.
No one bothered to reach out for her in many years. They knew nothing more about her, until the eventful morning they came in knowledge of my existance.
One day, just like in many tragic fairy tales, hidden between many sheets and covers inside a basket, I appeared at their mansion's doorsteps. The maid that introduced me to the house, along with my biological mother's preposterous short letter containing the wishes for them to take me in and educate me, created the biggest mess. Her parents were fast on disapproving such expectations, and were ready to throw me out to the world's luck, when Nadeshiko's younger sister, the other Sutou sibling, stood up for the ignorant infant I was and took care of me. She was the one and only person in that household that loved my mother dearly, and felt her duty was to protect me.
Nobuko was very good and comprehensive to me. Even though she had to take care of me all by herself, no matter how many dirty looks she got in the household, she never stoped caring for me, the forced child upon her arms. When I was five, and she had already found a suitable job, we left the place neither could call a loving home. We came by a small apartment in a not so very refined neighborhood, and the company wasn't any better. We lived in restricted conditions for many years. My grandparents never showed effort on keeping contact with Nobuko. It was just the two of us against the world.
Only when I was ten, did we move out to a better-looking flat. And later on, to our own little, cozy house. It was that year that Nobuko graduated from University and oficially became a business woman. Those were her first steps to the destiny of a well-known lawyer.
My biological mother never appeared again. It's still a mystery whether if she was a reknown artist around the world with a fantasy name. My father's identity remained unknown. Still, I couldn't care less for those facts. I could only wonder if I ever brought down my dear aunt, that now occupied the role of a mother, by the poor resemblance I held to her indomitable Nadeshiko.
My hand was still outstretched above the paper. Yet, once I began pondering about my origins, a thing I did on a regular basis, it didn't come to motion, neither did words draw themselves in my by-then horrifically neglected appointment. I never conceded these thoughts the need to expose them in public display, not even paper, not even introductions.
Now, my aunt slash mother Nobuko was a fully-pledged lawyer; she was always the smart one of the siblings, and it was no surprise she came to such high standards. From little did she count with charisma and intelligence, being always from the analytical type. Still, she had a very warm personality. Only, she had a much more wise and critical point of view in comparison to her older sister. Her looks, though they could be considered pretty, were many times outshined by the sole enigmatic beauty Nadeshiko held. While she had long straight maroon hair, very smart yet young hazel eyes, and sweet features, Nadeshiko was bestowed upon exotic looks, such was her excruciatingly long, wavy, soft-looking ashen hair, her deep green, almost azure eyes, and the pointed and slim features she humbly regarded.
Nobuko never envied her older sister. In fact, she admired and loved her dearly. They were the closest of the closest siblings, with a developed relationship of utmost love and respect for each other. Not only were they siblings, they were friends.
The warm yet wise Nobuko always felt like a child when she was around Nadeshiko, the one person that treated her like what she was. 'No', I remember Nobuko saying, 'Nadeshiko never treated me like any kind of pent up, smart royalty, like all the acquaintances we had. She treated me better than my very own parents. No matter if she was just one year older, she was like a mother to me.'
Yes, their relationship was bizarre; in many ways and points of view. How could a sister first occupy the place of a friend and then, after being a friend, become a mother? It isn't unheard of, of course. But they were just one year apart in age difference.
Nadeshiko, Nobuko always liked to say, had the sweetest personality ever known. Still, she had the mind of a rock, and was very stubborn when it came to matters. Furthermore, she was the type to defend herself and her ideas as much as if her sole existance depended on it.
The truth was, she had a very understanding character. But the parents that conceived her and educated her, never had enough heart not to treat both their daughters as damn animals and liked to order them around like shit. They instructed them into the materialism and the idea that money and succes was everything. Such was their character, Nadeshiko was never one to click well with them; she was treated as the black sheep in the family, and many times did Nobuko note my mother was more restricted, purposefully restricted, than she was.
When Nobuko gained knowledge... about her desires on modeling, she wasn't quite surprised at all. She always saw it coming; her sister was made for that kind of thing. Nadeshiko was always the type to admire the beauty of living beings in many ways-even though she was ridiculously humble and almost unconcious of her own beauty-; she liked drawing and sculpturing too. It all marked great likes towards the world of arts. 'Modeling', she remembered her sister say, 'is the expression of feelings through body language, one of the deepest, most thrilling and enigmatic ways to communicate. Only, you add some more frivolous things up to it.'
Many times did she wonder why didn't she just pick acting instead of modeling. It would have saved her in many ways.
But then, Nobuko guessed she didn't pick acting because the one thing that differed from modeling was the fact that not only image was used but also the speaking hability, and it felt like it was absolutely allowed to say whatever it was in your mind. And certainly, their situation wasn't like that. Maybe that was why she decided better on talking with expressions instead of words. It seemed much more understandable, because the body can't be as controlled and restricted as your mind or choice.
