Note: This story was inspired by Goldfox's story "Heat". All temperatures are in degree's Farenheight unless otherwise indicated.
Temperature Troubles
"Man, it's freezing in here," Remy shivered as he wrapped his trench coat closer around himself while walking down the hall. "What's with this place? Can't Mags afford a decent furnace?" He decided to go find Pyro and warm himself up by whatever Pyro was burning at the moment.
Remy turned the corner and nearly ran into Pyro who was wrapped in a thick blanket. "Whoa!"
"Oops, sorry mate," Pyro apologized as he tried to stay warm. "What'cha doing?"
"Looking for you," Remy said. "It's cold and I wanted to warm up with a fire."
"Me too," Pyro nodded his head. "I already went down to one of the storerooms, ya know with all the wooden crates and made a nice fire. Ah, it was nice! But I got a little careless and let it all burn at once so it was all used up within a few minutes. Then Mags came in and yelled at me for burning everything and took away me pack and lighters so now I can't burn anything or keep a fire going!"
"Okay," Remy blinked. "Let's head to the control room and try to find a thermostat or something."
"Right," Pyro agreed and followed Remy.
The two reached the control room and saw Sabertooth at one of the monitors. Sabertooth glanced at them and growled, "What are you two doing?"
"Looking for some heat," Pyro shivered as Remy sat down and started working the control board.
"Aw, what's the matter? You a couple of freeze babies?" Sabertooth sneered.
"Hey it's cold in here! You can practically see your breath!" Pyro protested.
"Ha!" Sabertooth laughed. "What a couple of thin skins."
"What is going on?" Piotr asked as he entered the room.
"These two freeze babies are complaining about the temperature in here," Sabertooth jerked a thumb at Remy and Pyro.
"What is wrong with the temperature? It feels fine," Piotr said.
"No it's not," Remy typed on the control board and brought up some data on a monitor. "Look at this, it's 40 degrees in here! No wonder we're cold."
"Forty degrees is not cold," Piotr said. "Forty degrees is very hot."
"He's using the Farenheight scale Russian," Sabertooth reached over and pressed a button on the control board, changing the data on the monitor. "That's four point four degrees Celsius."
"So?" Piotr asked.
"So? So it's bloody cold!" Pyro shivered and hopped up and down to keep warm.
"You think this is cold? This is like a nice spring day," Piotr tried not to laugh. "When the water freezes outside then you may call it cold."
"Hah!" Sabertooth laughed at Piotr. "Canadians drive cars with the windows down when it's at the freezing point."
"Really?" Piotr replied. "In the winter I go outside with my shirt off to lie down in the snow and watch the clouds go by."
"Kid's stuff," Sabertooth shot back. "As a runt I've gone for walks in late fall with a thirty pound pack dressed in a T-shirt and short pants. And that's for eight miles in freezing rain and twenty miles an hour winds."
"Oh," Piotr raised an eyebrow. "In Russia we often wait until it is minus eighteen degrees Celsius out before we go swimming. But first we have to chop through the ice in order to do so."
"That's nothing," Sabertooth scoffed. "I know a guy who goes outside wearing short sleaved shirts and short pants all winter. And he lives where the winter temperature is often minus 20 degrees before including windchill!"
"I think you're both nuts," Remy said listening to his two teammates trade stories.
"Yeah that's crazy talk," Pyro agreed. "Anyone who goes out in that kind of weather is a complete and utter lunatic! A lunatic you hear me! You'd never catch me doing anything stupid like that, no sirree! Well, I'm gonna go to the kitchen, fire up the oven and crawl in to get warm." Pyro went off with the other Acolytes staring at him as he left.
"Shouldn't we…" Piotr began.
"No" Sabertooth growled. "If the Firebug wants to kill himself, lets let him. It'll save us a heap of trouble in the long run."
"He should be fine," Remy assured Piotr. "He shouldn't be able to fit in the oven anyway."
"Alright," Piotr frowned but backed off.
"Now where's the furnace?" Remy turned back to the monitors and began typing on the control board again. "There's gotta be some reason why there isn't any heat in here."
