[A.N. – This is kinda...different. I've had this idea for a while, so I
figured now would be a good time to implement it seeing as I'm at home and
bored. Yeah, it's different from "Quest for the Key", but I'm at a loss
for that story. Wrote myself into the proverbial corner, I suppose.
Anyway, enjoy this little tidbit, and if you're reading "Quest..." just
wait. It'll be back sooner or later. If you aren't reading "Quest..." you
should because I put a lot of hard work, effort, and time into that story,
and if you don't read it, I'll cry ;_; Oh yeah, disclaimers. I do not 0wnz
Final Fantasy. All your Final Fantasy are belong to Squaresoft.]
CREEPY VOICE OVER/NARRATOR GUY (Henceforward known simply as NARR., but know that the other names still apply): Tonight on Behind the Fantasy, we delve into the deep, dark world of...Final Fantasy VIII.
(Cut to shot of Squall talking)
SQUALL: Yeah, I always thought of it as my game, but, you know how it is...
NARR.: Discover the friendships, the rivalries, the deceptions, and....
(Cut to shot of Edea and Seifer making out)
NARR.: The things too hot for TV!
(Cut to corny opening music and poorly rendered logo reading "Behind the Music" with Music crossed out with magic marker and the word "Fantasy" hastily scrawled over it in magic marker. This "logo" happens to be drawn on a piece of notebook paper.)
NARR.: The first thing to remember about Final Fantasy VIII is that it had quite a game to live up to. Just a short time prior to its release, another game in the series, Final Fantasy VII took the video game world by storm.
(Cut to Quistis, sitting uncomfortably in a chair.)
QUISTIS: There was definitely some tension at first. Between the VII cast and us, I mean. All in all, though, I like to think that we were good friends. I mean, our games are SO different, it's like comparing apples to oranges...
(Cut to footage of Cloud and Squall standing around at a party, holding drinks and what appears to be a heated discussion.)
CLOUD: Yes you CAN! You can COMPARE them by saying that oranges are round and apples are too, and you can CONTRAST them by saying that oranges are orange and apples are RED!
SQAULL: You know what? SHUT UP! (A fistfight ensues.)
(Cut back to Quistis)
QUISTIS: You know...on second thought, that's not the best analogy.
NARRATOR: But not everyone felt so warmly towards the cast of VII. In fact, some felt downright...(menacingly) COLD.
(Cut to SQUALL sitting back in a chair, with his arms crossed looking rather sulky)
SQUALL: Cloud sucks...Aeris sucks... Sephi-whatever sucks. Hell, they all suck. They can suck my *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*
NARRATOR: All this bad energy would have normally doomed a game from the start, but no, VIII had lots of Phoenix Downs, and they weren't afraid to use them.
(Cut to pictures of production, director's voice can be heard in background.)
DIRECTOR: Honestly, I thought this would never get off the ground. Here I was, surrounded by a bunch of bumbling idiots, trying to make a game. Not to mention the fact that the cast of VII was sending us death threats via UPS. (he thinks for a moment) And Squall's nose was broken for the entire first week of the shoot after that big fight with Cloud. You can't tell, but the nose in the opening credits is actually a prosthesis.
NARR.: So filming was well on its way, and Squall had a fake nose. Something else smelled rather fishy around the set. Were the friendships as fake as Squall's snoot?
(Cut to Rinoa sitting upright in her chair.)
RINOA: I wanna get one thing DAMN straight! I wasn't no friends with that DAMN dog! Sho, she did tricks and stuff like dat, but I wanna get ONE THING CLEAR, yo! We wasn't friends ever since she sat on my Armani wrap, yo! The black hairs ain't come out since, nawwhattImean???
NARR.: Find out when Behind the Fantasy returns...
(Cut to commercial. Selphie sits on a dilapidated washer/dryer.)
SELPHIE: Are you looking to buy a combination washer/dryer, but aren't willing to pay retail? (Irvine runs in front of the camera, nodding violently and smiling stupidly) Well then come to Scrape and Split World!! Here we have hundreds of washers and dryers for less than you'd pay in any store! (Irvine's eyes widen, his mouth forms an "O", and his hand rushes up to cover it) We have all the brand names! They're just scraped and split...(her voice lowers in volume slightly) and dented, ugly, scratched, diseased, broken beyond repair...(her voice regains it's vigor) but they still work fine! Isn't that right, Irvine???
IRVINE: (Irvine moves behind Selphie, and takes out a sign while he's speaking, holding it behind Selphie's back so she can't see it, though the audience can. The sign reads "Please, please PLEASE buy something! She promised she'd play strip poker with me if we sold one of these pieces of" There is another word on the sign, but it is obstructed by Selphie's head.) Absolutely! So please come down, and help a lonely guy out!
SELPHIE: (Turning around abruptly) What?
IRVINE: (Hiding the sign just in time) Uh...what I meant to say was "Help a lonely guy, as in your husband, out by buying him one of these spectacular miracles of modern...
