So I wrote this a while ago but never uploaded it and I'm not sure why but here you go!
Warnings: homophobia and related language.
Summary:
Cas starts getting a visitor where he works at the library, but is loathe to find out that this new friend might be not only straight but probably an asshole and dating someone he used to be friends with until he came out of the closet.
"Castiel, I need you take care of these youth DVDs before you get to that adult fiction." Anna, his boss and adult reference librarian, tells him before pushing a cart full of DVDs in his general direction. He puts his water bottle in his square1-foot by 1-foot locker and pushing the cart to the youth section. Of all the materials in the library he hates shelving DVDs the most, and youth DVDs even more than that. They're loud, tedious, and always out of order on the shelves. Not to mention he often gets distracted by reading the summaries on the backs of the new releases, and the youth collection is low to the ground so as to maximize accessibility for the young.
Despite his distaste for the job there he is, placing Barbie Rapunzel onto the shelf with a sigh. He needs to find a new job, one that he might actually enjoy, but the hours are alright, and it beats being at home where all of his six brothers waltzing around pissing each other off constantly. Being the second youngest, older only to Samandriel, (who is most likely working his own even suckier job at the Weiner Hut at the local shopping mall), he gets ignored mostly, which is nice, but also very lonely. So he keeps his job, and he keeps out of the house mostly. Either hanging out at Balthazar's house or at the library in a corner reading where his coworkers won't see him and notice just how much time he spends there.
He's sitting on the floor cross legged rearranging the entire bottom shelf because some punk kids decided to pull out half of the DVDs and put them in backwards, upside down, and out of order when two screaming children run past him.
"Anarchists." He mutters under his breath in their direction. For as much as he dislikes the monotony of his job it suits him well, he can't stand disorder and children are basically the personification of it.
"Not to disturb the glaring and muttering. But could you help me find something?" A voice asks from behind him, sounding amused. Cas jumps up and spins around to be greeted with very green eyes and a white smile on the very familiar face of a young looking guy.
"Two things, first a DVD called," he glances down at a piece of paper in his hand, "Road to El Dorado? And where you keep your Chilton manuals." Cas pulls the DVD off of the shelf, having just put it there,
"Bit old for Disney movies… no?" Cas asks with a smirk on his face. He really has no time for people who can't work the computers.
"It's for my little brother. He told me it didn't have princesses in it. Also, I kinda owe him. So…" He trails off.
"Chilton manuals are in the 530s over in adult nonfic." And there's a pause in which Cas notices just how attractive the boy in front of him is. "I could show you. If you'd like." He offers. The boy smiles and nods in response. He leads him over to the proper shelf.
"Say, do I know you from somewhere?" The boy asks from behind him when they're about half way there.
"I don't… think so." Cas replies.
"Where do you go to school?" he asks.
"Milton High School, I'm a senior." He replies and the boy snaps his fingers and points at Cas,
"See, I knew I'd seen you. But there's something else too. Oh I know, you were at Jo Harvelle's party at the end of the summer." He says,
"Oh, yes, I was." Cas replies.
"I never forget a face." Dean says smugly as he holds out his hand when Cas turns to him as they reach the intended destination. "I'm Dean Winchester" he offers.
"Castiel Novak" he replies, taking Deans hand. The touch of their hands is sort of electric, humming with all the unspoken chemistry in the air. Cas is kind of overwhelmed by it, but also very intrigued. He sizes Dean up, looking at him appreciatively head to toe; he's attractive, though not Cas's usual type. He seems grungier than Cas prefers, but it works for him in a this-shirt-is-too-tight-but-I-wore-it-to-fix-my-ca r-anyway sort of way. Which, if the Chilton Automotive repair manuals are anything to go by not far off. The touch of their hands lingers a second pass plausible deniability and into lingered touching of a stranger, which should probably be a red flag for Cas. He realizes he was work to do.
"I should…" he mumbles.
"Yeah, thanks for the help, Cas. See you around." Dean smiles a unbelievably charming smile and turns towards the manuals as Cas walks away pondering the nickname that he just earned from a near total stranger. It keeps him smiling well into his shift.
