Remember the South Park episode Breast Cancer Show Ever? I feel there should have been more to it. There should have been justice handed to Wendy and Principal Victoria. This is my take on it.
I do not own South Park (Comedy Central does)
Mr. Mackey went inside the school after seeing how bad Cartman had been beat up by Wendy. He called the hospital, and told them to bring an ambulance right away.
Meanwhile, in the playground, the other kids were talking to Cartman. He was so fucked up, it was not funny. Cartman passed out because he lost so much blood.
Inside the building, Mr. Mackey went to Principal Victoria's office. "Principal Victoria, I just went outside and saw that Wendy Testaburger beat up Eric Cartman, m'kay", Mr. Mackey said to her. "I know, I allowed her to do it", said Victoria.
"You WHAT?! Do you realize how serious this is, Principal Victoria?" Mr. Mackey was very pissed off. Victoria tried to defend herself. "Well, Mr. Mackey, I was a breast cancer survivor myself, and I said to Wendy that Eric was like a cancer to her. I told her to fight back against him, just like I fought back against my cancer".
Mr. Mackey was unmoved. "Principal Victoria, under no circumstance can you justify allowing one student to beat up another, m'kay. I'm afraid I have to call the superintendent."
"Please, no, not the superintendent, I'm the only member of my family who actually has a job. My husband is sick and cannot work." Victoria pleaded with Mr. Mackey not to call the superintendent.
"I'm sorry Principal Victoria, m'kay. The superintendent has to know what you did, I am required by law of the state of Colorado." Mr. Mackey got on the phone with the superintendent of the South Park school district, and told him everything that happened.
Mr. Mackey then said, "Principal Victoria, the superintendent wants to see you right away. You need to drive down to South Park high school, m'kay."
Victoria obliged and drove to the high school. She went into the superintendent's office.
"Superintendent Carrington, you wanted to see me?" Victoria said. The superintendent was Stephen Carrington, a member of the wealthy Carrington family.
"Yes I did", Stephen said. Victoria noticed all the Denver Broncos stuff in the office. "wow, "you're a Denver Broncos fan?" she said. "Don't try to change the subject, bitch!" Stephen yelled. Victoria was offended at his language, "don't call me a bitch!" Stephen was unfazed, "I'm superintendent, I can say whatever the fuck I want! Now sit down and shut the fuck up!"
Stephen began to tell her the seriousness of her offense, "Ms. Victoria, it is bad enough that a student at your school beat up another. But for you to give that student clearance, is a major offense. Do you realize young Eric Cartman could fucking die?"
"But he was making fun of breast cancer!" Victoria protested. "I don't give a flying fuck, bitch! Principals are supposed to prevent fights from occurring, not allow them to happen." Stephen was very upset.
"Look, I promise I will not let this happen again. I made an error of judgment, and I am sorry." Victoria made one last attempt to save her job. "I'm sorry Principal Victoria, but you have left me with no choice. In the words of the immortal Donald Trump, you are fired. You know what I think you should do? You should fucking kill yourself. No one could live with something like this. Now, get the fuck out of my school, I never want to see you again! Go clear out your office, and never step inside any of South Park's schools ever again!"
Victoria left the office, and drove back to the elementary school. She gathered up all her belongings from her office, and left the school, for the last time, it seems.
Later that night, Victoria went to Skeeter's Bar and Cocktails, intending to drown her sorrows in alcohol. But she was greeted with a negative reaction from everyone inside. Jimbo Kern said, "you, Principal Victoria, you gave permission for one student to beat up another! We don't take kindly to people who do that! Get out of here!" The other bar patrons and the bartender joined in demanding she leave.
She left, and began to break down in tears. "What have I done?" she said while sobbing. She walked to the Tom's Rhinoplasty building, went inside, and went to the top of the building. From there, she jumped off, and landed on the street. An eyewitness called 911, and ambulance arrived to pick her up.
The doctors managed to revive her, and one of them asked her, "why did you try to kill yourself?"
"Because everybody hates me because I allowed one of my students to beat up another, I lost my job as principal of the elementary school as a result." Victoria had suffered numerous broken bones, including a fractured pelvis.
(Wendy's side of the story)
Wendy was walking in the hall when Stan Marsh, her boyfriend, caught up to her. "Wendy, I cannot believe you. I knew you wanted to beat Cartman up, but you went way too far!" Stan was pissed at her.
"Stan, I was only trying to prove a point to Cartman, please understand", Wendy tried defending herself. "Look, Cartman may say many things that we do not like, but he is still my friend, God damn it!" Stan said
"He had this coming to him for a long time Stan, if Cartman had not made fun of breast cancer this wouldn't have happened!" Wendy thought her beating up Cartman was justified. "Wendy, remember last time we broke up, it was you that dumped me. Well this time Wendy, I am breaking up with you! We're through Wendy!" Stan said this, and flipped her off as he walked away, just like the last time they broke up.
