Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns all of the Harry Potter characters.
Title: "Ain't No Cure For the Summertime Blues"
By: Ivory Tower
Summary: Snape's usual holiday of solitude is severly disrupted by his new newlywed neighbors Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, and Black just can't resist pushing Snape's buttons!
The summer holiday had officially arrived and Severus Snape was more than ready. It took those three months to get all the pent up frustration out of his system. Early in the afternoon Snape went out to scrutinize the overgrown chaos of flora that made up his backyard. It was a damn good thing he grimly enjoyed uprooting weeds because he estimated about two weeks worth. Lighting a cigarette with his wand, Snape was distracted from his musing by a ruckus in the yard to his left. Until now the place had been empty for years and Severus dropped both his cigarette and his wand when he recognized the two new occupants.
For a moment Snape thought he had heat exhaustion even though the temperature was a comfortable 79 degrees. Perhaps he'd finally cracked, which would explain why he saw Remus Lupin and Sirius Black hanging onto each other they were laughing so hard. Of all the gay couples on the planet why did it have to be *this* couple? Had he, Severus Snape, not suffered enough indignities in one lifetime? With a sour face he watched the two former maurauders survey the unkempt mess as though on a scenic tour. The dump probably reminded Black of his days spent in hiding before the Ministry of Magic had pardoned him. In that case Black should feel right at home in that atrocity of a backyard.
"Moony, old boy, check it out!" Sirius held up what looked to be a fairly large disgusting muggle lawn ornament: that of a hideous squatting frog with horrifically dialated eyes- eyes that leered! Worst of all was the equally large idiotic grin on the frog's face; a tight-lipped grin that spread the entire width of the frog's face in bright red paint. Remus took one look at the demented thing and burst into merry peals of laughter. Snape's mood slipped another notch. That was when the merry couple must have felt those black eyes of hatred upon them.
For a split second Sirius's arms twitched, betraying his urge to fling the frog lawn ornament at Snape. Remus took a calmer approach and stepped cautiously forward. "Severus, is that you?"
In truth Snape momentarily debated denying his true identity but knew that even Sirius Black was not *that* dense. "Lupin." Snape acknowledged with cold formality. "Black." Snape did not meet Black's gaze. He couldn't else he would pick up his wand and wind up in Azkaban.
"I had no idea you lived so far from the city," continued Lupin mildly.
"That's obvious."
"Oooh! Look at all the mind-altering plants." Sirius tossed aside the frog ornament and boldly marched over to the fence where he rudely peered over into Severus's yard. "Do you have a permit to grow that stuff, Snape?"
"Yes." Snape felt his jaw harden. "I doubt you have been recently appointed as an inspector for the Ministry, Black. You know I grow these for-"
"Medicinal purposes. Sure. Sure. That's what they all say, Snape. Hey, Moony, ten Galleons says Snape's got himself a Zen room!"
"Sirius, do you have ten Galleons?"
"No, but you might."
Severus couldn't take anymore. "I'm going in," he snarled and stomped into his house.
A week or two passed without much incident unless you counted the minor disagreement between Remus and Sirius as they tidied their backyard. This quickly resulted in a playful mudfight that got out of hand when a large glob of muck, courtesy of Sirius Black, splatted Snape's back. Severus halted his de-weeding and whirled around to glare at the two men. Lupin looked alarmed and amused and Black looked downright gleeful. "Whoops! Sorry," he said without any sincerity in his tone.
"Keep your mud in your own yard, dammit!" shouted Snape.
Sirius pursed his lips for a moment. "Sandy made me do it."
"Who the Hell's Sandy?" both Remus and Severus wanted to know.
"You know. Sandy." Black patted the head of the horrid frog ornament. It was beyond deranged-those eyes were dialated just like a junkies. Snape shook his head in disgust and returned to his yardwork. "Sandy! Stop gawking at Snape's skinny ass!"
"I do not have a skinny ass and you're one to talk you gangly pervert!" Snape's eyes shot poisonous daggers at Black's smirking face.
"Sorry Snape. Didn't realize you wanted to have a fat ass."