The next day, Saturday, he has a five-hour shift that he isn't looking forward to at all. He's about a half hour into it, crouching down to place a book on the bottom shelf when a newly familiar voice joins him at his right. Elbows on the cart and head in hands Dean is leaning over it looking down at Cas.
"Have you ever watched The Road to El Dorado?" he asks.
"Yes. I think, when I was a child. Why?" Cas answers with a huff of laughter.
"The main characters are totally gay, that's why." Dean replies in a casual tone, handing the next book to Cas as he stands up once more.
"Your point?" Cas asks with raised eyebrows and a small shrug. It's not like it matters to him, sure, he's gay, but it's not as though he's all of the sudden fascinated with every fictional gay character ever.
"Well, so were Bert and Ernie." Dean says, as though it's an explanation. Cas just glances at him as he fixes the shelf in front of him. "My point being why don't they just say it outright instead of making it understated and kind of a secret." Dean sighs turning so he's facing the opposite shelf, back against the one next to where Cas is alphabetizing.
"Fiction imitates life?" Cas supplies helpfully. "Because life isn't always big declarations of love or big gay relationships that are a big deal and - oh my god why am I even talking to you about this?" Cas shakes himself from the quiet profound realization he was having about life, the universe and everything, and turns to Dean, "I'm at work. I'm not supposed to talk to people." He says, hoping he hadn't offended Dean. But Dean just smiles, the kind of smile that has Cas worried, not that he knows Dean, but something tells him that the kid standing next to him with a wolfish grin is up to absolutely no good.
"Alright, alright. I'll just go. And do the studying I came here to do, no need to get your tighty whities in a twist." He says, leaning into Cas and before he can leave Cas grabs his upper arm.
"I do not wear tighty whities, thank you very much." He says before realizing he's talking about his underwear to a stranger. He turns back to his work with wide, embarrassed eyes, and lets Dean leave. Dean sports a goofy smile for the rest of the day, and Cas is pretty sure he ends up wearing it too after passing him for the thousandth time. Every time Cas is shelving a book near Dean the damned kid sticks his pen between his teeth, letting his lips hang loose and spit slick. And well, that's just cheating. If this Dean kid isn't propositioning him, he's a giant fucking tease. Cas doesn't even know if he's gay, or single, or anything about him actually, so he tries to act casually, but it doesn't work out to well.
And if Cas secretly bends over, showing off his wonderful ass a little more than strictly necessary, well Dean doesn't complain. By the time they close Dean is nowhere to be seen and Cas is left wondering what the hell it is that they have going on. A flirtation? Or something that promises more, god, he hopes Dean isn't a total fucking tease. He couldn't deal with that right now.
So he focuses on nicer thoughts instead, thoughts of slamming Dean against a bookshelf and kissing him until neither of them can breathe. He thinks about stripping Dean out of his son-of-a-mechanic looking clothes and claiming him in every way imaginable. He thinks about Dean doing the same to him, undoing each button of Cas's usual white oxford, taking his time, and then taking Cas's wrists, holding them above his head before-
"Yo, Cassy, you've got a visitor." Gabriel knocks on Cas' bedroom door later that night, Cas had been reading, had been, until he started to think about Dean's tongue. Instead, he was holding a book in front of him, something of the Gaiman variety, not seeing the words, not noting the difference between pages, only imagining the touch of skin on skin. He breaks from this reverie when Gabe knocks on his door, shoving his "READING IS FUN!" bookmark into said book he gets up to see who it is, though there's really no point in wondering. He really only has one friend. So when he opens the door he's greeted by Balthazar smiling sweetly and carrying a bag of what looks suspiciously like carry out from Cas' favorite Chinese restaurant.
"You didn't." He says.
"I did." Balthazar quips. "Knowing that you worked a boring shift today I took the liberty of making sure you at least got nutrition afterwards." Napkins and chopsticks are handed to him from the bag before a large to-go box is presented to him. Cas may not have very many friends, but the ones he does have are truly extraordinary. "So how was work?"
