A/N: The idea for this story was lurking around in my mind for some time and I finally wrote it down. It's a oneshot from Saras point of view. It's Sara-centric with a good portion of CathSaraInteraction thrown into it.
Summary: Sara is in great pain and finally decided to go to the hospital. There she meets the last person she would have expected to care.
Disclaimer: CSI and its characters belong to CBS and definitely not me. I'm just borrowing them.
Everything will be okay
She must have pissed off God or whoever was responsible for her fate. She didn't really believe in God but right now it sounded like the only explanation for her current situation that she could come up. Whoever was up there must really hate her.
Her silent cursing was interrupted by another wave of pain. Her stomach, which had kept quiet for the last minute, started to cramp again. She gritted her teeth to prevent a moan from escaping her mouth. Didn't the damn nurse say something about being right back? It felt like ages ago that the grumpy old lady with thick glasses gave her the form to fill out and promised she would be back.
The form…damn! She had totally forgotten about it after the last wave of pain had hit her. The way she expected hospital bureaucracy to work she would probably get no proper treatment until she filled that out. Where did she put that form anyway? Right! She threw it on the empty chair beside her. All she had to do now was to pick it up again.
Unfortunately that wasn't possible from her current position, a mixture of half lying and half sitting in order to avoid the pain. She sighed. It looked like she had to sit up at least. She clenched her teeth and started to sit up slowly. Again that sharp pain shot through her abdomen. She tried to ignore it the best she could. She removed one of her arms holding her stomach and tried to reach the form without sitting up any further.
Almost! She could almost reach it. Yet, there were still a few inches. She looked around the room, checking if there might be someone who seemed nice enough to help her out. The nurse was no where to be seen – even if she couldn't say she was very sorry about that. That old dragon was really anything but nice when she had finally arrived here. Maybe there was someone else?
There weren't many people around. Kind of understandable, considering it was 3 a.m. and most citizens were asleep at that time of the day and therefore not likely to need medical attention. But still, this was Vegas so there were a few lost souls occupying the waiting area of the Desert Palm Hospital.
There were two young men, probably in their early twenties. One of them had a nasty looking gash on his forehead, a black eye and a swollen lip. The other one didn't look any better. His right eye was swollen and his nose was bleeding heavily. They looked like they had been in a nice fight. She really didn't want their help.
But who else was here? There was this old lady who looked on the first sight uninjured, but she looked also as grumpy as dragon-nurse. So she definitely wouldn't ask her.
The only other person in her part of the waiting area was a man, around her age, who was cradling his arm to his chest. It was probably broken. At least he looked like he was in great pain, too – so she wouldn't ask him either.
Maybe it was better like that. She had never been one to ask for help. Actually she hated it. She hated to be weak and forced to depend on others. A remainder of her past: you can't rely on anyone but yourself! It looked like she had to get that damn form herself. 'Get a grip! You went through a lot more painful things when you were younger. You can do this'.
After all, all she had to do was grab the damn form. She took a deep breath and sat up straight in her chair. Immediately that sharp pain was back – and with it the nausea from earlier.
She threw up in her bathroom beside the toilet, which was disgusting enough. She definitely didn't need that sort of humiliation again. Quickly she grabbed the form and slumped down into her former position. The pain decreased immediately and after a few deep breaths the sick feeling vanished, too.
After the pain was acceptable again she forced her body to relax a bit. That meant also losing the death grip she currently had on the form. When she felt ready she took a deep breath and took a closer look at the form. Fortunately for her there was a pen clipped on the paper – otherwise she would have had a real problem.
Carefully she switched her body in a position were she was able to write. That move brought another shot of pain. What the hell was wrong with her? She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to get used to the pain.
After a few seconds she opened them again and started to fill out the form. Name? That was easy: Sara Sidle. Social insurance number? Oh damn! Her card with the number on it was in her purse which was in her handbag which was on the floor under her chair. "Damn!!" She would never manage to fill that form out.
Her cursing though didn't go unnoticed. "Sara?" Shit! Had she started to hallucinate? She slowly opened her eyes. No. No hallucinating. In front of her stood Catherine Willows, her female co-worker from the crime lab. Of all people she knew it had to be Catherine who found her? Again she thought she might have pissed some higher powers off.
Right now she didn't fell like fighting at all. Why would she think that they would start fighting? Probably because that's what they were doing right before the end of their last shift. Like so often before they disagreed about a case and like so often before it got out of hand.
She really didn't want to fight with Catherine all the time. That woman just had the talent to get under her skin like no one else. Normally she was not one to miss the opportunity of a good tension-releasing argument, but right now she really couldn't deal with that. "I don't wanna fight now. Please."
