Edward
Chapter 1: Speaking verse
Disclaimer: I, and many others like me, would like to point out that no matter how much we wish it were otherwise, we do not own Twilight…
We decided that just for a random one-shot, we are going to make a fanfiction completely dedicated to random adventures of Edward. We being Hellgirl.XIII, PeanutMnM and I, Overworkedandunderpaid.
Hellgirl happens to have a particularly violent streak, and therefore has Edward sobbing dryly in corners when Bella dies. Considering I am the narrator for this ((random)) story/fan fiction, I shall be restraining her from proceeding with the aforementioned plan. Her input/commentary shall be put in brackets like so (). PeanutMnM is ((())) my input/commentary will be in double brackets (()). ON WITH THE STORY!!
P.S. Please be warned, our random screwed up sense of humour may not agree with you.
(Edward falls off a cliff! Mwhahahahahahaha!!) ((Don't be stupid… Ah to hell with it, STUPID!!))
Once upon a dreary day, our very own Edward Cullen (Did you know that they're making an Edward Cullen DOLL!!) ((Shut up, Hellgirl.)) was meandering down his very own drive way. He swayed this way and that way, pondering his life/existence. Quite abruptly, he fell to his knees and howled in pain. ((What sort of pain is as yet undecided)) Alice ran down the road with her super vampire speed and skidded to a halt in front of him.
"Edward, oh Edward, why do you howl so? You sound like a werewolf, did you not know?" she sang. (((No comment)))
Edward howled all the louder at this proclamation. "Alice, oh Alice, I'm dying you see, such is the agony, please help me!"
At this, Emmett too, pelted down the drive way, not skidding gracefully to a halt as Alice had, but continuing to hurtle down the road, and into a bus that happened to be passing. Edward stopped howling in agony to watch this scene take place.
"Edward, oh Edward, stop your screaming please, I cannot stand it, I'd sooner cease!"
"Emmett, oh Emmett, piss off I beg thee, I'm speaking in verse, God help me!!" Edward yelled to the sky. Emmett was climbing out of an Emmett sized dent in the side of the steaming bus. Somewhere in the distance, a phone rang.
"That's mine!" Edward screamed happily, and he stood up and took off at vampire speed, falling over as he ran… ((CLUMSY)) (((Um, Overworked? Why are you making them all speak in verse?))) (Because she can. Make Bella jump off a cliff!!)
Bella jumped off a cliff. ((Happy?))
Anyhow, on with the story:
Edward flew (Literally flew, has anyone seen the teaser trailer? His feet left the ground!!) into the huge hall that was his home. Dazzling lights blinded him momentarily. Then the phone rang…
RING RING, RING RING!!
The piercing notes crumbled the fragile wall of defence that remained around his mind, driving him (literally?) insane. And so, cackling madly, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen ran to the kitchen, and wrenched the phone off the wall. ((This time it was literally)) The phone snapped, and a feeble sound was emitted from the receiver. The hissing was too low for human ears to distinguish. But lucky for us, Edward was not human (((as anyone whose reading this should know))). He heard the muffled words as though they were… were… use your imagination.
"Bella jumped off a cliff!"
"NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Edward screamed and the sound echoed through the eerily deserted, sparkly house. As though this were a sign, Jasper shot through the front doors and stopped in front of Edward.
"Edward, oh Edward, how do you feel? My sensor is broken, - are you for real?" Jasper concluded astonished. For Edward had just told him the oh so tragic news. He then rose unsteadily from the floor, into which he had sank because it was replaced mysteriously by quicksand. As Edward stood, he ran, and as he ran, he hit the wall, but nothing could stop a suicidal Edward, oh no! The wall crumbled into dust in his wake.
At this, Rosalie came running, just like the others before her, and skidded to a stop with her eyes closed. "Edward, oh Edward –" She stopped suddenly and peered around. "Where did he go?!" She screamed, entering a rage. Jasper pointed silently with a sombre expression to the large hole in the wall.
Rosalie's eyes glinted dangerously (again, literally?) and she ran in the wake of Edward, screeching noisily.
Thankyou one and all for reading our fan fiction, we hope that you have enjoyed our writing. If we get enough reviews, we will post again, and we promise that it will be greater and ransomed off to the highest bidder!! We hope you enjoyed our first chapter, Speaking Verse, and pray that you review. If it encourages anyone, the next chapter will be even more random than this one.
The meaning behind our names, if you're interested:
Hellgirl.XIII: Have you ever seen the anime Hell Girl? Blood, guts and gore, death, hell and revenge. The XIII (13) is from the anime Black Cat. Assassination, Chronos numbers, friendship and guns.
PeanutMnM: No idea, I'll ask her, but it has something to do with Super Natural…
Overworkedandunderpaid: I live on a farm where I work for my parents for free. I'm overworked and underpaid through and through.