"What do you know about Dean Winchester?" Cas asks, because Balthazar knows everything, about everyone, or if he doesn't, he knows someone who does.
"Emotionally stunted bloke who lives with his uncle in town, very protective over younger brother, fan of classic cars, classic rock, and so far classic good looks on blondes. In fact, last I heard he's dating that little blonde thing you used to consort with, Hester, I believe? Why, has he been giving you trouble? He tends to hang out with those bigoted assholes on the baseball team." Balthazar raises an eyebrow and Cas admires the fact that his friend is so protective.
"If you count striking up two random conversations with me while I was at work and being very provocative with a pen while I was watching as "giving me trouble" then… yes, I suppose." Cas shrugs.
"Well. All I can say is that if it continues and, God forbid, escalates, be careful. I won't have you be the experiment of a confusing phase in Dean Winchester's sexuality."
"I'll keep that in mind." Cas replies, but his mind isn't on his friends advice, it's on Dean's lips. And on Dean's lips on his. Damnit. Why are the good ones always straight and most likely assholes?
The following Monday is a blur of faces to Cas, for the whole time he's subconsciously trying to find Dean in the mass of adolescent faces and girls giggling about nothing. Incidentally it's these giggling girls that help Cas find Dean. He's standing next to his locker in a hall that Cas usually doesn't pass through, he's saying something to a shorter blonde girl and she laughs loudly, a few girls behind her joining in as well.
Cas is stopped still in the hall, he wants to approach Dean, to say hi, to do something but at the same time a hesitation arises, knowing that it would be rude to interrupt a conversation, and also not knowing what he would even say, he decides to forget it. Spotting Balthazar across the hall he decides to head in that direction, anything would be better than standing there, awkwardly leering at Dean. But before Cas has time to turn away he sees Dean lean down to press a kiss to the girl's cheek. So he's definitely straight, then. The girl turns her head to receive it and Cas gets a good look at her face. It's Hester.
Damn it, of course, of fucking course it's Hester. Who else would it be? Hester, who used to be Cas's best friend. Who told Cas to never come near her again when he told her he was gay. Who told Cas's brothers he was, as if they didn't already know. Who told all of her friends that he was a creep and a stalker and a sinner. Fucking bitch.
Cas turns and begins to walk away before he has to see anymore.
"Hey! Cas!" Dean's shouting his name and chasing after him through the hall.
"Dean, hello." Cas says, his mind racing, trying to piece together how someone like Dean could end up with someone as awful as Hester.
"So, I take it you don't work Sundays? I was looking for someone to disturb but the lady at the desk told me you weren't working so I had to bother the other patrons instead. It wasn't as fun as getting in between someone and their work though, I've got to say." He's smiling at Cas and nudging him with this elbow jokingly as they walk down the hall.
"Sundays are my days off." He explains, trying not to blush at the thought of Dean asking for him at work. "I usually work every day besides Wednesday and Sunday, also Saturdays are occasional for me." Dean nods, taking the information in.
"Well I have to bring my grades up so I'll probably run into you when I'm there studying and I'll be sure to distract you as much as I can." He says with a smirk and then putting a hand on Cas's shoulder, "I have to go to class, though, I'll see you around." He starts walking in the opposite direction, leaving Cas standing there, blushing a little and smiling to himself.
Shit. He's straight. He's straight. He is straight. Just being friendly. Not gay. STRAIGHT AND DATING HESTER. Although, the dating Hester part doesn't bother him, for there would be no better feeling to Cas than stealing Dean out from under her and show her that she doesn't get the last laugh. Not that there was much laughing going on when they stopped being friends. It was mostly preaching on her part, tones of condescension and betrayal in her voice as she told him he was fallen but could be saved.