As if Catherine being here wasn't enough, suddenly the pain was back and this time she couldn't stop the moan. Before she knew what was wrong, Catherine knelt down beside her and took her hand in her own. "God Sara, what's wrong with you?" The obvious concern in her voice surprised Sara. Maybe that meant they could postpone the rest of their fight to a day when she felt fit enough to take part.
Suddenly she felt a cold hand her cheek. "Sara?" Right! She was asked a question and had better answer it, if she didn't want Catherine to worry too much. But man, this cold hand felt good on her hot skin. What was the question again? What was wrong? A good question indeed. "I have no idea." Her voice sounded hoarse and weak – even to her own ears.
Again she felt the hand on her cheek move, this time upwards to her forehead. "Sara, you have a fever." She was worried about her body temperature? Right now she definitely had other sorrows. "I don't give a shit about a fever. The pain in my stomach is going to kill me!" To emphasise the point another wave of pain hit her.
Catherine rose from her knees and took the seat beside her, never losing the contact with her hand – something that would have been hard anyway, considering the death grip she had on her co-workers hand. To her surprise Catherine didn't complain. Instead she started stroking her cheek again. "Did you already talk to a nurse or doctor?"
Sara thought about snapping back along the line of 'Hell no! Why should I? I'm so comfortable right now', but she couldn't find the energy to do so. Instead she answered quietly. "There was grumpy dragon-nurse, who wanted me to fill out that form." The damn form, which was part of the conspiracy fate created against her.
Anger started to rise inside of her. Anger for not being able to fill out the form. Anger for being here in the first place. Anger. Just Anger. "First the damn thing was out of reach and you can believe me if I say that moving actually hurts. When I finally got it I managed to fill out my name and then I failed at the social insurance number, because I don't know it and my card is in my handbag on the floor and…"
She didn't get any further when she felt a finger pressed to her lips. "Shhhh. Try to stay calm, okay?" Not really waiting for her response, Catherine took the form and the pen. The she bent over and picked up the handbag. When she didn't open it and also didn't start writing, Sara looked confused up to her.
Again she was met with Catherine's worried expression. But this time she also spotted a tiny smile. "Would you mind releasing my hand? Filling out this form with two hands will work way faster than with just one. I promise I won't go away." Realizing the death grip she still had on Catherine's hand, she immediately release it, looking down totally embarrassed.
She wasn't one for holding hands normally. Oh, damn stomach! Now Catherine must think of her as a pathetic wimp. She had to stop her inner rant when a new wave of pain hit her. The next few minutes passed in a blur. She was barley aware of Catherine asking her some questions about her medical history. What she did realise was when her blonde co-worker left her side.
She didn't know why but having Catherine at her side had somewhat calmed her down. She had always hated hospital. She had just seen them too often as a kid. And having someone to tell her that everything would be okay was really comforting. Those last minutes she had crossed the line at which she was worried about what Catherine might think of her.
Catherine must have sensed the discomfort her sudden departure had caused, because she knelt down in front of her again and spoke softly. "I'll be right back. I'm just going to look for a nurse. You really need help. Don't worry. I'll be right back." With that she was gone.
Sara closed her eyes again. Soon the pain would stop. Catherine would get a doctor and then everything would be okay. The doctor would probably want to know when everything started. When did it start? The pain made her dizzy and she had trouble concentrating, but she really had to come up with some sort of timeline.
Let's see. The first indication that something was wrong was the slight stinging she felt last night before shift. She didn't think much of it then. Once she was at work she totally forgot about the pain. To her own surprise the stinging hadn't stopped after she got off shift. After a while she came to the conclusion that her body was just complaining about the lack of food and sleep lately. So she had a light breakfast and went to bed. Due to the fact that she worked overtime, this was around 2 p.m.
She managed to sleep till 7 p.m. – then the pain started to increase. And that's what it did the rest of the night – it got worse and worse. She felt so awful that she even threw up a few times and – like mentioned earlier – one time she didn't make it to the toilet.
She never thought she would ever be so glad to have the night off. All the time she tried to tell herself that everything will be okay and that this is just a little stomach upset, but with every hour that passed it made her explanation more and more unlikely. Around 2 a.m. she finally admitted defeat and called a cab. Thirty minutes later she reached Desert Palms and the rest was history.
Suddenly the gentle, cool hand on her cheek was back. She forced her eyes open and saw Catherine and dragon-nurse standing in front of her. "Come on, Sweetie. We'll take you in an examination room." Did Catherine just call her Sweetie? She was no one's Sweetie! She was Sara Sidle and everything but sweet! If she didn't feel so crappy she would have made that clear. While thinking about some sort of reply she felt a tug at her arm.
