The Adventures of Lime Dorito and Swole Flamin' Cheeto

01: jasper goes head to head against annoying as fuck peridot

canon divergence peridot (this was written in like march? april? before she got smal)

—

The trip to earth would be a long, arduous hell; granted, peridot was no novice when it came to spaceflight, and accompanied her colleagues to a mess of other planets, but this outing would mark the first time she ever lead a mission. It was a small assignment, as compared to other gems whose expeditions included the colonization of a given planet, but it was her assignment nonetheless. She intended to execute it with precision; investigate the so-called 'crystal gems', capture the 'Steven' if necessary, and re-activate the kindergarten manually. Step by step.

Other than the soft hum of technology, the control room of the ship was silent; Peridot briskly placed herself in the chair and started up the programming. Delving her prosthetics into the control stream, the technology hummed to life and before her eyes lay tens of maps, layouts of their trajectory, maps of the milky way galaxy, maps of their destination, of Earth. There were detailed guides on how to trap and restrain rogue gems, guides on humans…that were, of course written thousands of years ago, but gave Peridot a slight understanding of what she was bound to encounter. She had memorized all of it, nonetheless; from the layout of Earth to the kindergarten activation. She would not let this mission be in vain. Start up the kindergarten, destroy the gems, capture if necessary. She sighed; hopefully, if everything went fine, they would consider raising her rank in the Diamond Authority, if only so slightly. And if it didn't…

Peridot double checked, triple checked, their route from Homeworld to Earth. Okay. Everything looked standard. Now back to re-reading the instructions on booting up the kindergarten, even though she could activate it in her sleep. Then after that, a round of reading 'Earth Geography', for a third straight time. Then—

"Everything running smooth?"

Peridot flinched, "Great Diamond—Jasper!" her chair swiveled around. Nose crinkled, eyebrows furrowed and lips in a tight, straight line, Peridot presented the most irritated face she could muster in the wake of her companion's unsettling grin. Unnerved, she fiddled with her visor and stared at the panels in the floor, so long as she didn't have to look her escort in the eyes.

"It would be helpful if you gave me some indication that you were present," Peridot glanced back up, craning her neck at the much taller gem; it was entirely demeaning, being in such a position that Jasper loomed over her. She thought about standing, but decided that it ultimately wouldn't make much of a difference; the orange gem had her beat by at least four inches, "these controls are awful delicate, you know. One faulty move could send the ship plummeting into empty space."

She snorted, "Please, I've been through worse," Jasper motioned to the screen, waving her hand across the monitor, "and it looks like we're already in empty space, green. Besides, isn't the ship on autopilot? Why are you messing with it?"

Peridot swiveled back, hands immersed in the data strip as it transmitted the course of the ship to her brain. Their destination, that tiny blue and green sphere in the milky way, remained unchanged. In four weeks time they'd land.

"Just making sure everything is up to par. Our trajectory is consistent." Peridot flexed her fingers to avoid flinching once more as Jasper rested a big hand on her shoulder. Completely against ship protocol.

"Hmm." Jasper rumbled. Peridot tinkered with the controls once more, scrolling through the maps, the layout of the planet Earth, the dated write up on what to expect when interacting with humankind, while Jasper breathed down her neck. Metaphorically speaking, of course; but the orange gem was so close that Peridot felt her chair shift very slightly. Jasper was pressed up close, a little too close to her, and coupled with the hand on her shoulder—

"Take it easy, green," that gruff voice snapped her from the daze, "we left, what, three days ago? And this is, at least, the tenth time you've 'checked' everything out."

"Twelfth time."

Jasper snorted, "Well, that makes it even worse. Let the ship do it's job. We're only here for the ride."

Without warning, the orange gem pulled Peridot's hands out of the stream, enormous orange fingers taking her clunky green wrist and forcing them away from the controls; she recoiled as she was yanked back to reality, voicing her astonishment with something between a yelp and a gasp. This time she stood, detached fingers on her hips.

"Is this your idea of a—"

"This," Jasper finished, "is my idea of you taking it down a notch." There was little malice, less acid in her voice than usual, but the sharpness of her words cut all the prior irritation from Peridot. She managed a deep frown before sitting down once more.

"I simply need to check the—"

She began to resume her work, determined to be sure of and review her directives during the trip, but in mid turn the seat stopped. Instead of facing screens and monitors, Peridot bit her lip as she came face to face with Jasper. The orange gem, kneeling on one leg to look Peridot in the eyes, settled her arms on both sides of the chair, elbows sliding onto the armrests; her white hair settled against Peridot's thighs, and she fought the urge to brush it away.

"Listen. We aren't conquering a planet. We aren't hollowing a planet. We are making a quick stop to some miserable little mud ball to see some measly little gems."

"And to re-activate the kindergarten." Peridot added. Jasper narrowed her eyes, and the green gem looked back down again, frowning.

"Whatever. This trip to Dirt—"

"Earth." Peridot finished.

"…Earth, is something I like to call a 'get in, get out' type of mission. Can ya figure out what that means, Peridot?"

Peridot hesitated. Was it a trick question? Did Jasper actually want her to answer it? She pursed her lips, and fought the need to scratch her nose.

"We…get to Earth, find what we need and…get out?"

Her direct gaze at the floor was severed without warning; Jasper lifted her chin in a surprisingly gentle manner for her brass, brutish fashion, so Peridot had no choice but to look her in the eyes. Immediately, the saliva in her mouth turned to dust. Beads of sweat formed on her forehead; she had never encountered another gem that managed to leave her weak in the knees and teary eyed quite like Jasper did. Peridot's fingers fiddled with the armrests of the chair. The orange gem snorted.

"And who said scientists don't have common sense? Exactly right, green," Jasper leaned in close, whilst Peridot leaned further back into the seat, "we go in, wreck some buildings, break a couple bones, and we're out. A walk in the park."

Peridot crinkled her nose and turned her eyes toward the spacecraft monitor, since Jasper prevented her from turning around. The hand that held her chin moved to cup her cheek, again shockingly tender (she may have gone so far as to say lovingly). Peridot sighed; the battle had been lost.

"But the mission. I still have guidelines to go over, papers to read. Anything can go wrong. Everything will go wrong if I'm not completely sure that everything is up to standard. The ship could land on the wrong planet. We could be weeks behind schedule! We could—"

"Please, green," Jasper moved suddenly, took Peridot by the wrist and dragged her up too, to her feet, "If I gotta hear you bitch for another four weeks, I personally will make sure that this ship crashes. Shut up and come on."

The orange gem placed her hand on Peridot's back, guiding her out of the room despite her complaints of "the mission!" and closed the door to the control room of the ship. Peridot huffed, crossed her arms, and looked at Jasper crossly; maybe the big gem was right. Maybe she was overanalyzing things. Maybe it would be a simple expedition.

Then again, she had no right to interrupt.

"Fine. If you won't let me go over regulations, what do you think we should do to pass the time?"

Bad phrasing. Jasper grinned at Peridot, running a finger over her skin from her collarbone to her chin.

"I can think of plenty of things off the top of my head," Jasper licked her lips, "but right now, I could use you for muscle building. Come on."

Peridot didn't have much of a choice in the matter, seeing as how Jasper's hand resting on her back prevented any means of escape, but the bright green gem didn't mind so much. Whatever could take her mind off the stress of her first solo mission was an absolute blessing.

"Hm. Weight lifting. Recreational. So, what, you want me to spot you or something?" Peridot craned her head to look at Jasper.

The orange gem snorted, "Spotting. Nah. I was actually just going to use you to bench press."

—-

these gay ass rocks i love them so