Summary: In which Detective Dick Gumshoe converses with Franziska von Karma about their work relationship, has delicious homemade coffee, and doesn't get much done. Drabble-esque oneshot, not much of a plot, slight DickMaggey.
Disclaimer: I do not own Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney or any of its characters. Also, thank you to the Phoenix Wright wikia for the quotes!
"(...Gumshoe indeed! Like gum on your shoe, he's impossible to get rid of!)" -Miles Edgeworth, Bridge to the Turnabout
Dick Gumshoe had a predicament.
He furrowed his brow and shifted uncomfortably in his green trench coat.
Tea or coffee? ...
...
"Hurry up, Detective," growled Prosecutor Franziska von Karma. "I don't have all day."
It was rare that Von Karma offered to get something for Gumshoe, or anyone else for that matter.
Gumshoe chuckled nervously, rubbing his chin.
"I usually drink coffee, but I've been having stomach problems, so I'm not sure if I should get coffee or tea, y'know pal?"
Von Karma looked as though she might blow a gasket.
"It's an entirely basic question and even one as foolishly foolish as you should be able to come up with an answer in less than a half-minute!" she glared.
"Y-yessir!" he saluted. "Uh, just coffee, sir!"
"Very well!"
Without another word, she turned around on her heel and walked out of the police station.
The chief of criminal affairs turned from his computer screen to give Gumshoe a look.
"What's come over Miss von Karma?" he asked the detective. "Going to get us drinks? We have a lounge with tea and coffee!"
"Maybe she didn't see it pal," Gumshoe blinked, scratching his head.
"You don't think maybe she was paying attention at that meeting?" asked the chief, pushing up his glasses. "About promoting good work relations?"
"Now that you mention it, she did ask a lot of questions that day," Gumshoe blinked.
"She takes her work seriously, you have to admit," the chief nodded. "Now if only she would stop using that whip..."
"Sir! I've got that file you asked for, sir!" Patrolman Mike Meekins interrupted.
"Oh, give it here!"
Gumshoe went back to work as well, getting through paperwork as fast as he could. Even after years doing this work, he never could get used to how much paperwork piled up. He didn't think he was the sort suited to desk work, but it came with the job.
He was only on the third page when a gloved hand set down a traveler cup of coffee on his desk.
"Wha- oh! Thank you sir!" Gumshoe said with a genuine smile. The coffee smelled even better than he thought coffee could smell.
"Hmph," Von Karma replied, arms crossed. "Took you long enough, Detective. I called your name twice. You should be grateful I forgot my whip at home today."
Gumshoe didn't notice the last part of her statement, being distracted by the coffee.
"Hey! This coffee is great!" It was smooth but still had a distinct and rich flavor. Savoring it, he asked, "Where'd you buy this, sir?"
Von Karma smirked, looking all too pleased with herself.
"I didn't buy it. I made it. I added condensed milk and some milk as well, for your stomach. My father taught me how to make excellent coffee, just as he taught me how to be an excellent prosecutor."
She looked just as pleased with herself as she did when she made good progress in court. It really looked like she had a soft spot for praise.
"Mmm!" the chief exclaimed. "Miss Franziska, this tea hits the spot! It's perfectly strong and not bitter at all."
"My father also taught me how to make excellent tea," she glowed.
"Wow, Sir! Is there anything you can't do?" Gumshoe laughed heartily.
"I wonder that myself, Detective," she replied, walking briskly off.
It seemed that Franziska von Karma was getting used to her work and dealing with the police department. That was good news for Gumshoe. Less of her smacking him around with her whip and also a bit of inner peace. He was glad when the people around him were doing well.
Now - back to paperwork. He would finish it and go home early this time!
"Detective!"
...or maybe not.
He rushed over to the front doors, where Von Karma was holding the door and looking at him impatiently.
"I want a word with you, Scruffy," she said tersely before gesturing him outdoors.
'What's this all about?' he worried. 'She's never done this so...is she going to fire me!?'
He stared at her with dread. She didn't notice.
"Now," she began when they were out of the way of most people. "I have been thinking about the meeting last week, particularly about promoting good work relations."
'Chief was right!' thought Detective Gumshoe. He let out a deep breath. 'And maybe I won't get fired...'
"I only wanted to talk with you briefly," she said, "but it is important. I wanted to make sure if you have any problems with me, that you tell me now."
From the look of it, Von Karma did not enjoy the situation, but Gumshoe had to give her credit for trying. Honestly, he was surprised.
"Well sir," he started slowly, "I appreciate it. But you know, I don't have any big problems with you, sir. One thing is, I'd like it if you didn't whip me so much all the time."
"Noted," she retorted, finger on her chin. "I do remember the part of the presentation when we discussed...'positive feedback' and 'encouragement'."
"Besides that," he continued, putting his hands in his pockets, "I've got nothing else to say. Oh, thanks for the coffee today pal! O-oh, I mean sir." He watched her carefully to make sure she wouldn't get angry and sighed in relief when all she did was twitch.
"You're welcome," she said. She paused a bit before continuing, "Don't you have anything to say about Mr. Edgeworth?"
"Uh..." He hadn't seen the man in a while. After all, Edgeworth was on a journey discovering the meaning of his career. Edgeworth called in from time to time to see how work was going but other than that, they didn't exactly do small talk besides talk about cars.
Giving up on guessing, he asked,
"What d'you mean, sir?" This conversation was strange enough, and he was getting a little uneasy with the younger Von Karma talking to him. He had gotten used to her orders and headstrong way of doing things.
She put her hand on her hip and stared at him with something like disbelief.