Then Mr. Mackey's voice was heard on the PA. "Wendy Testaburger, please come to my office, m'kay." Wendy walked over to Mr. Mackey's office, and was told to sit down as Mr. Mackey began to speak.
"Wendy, I heard about what you did m'kay, and I know that Principal Victoria put you up to it. Now, Victoria is no longer working for the school, m'kay, and as acting principal, I am afraid you need to be punished too. I have called your parents, and they are on their way here. You are hereby being suspended from the school for the rest of this week, and all of the next two weeks m'kay. You need to think about what you did, because no matter what somebody says, responding with violence is not acceptable, m'kay?"
"Suspended? My parents coming? But Mr. Mackey, I was just trying to prove a point!" Wendy was upset because she knew she was in deep shit.
"Look, Wendy, Eric is in the hospital, he could die, m'kay. Proving a point does not give you free reign to beat up a student." Mr. Mackey was being firm. "Look, it is already bad enough that I lost my boyfriend, please don't suspend me." As Wendy finished saying this, her parents came in.
Mr. Mackey said, "thank you for coming on such short notice, m'kay. Your daughter here beat up another student just because he made fun of breast cancer."
Wendy's dad was very furious. "Wendy, did anything we say get to you last night? We were very specific in saying not to beat up Eric Cartman. We will continue this discussion when we are home, young missy!"
Her mom said, "come on Wendy, you are in big trouble" as the Testaburgers left Mr. Mackey's office on their way back to the car. Once they arrived home, as promised they continued the conversation.
Wendy's mom said, "well, we told you not to beat up Eric Cartman, and you did it anyway. In the words of the immortal Stephen and Linda Stotch, you are grounded!" Her dad then added, "your grounding will last until your 18th birthday Wendy. That shall give you plenty of time to think about what you did."
Wendy said, "I cannot believe you guys! I fucking hate you both!" and went up to her room. She began to sob in her pillow, "I hate my life! All I wanted was to prove a point. Not only do I lose my boyfriend, I get suspended from school, and I'm grounded for the rest of my childhood!" Wendy was hysterical.
As the day went on, Wendy thought about what happened, and what she thought would be the best thing to do. At night, she called her best friend Bebe for advice. Bebe said, "well Wendy, what I think you need to do is run away. You're 9 years old, you can survive on your own." Wendy said, "thank you Bebe, I shall pack 2 suitcases and I will be leaving my home after my parents go to bed."
Before she started packing, she turned on a song on her iPod. It was a song from 1992. It was about the very thing she was doing.
Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a blowtorch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning
As Dave Pirner's voice swam in her head, she packed only the essential things she needed. She had to get away, for it was the only thing she could do. Bebe was the only person who was on her side anymore, and Bebe did not want to risk being labeled an outcast for still being friends with Wendy after the fight
It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep, there's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray
Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there
After her parents were asleep, Wendy wrote a note explaining the situation. She left it on her bed, and left with her suitcases for God knows where.
She decided she could not be in South Park anymore. She followed the main highway out of town, which led towards Interstate 25. After she was like five miles out of South Park, she began hitching a ride. Many cars passed her by, but one stopped for her.
The driver of the car stopped and got out of the car. "What are you doing here little girl?" he asked Wendy.
"I'm running away. I took something too far back home, and everybody hates me now. I need to get as far away from South Park as possible", Wendy said.
"Well, I can take you anywhere I want. My name is Slim Shady. Not to be confused with Eminem. He used my name for his alter-ego without permission, but long ago I learned to just not give a fuck. You see, I travel the country helping out people in need. Try to make people see I am a real nice person unlike what Eminem says. Where do you want me to take you little girl?"
"Um, I guess to a hotel somewhere in Memphis", Wendy said. Slim said he could take her there, and Wendy got in the car. Slim drove on the road to Interstate 25, which took them to Albuquerque. They then went east on Interstate 40, which ultimately took them to Memphis.
(Cartman's story)
At the hospital, Cartman had all kinds of bandages on him. The doctors managed to save his life. Officer Barbrady was with him, talking about the possibility of pressing charges against Wendy. Cartman said, "yes, I would like to press charges against that bitch". Barbrady said, "OK, Eric, but please refrain from using sexist slurs, there are women in this hospital."
Ms. Cartman arrived to check on her son. "How are you doing Eric?" she asked. "I'm doing fine now mom, Officer Barbrady just convinced me to press charges against Wendy", Cartman said.
(the next day, Wendy's house)
Wendy's parents called for her to wake up, thinking she was sleeping in due to the suspension from school. But when they went into her room, she was nowhere to be found. Her father read the note on her bed.
"Dear mom and dad,
Since you and everyone else obviously hate me now, I have decided that living in South Park is not for me anymore. I am not Butters Stotch, I don't have to live with being grounded like he does. Please do not try to find me. I have burned all my bridges here and I never want to see you two again.
Sincerely,
Wendy"
Mrs. Testaburger said, "my God, what have we done? We punished her too harshly, and now she's gone!" Wendy's parents held each other as they broke down in tears.
