Title: Once or Twice
Characters/Pairings: 2759, with mild amounts of 5986 and 27K [TsunaGoku, GokuHaru, TsunaKyoko]
Rating: I think I still kept it PG-13. But Gokudera's in this fic, so Gokudera's language is also in this fic.
Summary: Some possible futures, duty, and love.
A/N: My first actual KHR! fic, hooray.
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Once or Twice
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"Ahahaha! Lambo-san is here!" Gokudera's eyelid starts to twitch.
"Not right now, Lambo…" Juudaime sighs. Gokudera's here because he offered to help Juudaime study for the next exam. The Baseball idiot is currently practicing with his team, so this is a perfect opportunity for Gokudera to show just how much more dependable and helpful he is to Juudaime.
"Go get me cookies!" Gokudera finds it amazing that Juudaime is able to retain his composure in the face of such annoyance. As for Gokudera himself, however, he is most definitely not losing his own composure, but rather removing the annoyance so that Juudaime can focus on his studies.
"You stupid cow," Gokudera says, removing his reading glasses and standing up, "can't you see that Juudaime is busy with schoolwork?" He goes over to the cow to pick him up and throw him out of the room.
"Ah, Gokudera-kun, you don't have to-" Juudaime starts, and the twitching in Gokudera's eyelid temporarily calms. Juudaime is so kind – and that's really one of the things Gokudera admires most about him – but it's Gokudera's responsibility that Juudaime's kindness is not taken advantage of by annoying children.
"Don't worry, Juudaime," Gokudera answers, smiling back at him, "I'll take care of this annoyance quickly, so you can get back to your studies." Juudaime looks skeptical, but Gokudera is not one to be discouraged easily. "I'll just toss him out of your room, and-"
"Stupidera." The cow kicks him in the shin. Gokudera's eyelid starts twitching again. "Go get Lambo-san cookies!" Gokudera turns back around to glare at said cow.
"Listen, you stupid cow," Gokudera starts, picking the kid up. The cow starts flailing around and kicking his legs. "Li- stop moving, you brat!"
"Put me down! , stupid octopus-heaaaad!"
"Loud, annoying bra-" But Gokudera doesn't get to finish the sentence because the cow's just fired his bazooka right in Gokudera's face. Blinking in a cloud of pink smoke, Gokudera sighs and runs a hand through his hair.
"Stupid cow…" Someone laughs from the other side of the smoke, and Gokudera waves it away to find himself standing next to a small desk in an exquisitely furnished bedroom, facing someone quite familiar.
"Hello, Gokudera-kun," the man smiles. He's reclining on the bed, wearing a blue silk bathrobe and, it seems – not that Gokudera would be looking so inappropriately, of course- not much else.
"J-Juudaime!" Gokudera almost keeps himself from blushing. "I-I'm sorry for intruding!" Juudaime laughs again.
"It's fine, Gokudera-kun," he replies. "After all, you wouldn't have shown up here if you weren't here already." Gokudera thinks about that for a moment, and then throws the whole not-blushing plan out the window. "You were helping me with a report, but it seems the report's traveled to the past, for the time being." Juudaime rubs the back of his neck. Well, that makes a little more sense, especially if Gokudera considers the desk. "Ahh, you don't need to hear about that, though. Come over here, I haven't seen you like that for ages." Gokudera walks over to where Juudaime's sitting, still a bit pink around the edges, but mostly recovered. The pink doesn't fully go away because Juudaime really is looking at him, with a calm sort of certainty Gokudera usually only sees when the Juudaime from his time is in his Hyper Dying Will mode, but… it doesn't feel as strange to Gokudera as he thought it would. "Hmm, Gokudera-kun…"
"Yes, Juudaime?"
"Did you know that I have a little brother now? He's about the age Lambo is now, in your time." Juudaime has a younger brother in the future? Was Gokudera supposed to know something like that?
"...You have a younger brother, Juudaime?"
"Gokudera-kun," ten-years-later Juudaime asks him, "can you keep a secret for me?" Gokudera blinks, surprised, for a moment, then nods decisively.
"Of course, Juudaime," he replies, determined, "just leave it to me!" Juudaime smiles.
"Come closer." Gokudera leans in to hear the secret, at which point Juudaime kisses him. It's not a bad kiss – because it's Juudaime, after all – but Gokudera is really too shocked to respond properly. After another moment, Juudaime pulls away, with a slightly concerned smile. "I hope that was alright."
"J-Juudaime, I-" but Gokudera, blushing once again, doesn't know what to say. In the future, are we… lovers? What about the successor for Vong- oh. Your brother. Juudaime had known Gokudera would ask these questions, and so had already answered them. "U-um," Gokudera says. Juudaime smiles a bit again, at that, and strokes Gokudera's cheek lightly with his hand, like it's something old and familiar.
