I just think the Criminal Minds fandom needs a good, hilarious, insane, 4th/3rd wall breaking story. Inspired by TheMuseumOfJeanette's creation.

Fanfiction Trauma

Prepare for insanity.

Chapter 1: A Fate Worse Than Any Unsub

It was one of those extremely rare days for the profilers and for the technical analyst, one where they actually got to have the weekend off. There was unusually no immediate call from work that had them running back to the BAU building. These days were sacred.

Reid had opted on spending his Saturday well, starting with a good breakfast. This golden day was meant to be savored. He could finally catch up on some new books that he'd bought, although he estimated that he'd be finished with them pretty quickly. The thought managed to deflate him slightly.

Perhaps he could read it extra slow this time. It sounded like an interesting challenge. Although his minds was already programmed to scan the letters at an above normal pace he decided to humor himself and just try something new. He didn't really have anything else planned for his Saturday.

Reid had learned a long time ago not to make any kinds of plans. His demanding occupation had a tendency of throwing a wrench into his personal life. It never truly bothered him as he really loved doing what he does, besides it wasn't like he was that much of a 'go out and enjoy life' type of person.

After fixing himself up a nutritious breakfast he decided to start his day. It took him five minutes of staring into his living room to find out he had no idea what to do. His eyes landed on the widescreen TV positioned atop a desk.

"Wonder what's on?"

Reid took the remote and slumped onto his comfy sofa. He flipped on his TV and began scanning for channels.

"News, reruns, baby shows, cartoons, more news..." Reid trailed off as he continued his channel flipping. He decided to settle on a whichever the channel landed him on next, otherwise he'd be continuing this endless cycle. It landed on a horror movie, which wasn't really his thing but he would keep to his word and stay on it.

Unfortunately though, thirty minutes in and he'd already deduced who the killer was. This was exactly why he never watched these types of movies. It also occurred to him that he'd labeled the killer as 'the unsub' on more than one occasion.

What could he say, he never gets days off.

Realizing that the television would get him nowhere he shut it off and headed to his room. Perhaps he could go out and play some chess, which was always refreshing for him. Suddenly a small box in the corner of his eyes caught his attention, a FedEx box to be precise. When had he ordered something?

His profiler-alert mode turned off when he recognized the object inside. It was simply a laptop. He recalled now that he'd gotten it after his had accidentally broken. That had been a few weeks ago, he had never actually gotten the time to open it.

Now would definitely be a good time.

So Reid began the process of pulling out the device and began setting it up. He placed it on his desk where the old one use to be. It took a few moments before he had it connected with his network. Reid was never much of an internet person. He did play a few online games that Garcia had introduced him to though.

The next hour was spent re-downloading his games and playing online scrabble. The dreaded boredom began to take root again. This time Reid found himself typing random things on the Google search bar.

In the midst of his boredom he came upon an unfamiliar website, Fanfiction dot net. It didn't take much for him to realize it was a site for fanmade fictional stories. He had to admit that the site sounded interesting. It was a place where a person can let their minds wander; a place that allowed anyone to write stories and not need to be an author.

He wondered what sort of stories non-authors would write about. He navigated through the site and managed to see of few of his favorite TV shows and books. After reading a few he realized that he liked the site.

Deciding to move out of the 'Books' category he moved the mouse and clicked on the 'TV Shows' section. He was relieved to see the vast quantity of 'Doctor Who' stories. When Reid had his fill of stories related to Doctor Who he opted on trying another section.

He eyed the 'Top 200' list and began clicking on the numerous sections just to check them out. After all he had an entire free Saturday to enjoy all the wonders this newly discovered site had installed for him. Reid made a mental note to come back later on when he got the time.

An eerie feeling welled up inside him as he came upon one particular category. The summaries had too many similarities to just brush of as coincidences. His breath hitched and his heart skipped a beat when he noticed his name on one.

His hands trembled and he immediately slammed his laptop shut. Unconsciously he moved a few feet away from the device that laid on his desk.

Could he have misread it? No not with his brain capacity. It was at times like this that he cursed his accelerated mind. Maybe his laptop was broken? Perhaps it had a virus?

That just had to be it.

Since he didn't know much about electronics he figured he needed someone with the right expertise for this sort of thing. Giving it absolutely no more thoughts he began dialing the one person who he knew could help him.

"Reid, what can I do for you my young Jedi?"

"Garcia I need you to come over to my house, it's urgent."

"What? What's wrong are you hurt what happened?" Her frantic voice spoke.

"It's my laptop; I need you to check it out."

Garcia sighed in relief on the other line. "God, don't scare me like that. Anyways, didn't you just buy that thing or something?"

"Yeah but I think— no, I know that it's definitely broken. I think it has some weird virus."

"Oooh tough luck, I told you not to shop on eBay without my supervision. There are snakes there just waiting to find some poor prey to fall into their clutches."

"I'll most certainly keep that in mind the next time I do any online shopping. So, do you think you can make it over here?"

"I did have some plans, but I'm willing to cancel them to help you out pumpkin. Don't worry I'll be there on a flash."

"Thank you Garcia." Reid said before bidding her goodbye.

He narrowed his eyes and eyed the laptop warily. Was this some sort of a machine takeover? Did machinery finally grow their own subconscious, or was it only his laptop?

For the next thirty minutes that it had taken for Garcia to arrive Reid had yet to remove his gaze from the laptop. It was only when he heard the knock that he decided to break contact. He made sure to leave his bedroom door open before bolting to the door.

What would his friend think of all this?

Author's notes

Poor Reid doesn't know what he's just unfolded. He has no idea what awaits him and the team. Next up comes our first story.