At the hospital, Mr. Mackey decided to visit Ms. Victoria after he learned she attempted suicide last night. "Hey Ms. Victoria, I'm sorry you got fired and all, but I didn't want you to kill yourself, m'kay." Mr. Mackey comforted her as she laid on her bed.
"It's not your fault, Mr. Mackey, you did what you thought was best for the school. But that superintendent was so mean to me the way he fired me. He actually told me to kill myself." Ms. Victoria said to Mr. Mackey.
"I heard about that part on the news too, Mr. Carrington is no longer superintendent of South Park schools. Abusive language like that is not tolerated, m'kay."
"But now he plans on suing the school district, and the state of Colorado for wrongful termination. You know how powerful the Carringtons are Mr. Mackey, they own Denver-Carrington Oil. They will hire a very powerful lawyer, and he is sure to win." Ms. Victoria expressed concern about the impending lawsuit filed by Stephen Carrington.
Another newscast appeared on the TV Ms. Victoria was watching. "Last night, 4th-grade student Wendy Testaburger ran away from home after being grounded for the rest of her pre-adult life for beating up Eric Cartman yesterday. Wendy said that all of South Park had turned against her, except for her best friend Bebe Stevens, but her boyfriend, Stan Marsh, was among those that turned against her. She told her parents not to try and find her, for she was better off not living in South Park anymore."
"Oh my God, Wendy ran away? This is terrible, oh so terrible. I should have never given her permission to beat up Eric Cartman." Ms. Victoria said. "Now for sure I'm going to Hell". Mr. Mackey told her not to panic, "I'm sure in a few days this will all blow over. You just have to keep cool."
(One week later)
(Random Hoilday Inn near Memphis)
Wendy turned on the TV in her hotel room. Slim Shady had paid for a 2-week stay for her, and gave her some money, before Slim went on his way.
She turned to CNN, which was airing a program aimed at getting Wendy to come home. A CNN reporter said, "it has been eight days since Wendy Testaburger disappeared. The town of South Park, Colorado, where she lives is begging her to come back."
Her mom and dad showed up on the TV. Her mom said, "please Wendy, come on home. We will lift your grounding if you do." This was followed by her dad saying, "we were too hard on you, even though we still think what you did was wrong." Stan then appeared on the TV, saying, "Wendy, I am sorry I dumped you abruptly. Please come back. I will take you back and forget this thing ever happened." Mr. Mackey then appeared and said, "if you come home now Wendy, your suspension will be lifted."
Finally, Cartman appeared on the TV, and said, "Wendy, if you come home now, I will forgive you for beating me up and I will drop all charges against you."
Wendy began to think about what they all said, saying, "maybe they are right. Maybe I shouldn't have beat up Cartman. I let my emotions get the best of me. From now on, I will never respond to anything that upsets me with violence!" Wendy went over to the phone, and called her father's cellphone.
Her father answered, "hello, who is this?" Wendy said, "it's me dad, I am in Memphis at a Holiday Inn. I was watching CNN and it made me realize I was wrong to beat up Cartman. Come fly to Memphis right away, I'm coming home."
Wendy left the hotel, and rode a taxi to the Memphis airport. She bought a one-way ticket to Denver, from there, she would hitch a ride back to South Park.
At the town entrance, she hopped out of the car, and walked into town. The whole town, including wheelchair-bound Ms. Victoria and Cartman, cheered as she arrived in the town center.
Wendy approached her parents, "mom, dad, I missed you so much!" she said. Her father said, "we missed you too." Wendy then told everyone, "you know, I learned something today. I was wrong to beat up Cartman for making fun of breast cancer. Violence is never the answer. I should have been more rational, and challenged Cartman to a debate on whether breast cancer was funny or not. By beating him up, I was no better than a Muslim extremist terrorist. I might as well have hijacked a plane and flew it into the Empire State Building. I will never resort to violence in any situation ever again."
The whole town applauded her speech, and Stan walked over to her. He said, "Wendy, I was a little hasty in dumping you last week. I overreacted, and I am sorry. Will you take me back?" Wendy said, "sure Stan, you were right." Wendy and Stan held hands, but then as usual, Stan threw up on her. "I was kind of expecting that", she said.
Mr. Mackey approached Wendy and said, "as of now, your suspension from school has been lifted. And once she finishes recuperating, Ms. Victoria will once again be your principal."
Everyone returned home, having forgotten the fight ever happened.
THE END
Well, there you go. This is my take on the fallout of Wendy beating up Cartman. The lesson here is, violence is not the answer. Martin Luther King Jr., and Gandhi were absolutely right. If someone says something you find offensive, just either report them to some kind of authority or debate them. That is all you need to do. No one needs to get hurt.
Oh and by the way, I do not condone terrorism. But at the same time, not all Muslims are terrorists or bad guys of any kind. I am sure that most Muslims actually say that Muslim extremists go against everything Islam stands for.