My heart beats as I feel your hand brush against my arm. Why do I feel like this? I want to reach out for you, to take you in my arms and hold you tight against my chest, but I don't. Instead, I raise my eyes only enough to see you through my tumble of blond hair. You aren't looking at me, and I can't blame you. It's been like this since the beginning, I don't think you have ever really looked at me, instead you focus on someone else. I wish I could be them, whoever that is, but I'm not, I'm just the dorky kid that you've been stuck with for the past few years. I sigh, wanting you to ask what's wrong, but knowing you won't. I'm not disappointed, you only look at me and roll your eyes. This will always be the only contact you truly have with me I think. No, that's wrong, there will be more, just not like I want, like I need. Perhaps in the future, we will become friends, and maybe then I could tell you what I feel. Maybe, but probably not. Most likely we will only be teammates, never friends, and never ever lovers. I shock myself by admitting it, but it's so very true. I want to be your lover, the one whom you come to whenever you need comfort, whenever you need release, and whenever you need a friend. I giggle to myself at the thought and then blush as you turn to look at me again, questions shouting from your eyes. What would you say if you knew what I was thinking? Would you be upset? I could see it and I know how much it would hurt me. At the same time though, I know that if I saw a different emotion plastered across your face, that of disgust, the pain would be hundreds of times worse. I feel myself blanch as I imagine that unhealthy look covering your perfect visage. No, because of the possibility of that, I can't ever confess what I feel for you. Even before I love you, I love myself more, at least for now. I sigh again, and once more you turn towards me with an indifferent, yet slightly questioning look. You don't turn away though, and that surprises me. I warily watch as you reach towards me and put your hand under my chin, lifting my face so you can stare into my deep blue eyes. I feel the penetration of my soul as you continue glaring into me, and my body freezes. Then you lean in, what's happening? I feel my muscles lock, waiting for the touch of your lips on me, and find myself disappointed as you whisper in my ear instead. I can't really focus on what you're saying, my body's reacting too violently to the close proximity of yours. Then, without warning, you turn my head and kiss me chastely. I want more though, and I know you know it.