He subconsciously rubbed the palm of his right hand over his chest. "Not again." The words fell out of his mouth before he could stop them.
Her head swung around and their eyes locked in the heat of the moment. "What do you mean, 'not again'?" Ziva spat out.
Now you're in for it, Junior, he thought to himself as he steeled himself for a conversation several years in the making. Softening his glance from rage to ominous, he took a deep breath and growled, "So, you're going to do your best Harrison Ford impression from The Fugitive? You're going to go on the run by yourself to prove your innocence?"
"Tony, I am a target and we do not know why. Anyone I love is also a target as long as I am around. There is no choice in my leaving. To protect you and what is left of my family, I need to leave. And I will not be alone all of the time; I'll meet up with Monique or Shmeil or Adam when it is safe, I promise." Ziva tried to sound reassuring with that last statement, but her voice quivered. Just the thought of someone else she loved hurt or dead because of her was too much. Tears came far too easily these days and they were threatening to make another appearance. She had to look away quickly.
Tony winced at that last name. If this was their last conversation, he needed to stop hedging his bets and go all in. "What about us, Ziva? Why won't you let me help you? Why don't you think I am a safe bet? The last time you went off into the world by yourself, you had reason to leave me behind. You thought I killed your boyfriend to save my 'worthless ass'. Those were your exact words. It took me a while, but eventually I understood that. We DiNozzos may be slow, but we're not stupid." A ghost of a grin momentarily surfaced beneath the stubble on his face, vanishing just as fast. "But then you disappeared, not a word, even to McGee or Abby. It took all of us to figure out what had happened, despite what we feared, we worked together to do something about it. Did you think Somalia was just a vacation for me? What have we been doing these last few years, the post-elevator us, telling each other the important things and the things that matter?" It may have been a cheap shot to throw Rifkin and Africa in that mix, but he decided to play all of his cards, even the jokers.
She took a small step towards him and reached out for his hand. "Until I can figure out why someone is coming after me, I cannot risk being near anyone too long, especially you." Pausing, she gazed down as their hands interlocked and as she carefully chose her next words. "Tony, I care too much about you as a fr…"
"Do not use that word!" Tilting his head up as he stared incomprehensibly at the ceiling, he couldn't believe she said it again. "I let it slide in May, but do not trivialize what we are." He spun around, ripped his hand from hers and let his head drop into his palm. So much for playing the jokers, he sighed, rubbing his face; guess the joke's on me. Angrily, he decided to step away before his last chance was blown. Without another word, he walked outside and continued until the trees surrounded him.
The venom in his voice brought her up short. She stared at the place where he had just vacated as the sound of the door closed; her hand still hung bereft in the air where it had been ruthlessly abandoned. Before he turned away, she had seen something in his eyes. Was that pain? She was always drawn to his eyes. No matter what they were going through, she could always recognize the support in Tony's eyes. If a case was too emotional, his eyes could be piercingly focused; if the situation too tense, they would bring the laughter. Nothing comforted her more than when Tony's eyes found hers. Well, except at their last crime scene, after they had words about Parsons.
No! The realization was enough to wake her back to the present. It wasn't Parsons; it was what he had interrogated her about. Adam. Ziva shook her head as if to clear her mind. Is he still angry over that? She doesn't work for NCIS anymore; there isn't anything wrong with her relationship with Adam now. It had to be more than that. Going over their conversation, it dawned on her: she mentioned Adam as someone she'd reach out to for assistance and not Tony. Didn't he realize she was doing that to keep him alive? She could endure any hardship in the world as long as he was still in it. He was the only thing that matter; the one important thing in her world! No time to stop and think when that happened, she flew through the house only pausing once to open the door to the backyard. Practically skipping, she shouted out to him.
An clipped answer emerged from among the orange trees."Ziva, keep it down. Did you forget you're supposed to be in hiding?" Elated he hadn't left the grounds, Ziva headed straight for the source of that voice. She reached him only a few rows into the thicket and approached him with care. Facing him, looking him directly in his clear, blue eyes, she sought repentance and redemption.