"Ah, Gokudera-kun…" But he's prevented from saying much more because someone knocks on the door to Juudaime's bedroom.
"Ah, Tsuna," and the voice on the other side of the door reveals the speaker to be the ten-years-later Baseball idiot. Gokudera has a moment of panic, in which he quickly moves himself to a more appropriate distance befitting a right-hand-man, but Juudaime just cinches his bathrobe so that it's actually fully closed and sighs once, at seemingly nothing in particular.
"It's fine, Yamamoto, you can come in." The ten-years-later Baseball idiot opens the door, grinning as stupidly as ever.
"Oh, Gokudera! You're younger." Gokudera just blinks at him, and Juudaime laughs again.
"It's because of Lambo's bazooka," Juudaime says.
"Haha, right," the Baseball idiot says, then walks up to Gokudera and ruffles his hair. "This is so nostalgic, Gokudera!" Gokudera endures it because he doesn't want to get blood on the carpet or walls in Juudaime's room. Then, the Baseball idiot turns to Juudaime. "Tsuna, I was wondering about that report you and Gokudera said you were working on. I wouldn't have bothered you, but Hibari-san asked me about it, haha."
"Well, we were doing the final checks on it, but…" Juudaime gestures at Gokudera, "…it's ten years in the past right now." The Baseball idiot laughs again. "It'll be done by breakfast tomorrow." The baseball idiot smiles and nods in understanding.
"Alright, I'll get it at breakfast tomorrow," he replies, then grins. "It was nice seeing you like that again, Gokudera," he says, ruffles Gokudera's hair again, then leaves. Gokudera tries to smooth it down again as best he can, which makes Juudaime laugh softly.
"A-ah, Juudaime…" Gokudera starts, not really sure where he's going with this.
"Gokudera-kun," Juudaime says. Gokudera blushes again, and Juudaime smiles. "You always worry too much; everything's fine. When the you who will be in this future gets back from his trip to your time," and Juudaime is still smiling, "we can laugh about it together, then. Alright, Gokudera-kun?"
"Y-yeah," he replies, still slightly breathless.
Once his five minutes are up and he's back in Juudaime's room in his own time, he blushes and refuses to tell Juudaime anything about his brief trip to the future.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
"So, he's finally doing it." After a very panicked late-night call in which he'd been asked about the best way to ask Kyoko-san out on a date, and Gokudera had replied "Just be honest and tell her how you feel, Juudaime", the very same Juudaime was now blushing and talking to Kyoko-san but surprisingly not stuttering at all.
"What are they talking about? You can't hear them clearly from here." Whipping his head around, he finds himself face-to-face with one Miura Haru, though she seems more interested in the two teens about twenty feet away from the shrubbery Gokudera is currently hiding in. She's got an army hat on her head, complete with camouflage and leaves, some dirt-like substance smeared haphazardly on her face, and a pair of binoculars around her neck.
"Juudaime," Gokudera whispers with a moderate air of importance, "is finally asking Kyoko-san out on a date." He sees her face fall slightly, and feels somewhat sheepish for being so full of himself to a girl who probably has a crush on Juudaime, but she recovers her composure before he can apologize.
"I figured he would, eventually," she admits, a subdued sort of smile playing on her face, moving so that she's crouching next to him and watching Juudaime and Kyoko-san, though thankfully not using the binoculars. "He really likes her, doesn't he?"
"Yeah, he does." He's somewhat surprised to hear the same sort of tone in his own voice as the one he's just heard in Haru-san's, and it probably has something to do with a memory of one of many possible futures he usually tries very hard not to think about, but he reminds himself that the best thing in this situation is for Juudaime to be happy and puts it out of his mind. "I'm surprised Kyoko-san hasn't noticed until now."
"Actually, I'm not sure if she has before now or not," Haru-san says, and Gokudera glances to the side to try and interpret this statement, but she just looks thoughtful. "I think even if she did, though, that she wouldn't say anything about it and would wait for Tsuna-san to tell her himself." Gokudera thinks it's a bit cruel for a girl as nice as Kyoko-san to do that, but responds with a noncommittal hum because he's not sure what to say. There's a short silence, then, as both he and Haru-san watch Juudaime and Kyoko-san talk, but it causes in him the sudden need to distract himself.
"Why are you in that getup, anyway?" he asks Haru-san. "Does Kyoko-san know you're spying on her?"
"If Tsuna-san prefers my friend over me, and if she returns his feelings, then I need to make sure they get together properly," Haru-san says, face as determined as if it were a life-or-death situation. "A-And you're spying on them just as much as I am," she retorts, then, turning her head to look at Gokudera. "What's your excuse?"
