I hope this doesn't happen :(

Learnt from the best

After seeing them together, seeing Steven so happy it was hard not to feel jealous. I could've torn them apart, I'd only have to mention that I'm the owner of carter and hay and their new found romance would be all over before it's even properly begun. The last ten months without him have been torture for me, seeing him slowly moving on, distancing himself from me, but what was I supposed to do. Go to him? Confess my love? Promise him the world again? No, I couldn't do that. So instead I decided to wait, wait for him to come to me off his own back. Only he never came, and the longer it was left, the harder it was to tell him how I felt, how I'd always felt about him. I've struggled to come to terms with them, I wonder exactly how long it's been going on. When Chez told me about his new man, I never dreamed it would be Douglas. Usually I can tell when people are gay; I never got that impression from him. I still love Steven; nothing's changed, except for maybe now I love him more. Real love like ours doesn't just go away; it stays with you, even if you think you're over it. That's what has happened with Steven, he thinks he's over me but deep down he's not. At least that is what im thinking, what I'm hoping.

Chez thinks I should just stay away, leave them to it. Doesn't she know me at all? I can't do that; I can't stay away from him, not now, not ever. I was shocked when Douglas told him the truth about our little deal, but I saw an opening, I saw my chance and I swooped in. I told him I wanted him back, I knew how I felt about him, but Steven he wasn't so sure, he had more to think about than I did. I had to tell him as it could be my last chance, and to think of no more chances with Steven would be heart-breaking and painful. Him being in the club brought back so many memories, memories that I'd buried away, tried to forget, but now I was seeing them clearer than ever. Kissing him again was out of this world, everything is how it should be. I can't imagine Douglas being man enough for steven, their kisses could never be like our kisses. When he told me that he was confused and needed to think things through, I should've known then. He has never had to think about it before, he has always wanted me. The next day he came to declare his love, my Steven loves me again. I felt happy, no, I felt more than happy. I felt warm, nervous, feelings only Steven brings out of me. I felt fixed; finally the broken pieces of me were put back together. I felt whole again. Even what he said after didn't bring me back to reality.

"If we are going to be together, then I want you to write off the deli's debt…properly"

But because I was so glad to have him back, I didn't see that he was scheming. I couldn't think of Steven that way. I should have known that he would never come back again. The thing is the Steven I loved is gone now. He has changed; He's not the person he used to be. Maybe it's just payback, revenge for all the things I'd done to him. But all those things, even though they were bad, unforgivable, they were never about him. So when I signed the deli over to him, all I'd really done is sign my life away, my last chance, and my last hold over him. Now he was free of me for good. He could live his life any way he wanted, and with whom he wanted, with no interference from me.

After our trip to the solicitors, we came back to the club for a drink at least that is what I thought. That was when he told me it was over for good that he'd never get back with me. I almost believed him if it hadn't of been for those beautiful blue eyes of his that told me something different. I still made him nervous, that was another sign that he wasn't over me and I'm not over him, never will be. Difference now is that he's not going to put up with it, he doesn't have to see me every day, so eventually he'll forget me and with a little help from the yank I'll be forgotten in no time. He knows I'm the love of his life, I know he's the love of mine, but he's prepared to let it all go because he thinks that I will hurt him again. I destroyed him, filled him with broken promises, why would he go back to that? Only he wouldn't be going back to that would he? Douglas might be a safe bet but he will get bored of him that much I know, Steven needs a real man.

I'd never seen Steven look as smug as what he did today. He was pleased to see me suffer, pleased that he'd hurt me, and destroyed my future. If there was anyone that was ever going to do it, I knew it would be him. I remember that first day he came bounding into my life, I hit him that day, but he ended up getting a job out of me, I knew then he'd be trouble. Now he's leaving my life and if I'm honest, I don't know what I'll do without him. I've always classed him as mine even the months we were apart. I had to know what his reasons were before he left, although I had a good idea.

"Why, Steven? Why are you doing this?

"Revenge Brendan, after all you put me through"

He turned from me and started walking down the stairs.

"This is not you Steven, when did you learn to be so cruel?"

He turned and looked at me one last time and the words he said next left me broken.

"I learnt from the best, I learnt from you"

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