Cause and Effect
His choices were foolish. He realized that now. Four years too late. The mixture of melancholy and trepidation creating massive swirls of stuff in his stomach. Almost like a war, he thought, and wondered all the same which side would prevail. He couldn't tell which one he felt like rooting for, on one side he felt like he deserved the fear, but the melancholy came as natural to him as his breathe.
Exhale. He didn't realize he'd been holding it. His breathe that is. Sometimes he did that. In times of stress he would sit with backbone straight, and breathe suspended somewhere between out and in. He never recalled developing the tick, it certainly wasn't there four years ago.
Before he screwed up.
Yeah, things were better then. If he'd known what he knew now he would have never chosen what he did. Never would have left the dull town. The day he left it rained. Poured actually. He had said some things to his friends. Some nice, some not so nice, but the truth nonetheless. Or that was what he liked to tell himself, but deep down he knew that the words he uttered to his best friend had not been the truth. The same case with his girlfriend.
He told one he loved her, the other he didn't. One ruined a relationship he could never fix. Not now. Not ever. And the other girl, she was around. They talked on occasion, little chats about the weather. Or work. Or the next best thing.
The other girl though, the one he never got to see, the broken relationship. He felt that one every day, because she was his best friend, and he broke her. He loved her. Two years after he left he figured it out. She confessed, he rejected, and made love to another girl that night. Of course, he was thinking of her. He always thought of her.
Even now. He lingered on the what ifs, and why nots.
"Natsu?"
Red hair. "What?" He whispered back.
The woman dressed in black sighed. "Are you going to say anything?" Red hair swayed.
He closed his eyes, flashes of her smile passing under his lids. "I can't."
The red head smiled. He could hear it in her voice as it broke. "I know."
He stayed silent. She didn't push the issue. Seconds later a crotchety voice echoed. He tugged on his back suit, uncomfortable with the color, the implications.
"Today we are gathered her to mourn the loss of a great friend…." Crotchety voice begun. He knew who it had to be, it was only fair that this man got to bury the body. He took her in like his own. He did that with everyone.
"Regrettably, the person who hit her remains at large. The tragic hit and run case remains open…."
He inhaled. The sharp gasp attracted eyes. He focused on the ground. He had four years to make it right. Now he had none.
"Tomorrow is a new day, and she watches over each and every one of us."
He wiped his eyes.
"Rest in Peace, Lucy."
He turned away, nerves on edge as the casket descended. To think that all this could have been different if he had grown a pair. Yes, he rejected her because he was scared. Of hurting his current girlfriend. He thought he would see his best friend again. That night. But when he got in his car, surrounded by his friends, she was not one of them. Beside him the wrong girl sat, and he knew.
But he did nothing to change it.
A nervous whimper. A hand grasped his shoulder, and he locked eyes with brown. Almost like hers, but deeper, less warm. Plus it offset her blue hair. Really this girl couldn't get more different. He didn't know why he was comparing them.
"She never held a grudge," The bluenette cooed. Somehow, it made him feel worse, "She spoke fondly of you. You have nothing to regret."
He had everything to regret. From here on out his life would be built on it. Every shaky step, unsure move, all laced with regret and ache. He had no other option but to move on in a nervous manner, otherwise he could tarnish her memory. His memory of her. Their memory.
And he broke.
XxXx
So this was pretty different. I tried a different writing style I experimented with in class a couple days back, and I'm content with the outcome. Although this was supposed to be a different type of AU. The stereotypical Natsu and Lucy have a fallen out and he comes back and is all like 'damn I messed up/my regrets, they hurt' and tries to woe her again. But this happened. I'm not sorry.
This was also kind of for Nalu week's 'Nervous'.