Mmm, now that I thought about it, that was a very good issue to think about and reflect on-
- SAKURAAA! ARE YOU INSIDE THE CAR ALREADY? YOU BETTER ARE, BECAUSE I AM NOT TALKING WITH THE PRINCIPAL TO FORGIVE YOUR SLOPPINESS-
A disheveled Nobuko, clutching desperately at her heels and pulling at them as to put them for once and for all correctly on her feet, doing some small leaps in one foot, reached the kitchen in which I stood flabbergasted, gaping at the almost-in-blank paper I had in front of me. I began to alternate stupefied glances between the text and my adoptive mother, in a gaping-fish fashion.
Had I drifted off thaaaaat much?
I looked to the clock. Half past seven. The limit time to enter school was that.
~o~
So now, I was finishing my text in the running-down, old Ford, result of being shoved into it right after my mumma slash aunt was overtaken by an attack of hisses and rantings along the lines 'And then they say parents are irresponsible.'
I had already written ten more lines, so I thought I could let myself be drifted away by my thoughts some more. Yes, I do count how many lines I have written - I don't like writing that much, anyways, and knowing if I have written what is counted necessary is more than enough for me, and also relieving. Each time I count, I am some steps closer to finishing! Yipee!
Anyhow, where did I leave last time?
Oh, yes. I was on about my mother's likings. About modeling.
Umm, well, I often wondered if through her likings she met my dad.
Don't get me wrong- what I wanted to say was, where did she meet my dad? What type of man could have captivated the irrepressible Nadeshiko's heart?
It didn't ache anymore the fact that both my parents left me. I was happy with my second mum, Nobuko. But anyone can get curious about these goings. It's only natural I'd want to know.
The only glimpse I got to both of them, was through Nadeshiko's few remaining belongings. Nobuko tried not to take anything from her past home - she said it was to start anew- so it wasn't any surprise she only took some remembrance of her sister, with the special motivation to show me when I was older and I could understand.
At first, I hated my biological mum. 'Why did she leave me? Was I such a hindrance?' were the first thoughts that ever aimed towards her. But, my mumma Nobuko loved her so much, she tried passing some of her affect to me. She told me many things about her- stories of their childhood together, her persona, how much of a honest person she was... In any case, she tried proving to me she had noble feelings. That if she left me, it then must have been for a good reason.
Now, whatever remained of those feelings, was indiference.
I was not dieing because she wasn't there; neither was I trully fascinated by the supposedly wonderfull character Nobu painted her to be. The fact that she still made wrong choices, choices even Nobu wouldn't dare to rebut about, was heavy on my mind.
There was this one time, I was so angsty ridden, that I shouted at Nobu asking why the heck, if she was so devoted to her, didn't she follow her to wherever she was going. Because, seeing how much she loved her and all, the fact that no one called for her before I appeared was still an undeniable fact. Why, why would she even dare to leave her alone and vulnerable? If she was so precious to her, why did she not even try to find her?
I accused her of many things; that was the one night I trully felt remorseful about. The usually happy and satisfied demeanor of mumma Nobu was obscured by a dark eerie silence. We had been staring at each other for about half an hour. I saw how tears formed in her eyes; as well as I perceived them on my own. That was the first time I saw such a pained expression on her face; it was then I realised, that she acted happy and made life simple for my very own sake. It was then I came to my senses and noticed that it was also painful for her.
I asked for forgiveness, but Nobu replied with not less sorrow than my stained apology that I was right. In any case, she answered my question by saying that Nadeshiko asked explicitly of her not to follow her.
By the end of that night, I wasn't less confused.
I began to wonder if she was into the yakuza of modeling, or something like that- but that sounded horribly stupid and apt for a good laugh. I mean, the yakuza of modeling?
I chuckled silently. Nobu watched me through the rear view mirror, and suddenly remembered myself I wasn't alone with my musings. Anyhow, I continued chuckling.
- What are you laughing about? - Mumma Nobu asked rather seriously.
- Nothing, Mum.- Haha, the yakuza of modeling...! Really, it sounded so funny.
- How many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me 'Mum'? You know who your mum is.-
Oh, that comment was getting so used. So early at morning, and she was already at it. Practically everyday since I turned ten she repeated that frase. Some of my friends that ever came by the occasion to hear it thought it sounded cruel, coming from the one person I solidly considered the closest to a mother. But, they didn't really understand. They didn't know how much she admired my real mother.
- And how many times do I have to tell you that I feel you the closest to me? Seriously, Nobu, I know who my biological mum is; but when it comes to heart to heart feeling, you are the one that occupies that role.- I tried explaining. I was still smiling whole heartedly, wishing my explanation wouldn't tick her off.
