Of lovers and sinners
children: harrie and tom
She had known the boy long before the monster
1. Boy
There had always been a boy next to her. Or perhaps, the better explanation would be: there had always been a boy by her side, holding her up while others tried to push her down. She didn't quite know how long this boy had been by her side or when he had appeared, but all she had known was that the boy was there in the cupboard and later on every adventure she would partake, his body changing just as hers did.
And no one else could see him.
2. Remembering
Aunt Petunia is angry. She always is when she looks at Harrie, always is when she thinks she catches grey eyes standing slightly behind her niece but no one ever appears. Harrie doesn't quite understand her aunt's anger directed to her for it is an old one, an anger fit for myths of two estranged sisters. But she understands anger, how could she not when its claws constantly try to enter her psyche and body?
2.1
Harrie's hair is always short, cropped close to her chin and amassing in unrepentant curls. It is the one thing, beyond that oddly shaped scar that Harrie likes about her. It is the hair and the scar that Aunt Petunia doesn't like about her. That and those green, green eyes that remind her too much of someone she once knew.
3. Girl
Uncle Vernon is cross. So very cross. Where Aunt Petunia is silent with her anger, a set of stern blue eyes and pursed lips, Uncle Vernon is red and constantly moving. His anger is constant and always about the most normal of things.
3.1
"Girl, pull up your socks."
"Girl, straighten you hair."
"Girl, get your grubby little hands away from that."
"Girl, don't you even dare."
"Girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl…"
4. Learn
Harrie learns to duck very early in her life.
5. Greed
Dudley, for all his tantrums, doesn't get angry. Instead he gets greedy. When he sees something in little Harrie's hands - he makes sure to have it, takes it like an unrepentant god. The boy by her side sneers when Harrie goes to cry at her tender age of four when the ice-cream is taken out of her hand and goes into the great gullet of the great, big Dudley Dursley. But it was a hand on hers that stopped that.
5.1
"You don't cry for them, little Harrie. You don't cry for something that is taken. You take it, and take it, and take it. Until they learn to never take from you again."
5.2
Later, when she is older, Harrie would be reminded of a god when she thinks back to this first lesson. A god of war who took what he wanted from a married woman and threw it in the face of a lame god. This boy that walked by her side, had always been a diminutive of Ares - a reminder to those who remembered the old, old legends. Legends, not truth for the gods were never real, but people still took to godhood better than the divine ever did.
And this boy who stared and took what he wanted, well he was ready to take that step to godhood.
5.3
Later, when she is much, much older, Harrie would wonder. Who was she to him? Enyo - Ares lover or Athena, the girl cut from the same cloth only sharpened compared to his bluntness.
5.4
Later, much, much later – she would wonder why she had never headed the legends that said: never compare yourself to a god.
6. Names
She starts school at five. She smaller than most kids, thinner too. Aunt Petunia always looked at her and said, no, not yet…wait. And Harrie would wait but never get what she desired in the end and stomach – well, it could growl all it wanted for more but it had always been an empty cavern.
She begins school with paint and the boy by her side scoffs. He tells her of how he began with letters and he would draw them in the air, and she would paint them on the sheets. As and Ds and Ms and Us.
She would spell, Mum and Dad. Papa and Mama. Mother and Father. Constant things for they were never by her side. It was perhaps, the one thing she would never be able to take. The one thing the boy could never show her how to take.
6.1
It's the second week of school and they're beginning to write their names. She writes it slowly, carefully: Harrie Lily Potter. She had known Lily had come from her mum and Potter had come from her dad and Harrie, well Harrie is hers, isn't it? It is hers and no one else's. No one can take that from her.
6.2
It's the witching hour. That odd, mysterious time between three and four in the morning. The time that didn't feel like it belonged to the world but rather to something other. At eleven past three, Harrie is awake in that small cupboard underneath the stairs.
"What's your name?"
It has been five years and for five years she has known him as well as she has known herself, but she has never known that name.
"Tom."
7. Bird
Tom becomes more apparent from then. Holding her hand, a warmth in winter and summer instead of the coldness her hands normally are. He takes one look at her, purses his lips and sighs.