SELPHIE: Ok, that's enough of you, all eyes on me again. So come down today, and see what we have at Scrape and Split World! (Selphie jumps up enthusiastically, but trips when she hits the ground. The picture fades, but you can faintly see Irvine try to help her up.)
(Cut back to same Behind the Fantasy logo. At this point, it should be noted that the author dropped a scalding hot potato on her arm, so she hopes the readers will forgive any spelling or typographical errors from here on)
NARR.: With filming underway, and nerves already on edge from rivalry, the last thing the cast of VIII needed was betrayl from within.
(Cut to Squall in same chair, looking less sulky and more amused)
SQUALL: Originally, the kid that played Dougie Houser was supposed to play Fugin, but "Dougie" told Rinoa that Angelo was the one who sat on her Harmony rap or whatever, and Angelo got angry at "Dougie" and bit his arm off, and then we had to cast some crazed gray-haired wench with a speech impediment as Fugin. I think it added an element of romance to the story, though.
NARR.: Romance indeed. Even before the game was released to the public, the rumor mill was already churning out stories about certain characters being "in love." How did they feel about this?
(Cut to Rinoa)
RINOA: Ok, everyone was saying this stuff 'bout me 'n Squall being like a couple, nawwhattImean? And for a while I kinda thought the same thing myself, but ya know what happens in showbiz, your best friends turn on ya.
(Cut to Squall)
SQUALL: Look, I love Rinoa dearly, but I think all the fans out there have to know that we have a totally plutonic relationship. I think Rinoa wanted a little more, but I told her that I needed a more... uptown girl. Lately, she's been going through this phase where she acts..."bad ass" I believe is the term. ( he shrugs). She's normally a very sweet girl.
NARR.: Sweets, however, has the uncanny ability to...(menacingly again) rot teeth. And there were other romances on the set besides the most obvious.
(Cut to still picture of Edea and Seifer swapping spit, with Edea speaking in the background.)
EDEA: I know, he's 20 years younger, but frankly, it doesn't matter! Screw the nay Sayers! Ha ha ha ha! I'm free at last!
HUSHED VOICE THAT SOUNDS LIKE SEIFER: Edea, honey, get off the chair, and put you're shirt back on. (Presumably to camera guy or tech) Can we edit this out?
NARR.: Making a game isn't all fun, though. Free lovin' comes at a price. And sometimes, it's expensive.
(Cut to Zell, in tears)
ZELL: I...they...stole my hotdogs!
NARR.: Next, when we return to Behind the Fantasy.
***TO BE CONTINUED***
[A.N. – So how was that? If you liked it, please review or email me or something, and I'll write more. If you hated it, please review or email me or something, and I'll write more anyway. So, in short, review. Please. I'll be your best friend. I'll...uh...play strip poker with you! *glances around nervously* Eh heh heh...]
CREEPY VOICE OVER/NARRATOR GUY (Henceforward known simply as NARR., but know that the other names still apply): Tonight on Behind the Fantasy, we delve into the deep, dark world of...Final Fantasy VIII.
(Cut to shot of Squall talking)
SQUALL: Yeah, I always thought of it as my game, but, you know how it is...
NARR.: Discover the friendships, the rivalries, the deceptions, and....
(Cut to shot of Edea and Seifer making out)
NARR.: The things too hot for TV!
(Cut to corny opening music and poorly rendered logo reading "Behind the Music" with Music crossed out with magic marker and the word "Fantasy" hastily scrawled over it in magic marker. This "logo" happens to be drawn on a piece of notebook paper.)
NARR.: The first thing to remember about Final Fantasy VIII is that it had quite a game to live up to. Just a short time prior to its release, another game in the series, Final Fantasy VII took the video game world by storm.
(Cut to Quistis, sitting uncomfortably in a chair.)
QUISTIS: There was definitely some tension at first. Between the VII cast and us, I mean. All in all, though, I like to think that we were good friends. I mean, our games are SO different, it's like comparing apples to oranges...
(Cut to footage of Cloud and Squall standing around at a party, holding drinks and what appears to be a heated discussion.)
CLOUD: Yes you CAN! You can COMPARE them by saying that oranges are round and apples are too, and you can CONTRAST them by saying that oranges are orange and apples are RED!
SQAULL: You know what? SHUT UP! (A fistfight ensues.)
(Cut back to Quistis)
QUISTIS: You know...on second thought, that's not the best analogy.
NARRATOR: But not everyone felt so warmly towards the cast of VII. In fact, some felt downright...(menacingly) COLD.
(Cut to SQUALL sitting back in a chair, with his arms crossed looking rather sulky)
SQUALL: Cloud sucks...Aeris sucks... Sephi-whatever sucks. Hell, they all suck. They can suck my *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*
NARRATOR: All this bad energy would have normally doomed a game from the start, but no, VIII had lots of Phoenix Downs, and they weren't afraid to use them.
(Cut to pictures of production, director's voice can be heard in background.)
