A/N: Inspired by Simple Plan's "I'm Just a Kid". Good song. Just a lil one-shot on Cartman, I haven't really done a lot with him. He's one of my favorite characters.
I don't own South Park.
Today began another dreadful day for Eric Cartman. He woke up, had mom make him his usual pancakes with butter and sprinkles and other shit on top. He ate it with his usual remorse. "What's wrong poopsiekins?"
"Nothing mam." Cartman replied, and sighed. He wished he could lose at least a couple of pounds, but no, he was destined to be "Fatass", a nickname he had acquired in kindergarten, courtesy of that stupid Jew Kyle. He hated that kid, that kid who seemed to have everything. He had an actual family, his gay ass super best friend, and was on good terms with mostly everyone at school. Cartman? Not so much. He had a mom, nobody, and everyone hated him. What the hell is wrong with me, was a thought that popped in Cartman's head often, even though he already knew. It was his reputation to be an asshole after all.
All talking ceased as Cartman approached the bus stop. Stan and Kyle separated and stood around, looking at the ground. Kenny looked indifferent. Cartman knew they didn't want him there; They haven't wanted him in their group of friends since they met. He just stuck around because they were the only "friend-ishes" he had.
The bus came by after silence between the four of them. They shuffled onto the bus, with Stan sitting with Kyle, as usual, while Cartman sat by himself in the back. Kenny had been sitting with Butters recently. He looked out the window as everyone carried on their pointless chatter. Nobody cared about what's going with him after all. Even if someone was interested, Cartman wouldn't have anything to say. All he really did was do his homework and wait for time to go by. Sometimes he'd watch Terrence and Phillip. He was often alone most nights, due to his mom having to go do some "secret work" at night.
The bus finally came to a halt in front of the yellow and purple school building, and all the kids gradually got off the bus. Cartman followed Stan and Kyle inside, and eavesdropped.
"I fucking hate him Stan! Why the hell do we still put up with him?! WHY?!"
"Come on, he isn't that bad."
"Yes he fucking is! He's insulted my religion, my likes and dislikes, my family, and my fucking HAIR COLOR. We should kick him out."
"He doesn't have any friends.
"That asshole doesn't need friends. But, I guess he can hang around for one more day again."
It didn't take a genius to figure out that Stan and Kyle were talking about him. This kind of conversation always went on with those two. It always ended with Kyle saying just one more day. One more day apparently equals three years.
The children entered Mr. Garrison's classroom. Cartman hated this place. The teacher hated him, and he hated Cartman. That's exactly why, instead of paying attention, Cartman often liked to annoy Kyle, or maybe another classmate. Today, his victim would be Kyle again. Cartman tore off a piece of folder paper and made a spitball, then fired it at the Jew.
Kyle turned around. "Stop." He said, trying to sound menacing. It was hard to sound menacing in that little high-pitched Jew voice of his though. Instead, Cartman laughed and threw a book at him.
"ERIC!" Mr. Garrison yelled after writing down something on the board. Aware that the entire class was staring at him, Cartman started to laugh. "There goes that dumb fatass again." Clyde not-so-quietly whispered to Craig, his best friend. Craig flipped Cartman off. Cartman wasn't fond of Craig's group; They were really weird. One kid flipped every moving thing off, one was a complete fucking crybaby, one was perpetually paranoid, and one was black.
"Screw you guys, I'm going home!" Cartman repeated one of his catchphrases, and ran out the school building. No one could stop him after all. He still had four hours left to kill now, since he wasn't going to turn around and go back. Cartman walked around South Park, watching people be their usual idiotic selves. One girl kept hitting her head on a pole, and refused to move for it. Another guy couldn't figure out how to get inside a store. Cartman internally face-palmed many times as he walked around the snow-ridden town.
It was finally time to actually go home. Cartman strolled up to his house and opened the unlocked door. "Hello poopsiekins!" His mom said from the kitchen. He did nothing but sit on the couch and set his backpack down next to him. "How was school?"
"Dumb." Cartman yelled back. Liane brought out a plate with a meat loaf, some mashed potatoes and a doughnut on top of it.
"Why was it dumb?" His mom asked with that fake sweet tone of voice. I can see through your goddamn charade you whore, Cartman thought.
"No one likes me. As usual."
"Oh honey, I'm sure someone likes you." His mom said and left the room. Cartman started eating his dinner along with watching television, which was showing another episode of Terrence and Phillip.
"Haha! Did you hear that Phillip?" Terrence asked in a cheerful tone.
"What?" Phillip asked. Terrence proceeded to fart, and both men laughed on-screen.
Cartman continued to watch it, bored. He looked out the window to see Kyle, Kenny, and Stan walking by, talking and laughing. Kyle held up a movie ticket, so obviously, they were probably going to the movie theater. Without him. Like always.
Sometimes, Cartman wished he could have actual friends. "Bye honey!" Liane told her son as she exited the house in rather revealing clothing. Cartman looked out the window to see his mom walking down the street, men whistling at her. In the other direction, Stan and Kyle were hugging like the gay ass faggots they were, with Kenny third-wheeling. Cartman sighed and returned to the couch, and ate another bite of food unenthusiastically.
What's another night all alone?