In the next three weeks Dean is at the library for 9 out of the 13 shifts Cas works. He always comes in, picks a table and opens his laptop and a textbook. He seems to really get work done when Cas is watching him surreptitiously. But when Dean knows Cas is there he's always watching him, laughing at him occasionally when he drops a book, and staring intently when Cas stubbornly refuses to find a stool and stretches to put a book on the top shelf, his shirt riding up, showing his belly and/or lower back off to anyone who would happen to pass by. Which, recently, has been Dean solely. Cas attests Dean staring to how utterly ridiculous he probably looks. Reminding himself just one more time that Dean Winchester is straight.
Their conversations are brief, always a snide comment from one to the other in passing. Dean will tell Castiel to be quieter. Cas will in turn ask Dean why he hasn't turned a page in the past half hour. Dean will teasingly say he's going to tell on Cas when he accidentally gets engrossed reading the back of a book.
And it's nice. It really is. Cas now goes into work with a smile and he's pretty okay with just having this friendship with Dean, really they have pleasant back and forth and be friends while not knowing much about each other. He's content with it, really.
Which is, of fucking course, when Dean comes into the library on a Thursday evening with his little brother. And, okay, there's like a 50% increase in hotness when little kids are involved, especially when Dean seems like he's such a macho guy, like he couldn't give two shits about some brat kid. But Cas can see in an instant that Dean really cares about his brother.
"Hey Cas, Do you think you can help Sammy here with finding a few books for a paper?" before he has a chance to answer Sam says,
"You know Dean, we're not technically supposed to ask pages for help, we're supposed to go to the reference desk." The look on Dean's face is equal parks embarrassment, apology and confusion.
"Don't be rude, Sammy, Cas has helped me-"
"He's right, unfortunately." Cas cuts Dean off. "Lowly pages such as myself are supposed to direct any patron with a question to the reference desk, but between me and you Zack up there is kind of creepy, and not the nicest person. So sometimes I spare innocent patrons from having to deal with him." Sam has seemed to warm up to him during this little speech, most likely due to the fact that he was right and Dean was wrong.
"I need biographies on a president." Sam explains to Cas, "But I haven't decided which president yet."
"If I were you I'd go with Teddy Roosevelt. He delivered an entire speech after being shot with the bullet still in his leg. I think that's something I wouldn't have too much trouble writing about." Sam lights up and nods his head enthusiastically.
About fifteen minutes later Sam has a stack of four books and Cas has a warm feeling of satisfaction from having actually helped someone while at work.
"Okay Sammy you go check out and meet me at the car, okay?" and Sam does, jogging out of sight as Dean turns back to Cas, "You broke the rules to help me that first time we spoke."
"Like I said-"
"There was a woman working that day, is she mean and creepy too?" He cuts him off with a cheeky smile. "Admit it, you just couldn't resist talking to me." Cas rolls his eyes.
"Whatever you say, Dean." And now Cas actually does walk away because in the back of his mind there's a mantra of "He is straight he is straight he is straight." Repeating over and over and over just so Cas remembers, Dean is just being friendly, he's joking, and he doesn't mean anything by it.
Only, it does escalate, just not how Cas had imagined (fantasized). Instead they start talking at school more, they say hi at after school events, and eventually, they start hanging out. They become best friends and Cas thinks that while it's kind of torture to be so attracted to Dean, it's also worth it to be his friend, because Dean is funny, and kind, and protective, and surprisingly smart. And Cas has found a kind of companionship he's never known. Sure, he has Balthazar, but Balth has lots of other friends and lots and lots of girls and guys that he never gives more than a day to, and Cas is beginning to believe that Balthazar is running a small scale drug cartel among their class because suspicious looking people are always talking to him in hushed voices and he always has a "place to be".
So to have a nice casual friendship with Dean is something Cas didn't really know he wanted until he had it. Until he was sitting on Dean's bed, listening to Led Zeppelin while Dean rambles on about how they're the greatest band of all time. Dazed and Confused starts playing and Dean shuts up with an "oh man, great song." Which, okay he's said this about every song that's played so far, but he doesn't pick up the (mostly one sided) conversation again, he just leans against the bed, next to where Cas's legs hang of the edge and lets his head fall back. His eyes are closed and he sings along softly,
"I've been dazed and confused. So long, it's not true. Wanted a woman, never bargained for you." And that strikes Cas right at his core because, yeah, he thinks Dean is hot, and yeah he thinks he's charming and most people look for that kind of stuff in a boyfriend but he's also considerate, and humble and complicated. And Cas was not ready to not only have Dean be all of those things, but also unattainable, good with kids to the degree that makes them less annoying, and a caring friend all at the same time.