DIRECTOR: Honestly, I thought this would never get off the ground. Here I was, surrounded by a bunch of bumbling idiots, trying to make a game. Not to mention the fact that the cast of VII was sending us death threats via UPS. (he thinks for a moment) And Squall's nose was broken for the entire first week of the shoot after that big fight with Cloud. You can't tell, but the nose in the opening credits is actually a prosthesis.
NARR.: So filming was well on its way, and Squall had a fake nose. Something else smelled rather fishy around the set. Were the friendships as fake as Squall's snoot?
(Cut to Rinoa sitting upright in her chair.)
RINOA: I wanna get one thing DAMN straight! I wasn't no friends with that DAMN dog! Sho, she did tricks and stuff like dat, but I wanna get ONE THING CLEAR, yo! We wasn't friends ever since she sat on my Armani wrap, yo! The black hairs ain't come out since, nawwhattImean???
NARR.: Find out when Behind the Fantasy returns...
(Cut to commercial. Selphie sits on a dilapidated washer/dryer.)
SELPHIE: Are you looking to buy a combination washer/dryer, but aren't willing to pay retail? (Irvine runs in front of the camera, nodding violently and smiling stupidly) Well then come to Scrape and Split World!! Here we have hundreds of washers and dryers for less than you'd pay in any store! (Irvine's eyes widen, his mouth forms an "O", and his hand rushes up to cover it) We have all the brand names! They're just scraped and split...(her voice lowers in volume slightly) and dented, ugly, scratched, diseased, broken beyond repair...(her voice regains it's vigor) but they still work fine! Isn't that right, Irvine???
IRVINE: (Irvine moves behind Selphie, and takes out a sign while he's speaking, holding it behind Selphie's back so she can't see it, though the audience can. The sign reads "Please, please PLEASE buy something! She promised she'd play strip poker with me if we sold one of these pieces of" There is another word on the sign, but it is obstructed by Selphie's head.) Absolutely! So please come down, and help a lonely guy out!
SELPHIE: (Turning around abruptly) What?
IRVINE: (Hiding the sign just in time) Uh...what I meant to say was "Help a lonely guy, as in your husband, out by buying him one of these spectacular miracles of modern...
SELPHIE: Ok, that's enough of you, all eyes on me again. So come down today, and see what we have at Scrape and Split World! (Selphie jumps up enthusiastically, but trips when she hits the ground. The picture fades, but you can faintly see Irvine try to help her up.)
(Cut back to same Behind the Fantasy logo. At this point, it should be noted that the author dropped a scalding hot potato on her arm, so she hopes the readers will forgive any spelling or typographical errors from here on)
NARR.: With filming underway, and nerves already on edge from rivalry, the last thing the cast of VIII needed was betrayl from within.
(Cut to Squall in same chair, looking less sulky and more amused)
SQUALL: Originally, the kid that played Dougie Houser was supposed to play Fugin, but "Dougie" told Rinoa that Angelo was the one who sat on her Harmony rap or whatever, and Angelo got angry at "Dougie" and bit his arm off, and then we had to cast some crazed gray-haired wench with a speech impediment as Fugin. I think it added an element of romance to the story, though.
NARR.: Romance indeed. Even before the game was released to the public, the rumor mill was already churning out stories about certain characters being "in love." How did they feel about this?
(Cut to Rinoa)
RINOA: Ok, everyone was saying this stuff 'bout me 'n Squall being like a couple, nawwhattImean? And for a while I kinda thought the same thing myself, but ya know what happens in showbiz, your best friends turn on ya.
(Cut to Squall)
SQUALL: Look, I love Rinoa dearly, but I think all the fans out there have to know that we have a totally plutonic relationship. I think Rinoa wanted a little more, but I told her that I needed a more... uptown girl. Lately, she's been going through this phase where she acts..."bad ass" I believe is the term. ( he shrugs). She's normally a very sweet girl.
NARR.: Sweets, however, has the uncanny ability to...(menacingly again) rot teeth. And there were other romances on the set besides the most obvious.
(Cut to still picture of Edea and Seifer swapping spit, with Edea speaking in the background.)
EDEA: I know, he's 20 years younger, but frankly, it doesn't matter! Screw the nay Sayers! Ha ha ha ha! I'm free at last!
HUSHED VOICE THAT SOUNDS LIKE SEIFER: Edea, honey, get off the chair, and put you're shirt back on. (Presumably to camera guy or tech) Can we edit this out?
NARR.: Making a game isn't all fun, though. Free lovin' comes at a price. And sometimes, it's expensive.
(Cut to Zell, in tears)
ZELL: I...they...stole my hotdogs!
NARR.: Next, when we return to Behind the Fantasy.
***TO BE CONTINUED***
[A.N. – So how was that? If you liked it, please review or email me or something, and I'll write more. If you hated it, please review or email me or something, and I'll write more anyway. So, in short, review. Please. I'll be your best friend. I'll...uh...play strip poker with you! *glances around nervously* Eh heh heh...]