(A/N) this is my first Gilmore Girls fic so I hope you like!! I don't own
the characters the 2 show creators do. This picks up the day after 'Those
are Strings Pinocchio'.
Chapter 1: Missing You Already
"Mom!" Rory screamed up the stairs.
"What!?" Lorelai yelled back down in an exasperated tone.
"I have a few things to do before we leave. Flight leaves at 6 right? So we have to be at the airport at 4." Rory checked her watch. It was 9:42 AM. "So since I was smart and had everything packed already, I'm going to run a few errands."
"You don't want to stay and help mama pack?" Lorelai suddenly appeared at the top of the stairs. Her bottom lip was stuck out and she looked at her daughter with pleading eyes. Rory just laughed and shook her head.
"Stop that you. I'll be back in a few hours and I'll help you pack then." She said as she clutched the doorknob. Her mom nodded and sarcastically muttered something under her breath about the 'help these days' and trudged back to her room.
So Rory opened the door and stepped out into the small town that was Stars Hollow. She gazed around her and realized she wouldn't be seeing this place again for half of the summer. She felt a little upset but realized she needed to get away more than anything. She started to walk down Peach, headed towards Lanes house. She would say goodbye to her first and then maybe again later.
But when she arrived, no one was home at the Kim house. So instead, she decided she should visit Doose's and get some food for the trip and the long wait at the airport.
She entered the doors and a bell jangled. 'Some things never change' she thought. As she was perusing the snack isle Taylor ambushed her.
"Rory, how are you dear?" She turned around and plastered on a big fake smile.
"I'm doing alright Taylor, how about you?" He studied her carefully for a moment and cautiously said,
"You know Rory, I've heard a couple things around town the last day or two. are you sure you're alright?"
'So people are already talking.' She thought to herself. She wanted to keep up a brave face but Taylor even insinuating something like that made her want to break down. She managed finally to sputter out "I'm. yea Taylor I'm ok."
Taylor didn't want to press the issue further but said, "Ok. Well Rory since we wont see you for a while how about when you finish, it's on the house."
She smiled and was grateful he didn't want any more information. "Thank you so much Taylor."
"No problem." Rory finished up her grocery shopping and left after thanking Taylor again. As she continued walking down the street, she passed Luke's. She would have to go in eventually, she couldn't leave without saying goodbye to him. But going in there. well she wasn't sure how she would take it.
She went a few other places, the bookstore, Mrs. Patty's, and the Kim's again (still no answer). She got a new book called, "The Lovely Bones" by Alice Sebold. It wasn't really her style of book but she would give anything a try. Mrs. Patty knew all about Jess leaving and was apparently the one who had told the whole town in the first place, but Rory had expected that. But what Rory hadn't expected was the vacancy of the Kim home. She only had about 2 hours left before she had to be home and she would be devastated if she couldn't even say goodbye to her best friend.
So then, after visiting almost everywhere in town, Rory had only two people to say goodbye to. Lane and Luke. Throwing caution into the wind she made her way across the park to Luke's diner. When she opened this door, it to had a jingling bell. She slowly walked up to the counter and set her things down on the floor. Luke came out from the kitchens and his eyes lit up. Over the years he had become like a father to her.
"Rory! I'm glad you came by before you guys left. You know, with you two gone, I'm going to have a coffee surplus."
"Not if I drink it all before we leave anyway!" Rory joked. Luke poured her a mug of coffee and she gulped it down as if she hadn't eaten in days. Luke shook his head,
"That really isn't good for you. Shouldn't you be drinking I dunno, milk or something?"
"Now Luke, if I were to drink milk, I would be ten feet tall. All this coffee has kept me from reaching my true height. If I were to say. quit drinking coffee, I would grow at an incredible rate. And we don't want that now do we?" Rory said trying not to laugh at the expression on Luke's face.
"You get more and more like your mother every day." Luke said still shaking his head. "I never know when to believe the two of you."
"Thank you Luke. That, in my opinion, is the highest praise you could offer me." She said.
"Your welcome then." He smiled.
Rory drank 3 more cups of coffee and Luke went about his business. He finally came back over and was talking to Rory when the conversation drifted somehow to Jess.
