Destiny's Hand
Chapter 1 - Beautifully Broken
What... is this? What is this feeling? This... warmth? This cold? This joy? This sorrow?
How can I feel them all at once?
I feel so lost... so erratic. So... broken.
Where am I...? Why am I here? What good... will it do me? It's like waiting for a dream to come true, while all it's really doing is making my heart ache with longing... I feel I should leave. Yet for that very reason, I need to stay. But why? Could I really love him...? No... I know I love him. Maybe more than I could possibly bear. But...
...does he love me?
I would die to know that he loved me. If only we could be... but no, we can never be. 'The ones who live outside of time'... heh. Why... why must life be so cruel at times? So... so painful. So unfair. I cry these tears... they are probably in vain. He won't cry for my absence, I know. He'll forget about me... I'm that unimportant... so insignificant. But that doesn't soften the ache I feel, the part of me that feels... gone. Missing. Heh... oh, Vash... if you only knew how you've stolen my heart.
Then again...
...maybe this is best... you don't need any more pain... don't deserve any more pain... and if I ever told you, it would cause just that. I must keep my emotions hidden deep, deep in my heart, where you will never see... I refuse to cause you any more pain.
You've had enough pain...
...Too much pain...
So I must sacrifice myself... my heart... and though I would die to know you loved me... we are both better off...
... alone.
The wind howled and beat savagely against the window Meryl was gazing absentmindedly out of, totally succumbed to her own private, melancholy thoughts. She barely noticed the now tepid cup of coffee tightly clutched in her hands, nor the midnight chime of the ancient grandfather clock in the hallway. Like so many other nights she had been unable to sleep, and to restless to relax, had trekked downstairs, made a cup of coffee which she never drank, and sat and stared out the window, surrendering to her troubled thoughts.
In sudden irritation she rose from the table and quietly glided over to the couch and lay down, stretching out her sore spine from sitting so long. She gave a deep sight and closed her eyes wearily, but she was still far from her much-needed sleep. Oftentimes she had futilely tried to convince herself this was for the best, but she would always fail... how could this be right, when it felt so wrong? She struggled to repress the tears that threatened to fall. How could this be right... if she suffered so?
'Dang you, Vash.' Meryl thought solemnly. 'Why did I have to fall in love with you?'
Her heart gave a painful thump and with it a sudden wave of fatigue washed over her. She gratefully welcomed the darkness, and soon was deep asleep, lost to her dreams.
Millie watched her suffering friend mutely from her place in the darkened stairwell, her own heart beating a painful rhythm in her chest. She stared sadly at Meryl as she moved to cover her small, broken friend with a blanket she had carried downstairs. Indeed in the past few months Meryl had grown more and more distant and melancholy. She had lost a lot of weight, and her once-beautiful violet-gray eyes had lost their fiery blaze. Her hair, also, had been neglected; it had not been cut and flowed freely to her shoulders. The whole scene pained Millie to no end, and she sighed as she shuffled into the kitchen, taking Meryl's previous seat in front of her untouched cup of coffee.
Millie knew she was hurting, and hurting bad. It was of no help that the small insurance girl refused to let anyone in, instead putting on the almost-convincing mask that 'all was fine' every day. But her eyes always betrayed her. Millie saw this so many times, and every time she felt more and more helpless. She could only pray that Vash would come back and save Meryl, because Millie knew very well she could not... and Vash was the only one who could.
Yet what would happen if Vash did come back? He was a Plant, after all. And he would most likely be accompanied by his brother, Knives.
Millie sighed again and rose, slowly climbing up the stairs laden with a very heavy heart. She made her way deftly back to her room, and upon entering slowly climbed into bed.
'I guess destiny is just not on our side, huh?' She thought sadly as she pulled up the covers of her bed. 'We both know that, don't we, Nicholas?'
She glanced over at the picture of them on the dresser, and gently picked it up. She brushed her fingers slowly over the glass between her and the picture before solemnly placing it back face down on the surface, so the picture was no longer visible.
"I guess we're all destined to end up alone, hmm?" She whispered, and a single, silvery tear rolled down her cheek.
Yay! Another fanficcy!!! XD Yeah, I know like a bajillion fanfics start out like this, but this is my own private rendition... But this fist part is really sort of a prologue, that's why it's short... the next chapter is longer. :)
Yeah, I know my other fanfic 'Forbidden Love' is not finished, but I'm taking a break for a while so this will sort of be my fall-back... I'm going through a bit of writer's block, so yeah...
Luv ya all! Reviews are insporational and make me eager to write! -Jayrynn-