"Sirius, that's enough," Remus managed to say between chuckles.
Imbecils! It was all their fault this yard work was taking twice as long as it should. How he'd dearly love to de-Lupin and de-Black the property next to him! In his anger Severus kicked a scurrying yard gnome. "Arrrgh!" yelled the gnome as it sailed across the yard. Snape swore he heard it call him a vulgar name as it landed in the hedges. Even the gnomes were against him!
Later that evening Remus was sitting outside, relaxing with a tall glass of lemonade. Overall he felt quite pleased with the progess both Sirius and he had made in such a short timeframe. He was considering what he should purchase to use for a ground cover when Sirius bolted out the back door stark naked and blowing one of those muggle party favors. Remus spat out lemonade at record distance and sat, torn between the horror and the hilarity of the spectacle. "Sirius, I know this isn't the city but have *some* modesty! Where did you get that muggle thing?"
"Found it next to that stereo thingy. These are kinda fun, actually."
While giving a resigned shrug Remus was startled by a loud bang coming from Snape's yard. The backdoor had flung open and out marched a blinking Severus with tousled hair. 'Oh fuck! We woke him up!' thought Remus apprehensively. He opened his mouth to apologize but Snape had woken up enough to see exactly what was going on. His black eyes grew very large and his mouth tightend. Sirius, hands on hips while still blowing the party favor, was casually facing Snape without a tinge of embarrassment.
A deep silence ensued as Black and Snape regarded each other: one with mere curiosity, the other with shock and mounting horror. Snape uttered something like a gasp then promptly turned and dashed back inside. Sirius shrugged dismissively and turned back around, blowing on the noise-maker. Remus buried his face in his hands, hardly knowing if he should laugh or cry. That one might have been one too many for Severus Snape. Concern filled Remus's face as an odd tangant of hysterical babbling issued from the Potion Master's house.
A/N: Want more? Did you even like it? Review and tell me what you think. If you liked this you'll like my most recent works "Rootbeer Halloween Party" and "Parody Parodise" Insanity, wittiness and fun for everyone!
Title: "Ain't No Cure For the Summertime Blues"
By: Ivory Tower
Summary: Snape's usual holiday of solitude is severly disrupted by his new newlywed neighbors Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, and Black just can't resist pushing Snape's buttons!
The summer holiday had officially arrived and Severus Snape was more than ready. It took those three months to get all the pent up frustration out of his system. Early in the afternoon Snape went out to scrutinize the overgrown chaos of flora that made up his backyard. It was a damn good thing he grimly enjoyed uprooting weeds because he estimated about two weeks worth. Lighting a cigarette with his wand, Snape was distracted from his musing by a ruckus in the yard to his left. Until now the place had been empty for years and Severus dropped both his cigarette and his wand when he recognized the two new occupants.
For a moment Snape thought he had heat exhaustion even though the temperature was a comfortable 79 degrees. Perhaps he'd finally cracked, which would explain why he saw Remus Lupin and Sirius Black hanging onto each other they were laughing so hard. Of all the gay couples on the planet why did it have to be *this* couple? Had he, Severus Snape, not suffered enough indignities in one lifetime? With a sour face he watched the two former maurauders survey the unkempt mess as though on a scenic tour. The dump probably reminded Black of his days spent in hiding before the Ministry of Magic had pardoned him. In that case Black should feel right at home in that atrocity of a backyard.
"Moony, old boy, check it out!" Sirius held up what looked to be a fairly large disgusting muggle lawn ornament: that of a hideous squatting frog with horrifically dialated eyes- eyes that leered! Worst of all was the equally large idiotic grin on the frog's face; a tight-lipped grin that spread the entire width of the frog's face in bright red paint. Remus took one look at the demented thing and burst into merry peals of laughter. Snape's mood slipped another notch. That was when the merry couple must have felt those black eyes of hatred upon them.
For a split second Sirius's arms twitched, betraying his urge to fling the frog lawn ornament at Snape. Remus took a calmer approach and stepped cautiously forward. "Severus, is that you?"