Cas is in a pickle. Which is a dumb phrase, this situation is so frustrating and complex and conflicting, and there has to be some other way of expressing what a pickle he's in, but there's not.
And while Cas muses about pickles and expressions Dean continues singing. And later they order a pizza and watch TV and talk about the random shit that pops into their head, and the level of comfort that they have after such sort an acquaintance is astounding to both of them, though neither admit it.
Part Two
Cas and Dean had been talking about the different generations of Star Trek when the bell rang and they parted with a wave. Cas is walking towards said class when he gets a text message from Dean
Dean:
Do you think it'd be okay for me to shout:
Goddamnit man, I'm a doctor not a mathematician.
Next time I get asked a question and I don't know the answer?
A minute or two later Dean looks down at his phone to find two messages:
Cas:
Stop pretending you're unintelligent. We both know you're getting a better grade in math than I am.
Cas:
On second thought, yes, but only if you do it in Mrs. Mills class, I have a feeling she's a big trekkie.
Cas is smiling, still thinking about Dean actually doing it, as he makes his way to the bathroom twenty minutes into the period, when he turns a corner to find a very cross-looking Hester. She steps right up into his personal space and Cas is reminded sharply that it's something they used to like about each other, neither one really cared about personal space, they were comfortable wherever. Now though, it's extremely uncomfortable, and the tension of their last meeting is there in the small space between them. He doesn't move.
"Castiel." She says, as if he's supposed to know why she's all of the sudden talking to him again and pick up his half of the conversation. So he tries to walk to the side and step around her, never a fan of confrontation. But she stops him, "Look, I shouldn't be talking to you, and I'm sorry I need to." She says low, and Cas can't look at her, so he looks down the hallway that's empty, "But I know you've been hanging out with Dean. And you need to stop. I won't have him dirtied by you. It's sick how you fawn over him. I want to vomit every time I see you look at him; you pervert. Does he know you're a fag? I bet he doesn't. Either way, he's straight Cas, and he's mine. Get it into your messed up head. So back off or I'll make you." Cas wants to yell, or cry, or react somehow. Because her words bite and pinch and it's like he can feel a knife cutting him open, right where the wound of their original falling out had almost healed over by now. But he knows if he reacts she'll just get him into trouble, she'll cry and accuse him of something, and he'll be punished. So he says as quietly as he can without whispering, not being able to trust his voice,
"Dean is my friend, and I won't let someone so blind and full of hate tell me what to do. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a class to get back to." And he pushes his way past her. He wishes he could've shouted at her, made her see what a fool she was, make her see how mislead she was. But when someone is telling you everything you don't want to think about is true, well it's unnerving. Plus, what would Dean have thought when Hester ran to him, telling some bullshit story about Cas being mean to her? Their friendship would be over, most likely. So Cas tries to push it out of his head, focusing on his schoolwork instead, and telling himself to just get through the day.
And having the luck that he does the day turns out to be one of the worst Cas has had all year. His classes are dull and full of dull people. He can't find either Dean or Balth at lunch and is forced to sit with Andy who never brings enough food for himself and always steals most of Cas's food. After sitting with Andy and silently watching most of his food be taken he goes through the remainder of his day in a silent rage, not talking to anyone which isn't out of the ordinary, but it is strange that he doesn't get the satisfaction of lashing out at Balthazar or Dean.
So he makes it through the rest of his classes with the satisfaction that he has six brothers he can take out his frustration on. He's walking up to his car when he hears it, if he'd been talking to someone he'd have missed it. If he'd remembered his headphones that morning he wouldn't have even known someone had spoken but there Gordon was, leaning against Alistair's pick up truck saying in a mock whisper obviously intended to be heard,
"Look, it's Winchester's bitch." Gordon laughs nudging Alistair with his elbow.
