I don't own the song 'When You're Gone' by Avril Lavigne, or any of the characters of One Tree Hill.
When You're Gone
The tears fall down my cheeks once again, and I hate the fact that I can't stop them. I've never really been in control of anything in my life, not even my own tears. They just pour down my face, as I sit here in misery. Absolute misery. I have nothing anymore. I don't even have myself. I don't know who I am anymore. I'm not the Brooke Davis, I once was and in some ways, that's a good thing. But in others, it's not.
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd
Need you there when I cry
The old Brooke Davis, would have done anything to get her guy back. The new Brooke Davis, let her best friend have him. The old Brooke Davis, would have slept with a few guys on the rebound. The new Brooke Davis, sat in her room, like a lonely idiot, while everyone else got what they wanted. The old Brooke Davis would have never forgiven her best friend, for kissing her boyfriend. The new Brooke Davis, did what she knew was right, and forgave her.
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
is made up on your side
I still remember him, lying here next to me and I die a little more inside, just thinking about it. It hurts to know that instead of being here with me, he's lying next to her, the girl I still call my best friend. Some friend she was. She stole my guy not once, but twice and through all that, I'm still nice to her. She probably doesn't deserve any of it but she's my best friend, and I know I'm not perfect either. I just miss Lucas. I wish it was different, I wish I could find someone new. But I can't. There's no one like Lucas.
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
He was the guy for me. There's no denying it now. Lucas Scott was the guy for me, and I was his pretty girl. But Lucas just stopped caring after awhile. There's something between him and Peyton, and it's always going to be there. And so, I hung on for dear life, but I can only do so much. As much as I pulled in one direction, Lucas seemed to manage to go the other. I could've spent the rest of my life in his arms, but it never would have been enough for him.
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
I never would have been enough for him. He told me he loved me, and at some point, he may very well have. But I think most of it was lies. I was just another pretty face, that saw something in him. He never missed me, he never needed me, he just wanted me. He pretended that there was something there, other than just a physical attraction. But being pretty, or looking good standing beside him, is not enough to hold a relationship together.
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
It's kind of pathetic that it's taken me so long to realize I meant nothing to him. It was always Peyton that he loved. She was the one he wanted in the beginning, and I was just his second choice. When Peyton wouldn't have him, well at least I loved him, and I would be good enough. But then Peyton would change her mind, and Lucas would crawl back to her because I couldn't hold on tight enough for the both of us. It would always work that way. When Peyton needed saving, he was there in a heartbeat, but when I needed him, he was never there.
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it okay
I miss you
He was never around when I wanted him to be. When I was in pain, he wasn't beside me, telling me it was all going to be okay. I did all those things for him, but when it came to me, I wasn't good enough. Lucas had my heart, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get it back. Because even when we weren't together, I was still in love with him. Even when he loved Peyton, he was still the one I wanted. He was always in my heart, for better or worse. But I was never really in his. There was no room for me, in a heart filled with love for Peyton.
I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
I see them together everywhere now. He's always holding her hand, and telling her that he loves her. And unlike with me, he actually means it when he says it to her. She's not just another face to him. They have some kind of connection, that is somehow unbreakable. Wherever they go, whatever they do, they always find their way back to each other. I fake a smile, trying to hide the pain. But it's always going to be there. I will always love Lucas Scott.
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do
You can't help who you love, and he'll always have a special place in my heart, even if I'll never be in his again. I know now, that it's over between me and him, and I need to move on. But Lucas was the first guy I ever really loved. It doesn't mean there won't be others, but I'll hang on to Lucas for the rest of my life. I look down now, at these tear stained pages in this diary, and I realize that these are the last tears I'm going to cry over him. I've got to put myself back together before it's too late.
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now