OK, I just have to say that I'm nervous as all hell about this fic! While I wouldn't classify it as a 'Dark Fic', there are some definite serious impressions to be left by it. I started writing this about a week ago, and I won't say that it's been easy. It's not a struggle to write, but it is certainly a challenge. Just to let you all know that I'm not too sure of where this fic is heading yet. I'll have it all plotted out in about another two weeks, though. All I know for sure is that it'll end happily, and since I am a diehard fan of the true Iinazuke's, I'm pretty sure it'll end up with a Ranma and Akane pairing!

Still, read on, and let me know your thoughts!

MattSaotome

Chapter 1

Stained

'I'm on the outside, and I'm looking in

I can see through you, see your true colors

Cause inside, you're ugly, you're ugly like me

I can see through you, see to the real you'

The morning mist floated its way into Ranma and Genma's room, but found only one sleeping occupant. While Genma snored loudly in his sleep, Ranma was leaned against the wall under the window looking at him. No strange glance or funny expression was writ over his face, he simply stared. Through his glass eyes, one could tell that Ranma was many miles away from the Tendo home, and the fire that burned inside them was only amplified by the fire that he remembered so easily.

It had been only yesterday that they had returned from China. Ranma had no sooner gotten inside the house when his pops and Mr. Tendo had knocked him out cold. Next thing he knew, he was wearing some fancy threads, and he and Akane were to be getting married immediately. He didn't even shake his head when he thought about it. He couldn't. The wedding crap was just a precursor. If they had bothered to ask him if he wanted to do it now, he might have said yes… maybe… but he would have told them flat out that it wasn't a good idea to try and get him married right now. The part he wouldn't have included was the reason; he felt too damned fragile!

Funny word, that. Fragile. Life was that, if anything. He remembered seeing Akane in the wedding dress, and he paused for a moment with the memory. Then, as if to fuel his internal battle, he had argued with her about what he said and felt at Jusendo. Was he really all that pissed about getting married to Akane?

No. He didn't think that at all. Was he really so upset that she insisted that she heard him SAY the words 'I Love You' when it was never said out loud? No. He remembered thinking it. That was enough. It was rather funny that he had, because he had no clue exactly what love was. That just seemed like the best thing to call it at the time. Was he mad that the wedding was crashed by his and Akane's other 'suitors'? …Ok, so he couldn't lie about that one. Yeah. He was. His eyes registered for the first time that he was staring at his father's sleeping form.

Pops. F'uh! Idiot! Heard there was Nannichuan and sparked the flame that wrecked it all. Maybe if they all hadn't been running after the gourd of the Jusenkyo water, the sudden burst of people into the reception area would have found nothing there but the crap set up for the reception, and him and Akane would me married now since the ceremony itself was to take place elsewhere. He quickly cast those thoughts back aside. It wasn't time to be thinking about that. The point of it all was…

…No one bothered to check with him and see how he was doing after Saffron. So how am I doing? He asked himself. The answer wasn't what he wanted, but it was the reason behind the ghostly look in his eyes.

Murderer!

He didn't even fight the word. He had no argument left to defend himself against it. He just kept going back to Saffron. Sure, he had been reborn in an egg, and sure that meant that he was alive and Ok, and meant that Ranma wasn't technically a murderer… but all that meant nothing because when he had summoned his Chi and blasted Saffron…

…He had put enough behind it to level a small city. In short, he made sure the punk was gonna die! Realizing that these had been his exact thoughts had Ranma locked inside his own head, fighting a losing battle with his conscience. It didn't matter that Saffron was reborn. When he blasted that damned bird boy, he had no idea that he would be reborn. He fully expected that the freak would die. He fully intended for it to happen, and he had done nothing to stop himself.

"You got it backwards, BRAT! I just gotta get through your flames, and then it's MY vengeance you can't escape! You are GROUNDED, feather boy!"

He remembered the swing that cut off Saffron's wings, and in his mind, replayed the fall. His next words to Saffron didn't remind him of himself at all.

"Serves you right! Normally I wouldn't resort to crippling you, but I have no time to fight fair. Akane's in danger and I have to put your ass on ice and FAST!"

Then a short while later in the battle…

"YOU ARROGANT SCUM! You think you're so superior! That no one but you matters! You nearly killed Akane! For this, YOU WILL DIE!"