"Come on, Sara, you have to get up." Oh great! That was the last thing she wanted. Couldn't they treat her here? When Catherine tugged again at her arm she voiced her displeasure with a loud groan. "Please, Sara, it's not a long way."
She could hardly sit up before. How was she supposed to walk? This time dragon-nurse spoke up. "Do you want me to get a wheelchair?" A wheelchair?! Hell no! Even in her current situation she still had some dignity left. There was no way she would use a wheelchair.
"No, I can walk." While she was pushing herself up she could have sworn she saw Catherine rolling her eyes. Sara thought that if she was fast enough, she would be faster than the pain. It actually worked until the moment she was finally standing.
The wave of pain that hit her now was just too much to take. If Catherine and dragon-nurse hadn't caught her so fast she would now be lying flat on the floor – even if lying sounded a lot less painful than standing. Through the fog that had formed in her head she heard Catherine's concerned voice. "It's okay. We've got you. Come on, the examination room isn't far."
With that they started to move. The pain was almost unbearable now. If this took any longer she was sure she would pass out. Why again didn't she want that wheelchair? Right! Dignity! She didn't know how Catherine and dragon-nurse did it, but soon she was pushed onto a smooth surface. Immediately she lay down and pulled her knees up to her chest.
She heard a voice but couldn't really understand what was being said. Her eyes were closed tight and she tried to get her erratic breathing under control. Lying was a lot less painful than sitting or walking. Again someone took hold of her hand and started to stroke her hair - Catherine most likely.
After a few minutes she had calmed down enough to risk cracking an eye open. It was definitely Catherine who sat at her side. When the expected nausea didn't take over she opened the other eye too and slowly took in her surroundings. Somehow she had managed to reach the examination room. The walls were white and unfriendly and that typical hospital smell was lingering in the air.
Suddenly she felt like a little child again. Back then the hospital was almost like her second home. She knew all the nurses and doctors by name. She never really liked them though. Probably because they always believed the ridiculous lies her parents were telling them and never did anything to help her. Of course they treated her injuries but they never called the police or social services – and they were always unfriendly and rough. Something that resulted later in her fear when it came to hospitals and doctors. And that very fear was just starting to crawl back into her conscience.
"How are you feeling?" She blinked a few times and finally focused on Catherine. How did she feel? Still like crap but definitely better than during her little walk. "It's okay now. It still hurts, but its okay." That earned her one of the blonde's heart warming smiles – and somehow it made her feel safe.
"I'm glad to hear that. Nurse Wilma said the doctor will be with you soon." She didn't know if she should be relieved or scared about this news. Oh yeah, her old fear was definitely back. Catherine must have sensed her nervousness, because she gave her hand a little squeeze before softly adding. "Don't worry Sara. Everything will be okay."
Sara nodded slowly. That's what they always told her when she was a child. That everything would be okay and that it wouldn't hurt. Those were always lies, because her life never was okay and the treatment always hurt. "I just don't like hospitals and doctors."
Did she just say that? According to Catherine's surprised face she did. The better question was: why did she do it? The two women were never close. They weren't friends. They were just two co-workers who couldn't stand each other most of the time. So how come this woman suddenly made her feel safe enough to open up?
That was probably a big mistake. Now she made Catherine realize just how pathetic she was and now she would leave her. But she didn't want to be alone right now. Unconsciously she tightened her grip on Catherine's hand.
Again her co-worker surprised her. "Don't worry. I won't leave you. And there is no reason to be afraid of the doctor. He will just take the pain away." She sounded so calm, so reassuring…maybe she was right. And if she wasn't going to leave her alone, then it would be okay. Sara decided to go with her instincts and accept the comfort Catherine was offering. She would deal with the consequences of her childish behaviour later.
"Thanks." It wasn't much, but it came from her heart and Catherine seemed to appreciate it, because she gave her hand another soft squeeze. Sara sighed and closed her eyes. They stayed silent for a few minutes. There was still no doctor in sight, a fact that obviously made Catherine impatient, because she stood up. "I'll go check where this doctor is."
But she couldn't care less. She was right now in a more or less comfortable position, which didn't cause too much pain. So instead of letting go of Catherine's hand she tightened her grip. "Don't go." Oh yeah, she was really desperate right now.
She felt the blonde's eyes on her. Catherine was most likely totally confused. During work she was normally a loner, stubborn and independent. Right now she was the total opposite. She almost expected Catherine to pull her hand away, make some sarcastic reply, laugh at her, and then leave. But the blonde sat down again. "Its okay. I'm not going anywhere."
Relieved she released the breath she didn't know she was holding. Again a hand reached out and stroked her hair. Sara started to imagine what her life would have been like if her mother would have been like Catherine. She wouldn't be afraid of doctors, because her mother would have always been at her side, holding her hand during treatment. But of course her mother wasn't like Catherine.
