Warning: any resemblance to actual events or elected officials is entirely coincidental. Also KA Applegate owns the world of the Animorphs, and I'm just playing in it.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States of America."
---applause, flashbulbs---
"Thank you, thank you. Thank you very much. Yes. Thank you. It's very nice to be here tonight.
"As many of you have heard, our FBI operatives have captured a major terrorist cell in Northern California. We believe these, uh, terrorists have been responsible for.... For, for many attacks on American freedom in the past few years. We all remember the assault on the EGS tower in San Francisco. There have been countless commercial and domestic attacks on honest hardworking Americans. Like the assault on the summit meeting a few months ago. The leaders of the free world were attacked, and the evildoers were repelled and sent back to hiding. These are people who hate freedom, and hate the government. Of America. The government that I lead. We have captured terrorists on American soil. Uhmm...
"The terrorists are being detained in the Gulf, and are questioned... are being questioned by government officials to determine the extent of their crimes against the ...humanity. We need to know if more are out there, and whether they will act against innocent Americans and take lives once again. We will employ any means necessary to get information out of these terrorists. Who hate freedom.
"We cannot release much information about their physical state, or any personal details. This is for security reasons. We suspect that they are Irannan. I mean, from Iran. They have more than likely been operating within the United States for several years. We do not yet have details about how they entered our country, with their agenda of hate. The capture was a result of an FBI sting operation that had been in the planning stages for years... excuse me... for a really long time. Months. Um, we knew they were there. It was the results of our Department of Homeland Security, and their efforts to make life better, and safer for all Americans. The actions to counter terrorism made by this administration have made this possible.
"Do not be concerned about your own safety. If we learn of any threat posed by this or, or, other, ummm terrorists, we will not hesitate to raise the alert status of America from yellow, to orange, to even, uh, burnt sienna. Our terrorism experts will not hesitate to use any means at their disposal for dispatching anyone who is threatening out great country.
"This capture has many implications for the future of America. First, we must find out if these terrorists are acting on behalf of Irannan, um, government officials from Iran. We must be a strong country and stand together, even if it means bringing warfare, uh, again. We must show ourselves to be united and unafraid, so that once again we can proclaim "Mission Accomplished" as we show Iran that we do not tolerate those who hate America. This capture also shows the effectiveness of this administration's approach to domestic terror. We will not suffer at the hands of terrorists. To those of you who complain that Homeland Security means the lifting of essential constitutional rights, I'd say this: 'Without Homeland Security, these terrorists would still be free, wandering our great nation with their agenda of destruction."
---applause, flashbulbs---
"I'm open to a few questions. Yes, you?"
"Mr. President, what evidence do you have that these terrorists are Iranian?"
"Well, uhhhh. Um. They... they hate America. Iran has a nuclear weapons agenda. Its ruled by a despotic regime with multiple human rights violations. We need to act now....... Hold on... the Vice President of the United States of America, will answer all questions now. I... have an important, uh, briefing."
---polite clapping---
"Thank you Mr. President. As the Vice President of our country, I have been informed of these terrorists' actions from Day One. We have them in custody, and all of our evidence suggests that they originated from Iran. We are still looking into this. Next question. Yes?"
"Mr. Vice President, what about the allegations that these attacks were carried out by wild animals?"
"Hahaha, do you really think wild animals have the intelligence or capability to carry out such attacks? I'm talking about the destruction of the EGS tower, the interruption of an international meeting concerning the Middle East, and numerous minor guerilla actions designed to strike fear into the heart of freedom-loving Americans. This was obviously carried out by trained animals in the service of terrorists with a specific agenda. The interruption of the summit meeting irrevocably demonstrates this. Who else would want to disrupt a conference on the state of Middle Eastern affairs. You, next."
"Mr. Vice President, do you have these animals in custody."
"No, not at the moment. We are looking into it. Yes?"
"Mr. Vice President, several witnesses in San Francisco are claiming it was children, and not Middle Eastern terrorists, who were taken by the FBI, and that the sting operation was nothing more than a raid on their homes in the middle of the night."
"Sir, I'd urge you to consider what you're implying. The US government would never do such a thing. If raids on homes were carried out, it was because some terrorists have brought their families to America, to try to throw us off track. Their families are being cared for, and we're determining the scope of their involvement. Next? Yes?"
"The president of the United States seemed to indicate that your administration is taking this country to war for the third time in three years. Is Iran truly perceived as a threat to the United States, and if so, why did we not act against them earlier, instead of attacking a country with few known terrorist connections."
"We may consider actions against Iran if it becomes clear that they are supporting terrorists. We want to make the world safe for Americans and all people who love freedom. Next question?"
"Mr. Vice President, why would terrorists use animals to carry out attacks? Aren't bomb threats and hijacking more typical? How were these "wild" animals kept in captivity, and controlled so well? Why weren't any civilians hurt in these attacks? Why....."
"Once question at a time, please. Heheh. We're trying to determine why these animals were being used. It may be the case that these terrorists used technology to control the animal actors, while themselves hiding for fear of being hurt. These aren't decent human beings, they're cowards and they hate America. We're investigating to find out if this technology was funded by their government. Also, it is the opinion of our FBI operatives that civilians were in fact undeniably targeted in each of these attacks, and it was only through the strength and willpower of the American people that they were able to overcome the hardships they found themselves in. Next, yes?"
"Mr. Veep, under what conditions are the terrorists being kept?"
"Uh, hold on miss, I'm getting a report from our intelligence, I mean, military in Guantanamo. The terrorists attempted to escape, and brought in some animals. In the confusion, the terrorists, their families, and their animals were shot and killed. It's very unfortunate, but it goes to show that these, these terrorists who hate America, will never be able to beat us. We are a strong country, and we will not stand for evil.
"We will be having another press conference in the morning, to discuss the state of affairs at that time. Please save your questions for them. I know, I'm sorry.
"Before this ends, though, I would like to acknowledge the Sharing, and the helpful role this wonderful organization played in ensuring that the terrorists were apprehended. If you are not already involved in the work done by the Sharing, I urge you to seek out your local chapter. Already, many of our most important government officials have become involved. The Sharing truly loves America. Thank you, and goodnight."
---heavy applause---
This is a piece of political satire. I tried to superimpose the world of the Animorphs onto contemporary America, and predict what would happen in such an environment of fear. If you want me to spell it out, the Yeerks had infiltrated several federal offices, including that of the VP, (not yet the President, who is in somewhat of a state of cluelessness). With the help of the FBI, the Yeerks were able to identify who the "Andalite bandits" truly were, and the Animorphs were taken into custody, where their anticipated escape attempt resulted in their untimely demise. Visser Three is probably drinking champagne somewhere.
This piece was inspired by the fact that in many of the earlier books, the Animorphs are referred to as "terrorists" by the Yeerks. Are they? I'm only sure that in this day and age it is easy to confuse the terms "freedom fighter" and "terrorist," particularly given the state of the government and the US media. Think about all the "terrorist" actions in Iraq, an occupied country. Think about the guerilla warfare that took place in America's own Revolutionary War for independence. This piece isn't intended to piss people off, just make people think. Feedback is welcome, but if a lot of people indicate that they are truly offended, I might consider taking it down.
Finally, this has nothing to do with my story "The Underground Epic." Nothing at all. It's a completely independent satirical piece.