"I don't know, he's a pretty messed up kid, maybe Winchester is his. I mean, Dean's pretty enough." Alistair replies with an ugly sneer and the rage festering in Cas's gut is multiplied. And he snaps, or does the Castiel equivalent of snapping, he stops walking, and turns to them, fists clenched and jaw tight. It's not that they insulted him, or made fun of him. He's used to the gay jokes and the hate and the judgment. But they have no right, no right at all to drag Dean into it. He begins to advance on them, but they're a little while off and before he can even get within punching distance they spot Mrs. Mills walking out of the main building, they get in the car and drive off, still laughing at Cas.
He stands still for a moment, composing himself before turning back to his car, climbing inside and turning the key.
And turning the key again because nothing happens the first time.
And again.
And again.
And,
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?" He slams his hands against the steering wheel, trying to abuse the car into functioning. But it doesn't work, obviously. So he grabs his bag, and starts the long walk home knowing none of his brothers can come get him.
He's about a block away from the school when he hears the now familiar rumble of a certain chevy impala from behind him. The impala rolls to a stop and Dean rolls the window down.
"Dude, why are you walking?" he asks.
"Car wouldn't start." Cas doesn't mean to be pissy, but Dean is kind of the root of all his issues so he has a hard time remembering that Hester's bitchyness is not his fault and that ignoring or alienating Dean would only be doing what she wanted.
"Cas, man, get in, it's way too far to walk." Dean offers, reaching over and unlocking the door. There's a pause before Cas walks over and accepts the ride. "Wow, no offence but you kind of look like shit, you feeling okay?" Dean says once the door is shut behind Cas and he's pulling onto the road again.
"Bad day."
And Dean, god bless him, leaves it at that. Until they're pulling into Cas's subdivision and he asks,
"So which is your house again?"
"Oh, uh shit, it's that one but drop me off at Balthazar's I completely forgot I told him I'd stop by after school, it's just there." Cas had forgotten, in all his anger and frustration and self-centered concern he'd forgotten a promise made to his best friend.
Fuck. Well, at least he remembered in time.
Dean drops him off at the right house and Balthazar is already outside getting a box out of his car. Dean's phone rings as Cas gets out so he says his "Thanks for the ride" with a wave and Dean mirrors it, giving his silent, "No problem".
"Cas, you look like you got hit by a bus. And a very offensive bus, at that." Is Balthazar's charming greeting.
"I need a hug and some tea. If that doesn't conflict with whatever you called me over for." He replies. But Balthazar is hugging him and saying,
"Right away, and you can tell me all about how you couldn't stand one day at school without me."
Cas can still hear the hum of the impala's engine as they walk inside together and finds it inappropriately comforting.
The next day, Friday, Cas walks through the parking lot, trying to find Balthazar's car, because of course his car is still broken, and won't be ready until Monday because the garage it had been towed to isn't open during the weekend. So there he is zigzagging through lines of cars when he sees Hester and Dean, scrunched between Dean's impala and someone's blue jeep. Hester is talking into Dean's ear, her hand clutching at the lapel of his coat holding him closer. He leans back when she lets him, his brows are pulled together and her eyes are wide as she nods, an unrepentant "you needed to hear it" kind of look on her face.
Unfortunately, he spots Balthazar's car a row beyond them, so he sets his shoulders, holds his head up high and begins to walk in their direction, a car or two over. He's just about passed when he hears his name being called by Dean, he stops and turns slowly, knowing he'll probably regret it.
"Hello, Dean." He says as the other boy half walks half jogs over to him. Behind Dean Cas can see Hester walking towards her own car, but before she's out of sight she glances over her shoulder, locks eyes with Cas, and smirks.
"Hey, I have to ask you about something." He says and Cas can feel a bubble of anxiety forming in the pit of his stomach.
"What is it?"
"Hester told me you were gay," he states.