Now that she was more or less able to think clearly, a questioned popped in her head. "What are you doing here?" Okay, this sounded harsher then she intended it and didn't really express her thoughts, so she tried again. "That came out wrong. I'm just wondering why you were at the hospital in the first place. I'm pretty sure it wasn't because you had a divine vision telling you that I could need some company."
That made Catherine chuckle, but before her co-worker managed to answer, a terrible thought crossed her mind. "Oh God! Did something happen? Is Lindsey okay?" The panic that overcame her made her body tense which resulted in a wave of pain in her abdomen. She gritted her teeth to stop herself from screaming.
She felt Catherine move closer. "Shhhhh. Relax Sara. Nothing happened. My sister just needed something from me." Her expression must have given away her confusion, because the blonde explained further. "Nancy is a nurse here and she needed to talk to me."
"In the middle of the night?"
Catherine laughed and shrugged. "You know how sisters are."
Did she? No, she didn't. She was an only child. Sure, she had a lot of foster siblings, but she was never really close to them. Did that mean that Catherine should be with her sister right now? "Then don't waste your time with me and go see her. She's your sister after all."
She prayed silently that she wouldn't leave, because she really didn't want to be alone. However she couldn't be so selfish to ask her to stay. Fortunately she didn't have to anyway, because Catherine shook her head. "Don't worry. I've already seen her. I was just on my way out when I saw – or better heard – you in the waiting area."
She nodded slowly, but something was still bothering her. "And don't you have to go home to be with Lindsey or to simply sleep?" Again she didn't want her to leave, but was she really selfish enough to keep her from being with her daughter? There was a long silence. When Catherine didn't answer, she looked up to her. They looked at each other for a few seconds, before the older woman finally spoke up. "Do you want me to leave?"
Oh, she wished she wouldn't have asked that question. She wished she would have just decided to stay. Was she strong enough to swallow the rest of her pride and ask her to stay? She looked into Catherine's eyes, trying to read her thoughts. Of course she failed miserably.
As on cue another shot of pain went through her. She definitely wanted her to stay. She looked down away from Catherine's intense eyes. "Stay please?" Her answer was just a whisper but she knew her co-worker heard her.
She didn't dare to meet her eyes. What she didn't expect was Catherine's laugh. "You are truly unique Sara Sidle. You know, every now and then it's okay to be weak. And it's okay to ask for help. If you want me to stay, I'll stay, because that's what friends do. And just because we don't always get along at work doesn't mean I'm not there for you."
Wow! That, she certainly didn't expect, but she didn't have much time to think about it, because suddenly a young man rushed into the room. "I'm sorry for making you wait, but I had a serious head wound to treat. I'm Dr. Daniels." He stretched his hand out to Catherine, who accepted it.
"Catherine Willows. I'm a friend of Ms. Sidle here. It's really good that you are finally here. She's in great pain." The doctor nodded and took the chart from dragon-nurse, who had also appeared in the room. He checked the file for a minute, before speaking up again. "Alright, Ms. Sidle. I'll have to examine your abdomen. It'll probably hurt, but I have to do it."
More pain was just what she needed. Immediately she gripped Catherine's hand tighter. Catherine must have understood the signal, because she continued stroking her hair and whispering soothing things. The next minutes went by in a blur. The pain was again too much for her brain to deal with, so it slowly started to shut down.
She was barley aware of the doctor palpating her and doing an ultrasound examination. What she was aware of was Catherine holding her hand and trying to keep her calm. Then it looked like the doctor was talking to her, but she couldn't make out what he was saying. All she got were single words.
Surgery. Appendix. Serious. Immediately. OR.
She was scared. No – she was terrified. Panicked she turned to Catherine, trying to stop the tears from falling. The blonde smiled reassuringly at her. "Calm down. Everything will be okay. The doctor told you that it was a routine surgery. You'll be fine. You know what? We make deal. You try to relax and let those people take you to the OR. They will sedate you and you'll just drift of to sleep. And if you do this than I promise once you wake up the pain will be gone and I'll be at your side, okay?"
Again she just understood half of what Catherine was saying, but she got the last part. 'I'll be at your side'. That was all she needed. She nodded and that was obviously everything the nurse had waited for because she was already being wheeled out of the room.
She could have sworn Catherine gave her a kiss on the forehead before she finally let go of her hand, but with all that fog in her mind she couldn't be sure. That last thing she remembered was Catherine giving her thumbs up before she was wheeled around the corner. With a small smile on her lips the world around her slowly turned dark…but she had a friend, a friend who cared and everything would be okay.
A/N: I'm really curious about what you think! Please review and let me know!!!! ;-)