They say falling in love is like falling asleep, slowly and then all at once. And that's exactly how Spencer Hastings felt when she first started falling for Toby Cavanaugh. The part she wasn't expecting was how broken she would feel after he betrayed her. It's like you're floating on cloud nine and then all of a sudden you're plummeting down to earth for your sudden death. Or like your heart is so full of love and happiness and then someone just comes along and rips it out of your chest and your left with this huge hollow feeling. When everything is perfect, the last thing you ever expect isfor your heart to be smashed into a million lifeless pieces.
"Why," was all Spencer could manage to get out of her mouth with tears streaming down her face.
"Spencer, I'm sor-"
"Don't," she cut him off. "Toby, I trusted you! How could do this to me?"
"Spencer it's not like that!" he protested.
"Then what is it like?!" she screamed while a sob broke free from her chest.
"I did it to protect you," he whispered. "I never did it to hurt you. I would never intentionally hurt you, Spencer."
"You already did," she said.
Her words cut him deep. His heart was being ripped apart as each dying second passed. He had done it to protect her, he had done it to make sure that no one ever hurt her again. But it seemed to have the opposite effect. He looked up at her. She was staring at him with hurt clearly showing in her eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks, and silent breaking heart.
"That was never what I meant to do," he tried to explain.
"Just leave," she whispered. "Please, just leave."
"I can't," he replied a moment later.
She looked at him stunned. "Why not?"
"Because how do you look at the girl you love, and tell yourself it's time to walk away? I don't want to walk away Spencer. I don't want you to look back twenty years from now and see this as the thing that broke us. I want us to be able to move passed this and grow from it, become stronger," he said while tears stung his eyes. "One day when we're old and gray and watching our grandchildren play in our yard, I want to see you sitting in that rocking chair I made for you with our hands intertwined. I want us to be happy."
"Toby, this isn't something I can just forgive you for. You lost my trust and pretty much ripped my heart out of my chest," she said. "That's not something I can just forget about."
"I know," he replied. "And that's why I'm going to walk out that door and give you some time. However much time you need. Days, weeks, months. But don't expect me to not come walking back in that door, because I will. And I hope that when I do, we can finally overcome this. Don't let this break you Spence." And with that, he got up and exited her house while he let the tears finally fall free from his eyes.
After he left, Spencer sat on her floor for what seemed like hours. A million things were going through her head, but one thing stood out. One torturing, mind twisting question. How could she not let this break her, if she was already broken?