In truth Snape momentarily debated denying his true identity but knew that even Sirius Black was not *that* dense. "Lupin." Snape acknowledged with cold formality. "Black." Snape did not meet Black's gaze. He couldn't else he would pick up his wand and wind up in Azkaban.
"I had no idea you lived so far from the city," continued Lupin mildly.
"That's obvious."
"Oooh! Look at all the mind-altering plants." Sirius tossed aside the frog ornament and boldly marched over to the fence where he rudely peered over into Severus's yard. "Do you have a permit to grow that stuff, Snape?"
"Yes." Snape felt his jaw harden. "I doubt you have been recently appointed as an inspector for the Ministry, Black. You know I grow these for-"
"Medicinal purposes. Sure. Sure. That's what they all say, Snape. Hey, Moony, ten Galleons says Snape's got himself a Zen room!"
"Sirius, do you have ten Galleons?"
"No, but you might."
Severus couldn't take anymore. "I'm going in," he snarled and stomped into his house.
A week or two passed without much incident unless you counted the minor disagreement between Remus and Sirius as they tidied their backyard. This quickly resulted in a playful mudfight that got out of hand when a large glob of muck, courtesy of Sirius Black, splatted Snape's back. Severus halted his de-weeding and whirled around to glare at the two men. Lupin looked alarmed and amused and Black looked downright gleeful. "Whoops! Sorry," he said without any sincerity in his tone.
"Keep your mud in your own yard, dammit!" shouted Snape.
Sirius pursed his lips for a moment. "Sandy made me do it."
"Who the Hell's Sandy?" both Remus and Severus wanted to know.
"You know. Sandy." Black patted the head of the horrid frog ornament. It was beyond deranged-those eyes were dialated just like a junkies. Snape shook his head in disgust and returned to his yardwork. "Sandy! Stop gawking at Snape's skinny ass!"
"I do not have a skinny ass and you're one to talk you gangly pervert!" Snape's eyes shot poisonous daggers at Black's smirking face.
"Sorry Snape. Didn't realize you wanted to have a fat ass."
"Sirius, that's enough," Remus managed to say between chuckles.
Imbecils! It was all their fault this yard work was taking twice as long as it should. How he'd dearly love to de-Lupin and de-Black the property next to him! In his anger Severus kicked a scurrying yard gnome. "Arrrgh!" yelled the gnome as it sailed across the yard. Snape swore he heard it call him a vulgar name as it landed in the hedges. Even the gnomes were against him!
Later that evening Remus was sitting outside, relaxing with a tall glass of lemonade. Overall he felt quite pleased with the progess both Sirius and he had made in such a short timeframe. He was considering what he should purchase to use for a ground cover when Sirius bolted out the back door stark naked and blowing one of those muggle party favors. Remus spat out lemonade at record distance and sat, torn between the horror and the hilarity of the spectacle. "Sirius, I know this isn't the city but have *some* modesty! Where did you get that muggle thing?"
"Found it next to that stereo thingy. These are kinda fun, actually."
While giving a resigned shrug Remus was startled by a loud bang coming from Snape's yard. The backdoor had flung open and out marched a blinking Severus with tousled hair. 'Oh fuck! We woke him up!' thought Remus apprehensively. He opened his mouth to apologize but Snape had woken up enough to see exactly what was going on. His black eyes grew very large and his mouth tightend. Sirius, hands on hips while still blowing the party favor, was casually facing Snape without a tinge of embarrassment.
A deep silence ensued as Black and Snape regarded each other: one with mere curiosity, the other with shock and mounting horror. Snape uttered something like a gasp then promptly turned and dashed back inside. Sirius shrugged dismissively and turned back around, blowing on the noise-maker. Remus buried his face in his hands, hardly knowing if he should laugh or cry. That one might have been one too many for Severus Snape. Concern filled Remus's face as an odd tangant of hysterical babbling issued from the Potion Master's house.
A/N: Want more? Did you even like it? Review and tell me what you think. If you liked this you'll like my most recent works "Rootbeer Halloween Party" and "Parody Parodise" Insanity, wittiness and fun for everyone!