7.1
The two of them don't like how thin she is. Harrie hates her skinny little legs and Tom hates how those collarbones stand out prominently. She looks all but emancipated and the teachers, well they notice but they just don't care. Tom is naturally thin, he isn't gaunt and pale like her - veins crisscrossing over her body and bones so thin they may break.
Birdy. He calls her. Little birdy, too little for your soul.
Snake. She snarls, hating the words, the nickname. But Tom smiles, grins all prettily and Harrie becomes all but synonymous with birdy. Birdy, birdy, birdy – why don't you fly out of your cage?
8. Children
There's two children running through Surrey, up the streets of Privet Drive. One has a riot of curls that go this way and that, wears boy clothes that are more than a little too big for her and dirt on her shins. The other no one can see, but follows like a trusty imaginary friend.
8.1
Though, we all know - he's not exactly imaginary is he? Despite how many want to believe otherwise.
8.2
There is a man in a castle that looks to an invisibility cloak and wonders, not for the first and not for the last times.
9. Hair
Aunt Petunia takes one look at Harrie at six thirty-three in the morning and takes her arm and sits her down on a stool.
9.1
Tom kneels in front of her as the hair upon her head goes snip, snip, and snip. He tells her, "Do not cry. Do not cry. Do not cry. Do not cry." She knows later that it is these words that make sure she doesn't break at the possible ridicule that Petunia Dursley wishes to inflict on her niece.
She is shaved and she looks sick.
9.2
Aunt Petunia takes another look at Harrie with all her hair shaved off and tuts. Harrie can't go to school looking like she does. There will be questions, no doubt about that. Terribly skinny, a ridiculous assortment of clothes and a shaved head compared to the overly plump Dudley, who wears nicely pressed clothes and a head full of hair. There will be questions, perhaps too many questions for her liking.
9.3
Above all else, the Dursley's are purveyors of the term perfectly ordinary and with little Harrie Potter looking like she does? Well, it'll be a moment of perfectly unordinary in what was originally a perfectly ordinary world. And they can't have, no sir, no sir, not at all.
9.4
She shuts Harrie into the cupboard and tells the school that Harrie caught the flu. You know how kids are - running around, disrupting the neighbourhood, going to god knows where…of course she would get sick.
9.5
Tom sits in front of her with a smile on his face as Harrie sobs. And sobs. And sobs. There is no one to hear her, locked in the cupboard with Uncle Vernon at work, Dudley at school and Aunt Petunia gone to tea with a friend two houses down.
"Stop smiling, stop smiling - it's horrid isn't it? Look at it. I'll be the laughing stock of the whole school."
"What do you mean horrid? All I see is that mop on your head."
And Harrie opens her eyes, lo and behold, there is her hair flicking in her eyes as it normally wants to do.
10. Magic
She learns the term magic that day.
11. Hunger
Tom and her are magical, he says. Creatures that are more than a few steps above the Dursley's. Harrie listens, raptured as always when Tom begins to explain. He doesn't say much, but he decides to teach her.
11.1
It is night, the witching hour strikes again. Tom is next to her, slowly pushing her hands where they need to go to make sure that the door opens with an inaudible click. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia are sleeping and Dudley is likely playing games in his room. And little Harrie Potter is hungry like a wolf.
11.2
The door opens.
11.3
For the first time, Harrie is full. She had made sure to walk slowly into the kitchen - bypassing all the wooden creaks and groans of the house, wearing socks so her steps are muffled upon the tiled floor of the kitchen. She opens the pantry first - Tom tells her to take four slices from the breadbox, some cookies and savoury biscuits that Aunt Petunia hides away but always get eaten first. She opens the fridge next - Tom tells her to take some ham and cheese, a tomato and grapes.
"Won't they miss this?" Harrie asks slowly as she savours the texture of the white bread in her mouth and the ham melting on her tongue.
"Listen," Tom says.
Above, the ceiling of their little roof starts to shake and dust rains down upon their spoils. Harrie sneaks her eyes to the grill on the side of her cupboard door and sees Uncle Vernon taking more than he should.