"You know, it's not your fault he left." Luke said to her.
"I know. But it's not yours either." Luke didn't know what to say to that.
"Sometimes I think it is. Like maybe I could have helped him out more. I could have been more supportive of him." He looked very sad.
"You did so much for him Luke. Don't ever doubt that. He appreciated you Luke. He may not have ever come out and said it, but I could tell." Rory told him, his face softened.
"I'm sorry he left." He said that really to comfort them both.
"I miss him." She finally admitted. "I really did love him."
"I know Rory. And he knew too. He just had a decision to make. And he made the wrong one." Rory nodded.
"Did he leave anything?" She asked.
"Not much but you can go look if you want." He said.
"Thank you." She got up and headed towards the stairs. She completely forgot about everything she had bought but felt confident it would still be there when she came back down. Just before she went up the stairs she turned back. "Luke?"
He turned around just in time to see her wrap her arms around him. He hugged her back after a moment and as she pulled away she again said, "Thank you."
He nodded and she began to climb to stairs to confront her demons. She pushed open the door and saw the room. Luke's room was full of stuff, and so was the kitchen. But when she reached Jess' side of the room it was barren. He had left a few books. Rory recognized them as hers. She pulled one out and flipped through the pages. He had made a few notes in the columns, no doubt of things to ask Rory later. She ran her finger along his messy handwriting. She could feel the tears welling up already. She gazed around the room and finally let the tears spill.
She pulled out all of her books, 5 in total, and looked at what he had written. Then she saw that there was another smaller book that had been hidden behind those books. She pulled it out and carefully opened it to the middle of the book. It read,
'May 18, 2003- Today I almost screwed up everything with Rory. I lied to her because I felt like an idiot. I mean, what kind of pansy gets beaked in the eye by a swan!? So I finally told her it was a football. She believed me. I felt so guilty but I couldn't bring myself to tell her I had lied. Why do I always screw things up? Sometimes I can't even talk around her. She's just so. perfect.'
She ran her finger along that messy handwriting of his. She flipped a couple more pages.
'June 1, 2003-
Rory is going to Yale! Which means she won't be far away. I was so worried that she would choose somewhere like Rice and be a million miles away. But I'll still be in here in grand ole Stars Hollow. My grades have dropped so much; I couldn't go to college if I wanted to. Rory doesn't know. Just more lying for the screw up Jess.'
Rory was crying quite freely now, but remained silent. She read only one more page.
'June 14, 2003-
Well this is it. She'll never take me back now. We didn't officially break up but I know its coming. We were at a party. We watched Lanes band. I wanted to leave, I hate parties like that. Sure the band was good and all but I just don't fit in there. So instead of leaving, I went and found a quieter room. Somewhere I could think. I still hadn't told Rory I'm not graduating. I had to know what I was going to say. She wouldn't be mad, just disappointed, and that's ten times worse. But when she came up I lost control. She looked so beautiful and I just wanted to hold her forever. I wanted her so bad. I knew I should be doing it and I knew it would cause some serious repercussions but I did it anyway. And then when she told me to stop I didn't. I wanted to make her feel good, because every time I see her I feel very good. But instead of keeping a cool head I yelled at her. She started crying, she didn't hear me yell out to her. God, I screwed up so bad. I got jealous, she ran to Dean. So I punched him again and again. I wanted to prove to her I was better, that I could be as good as him. But instead, I just screwed things up even worse. I think I've lost the best thing that ever happened to me.'
She dropped the journal and crawled up onto his old bed. It still smelled like him. She grabbed the pillow and cried herself to sleep.
******************************************
"She came up here close to an hour ago and she hasn't come down since." Luke said as he pushed open the door to his apartment. Lorelai stepped inside and saw Rory on Jess' bed, curled up in a little ball. She walked over quietly and brushed the hair out of her daughters face. Rory's face was red and tearstained. Lorelai also saw a book on the floor, she bent down and read the page it was open to.