"That's not a question." Cas quips because he doesn't like where this is going and sarcasm is his usual defense in the face of unsavory situations.
"Very funny, why didn't you tell me, man?" Dean rolls his eyes and presses on.
"I didn't think it was all that important." Cas says, but in all honesty, he just figured Dean knew. For Christ's sake their second conversation was about how Bert and Ernie and Miguel and Tulio were gay.
"Well. It is." Dean says. And Cas can feel himself getting properly upset now, no more, 'please get out of my way' or silent treatment, he was not going to live with the regret of having not said all of what he felt. Not this time.
"Does it bother you?"
"No. No. Not at all, but like… you and Balth? That just aint right." And Cas doesn't even have time to correct Dean that he and Balthazar aren't a thing, because he's practically shouting.
"Oh, I see. So it's okay for me to be gay but I can't have a boyfriend, or kiss in front of you or something, you're one of those people? Well you know what I say to people like you Winchester? I say fuck you. I'm done losing friends over this. I couldn't give a flying fuck what you or your dumb ass girlfriend think about me. And for the record? I'm not even dating Balthazar. But if I was I was I would make sure to rub it in your hateful, judgmental faces as much as possible, regardless what anyone says." And he's storming off towards Balthazar's car. He can hear Dean chasing after him with a:
"Wait! Cas no! That's not-" But Cas is opening the door, thankful to find Balthazar already sitting behind the wheel.
"Drive. Now." And Balthazar, bless him, doesn't ask questions about the fact that Dean is walking up behind his car, he just shifts into gear and guns it out of the parking lot. Cas doesn't realize he's crying until Balthazar puts a hand on his shoulder and asks if he's okay.
Dean calls him twelve times that night. Maybe he's stupid not to answer, and maybe he's disappointed when the ringing ceases. Gabriel even comes in to ask if he's okay, and being the brother he's closest to, he tells him roughly what happened. Gabriel hugs him for a long time and only leaves the room to bring Cas some of his ridiculously sweet and very addicting hot chocolate. Cas is about half way through the mug when the doorbell rings. Gabriel goes to get the door and by the time he comes back up to check on Cas, his little brother is asleep on top of his covers with his clothes still on, exhausted in every way possible.
There's a sharp knock on the front door, being home alone, Balthazar opens it to find a very upset looking Dean Winchester huffing and puffing, seemingly ready to blow the house down.
"Are you and Cas dating?" he asks, skipping the preamble but Balthazar just studies him for a moment before letting him in.
"You know I'm not in the habit of taking judgmental dicks who insult me and my best friend into my house, but I have a feeling there's many sides to this story." Balthazar talks over his shoulder as he leads Dean into his kitchen where he had been brewing a cup of tea.
"Answer my question." Dean replies. Balthazar looks at him sharply,
"Watch it, you're in my house, you have questions I have answers, but I'll need some respect first." And Dean has the sense to look a little embarrassed. "No, we're friends and that's all. Now it's my turn, why did you think we were?
"Hester told me." Dean replies, looking a little… relieved?
"Well laddie, your girlfriends a bit of a tosser. she-" Balthazar begins only to be cut off by Dean.
"She's not my girlfriend. Cas said that too. Why does everyone think we're dating?" Dean asks before remembering the whole respect thing and shutting his mouth.
"So you're not then? Never have been?" Balth asks.
"And never will." Dean says, stone-faced.
"Interesting, for I had if on very good authority, namely hers and Crowley's, that you were. Also, I remember you looking in her general direction a few months back at Milligan's party and saying that blonde hair and blue eyes was your type." Balthazar explains. Dean huffs a self-deprecating laugh.