"Quit whining about the lack of heat you think there is," Sabertooth scoffed. "What a wimp."
"Hey, I'm from New Orleans," Remy snapped and glared at Sabertooth. "The temperature never gets below forty down there. Not all of us have a thick hairy coat and layer of fat to keep us warm you Ice Age reject!"
"DIE!" Sabertooth roared and tackled Remy. The two of them hit the floor and rolled around fighting.
"Stop this!" Piotr stepped in and tried to break them up only to be dragged into the fight as well.
"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!" Magneto yelled as he entered the room. The three Acolytes paused and looked up at the fuming look on Magneto's face. "Can't you stop fighting amongst yourselves for a whole day? Now pick your carcasses up and cease this foolishness!"
The three Acolytes slowly untangled themselves from each other and stood up. Magneto glared at them. "Now what is this about?"
"Just a discussion about the temperature in the base," Piotr explained.
"It's freezing in here," Remy shivered. "Can't we get a fireplace or something?"
"No," Magneto replied.
"Why not?" Remy asked. "Can't you just mainipulate the walls and make one real fast?"
"First, having a fireplace would require a smokestack or chimney on the roof and the smoke from it could give away our cover," Magneto ticked off a list. "Second, what do you burn in a fireplace? Wood. And there's no wood in the base that you can burn so I'd need to have some shipped here. And that would either cost money or time, probably both and I'm not going to waste either of them on you. Finally, I'm not going to let Pyro anywhere near something that is solely for burning things without any relevant gain. With my luck he'd probably burn the place to the ground! Which reminds me, where is Pyro? I already caught that maniac burning up one of the storerooms and took away his pack and lighters."
"He went to the kitchen," Sabertooth said. "Why?"
"Because I forgot to take away any matches he might have," Magneto explained.
KABOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!
The explosion shook the entire base and sent the Acolytes tumbling to the floor.
"What's that lunatic done now?" Sabertooth growled as the Acolytes picked themselves up.
"Whatever it is I'm going to make him live in a water tank for the next month!" Magneto scowled as he walked to the door. Just as he reached it, the door opened and a slightly disheaveled Pyro came rushing through and ran right into him.
"Oops! Sorry about that! I gotta get out of here before Mags finds out about…" Pyro stopped as he realized who he ran into. "Oh boy…"
"What did you do?" Magneto glared at him.
"Uh, nothing," Pyro shrank back.
"WHAT DID YOU DO?" Magnetro roared.
"Well…uh…I went to the kitchen to warm up in the oven when I realized that the gas it uses must come from somewhere. So I used the pilot light to start a fire and covered the outside of the pipes with flames. Then I started to follow them back to the source and why is that vein on your forehead bulging out?" Pyro gulped at the furious look on Magneto's face.
"And?" Magneto demanded.
"And one of the pipes ran right past the Missile Room. You know, the one that stores the missiles for the Training Dome?"
"AND?!"
"..and now part of the northeast side of the base is gone, as well as a few storerooms, part of the hallway and a wall of Sabertooth's room.
"WHAT?!" Magneto yelled.
"YOU BLEW UP ONE OF MY WALLS! YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT!" Sabertooth roared and leapt at Pyro.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Pyro ran for his life with Sabertooth right behind. "HELP! SOMEBODY SAVE ME!"
"IF TIGGER'S HURT IN ANY WAY YOU'RE A DEAD MAN! YOU HEAR ME?! A DEAD MAN!" Sabertooth yelled with murder in his eyes.
"Well at least he will warm up from all the running he is doing," Piotr remarked at Pyro plight.
"I hope he didn't ruin the oven," Remy shook his head. "We just had it replaced after Sabertooth trashed the last one."
"Maybe a fireplace wouldn't be such a bad idea," Magneto groaned as he began to bang his head against the wall.
Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution.
I actually know someone who has done all the things Sabertooth and Piotr boast about (lying in the snow without a shirt, wearing short sleaved shirts and pants all winter in sub-zero temperatures, etc.), except the swimming thing (that I know of).