'June 20, 2003-
Rory, I don't know if you'll ever read this. I left it here with your books. I know you could probably never forgive me but I wanted you to know why I did everything I did. I hadn't originally intended to give this to you. It was just a way to get everything out for me. But then I realized you deserve to know the truth. I don't know if I will ever see you again, I don't know that you would ever want to see me. But today I left. I'm headed to Venice Beach, California, to be with my dad. So before I leave, I want you to know, I Love You. I don't know if I ever really told you that before but I do. I Love You. Love, Jess.'
"Luke, come here." Lorelai said, holding out the book. Luke took it and read it. He flipped through it a little and saw that it was filled with diary entries, all written by Jess.
While Luke was still inspecting the journal, Lorelai went to wake up Rory.
"Mom? What." Rory sat up and it all came back to her.
"Honey, did you read that?"
"Some of it. I. I couldn't read it all." She said.
"I think that you could save yourself some heartache if you read the last page." Lorelai grabbed the book from Luke's hands and gave it to Rory. Rory flipped it to the last page and began to read. A single tear fell down her cheek. When she finished she closed the book and hugged it close to her.
She stood up and began to walk quickly down the stairs. She got to the counter and started rummaging through her stuff she had left down there earlier. She finally found her cell phone and dialed information.
"For what city please?" The recording asked.
"Venice Beach, California" Rory said shakily.
"For what listing please?"
"Jimmy Mariano."
"One moment please, I'll connect you." Rory's heart was beating a thousand times a minute. After just a few seconds a woman answered the phone.
"Hello?"
"Um, hi. I'm looking for Jess." Rory didn't know what else she could say.
"OK, one second I think he's in the library, let me get him."
"Thank you." Rory said. The tension she felt was pounding in her head. Finally she heard his voice on the other end.
"Hello?" Jess asked.
"Hi." Rory said.
"Rory! Is that you?" He asked excitedly.
"Yea it's me." She said.
"Rory, I thought you'd never want to speak to me again, I'm so sorry." Jess said.
"Was it true?" She asked plainly.
"Was what true?" He asked.
"What you wrote, on the last page." She could hear the tears in her voice.
"Yes. Every word of it." He said genuinely.
"Good." She said as she hung up.
"I love you Rory." Jess said. But all he heard was a dial tone.
******************************************
(A/N) OK hope you liked it. Whats gonna happen next!?! Heehee only one person knows!! So review plz!! And next chapter coming soon.
Chapter 1: Missing You Already
"Mom!" Rory screamed up the stairs.
"What!?" Lorelai yelled back down in an exasperated tone.
"I have a few things to do before we leave. Flight leaves at 6 right? So we have to be at the airport at 4." Rory checked her watch. It was 9:42 AM. "So since I was smart and had everything packed already, I'm going to run a few errands."
"You don't want to stay and help mama pack?" Lorelai suddenly appeared at the top of the stairs. Her bottom lip was stuck out and she looked at her daughter with pleading eyes. Rory just laughed and shook her head.
"Stop that you. I'll be back in a few hours and I'll help you pack then." She said as she clutched the doorknob. Her mom nodded and sarcastically muttered something under her breath about the 'help these days' and trudged back to her room.
So Rory opened the door and stepped out into the small town that was Stars Hollow. She gazed around her and realized she wouldn't be seeing this place again for half of the summer. She felt a little upset but realized she needed to get away more than anything. She started to walk down Peach, headed towards Lanes house. She would say goodbye to her first and then maybe again later.
But when she arrived, no one was home at the Kim house. So instead, she decided she should visit Doose's and get some food for the trip and the long wait at the airport.
She entered the doors and a bell jangled. 'Some things never change' she thought. As she was perusing the snack isle Taylor ambushed her.
"Rory, how are you dear?" She turned around and plastered on a big fake smile.
"I'm doing alright Taylor, how about you?" He studied her carefully for a moment and cautiously said,
"You know Rory, I've heard a couple things around town the last day or two. are you sure you're alright?"
'So people are already talking.' She thought to herself. She wanted to keep up a brave face but Taylor even insinuating something like that made her want to break down. She managed finally to sputter out "I'm. yea Taylor I'm ok."
Taylor didn't want to press the issue further but said, "Ok. Well Rory since we wont see you for a while how about when you finish, it's on the house."
She smiled and was grateful he didn't want any more information. "Thank you so much Taylor."