- I know, sweet, but still, it isn't right. - She shook her head slowly, her eyes focused on the road in front of us. -You know who your mum is.-
- Of course I do. I am not a lost puppy.- I giggled some more, and didn't let the double meaning hit me and let my head reflect on it.- But you should know by now, I can't do anything if your maternal instincts get through me...- Hahaha, I was seriously in a goofy mood that morning!
She looked at me with a funny face. - Pffft, yeah right. It's so early in the morning and you are already saying stupid things.-
I widened my eyes, scared. - What do you preffer, the giddy me or the serious, lethargic, horror stricken Sakura doing homework?-
- You are always finishing it at the last moment. You could get it so easily done if you weren't so much time enclosed in that room of yours with your beloved computer-
- See what I mean with maternal instincts?- I interrupted her. No one would ever-ever bring my dear computer and I apart!
She chuckled for the first time in the morning.- Okay okay, suuuure.- She guffawed.
- What now? Ohhhh c'mooon Nobu, I am more a daughter than a niece, riiiiite? - I looked at her with hopeful eyes, and I thought she took the bait.
But, when she remained silent, gazing at me, I seriously began to worry.
-...-
- Nobu?- I decided asking in a tiny voice.
She suddenly bolted from looking at me and directed her gaze to the road yet again. So she did really take the bait. The fact that she was trying to break eye-contact, and therefore, not give me the chance to see through her, proved she was embarrased. Yuhuu!
She said nonchalantly. - You shouldn't distract me when I am driving, you know. What if we crash?-
It was so obvious, she was trying to change topic. I continued focusing on my goal; I wouldn't let her distract me.
- Muuuuuum?- I purred, still with hopeful eyes.
She continued watching me in a sideways glance.
- Sakura, we are going to crash. Crash!-
I furrowed my brows.
Her evasive, criptic answers didn't make much good to my happy mood. Seriously, was it so difficult to admit you had a strong lace to a dear person? She did that regarding Nadeshiko so many times, was it really a mistake to, well, find another mother when the real one abandoned you? Not as a replacement, of course-
Oh wait... did she feel a replacement?
.
Because that was sovereign stupidity.
I stayed there in silence. Oh, she was so hard sometimes... And I would have been happy to get her to admit her feelings...
...
I think my pout, along my disgruntled face, won her over.
- And well, yes, I suppose you are more of a daughter than a niece.-
Oh, Gods.
That's when I trully smiled. I beamed at her.
- You are going to crash with my LURRRRRVEEE!- And I threw my arms haphazardly around her from my seat next to hers. I pecked her many times in the cheek, seriously hiper.
.
And then she really did crash into something. Besides my love, that is.
She crashed into an old lady's grocery goods carried by an ancient, worn-out little cart. She was crossing the road, and Nobu missed her for just an inch.
.
So, all the Gods were reunited to make me reach school awfully late and get a free pass to a frightening scold of Mr. Principal.
~o~
Sorrowfully, I exited the Principal's office in a very quiet, unnerving pace. Randomly, I poked my face through many corridors, and noticed no single soul was around. They were all in their respective classrooms.
In the end, I got to school one hour later. The Principal would have probably let me off as the many other times I arrived late, only this time, my irreponsibility, he said, reached the border line, claiming that next week I would probably arrive to school when there would be only one freaking hour left of the daily programmed classes. He could no longer stand such baffling habits, he yelled to Nobuko, and added that if he ever came by any other occasion such as this, there would be severe consequences. Once my mumma explained him that it was partially her fault for causing an accident on the road- that totally made me feel much guiltier...-, Mr. Principal slowed down a bit and understood the situation. Though, he solidly believed that it wasn't like we created traffic incidents everyday as to make me arrive late.
Which, he was totally right about.
He asked for pardon for his undertone, but he didn't remove the threat; it was still there. I never thought I would be near the day I would get expelled just because I wasn't punctual.
So besides getting lectured by the old granny and the Principal, I also did by my dearest Nobu.
Gods. So much for showing affection. No, correction- so much for doing homework.
Another proof homework wasn't healthy.
.
I smirked scornfully as I entered my classroom during the third period of classes, receiving from the current teacher yet another reprimanding glance; the fourth in that giddy, reflexive, hellish morning.
Author's Note: So well, yeah. This is my second attempt at fanfic.
CONGRATS TO MEEEE!