He flinched like he'd been punched. That wasn't him at all! He knew that, under normal circumstances, he would never have said those things, but then simply the wording of that excuse made it useless. Under NORMAL circumstances. Normal.

I guess that means that, under abnormal circumstances… I'm a violent killer. Ranma sighed heavily, turning his head to the side to look down at the floor boards. He certainly felt like he had become one. Every little piece of ethics and morality that existed within him told him he had done himself a horrible wrong. He knew, deep down, that he had not been true to himself. He tried desperately to remember the life he had saved… barely.

Akane. His fiancé. The woman that he supposedly 'loved'. Supposedly? HAH! Who was he trying to kid? There was no 'supposedly' about it! It had all been for her sake. Everything. He remembered how the doll had smiled at him as it fell, and just after he caught it… it closed it's eyes. He did the same, now. Some small amount of that pain still existed in him. He'd never admit it. He couldn't admit it. None of the things that were present in his mind could be dealt with until Saffron was. That was all that really mattered right now. Saving Akane's life was no justification for taking someone else's.

But he didn't die.

So? You didn't know that he would be reborn while you were killing him, did you?! He didn't really understand why, but a single tear formed in his eye and rolled unceremoniously down his cheek to fall on the bare floor. That was when he heard the sound of someone's feet shuffling. He slowly raised his head to look at the doorway. Akane was standing there, shuffling her feet, looking down at her toes like they had the answers she was looking for.

"…what?" Ranma finally said, his face still not shifting from the blank expression he wore.

"…Um, hang on." She said. She stepped into the room and roused Genma, saying something into his ear quietly. Ranma didn't have to make a second guess that Akane had told him it was breakfast time. The old fool was up like a shot of lightning and out the door, heading for the kitchen. Akane stood back up and walked over to Ranma, sitting in front of him.

"There's… breakfast downstairs, if you're-"

"No, thank you." Ranma shook his head once, his eyes only meeting hers long enough to say that before he looked back down at the floor beside him. "I… I don't… deserve to eat… nothin."

"What do you mean by that, Ranma?" Akane's voice was also quiet, but her tone insisted that he tell her what was going on in his head. He shook it again, side to side, slowly. As he shook his head, he remembered the blast he had thrown at Saffron. "I… killed him…"

Akane's hand went to her mouth. Damn! How could I have not thought about this! She realized instantly that Ranma blamed himself with the death of Saffron, even though that had not been the case. She realized that Ranma now considered himself to be no better than any other killer that ever lived. She immediately tried to comfort him.

"You saved me." She put a hand on his. He quickly pulled it back.

"It wasn't my right to decide to take a life."

Akane looked hard at Ranma now. She did her best to look into the eye that still faced her. She shook her own head now, seeing the emptiness that swam inside him. His gaze to the floor was cold and alone.

She knew there was nothing else that could have stopped Saffron. If Ranma hadn't fought to kill him, he never would have quit attacking. It didn't matter that all Ranma ended up wanting was to bring her back, Saffron wasn't going to let him get anywhere near the cold spring water. She opened her mouth to tell Ranma this.

"Ran-"

"Don't." He shook his head one more time. "Don't… try to help me. I have to decide for myself… whether or not I did the right thing."

Akane was puzzled. "Why you?"

"Because," he answered, looking back at her again. "Because if I'm not the one that makes myself believe that I did right… then I'll never truly believe it myself. I'm… not sure I ever will, anyways."

Now Akane was getting mad. If Ranma didn't allow himself to be helped to decide, then he was right; he'd never believe that it had to be that way.

"Now you listen here, Ranma." Akane growled. Ranma's face changed a bit. It surprised him a little that Akane would be mad at him right now, and he couldn't help but wonder what for? "If you don't let us help you through this, then you'll make a stupid decision. I know that you think you have all the answers when it comes to matters about yourself, but maybe you should let others help you judge that properly. You don't have it in you to admit some of the facts about yourself, and unless someone else rams those facts down your throat, you'll never accept them!"

Ranma was speechless. His eyes had widened a bit, and he stared at Akane now. She was scowling at him, yes, but her bottom lip was shaking. If she was the same kind of 'mad' at him that she normally was, he knew he'd be through a wall or a roof or something by now. This was different. This wasn't just 'mad'. It was something else, too. Unable to do anything else, he just nodded, barely perceptibly.

Akane let out a small sigh, but kept some small part of the scowl on her face.