"I… I remember that night. I was… Balthazar, I was looking at Cas. He was with Hester, and in the middle of my sentence I realized you two were good friends, I didn't want anyone to know so I said blonde, instead of black. But, blue eyes and black hair, that's my type." He runs his hands through his hair and then down his face, "Okay, my turn, why did he assume I hated gays or something? I just didn't like the idea of you two together, it wasn't…"
He trails off remembering the look of pure and utter hurt, then anger plastered across Cas's face earlier that day. Balthazar sighs and tells Dean the story of Hester and Cas, how they had been best friends. He told him of how they did nearly everything together, how even Balthazar himself had taken a backseat to Hester. And how Hester had confessed her undying love to Cas, and Cas had told her he was gay. Balth tells Dean of the aftermath, how Hester had actually punched Cas in the face, how Cas came to Balthazar one big mess of tears and a black eye.
"That's why he thought…" Dean closes his eyes and shakes his head, "Goddammit Cas. I need to go fix this." He says getting up from the chair he'd perched on before Balthazar stops him,
"Do you really care about him, truly?" he asks and Dean looks at the floor, embarrassed, and nods. "He's asleep right now, don't bug him. He won't answer your calls and you've already been denied access into his house once today, do it tomorrow." He says, not looking up from his tea.
"He's working tomorrow." Dean says.
"Something tells me you won't let that get in your way. He's hurting, Dean." Balthazar looks up from his tea with a knowing look. "Run along now." He adds and Dean just rolls his eyes and shows himself out.
"Castiel, are you feeling alright?" Anna asks and he slumps into a chair, lazily putting some Carver Edlund novels in the right order.
"I'm fine, just tired." He replies quietly, she just shrugs and walks back to her cubicle. It's twelve thirty; he doesn't want to be at work, he doesn't want to be anywhere, really. He wouldn't even rather be sleeping, because the dream he had last night, the one of Hester and Dean rotating between making out with each other and screaming at him really didn't help anything. He sighs again when he's finished and rolls the cart out of the door and into the elevator, riding it down to the lower level, where the impressively large collection of fiction is kept, stacked in tall, dusty shelves, there's no librarian down stairs, no one at all, so Cas begins to hum to himself, wishing he was allowed to listen to music. He doesn't pay attention to what he's humming, but a little voice inside of him thinks it sounds a lot like Zeppelin's Communication Breakdown, and that Dean really likes that song. Cas pushes down the voice with a fuck you very much to his subconscious. He doesn't notice the sound of someone walking down the stairs. He doesn't notice Dean walk up behind him. He does notice though, when Dean places a hand on Cas's shoulder. Cas jumps and gasps,
"Jesus Christ you scared-" he seems to see that it's Dean, and his face falls, falls the equivalent of about twelve stories if Dean had to put a number on it. "Dean, what do you want."
"I'm going to need you to not talk for the next few seconds. First, I'm sorry about everything that Hester did to you. I'm not dating her, never have, never will. Balthazar was given some false information. Second, yesterday, I didn't think it was wrong that you're gay. I thought it was wrong that you and Balthazar were together, which I know now that you aren't but, I just, I didn't like the thought of you with him, or anyone for that matter." Cas takes a breath to say something but Dean cuts him off, "Let me phrase that better. I didn't like the idea of you with anyone who wasn't me." Dean is about two inches from Cas at this point, and Cas can feel Dean's labored breath. And Dean steps forward, even closer, taking Cas's face in his hands and leaning in and holy fucking hell Dean Winchester is kissing him. And Cas had imagined this more times than he can count, Dean kissing him between the dusty shelves where no one can see them but it's one thing to imagine it and another to have it happen.
After a few seconds Cas realizes his mouth isn't moving. So he starts kissing back, wrapping his hands around Dean's waist and sighing into the touch of Dean's lips. The soft press of lips becomes passionate open mouth kisses, and then tongue is added and Cas goes wild because he has Dean's tongue in his mouth, and if he doesn't take full advantage of this he won't ever forgive himself, so he moves his hands to Deans hips and shoves Dean against the opposite shelf. And takes full control of the kiss. They break apart for air when they're both about an inch away from not being able to breathe and Cas just laughs and laughs because Dean is there, holding him, fingers looping through the short hair at the back of his neck and smiling.
"I can't believe you thought I was dating Hester."
"Says the guy who believed I was dating Balthazar." Cas quips.
"Touché." Dean laughs and kisses him again.