"You mean to tell me that you don't know what I'm talking about, Detective? My father - he killed the senior Edgeworth." She looked away. "It's to my understanding that you and Mr. Miles Edgeworth shared an effective working relationship, correct?"
Gumshoe couldn't argue with that. He trusted Edgeworth, and Edgeworth trusted him. He nodded, still confused.
"I suppose we did, sir," he agreed, "but what's that got to do with now, if you don't mind me asking?"
Again, the scowling Von Karma looked like she was itching for her whip.
'Yipes!' thought Gumshoe. He knew people called him scatterbrained, but Von Karma especially had no patience for it.
"Detective, do you really have no ill will toward me, then? Tell the truth," Von Karma demanded. "And no foolishness. Communication is absolutely essential toward maintaining harmonious working relationships and thus more effectively achieving desired outcomes."
She REALLY paid attention to that meeting...
"Sir, I'll be honest" he started, hoping he wouldn't say something stupid. "I owe a lot to Mr. Edgeworth, and I wasn't too friendly toward your father, but everyone makes mistakes - " Von Karma looked peeved, but he continued, " - and I don't think mistakes make us bad people. My own dad ran out on me and my mom, but he's still my father. I think it's best to put the past behind sometimes to move on. I respect you, sir, and I think you are a great lawyer."
Von Karma stared at him, and Gumshoe felt like disappearing. He did not enjoy talking about his past, but he'd hoped it would help the prosecutor.
'Oh well,' he thought.
"I see," she said finally. "Then I suppose this means we can continue to develop a good working relationship such as the one you and Miles had?"
"Sure, pal!" Gumshoe smiled. "Uh, I mean, yessir!"
"Excellent news," Von Karma nodded. "I will keep what you've said in mind."
"Great, uh, can I get back to my paperwork, sir?" Gumshoe shuffled. "No disrespect - I'm just really behind..." He rubbed the back of his neck.
"Yes, I think that's all I wanted to discuss," Von Karma said. "I will contact you about the next case, Detective."
Gumshoe saluted Von Karma and turned to, but she stopped him.
"Wait." She was frowning. Gumshoe gulped. "Since relationships benefit from mutual feedback, I will tell you, Detective, that I cannot condone your being friendlier with the defense attorney Mr. Phoenix Wright and his assistant than you are with me. After all, aren't police detectives
supposed to have better relationships with prosecutors?" Her frown turned into a smirk. "It could be grounds for a cut in your salary."
"Ouch!" Gumshoe laughed anxiously. "You and Mr. Edgeworth are like brother and sister all right! Yessir. I'll work on it, sir. Would you like to go out for dinner with the buddies in criminal affairs sometime, Miss Von Karma? You know, with Chief, Maggey, Mike..."
"Perhaps," said Von Karma. "I suppose that would help build camaraderie. Contact me about this matter when you are sure of the details. I am free weekend evenings."
Wow. Von Karma outside of work. Who would ever have thought? Definitely not Gumshoe. Wait until he told the chief. He was willing to bet that he wouldn't want to go...
Von Karma glanced at her watch.
"I believe I am satisfied with the outcome of our discussion," she said. "Should you have any work complaints, please bring them to me so that we can resolve them in a timely manner. While my disposition may suggest otherwise, I have your best interests in mind."
"Yessir," said Gumshoe. He only turned to leave when Von Karma had walked a good distance away.
He had to say, he was a little awed. Miles Edgeworth and Franziska von Karma really were alike. It felt like working with Edgeworth's more temperamental fraternal twin. Who knew - maybe Von Karma would be the next Miles Edgeworth.
And now...
He stared at his desk piled with paperwork and groaned.
"Gumshoe, when will ya learn," he muttered to himself. "Do the paperwork right after assignments!"
"What was that all about, Dick?" asked the chief. "She didn't fire you, did she?"
"No pal," said Gumshoe. "What do you think about going to get ribs sometime with the buddies here? And, uh, Miss Von Karma?"
The chief stared at him.
"You'd have to pay me to go," he answered. "That, or guarantee that she won't bring her whip. Also, buy me a drink."
"Deal," grinned Gumshoe. He had a feeling Von Karma might not like the sound of going without her whip, but hey, you had to make compromises in relationships.
"Gumshoe, you're too friendly," said the chief, tapping away at his computer. "You need to get married and have kids like me; then, you'll understand the real world."
"No thanks, Chief. Not unless it's Maggey Byrde we're talking about, and we both know how THAT would go..." Gumshoe took a big gulp of coffee.
"Who said my name?" chirped Maggey, breezing into the station.
Gumshoe almost choked and the chief hid a grin.
"Maggey, how'd you like to have dinner with everyone this Friday? Gumshoe'd like to treat you," the chief said, now unable to hide his grin.
"Wow, okay!" Maggey looked too happy for words. Gumshoe wanted to hide his face in his hands. "Thank you, Detective Gumshoe! That's very generous!"
"U-uh, s-sure thing pal!" said Gumshoe. "Let's go this Friday! Mind telling everyone else for us?"
"Will do, sir!" saluted Maggey before disappearing.
"You're welcome, Dick," said the chief. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm done with work and have to go pick up my daughter. See you!"
"You got me good, Chief," sighed Gumshoe. "Say hi to her for me!"
Again, Gumshoe found himself back at his desk, on the fourth page of an inch-thick stack.
"Why do things like this happen to me?" he muttered, sitting down.
In the end, Gumshoe drained his coffee in seconds and stayed overtime - but he never did finish his paperwork.
"Aah! It's that confused detective!" - Maya Fey, Turnabout Samurai