"Now come down and have breakfast with us," she said, and then stood and left the room, not even waiting to see if he said yes or no. Ranma continued to look where she was just a moment before.

Why… is she so set on helping me? Can't she see… that I need to do this for myself? If this was one of the simpler matters of life… I'd have fewer problems with asking for help. But this is about being true to myself… not someone else…

He put these thoughts to rest as he slowly stood up. For now, he'd do what she asked him to. In his mind, he knew that she deserved at least that. He'd saved her from Saffron, yes, but she had also saved him from Saffron as well.

Twice.

Ranma put one foot in front of the other, and began to walk out of the room in silence.

As he entered the hallway, he looked from side to side. The house seemed a bit bigger, for some reason. Ever since they got back, it seemed to take him an eternity to get anywhere in the Tendo home, and he sometimes caught himself forgetting which way was which. In this case, he finally remembered and turned to walk down the hall to the kitchen.

The Tendo's and his father were all gathered around the table. He already knew what was coming, because he had seen it so often before. They were all there, and Akane had been saved, so the Tendo's would treat this day no differently than any other. As he walked around the table to where he would sit, he imagined what everyone was saying as their mouths moved.

Well good morning, Ranma! Did you sleep alright? Kasumi would say.

Don't you just look like hell warmed over! Nabiki would add about his bleary morning expression.

Morning, Ranma! All worn out from yesterday's workouts, eh? Soun would throw in his daily morning praise.

Ranma, my boy, a martial artist should never sleep in! Pops would growl, trying to make himself look tough and all, but failing miserably as everyone glared at him with half open eyes.

Look who's talking! Akane would always stick up for him to his Pops. For some reason, as he watched their lips move with his mind making imitations of their voices, he smiled when Akane stood up for him. It didn't last long, though, and his face was quickly as expressionless as it was before. He took his seat.

Breakfast was quiet, and no one seemed to be willing to talk. Perhaps they were all picking up on Ranma's quiet mood. Not even his Pops tried to reach over and steal food off Ranma's plate. After about ten minutes without conversation, Nabiki finally broke the silence.

"Well, I guess things can go back to normal now. School ought to put a smile on your face once you've beat Kuno senseless."

"I ain't going to school," Ranma replied, not looking up from his barely touched plate.

"What?!" Akane looked surprised.

"Ranma, my boy, you don't have a choice. You can't just skip school whenever you feel like it! A martial artist is always well educated!"

"Shut up, Pops!!" Ranma snapped hard. Everyone at the table suddenly looked at him wide eyed. "All I ever hear you say is 'A martial artist shouldn't this' or 'a martial artist should that'. I DON'T CARE!!!! Maybe if you'd open your damned eyes for even a second you'd see how full of crap you've become!!"

Ranma stood from the table quickly, anger pouring off him like water as he walked out of the dining room and back up the stairs. Genma just looked bewildered. Silence greeted the table again, and it was at least a minute before Kasumi broke it.

"I don't think we should force him to go today…"

"Ranma?"

Akane walked up to him as he stood leaning on the balcony railing. She stood beside him and looked at him. His face still had that ghostly look on it. She sighed, looking out across the yard and farther out into the day. Things had obviously just become much more complicated than any stupid wedding could make them. That was the reason she hadn't gone to school either. Sure, her dad had tried to get her to go, but she had used… unarguable logic on him that made him change his mind.

As she stood there, she picked up on subtle impressions from Ranma. Every now and then, his eyes would be cast in a certain direction, or he would sigh in a certain way. She began to pay very close attention to these, hoping to be able to form them together so she could help Ranma through the difficult patch he had found himself in.

Wait, he just flicked his eyes at ME!

"What is it, Ranma?" Akane asked. She watched a little color reappear on his face, and she giggled a bit internally. For all the wrong that had happened over the last week or so, one thing that it did manage to do was bring them closer together. Whether or not Ranma was willing to admit it, their bond had just become a lot stronger. What she didn't realize was the proof she was about to get of it.

Ranma turned his head to face Akane wordlessly. She blinked as he stared into her eyes. Quietly, and with movement slow enough that it made Akane wonder if he was afraid of something, he stepped up to her. He looked down at her for a few seconds. Then, just as slowly, he brought his arms up and wrapped them around her.

Akane froze.

Ranma was holding her.

Of his own free will!