"No problem." Rory finished up her grocery shopping and left after thanking Taylor again. As she continued walking down the street, she passed Luke's. She would have to go in eventually, she couldn't leave without saying goodbye to him. But going in there. well she wasn't sure how she would take it.
She went a few other places, the bookstore, Mrs. Patty's, and the Kim's again (still no answer). She got a new book called, "The Lovely Bones" by Alice Sebold. It wasn't really her style of book but she would give anything a try. Mrs. Patty knew all about Jess leaving and was apparently the one who had told the whole town in the first place, but Rory had expected that. But what Rory hadn't expected was the vacancy of the Kim home. She only had about 2 hours left before she had to be home and she would be devastated if she couldn't even say goodbye to her best friend.
So then, after visiting almost everywhere in town, Rory had only two people to say goodbye to. Lane and Luke. Throwing caution into the wind she made her way across the park to Luke's diner. When she opened this door, it to had a jingling bell. She slowly walked up to the counter and set her things down on the floor. Luke came out from the kitchens and his eyes lit up. Over the years he had become like a father to her.
"Rory! I'm glad you came by before you guys left. You know, with you two gone, I'm going to have a coffee surplus."
"Not if I drink it all before we leave anyway!" Rory joked. Luke poured her a mug of coffee and she gulped it down as if she hadn't eaten in days. Luke shook his head,
"That really isn't good for you. Shouldn't you be drinking I dunno, milk or something?"
"Now Luke, if I were to drink milk, I would be ten feet tall. All this coffee has kept me from reaching my true height. If I were to say. quit drinking coffee, I would grow at an incredible rate. And we don't want that now do we?" Rory said trying not to laugh at the expression on Luke's face.
"You get more and more like your mother every day." Luke said still shaking his head. "I never know when to believe the two of you."
"Thank you Luke. That, in my opinion, is the highest praise you could offer me." She said.
"Your welcome then." He smiled.
Rory drank 3 more cups of coffee and Luke went about his business. He finally came back over and was talking to Rory when the conversation drifted somehow to Jess.
"You know, it's not your fault he left." Luke said to her.
"I know. But it's not yours either." Luke didn't know what to say to that.
"Sometimes I think it is. Like maybe I could have helped him out more. I could have been more supportive of him." He looked very sad.
"You did so much for him Luke. Don't ever doubt that. He appreciated you Luke. He may not have ever come out and said it, but I could tell." Rory told him, his face softened.
"I'm sorry he left." He said that really to comfort them both.
"I miss him." She finally admitted. "I really did love him."
"I know Rory. And he knew too. He just had a decision to make. And he made the wrong one." Rory nodded.
"Did he leave anything?" She asked.
"Not much but you can go look if you want." He said.
"Thank you." She got up and headed towards the stairs. She completely forgot about everything she had bought but felt confident it would still be there when she came back down. Just before she went up the stairs she turned back. "Luke?"
He turned around just in time to see her wrap her arms around him. He hugged her back after a moment and as she pulled away she again said, "Thank you."
He nodded and she began to climb to stairs to confront her demons. She pushed open the door and saw the room. Luke's room was full of stuff, and so was the kitchen. But when she reached Jess' side of the room it was barren. He had left a few books. Rory recognized them as hers. She pulled one out and flipped through the pages. He had made a few notes in the columns, no doubt of things to ask Rory later. She ran her finger along his messy handwriting. She could feel the tears welling up already. She gazed around the room and finally let the tears spill.
She pulled out all of her books, 5 in total, and looked at what he had written. Then she saw that there was another smaller book that had been hidden behind those books. She pulled it out and carefully opened it to the middle of the book. It read,
'May 18, 2003- Today I almost screwed up everything with Rory. I lied to her because I felt like an idiot. I mean, what kind of pansy gets beaked in the eye by a swan!? So I finally told her it was a football. She believed me. I felt so guilty but I couldn't bring myself to tell her I had lied. Why do I always screw things up? Sometimes I can't even talk around her. She's just so. perfect.'
She ran her finger along that messy handwriting of his. She flipped a couple more pages.