I mean, congratulations in the meaning I gathered enough guts and gave writing another try. At least, writing here in FFN. You don't know how much I love writing- both my native language (Latin-American Spanish) and English. It isn't like it relaxes me, it's more like it entertains me. I can get so easily riled up over the plot, but many times do I encounter the problem I am not quite able to write as well, as explicitly and clearly, as interesting-ly as I want. It is such a shame for me- back at home, many compliment my writing skills, and seeing the first EPIC fail, I mean, fic I ever did in this site, I got such a low self-steem! But well, I get flung here and there in those kind of confidence aspects very easily, if we go deeper into the matter.
In any case, I do entirely forget such depressing thoughts, and after some time, when I have mustered up enough confidence, come back up with much more hope and patience! LOL, seriously, maybe if I was more patient with myself, I would probably get around things better.
About the story.
You will find that the main character, Sakura, has a very similar way of thinking to mine- she will be a ridiculous, hiper-sensitive kind of chick. But I do sincerelly hope you do enjoy the interpretation.
Even though I consider this Sakura a good resemblance to the one portrayed in the anime, manga and the general idea of her, you could consider her an OC, OCC or whatever it's called - I am still not familiar with contractions, so please bear with me the short while I'll be learning. The only things I find kinda different, are the facts that now she won't be exactly the typical 'pure and innocent', 'stupid and klutz', 'perfect' character I many times came upon when writing about her. She will use a much more mature language, or that's what I'll try... Well, in truth, she'll speak very much like me, and it's not like I keep swearing on and on, unless I am frustrated and/or angry. But I'll try to sound colloquial and informal.
I can't promess, not even to myself, that I'll finish this story. Not when I know that if I lose motivation, I can get down very easily. So please, I will gladly take constructive criticism- but NO FLAMES PERMITTED. Really guys, I am sorry, but I am from the hiper-sensitive, stupid type, and no matter if they are offences through a machine, I can get down in the blink of an eye. Please bear with me, again. And I am sorry I sound soooo effing demanding!
Another thing I am unsecure about, is whether if I'll be capable of updating regularly. But one thing for granted, I WILL update, someday. And I am positive I'll make some fire signals if ever needed to let you know if the story goes on hiatus.
The length of the chapter... I love freaking looooong, large chapters, but as much as I am concerned, I am not on the experienced side of the road yet, and I practically bang my head against the keyboard everytime I remember I at least have to finish the chap! I can write long and square, that I know- but to write a story, and in not my native language, it is so hard! I consider this first chapter medium-length, and don't be surprised if you discover myself trying to achieve larger sizes! Though, I am seriously pissed off at myself for the lack of quality I am not sure I can give the texts.
In any case, I enjoy writing. And I hope you enjoy reading, and that you are aware of the pressure I put on myself to achieve at least a good level of acceptable and decent writing.
About me.
As I said earlier, this is my second attempt at writing here in FFN. Someday, I hope I get confident enough to land a story in Spanish, which will result in much less straining hours to write.
You can guess already I am not very experienced. I have visited this site for at least four long years, and came by many, many wonderfull, admirable writers. My goal; I hope one day I can be one of them. And I know, I've got to try hard enough.
My first attempt "Ultimate Challenge, Ultimate Affair", a Gakuen Alice fic, is being thoroughly revised AND modified. Once I finish at it, and am absolutely sure I have already done as much as I could to polish it, then that will be the time I will update all the story in the revised version, and start updating chapters. For the ones that wonder about my writing habits, well... I beg of you, don't really bother on looking at it. I certainly changed a lot the way I write. Or at least, I hope I have more vocabulary. And besides, I don't really... Have a very good concept of that first attempt! xD
About the genres I ever wrote about, people say I am good at writing comedy. But, somehow, I think it's the scornful view I got of things that produces laughter, so well, I consider myself good at writing angsty, ironic, human-nature-reflective kind of texts. And, something I just noticed, I very much like trying at fantasy! So yeah, this is a fantasy fic! LOL In any case, haven't you ever felt that you have one way of writing in English and other in your natural language? I can say I feel that, and at first, in UCUA for example, I really felt very distant to the way I usually write. Now, I think it resembles it a great deal more.
I am very sorry this AN took so long, but I am certain I needed to write what you just ended reading. I hope you weren't that bored while you read this first chapter, and that you will give me a chance to improve. Sorry for the unavoidable grammatical and spelling mistakes.
And with not much more to say, I am leaving my cordial greetings to you... AND THANKS FOR BEARING WITH ME! ยง 3
See you later!
Agustina, Blissful Delight.
20-2-2011
PD: I could have finished all this yesterday at about 4:30 in the morning, buuuuut, my mum forced me to go to sleep one hour earlier AND took away the computer from my room, prepared for any thoughts I had of sneaking and disobeying.
Anyhow, this will be posted on Wednesday 23rd with some luck- I won't be able to reach the computer at all on Monday, and neither on Tuesday, and once I have finished checking up with my dear friend the Dictionary, will I lash out at FFN with this writing.