Killing Herself to Live

-Some thought it was romantic.-

She didn't know what it was about him. But something... Something about him made her heart beat so much faster. And when she was near him... She couldn't help but smile. And oh, glob... She just knew that he was the one for her.

But too often she was reminded of why it would never work... Every touch between them was so bitter-sweet.

Nothing was more precious to Fionna than her relationship with Flame Prince. Nothing at all.

Not even her own life.

-Others called it sad.-

Cake had long ago said she wouldn't stay around and watch Fionna kill herself. Sometimes Fionna writes her. And every now and again she gets a letter back.

Prince Gumball doesn't visit Fionna anymore. He says it's because he is busy with Marshall Lee, trying to figure out the new relationship that they have.

But Fionna knows the truth. That Gumball and Marshall are afraid to see what she has become. And yet she still stays firmly by Flame Prince's side. Always.

-But they all knew that she was beyond any help.-

She really couldn't let him go. Even now. Years after he had died.

She just couldn't let go of the memory of him. Of what he meant to her.

She lives alone now. A picture of him sits on her bedside. His things are still where he left them.

You would think over time her wounds would heal. Maybe not completely, but some.

But both her inner and outer scars remain completely intact. And only she is to blame for this.

There is a fire place in Fionna's home. It is always lit. Fionna refuses to put it out.

This flame was lit long ago by the Flame Prince, just a few hours before his death. And Fionna has kept it going in his memory.

And when the pain of his loss becomes unbearable, she reminds herself of his touch. Just a few seconds, part of her body, the fire licking the skin, making her cry out in pain, but also in pleasure.

She never wonders if this is good for her. She never thinks that this is unhealthy, unsafe. Because she knows this is the only option for her.

No, really, there is nothing else she can do.

By burning herself she may be dying, but if she weren't to remind herself of his touch then her heart, her mind, her whole being would shrivel up and die, leaving her a hollow shell of a person that used to be so filled with life.

So maybe she is killing herself.

But the way she sees it is,

She's killing herself to live.