'June 1, 2003-
Rory is going to Yale! Which means she won't be far away. I was so worried that she would choose somewhere like Rice and be a million miles away. But I'll still be in here in grand ole Stars Hollow. My grades have dropped so much; I couldn't go to college if I wanted to. Rory doesn't know. Just more lying for the screw up Jess.'
Rory was crying quite freely now, but remained silent. She read only one more page.
'June 14, 2003-
Well this is it. She'll never take me back now. We didn't officially break up but I know its coming. We were at a party. We watched Lanes band. I wanted to leave, I hate parties like that. Sure the band was good and all but I just don't fit in there. So instead of leaving, I went and found a quieter room. Somewhere I could think. I still hadn't told Rory I'm not graduating. I had to know what I was going to say. She wouldn't be mad, just disappointed, and that's ten times worse. But when she came up I lost control. She looked so beautiful and I just wanted to hold her forever. I wanted her so bad. I knew I should be doing it and I knew it would cause some serious repercussions but I did it anyway. And then when she told me to stop I didn't. I wanted to make her feel good, because every time I see her I feel very good. But instead of keeping a cool head I yelled at her. She started crying, she didn't hear me yell out to her. God, I screwed up so bad. I got jealous, she ran to Dean. So I punched him again and again. I wanted to prove to her I was better, that I could be as good as him. But instead, I just screwed things up even worse. I think I've lost the best thing that ever happened to me.'
She dropped the journal and crawled up onto his old bed. It still smelled like him. She grabbed the pillow and cried herself to sleep.
******************************************
"She came up here close to an hour ago and she hasn't come down since." Luke said as he pushed open the door to his apartment. Lorelai stepped inside and saw Rory on Jess' bed, curled up in a little ball. She walked over quietly and brushed the hair out of her daughters face. Rory's face was red and tearstained. Lorelai also saw a book on the floor, she bent down and read the page it was open to.
'June 20, 2003-
Rory, I don't know if you'll ever read this. I left it here with your books. I know you could probably never forgive me but I wanted you to know why I did everything I did. I hadn't originally intended to give this to you. It was just a way to get everything out for me. But then I realized you deserve to know the truth. I don't know if I will ever see you again, I don't know that you would ever want to see me. But today I left. I'm headed to Venice Beach, California, to be with my dad. So before I leave, I want you to know, I Love You. I don't know if I ever really told you that before but I do. I Love You. Love, Jess.'
"Luke, come here." Lorelai said, holding out the book. Luke took it and read it. He flipped through it a little and saw that it was filled with diary entries, all written by Jess.
While Luke was still inspecting the journal, Lorelai went to wake up Rory.
"Mom? What." Rory sat up and it all came back to her.
"Honey, did you read that?"
"Some of it. I. I couldn't read it all." She said.
"I think that you could save yourself some heartache if you read the last page." Lorelai grabbed the book from Luke's hands and gave it to Rory. Rory flipped it to the last page and began to read. A single tear fell down her cheek. When she finished she closed the book and hugged it close to her.
She stood up and began to walk quickly down the stairs. She got to the counter and started rummaging through her stuff she had left down there earlier. She finally found her cell phone and dialed information.
"For what city please?" The recording asked.
"Venice Beach, California" Rory said shakily.
"For what listing please?"
"Jimmy Mariano."
"One moment please, I'll connect you." Rory's heart was beating a thousand times a minute. After just a few seconds a woman answered the phone.
"Hello?"
"Um, hi. I'm looking for Jess." Rory didn't know what else she could say.
"OK, one second I think he's in the library, let me get him."
"Thank you." Rory said. The tension she felt was pounding in her head. Finally she heard his voice on the other end.
"Hello?" Jess asked.
"Hi." Rory said.
"Rory! Is that you?" He asked excitedly.
"Yea it's me." She said.
"Rory, I thought you'd never want to speak to me again, I'm so sorry." Jess said.
"Was it true?" She asked plainly.
"Was what true?" He asked.
"What you wrote, on the last page." She could hear the tears in her voice.
"Yes. Every word of it." He said genuinely.
"Good." She said as she hung up.
"I love you Rory." Jess said. But all he heard was a dial tone.
******************************************
(A/N) OK hope you liked it. Whats gonna happen next!?! Heehee only one person knows!! So review plz!! And next chapter coming soon.