She shakily returned his embrace, and for what felt like an eternity, they stood like that. Ranma said nothing, and Akane asked nothing. She was too afraid that, if she spoke now, she'd shatter the fragile moment that was happening between them.

Funny word, that. Fragile. If there was one thing to sum up Ranma right now, it would be fragile. She held him a little closer, worried now that, if she let him go, she'd lose him forever to something far worse than death.

Finally, after nearly a half hour had passed, Ranma released her. He took a single step back, his head hung.

"Th… Thank you… Akane…" he said. Then, without another word, he turned and walked back into the house. Akane continued to stand on the balcony where they had just been. She couldn't say a word at first. The whole thing seemed too much like a fantasy to her to be considered reality. When she finally did snap out of it, she blinked a couple of times quickly. Even though he wasn't there any more, she couldn't fight the urge to say something back. She thought about it, and decided that she probably wouldn't have said this if he was still there anyways.

"Ranma. You're… welcome."

The floor of the Dojo hall seemed a lot less shiny to Ranma as he entered the room wearing his training garbs. There wasn't the usual glow coming off the floor. He found it somewhat ironic that, whatever direction he turned today, everything seemed to feed off his dark mood. Inanimate objects would lose their originality. Reflective surfaces would lose their brilliance. It all seemed a little too miserable now.

He walked to the middle of the hall and began. There was nothing to think about. He just started doing Kata. As he went through the moves, his mind continued to do battle with him internally.

How often did Saffron train? Did he have a facility where he would practice any of his people's arts? What was his home like? If he hadn't have been reborn… who would now be mourning his loss?

As the last question came to him, Ranma froze in posture. He closed his eyes again. Images of his battle with Saffron flooded his mind. He remembered how easy it was to physically hurt Saffron. He'd taken full advantage of that. He played the fight out to it's conclusion. As he delivered the final blast in his mind, he slumped to the Dojo floor. His head hung again, and a tear once more found it's way down his cheek.

He crossed his legs and cupped his hands together in his lap. For the next hour and a half, he fought to meditate properly. It was no use. He just couldn't get his head clear. With a deep sigh, he stood and left the hall. His gait was full of depression. He couldn't get through even the most basic of training right now. He was way too easily distracted.

He walked into the house, and gloomily made his way up the stairs. At the top of them, Nabiki was standing with her arms crossed, her foot tapping with slight frustration.

"Come with me, Ranma." Nabiki instructed. He sighed as she turned and walked towards her room. He knew that, if he didn't follow her, she had ways of making his life more of a hell than it already was.

Wait, why was she still home? Sure, Akane had taken the day off as well, but why did Nabiki? He was sure he was about to find out as the doorway to her room was now before him. With a deep breath for what was to come, he stepped inside.

"Shut the door."

Ranma did as he was told.

"Sit."

Good boy! Ranma thought sarcastically as he sat on the chair beside her bed. Nabiki sat on the edge of the bed facing him. She leaned forward and put her face centimeters away from his. His eyes grew a little, but other than that, not much changed.

"Ranma," Nabiki began. "I watched you hug Akane on the balcony."

Under those same normal circumstances, this would have embarrassed Ranma greatly. He was all but shut off now, however.

"So?"

Nabiki raised an eyebrow at his answer. She pulled back from his face to sit up straight, regarding him somewhat oddly.

"You really are that shook up about this, aren't you?!" She stated.

Ranma scowled at her, raising an eyebrow of his own.

"Duh!" He retorted. "Why do you care, anyways?"

"Because you're my brother." Nabiki answered. Again, another strange look from Ranma. "Oh, come on, Ranma. It's not THAT weird. Whether or not you want to admit it, you've got something buried deep down for my sister that no one else could ever possibly hope to understand. For this reason, I refer to you as my brother. Because even if you two don't get married… you certainly earned the position!"

Ok, now the other eyebrow needed to go up!

"…How?" Ranma asked flatly. Nabiki took in a deep breath.

"If I could have a dollar for every time that you've saved my sister's butt, I wouldn't need to incorporate all these money making methods that I do now. Also, I've never come across anyone who could deal with her temper as well as you. Sure, you generally seem to be the focus of it, but I've never seen anyone get her that mad, and then stand there and take it like a man afterwards. You two compliment each other personality-wise. Not to mention that, half the times you fight to protect her, you're also fighting to protect us; her family. That makes YOU… family."

Ranma blinked.