Tom smiles and it says, No, no they won't - you just need to be sure when you can take it.
12. Cats
Tom doesn't like Arabella Figg. When Harrie sits in her lounge room, watching cartoons on the telly, Tom takes to following Mrs Figg around. Dudley has been taken out for his ninth birthday to the pictures with Piers Polkiss and Harrie had been left to fend for herself in a house smelling of cabbage.
Normally Mrs Figg makes her look at pictures of those ugly cats of hers, but today she had something else on her mind and allowed Harrie to do what she wished.
12.1
Tom wasn't by her side, rather he was standing by the entrance to the room watching as Mrs Figg made a cake.
"She's something like us." He says, a finality to his tone. An impending judgement, Harrie just didn't know what for.
"She's like us?" Harrie asked, raising her eyebrows at this and looks over to where Mrs Figg was measuring out some sugar. Crawling across the couch to sit closer to Tom and to peer curiously at the woman, Harrie wonders.
Mrs Figg had always been normal thank you very much, so normal that Uncle Vernon had thought she could whack some type of normality into Harrie's own freakishness. But Mrs Figg like her cats was a bit too much to be normal. However, the Dursley's only saw the normal side of Mrs Figg - perhaps this was what Tom meant, this odd nature of Mrs Figg. But, being a crazy cat lady does not mean being magic.
Of course, Harrie says exactly this to Tom and he only stares at her with a huff.
"Look there - see?"
"Where?"
"On the shelf?"
"There are many shelves."
"There, right behind the tabby cat."
"There are three tabby cats."
"Yes, but only one, Harrie-dear is standing in front of a shelf."
"Oh, yes – you're right."
"If only you realised this more often."
"And if I did realise this more often, then you sir – why you would be very bored, yes you would."
"Will you look at the shelf?"
"I'm looking at the shelf."
"Do you see the book?"
"She has a lot of cookbooks – interestingly, not many on cabbages."
"Cabbages?"
"Because it always smells like cabbages here."
"Harrie."
"Yes, Tom?"
"Will you focus?"
"Of course, Tom. Books…on the shelf…that are not books."
"It is a book."
"Oh, then which book."
"Why the fifth book from the right, Harrie."
"Oh, so it is." Harrie stops here to tilt her head to the right, squinting her eyes while sounding out the title upon the spine. "M-mag-magic…is that…Magic Maldives? No, that makes no sense. Magic Melodies?"
"Magic Maladies."
"Magic Maladies! So you say, gosh – you must have good eyes."
"Harrie – I see what you see."
"Never mind that now Tom. So – Mrs Figg's a witch."
"No, Harrie. I told you – she's not a witch."
"Then if she's not a witch, what is she?"
"Magic but not."
Harrie looks at Tom, "Do you ever not speak in riddles?" Tom grinned at that. Harrie takes a deep breath and then lets it go before looking back at Mrs Figg. "So, she's not a witch and she's magic, but not. Therefore, I've come up with the conclusion that you are an arse. Tell me what she is."
"I'm guessing she was part of the magical world, but never truly a part."
"Why not?"
"She has no wand."
"How do you know? Perhaps she's hidden it away."
"Trust me, when you see that world…your world. You will understand why no witch or wizard worth their salt, or even not worth it, would part with their wand."
Harrie narrows her eyes and then moves out by the couch again. Tom stays there, watching the woman putter around. Harrie, in turn, watches him. Tom knew much, there was no shock there – he knew much and he hid much too. Harrie had learnt over the years that sometimes, to get that hidden information one must ask.
13. Wand
Where is your wand, Tom?
14. Silence
Tom doesn't speak to her for a whole week.
14.1
It becomes obvious straight away when Harrie and Tom don't speak or interact in any way. Tom would sit outside the cupboard door during the night, with his legs bent and arms around them. Harrie would have called the scene sad could she see where he sat – but Tom always did go where she couldn't see when this happened. During the day, Harrie would try to get Tom to talk to her, anything. During the night, he would hide.
But still she would scream and beg, for something, anything from his mouth.
But his was shut, a self-imposed silence that wouldn't break.