"Tony, I am sorry about Adam." She saw him grimace before glancing away, but let his pain be her courage to continue. "When you saw me at the airport, I wanted so much to ask you to come with me. But I did not think I deserved it; I was sure God had just taken my father as some sort of punishment for me. I had just broken my father's heart by telling him his sins were too great; surely mine should not be healed so quickly. When I needed someone to talk to, Adam…"
He held his hand up to stop her. "Ziva, you don't need to explain anything to me. NCIS legal geeks maybe, please, feel free to spare me any details." His internal monologue screamed for her to shut up, but he couldn't bring himself to say those words out loud. No matter what she said, he wasn't going to let her feel alone or unwanted again. Strands of her hair flitted in the wind just in front of her eyes. Without thinking, he tucked them behind her ear and continued to caress down her cheek. Her eyes always took his breath away, but now they were swimming in unshed tears. It was his undoing. "Okay, give me the details." And he tried to prepare his heart for what he thought he was about to hear.
"No, Tony, it was you I wanted." She barely spoke above a whisper. "It was always you, then and now. You are what matters to me; I love you. And as long as I am able to, I will protect you, even if that means not…"
For the third time that afternoon, Tony interrupted her, but this time he didn't speak. His hand never left her cheek when he heard her declaration. Grasping her nape for purchase, he instantly brought their lips together. What he failed to voice, he poured into this kiss, professing all he had with fierce emotion. Not to be undone, Ziva answered with the same passion, pulse for pulse. Their tongues entwined in a tangle more intimate than a waltz.
A flutter among the leaves shattered the moment and they both turned to watch a pair of birds in flight. Tony had moved to step in front of her, turned to face her again. His hands reached for her waist as he rested his forehead to hers, eyes closed. Danger lurked, but it didn't intrude this time. He knew they couldn't stay here much longer, but he wasn't leaving alone. Convincing his stubborn ninja of this might take a while yet.
Breaking contact, Ziva pulled back just enough to look at him. She couldn't tear her eyes from his face; drinking in every nuance, every subtle distinction, every wrinkle from his furrowed brow. He was like the last chalice of water in the Israeli desert and her thirst begged to be quenched. Bringing both hands up caressing his face, a smile slowly formed on hers, "You should keep the beard." She laughed quietly.
He would not be distracted. "You can't just make a declaration of love like that and still plan to leave. You don't need to do this on your own. Again. Come back to NCIS with me and we can figure this out. Do you think Abby, McGee and the Boss wouldn't want to help as well?
"And what will stop them from killing you in your apartment? Or taking out Gibbs in his basement? Or blowing up the Navy yard and I lose all of you? I am scared enough just being with you right now, Tony. I have contacts here in Israel and throughout the world who are already looking into this. I will not put any more lives in jeopardy, especially my family." Her voice rose barely above a whisper, but carried with fierce intensity.
That obstinate look of determination she was giving was not foreign to him; he had seen that steeled will in her eyes on several occasions. This time, however, it frightened him to his core. Tony felt her entire body tense when she mentioned family. That was her kryptonite; the very thing that could crush her soul. How could he overcome that? His heart shattered knowing what needed to be done.
"I will not stop trying to solve this, regardless if you're at my side or," inhaling deeply, he continued vehemently, "if you're 3000 miles away. Life has no meaning without you in the world. I love you; you are my reason for living. If letting you go is what I need to do to keep you alive, then so be it. But, Ziva, you need to do me one favor."
A sense of complete elation filled her when she heard Tony finally acquiesced to her leaving. Basking in relief and heartache, the word favor barely registered in her brain. Her future was uncertain, but he would be safe and that mattered most to her now. She'd find a way to survive without him near her. Tears were pooling again, but she met his gaze steady on. Thoughts of their conversation in Berlin about favors swam through her head when she finally responded, "What kind of favor, my little hairy butt?
Chuckling through the heartache, the smile reached his eyes as he took her left hand and brought it up to his lips for a kiss. "Ziva. Sweetcheeks. My ninja love, marry me."