"Ranma, listen. I know that you feel like you've lost touch with yourself, but I can tell you that you haven't. The reason is simple. Every time that you've fought for Akane, you've been pushed a little harder. At first, it was simple threats, but those simple threats grew gradually larger over the year and a half you've been with us. Just because they've reached a new level doesn't mean they aren't the same old song and dance."

"…I KILLED someone, Nabiki!" Ranma retorted.

"For my little sister!" She shot back without hesitation. "If you had come back without her just because you didn't feel you had the right to take a life to save her… I'd have put you in a coffin!!"

Ranma flinched hard. He slowly stood from the chair as he glared down at Nabiki. His expression soured, and he ended the conversation with a simple statement before storming out of the room.

"I wish somebody would!"

"Ranma, prepare to die!!"

The all too familiar cry had Ranma stepping to the side in no time. It figured that the second he went out into the yard, he'd be under attack. He should have known it'd be Ryouga.

He turned to face his adversary, the ground where he had been standing now a four foot crater. His glare dug deep into Ryouga's eyes, and he breathed hard, trying to keep his raging emotions in check.

"What'd I do this time, P-Chan?" He shot. Ryouga snarled as he stood back up.

"Don't call me that!" He ran at Ranma and started to swing. Ranma dodged the first couple of attacks, but the third one connected, and he went flying back into the wall on the other side of the pond. He fell to his knees, but made no effort to get up quickly.

Ryouga came to a halt, watching Ranma intently. He continued to wait. Finally, gradually, Ranma returned to his feet.

"Why aren't you pounding me, Ryouga?" Ranma asked, mild sarcasm in his voice. "I thought you wanted to prove you're better than me?"

Ryouga threw his arms out. "Shishi Hoku Dan!"

The blast ripped across the yard and went flying through Ranma. The wind of the attack pushed him back against the wall, but nothing more. Ryouga blinked a couple of times, then lowered his head, shaking it a bit. All the signs were there. He had been afraid of this.

"Whadda ya call that?! Can't you turn it up a few notches?!" Ranma seemed upset that Ryouga's attack hadn't done more physical damage. The truth of the matter was clear to Ryouga now. He sighed heavily.

"Ranma, I'm not going to attack you."

"Why not?"

"Because," Ryouga lifted his head to look at Ranma now. "It's what you want. You actually want me to beat you. You're suffering enough for a town full of people. Not even my perfect Shishi Hoku Dan could do more than blow you over right now."

Ranma's gaze faltered a bit. Ryouga turned where he was and walked towards the main gate now.

"I hope you realize," he spoke as he left, "that you did what you had to do. I hope you realize that things couldn't have happened any other way. Just think hard about it before making rash decisions, Ranma. I can't prove I'm better than you when you can't be better than yourself."

He left through the gate, and Ranma sagged to his knees. He stared down at the grass. Not even Ryouga would fight him right now. He badly yearned for battle, so he could end all his stupid suffering. He wanted to hurt. He wanted to be punished for what he had done. Now, not even his rival was willing to give him that.

He stood and somberly walked back inside the house.

"He won't even come out of his room now," Kasumi sighed as she sat at the table. Gathered around it were Genma, Soun, Akane and Nabiki. All of them knew that Ranma was in great emotional pain.

"I just don't know what to do about it any more," Genma said, depression beginning to seep into his voice as well. "Every time that I try to talk to him about it, he tells me he has to figure it out for himself."

"How can we help him overcome this when he believes that our opinions will make his decision the wrong one?" Soun was lost. Everyone else around the table shared his lack of understanding as they shrugged at his statement.

"Akane," Nabiki said quietly. "You can get through to him."

Akane shook her head slowly. "Not really, no."

"But the last time you went to him," Nabiki referred to the balcony meeting, "he held you for like, half an hour."

"He did What?!" Soun was shocked. Genma's eyes went wide as well.

Akane sighed. "So? That doesn't mean that he'll talk to me."

"You don't have to talk to him, Akane." Kasumi followed Nabiki's train of thought. "Just be there for him."

Nabiki nodded. "He's never treated you like that before. The fact that he did it, alone, is incredible. That he held you for almost a half hour… now THAT'S crying out to you for help!"

Everyone around the table nodded their agreement. Akane looked around at them all before a little bit of a smile played at the corner of her mouth.

"Alright. I'll give it a try, guys."

::Waiting with baited breath::

Ok... now tell me what you think, folks!

MattSaotome