14.2
It does break. Quite easily. But Harrie doesn't know this.
14.3
The children at her public school seem to know that something is wrong with Harrie Potter. Dudley leads the charge with rocks and scissors.
Though in the end, it is Dudley's hair that turns blue and shorn like a sheep and Piers Polkiss's hand that is stabbed in the finger. The other members of the group all have little hurts and pains but it Dudley and his right-hand man that suffer the brunt of the embarrassment.
14.4
She is locked in the cupboard for the weekend with no food and only warm water.
And no Tom.
14.5
Aunt Petunia would look at the sullen little girl that takes glances towards the window facing the garden. She's cleaning the plates in the sink, standing on a wooden chair to reach the detergent and sponge. Aunt Petunia cranes her long neck to see what the little girl is staring at, but her gaze goes to where one of Mrs Figg's tabbies sit, lazing in the sun.
She knows that the cat has done nothing to her niece beyond the few odd scratches here and there.
"Will you speak? I'm sorry." Harrie says when she thinks no one is listening. "Oh for god's sake, Tom! Will you speak to me?" There is a petulant whine she hears in Harrie's voice, something she never hears from the little girl that looks too much like Lily. And Lily always did have a flare for the petulant tone.
"Harrie!" Aunt Petunia snaps from the dining room. She can't get reminded, not of her, that child in the room is why…no. Yes. She is.
There's a little clatter in the sink and she winces, hoping that the little thing didn't break something.
"Yes Aunt Petunia?"
"I want you to polish the silverware, Mr and Mrs Greenburg are arriving tomorrow and everything must be spotless! Not one mark on them, do you understand." She points a long, narrow finger to her.
"Yes Aunt Petunia, I understand."
14.6
Mr and Mrs Greenburg are wealthy clients of Uncle Dursley. Harrie is locked in her cupboard, however this doesn't stop the oddities happening in the house.
The first thing that had happened was Mrs Greenburg had squeaked when she sat down on the sofa. In her hand was the toy car that Dudley had not played with for two years. The last time it had been used it had broken and the boy had thrown it away into the spare room not to be seen again. The second thing that happened was that the in the clearly labelled sugar bowl, Mr Greenburg had poured a heaping spoon of salt. The third thing that happened was that the kettle had turned on despite everyone being in the lounge room, laughing. Aunt Petunia had glanced over to Uncle Vernon who had excused himself to walk towards the cupboard.
Know this now, out of these things – only one was cause of magic.
Harrie had been leaning against the door, pleading with Tom as always before she fell out looking at the walrus of a man.
"Uncle Vernon!" Harrie said. His meaty hand took her hair and she winced as she came to her feet.
"No more freakiness out of you, girl! Do you hear me? No more." She is shaken, shaken, shaken and her head hurts from where her hair was being pulled.
"But Uncle Vernon, I'm nowhere near you!"
"No more!"
14.7
Harrie is crying, sobbing quietly in the corner where the cobwebs make their home.
"Don't cry. I know it hurts…but don't cry." Tom says and Harrie peaks through her fingers, glaring with poisonous green, green eyes. Had she been a snake, anyone would have ducked away with their arms raised defensively.
But Tom? Well, Tom was raised with snakes.
"Don't cry."
"So you're talking to me now?"
"Harrie."
"What was so bad about me asking? Hey? It was just a question!"
"A question you wouldn't let up. I told you I didn't want to talk about it."
"You didn't have to ignore me for so long!"
"I am sorry, Harrie."
"You're not – but you should be! What happened out there? That was my fault. Mine! Don't make me do that again. I don't want him to hurt me again."
"He will not. Not again."
"Promise me. Swear it."
14.8
I promise.
15. Snake
There is a snake sitting, there. And Harrie and Tom are both mesmerised by it. It was Dudley's birthday today and Mrs Figg is sick and the Dursley's wouldn't leave a girl alone.
Harrie speaks to the snake. Tom stares at her as if he had never seen her before. Stares and stares and stares.
15.1
When the snake escapes, Tom laughs and laughs and laughs.
16. Hogwarts
She gets her letter to Hogwarts and Tom's eyes gleam.