"Well, I have to help Juudaime in-" and then he stops, flushing, because he realizes how ridiculous that sounds. There's also the inkling that getting involved in his Juudaime's romantic life is probably not something a right-hand-man should be doing, but… being interested as his… friend was alright, wasn't it? Haru is still looking at him strangely, though, so he has to say something to her. "I don't really know why I'm spying on them, actually," he says, "but at least I didn't bring binoculars." She blushes, too, then, but it only takes a second or two of them staring at each other in silence before they're both cracking up, much to Gokudera's surprise.
"Shh, Gokudera-san, you're too loud, you'll make them notice," she says, but it's still interspersed with her laughter. And Gokudera doesn't really know why he hasn't noticed it until now, but she looks very pretty like that, even though there are leaves in her hair and there's dirt all over her face, so he starts talking before his brain catches up and stops him.
"Hey, um, Haru-san," he starts, and she stops giggling to look at him expectantly, "would you, um, that is, would it be alright if I took you to that cake shop you and Kyoko-san are always talking about?" She blinks, blushing once again. "Not that I think you eat cake all the time," he adds swiftly, "but, uh, I'd like to buy you some."
"I-I think I'd like that, Gokudera-san," she replies, smiling.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
"Gokudera Hayato," Juudaime says, "please step forward." Everything about today has been rehearsed what feels like a thousand times, and yet it feels like everyone's still a little nervous about it. After all, a lot of important people in the mafia are at this ceremony right now, and it's taken everyone many false starts and stops and battles to get here. This is the ceremony where Juudaime will finally, officially inherit his title, and the guardians and right-hand-man will be named. Gokudera steps forward, kneels, and places his lips briefly on the ring on the outstretched hand, just as Turf-head, Hibari, Chrome Dokuro, and a well-behaved-for-once Lambo have already done. After Gokudera's part is done, the Baseball idiot will do the same. "Gokudera Hayato, will you accept the position of being my Guardian of Storm?"
"I will," he responds.
"Gokudera Hayato, please stand." Gokudera stands. On the outside, he's the example of composure, as formal as the entirety of this ceremony. The inside, however, is just as chaotic as it's always been.
...Was that it?
I can't believe it. He picked the Baseball idiot. Why would he do that? Does he really think the Baseball idiot is stronger? Does Juudaime think he'd be better at it than me, could possibly want this as much as I do? I can't believe he would-
"Gokudera Hayato," Juudaime says once more, holding out his hand, and Gokudera's train of thought screeches to an abrupt halt. "Will you accept the position of being my right-hand-man?"
"I will," he responds, clasping the outstretched hand, and Juudaime returns his smile. When he turns to stand by the other five named guardians, as he watches the Baseball idiot officially accept the title of Guardian of Rain, he is nothing but formal once again. Inside, there is still the tempest, but one with focus and purpose that somehow gives him serenity.
"Ne, Hayato?" Haru asks, cuddled close against him as they watch the snow fall, fingers wrapped around the mug of hot chocolate in her hands.
"Hm? What is it?"
"Who was your first kiss?" When Gokudera's brain registers what she's just said, he freezes, blushing to the roots of his hair. Even though it's been about five years since then, thinking about that day still does strange things to him, which is why he usually tries to put it out of his mind if he can, instead focusing on feelings that are more appropriate for a right-hand man.
"…U-um, that is…" She gives him an aside glance.
"Well, from your reaction, I can tell that it wasn't me." Was she upset? "But that's alright; I don't mind." She laughs, then. "It was some Italian girl, wasn't it?" What on Earth is he supposed to tell her?
"There's a possibility," Gokudera answers carefully, "that it might have taken place in Italy." After all, a room as luxurious at the one he'd been in, when it'd happened, would have fit right in at the mansion at Vongola headquarters.
"Ooh, I was right!" she giggles and narrowly avoids spilling her hot chocolate. After she steadies her hand, she turns her head to look directly at him. "But you like me better than any Italian girl, right, Hayato?"
"If I say yes, can we stop talking about this?" But that just makes her frown, so he resigns himself to humoring her because that's what will end the conversation the fastest. "…Of course I like you better than any Italian girl," he mumbles, still slightly pink, and wonders why he still feels guilty.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
In one possible future, Gokudera comes back from his five-minute trip to the past. He'd made a point of holding onto the report the entire time he was there, so that it wouldn't get lost in the younger Juudaime's room.
"How was your trip to the past?" Juudaime asks, looking pretty much the same, except that his bathrobe is tied all the way; Gokudera tries not to look disappointed.
"Lambo ran out of the room in terror when he saw me, so I spent most of the time helping you with your homework," he responds lightly, and Juudaime chuckles for a moment, before a more serious expression creeps onto this face.
"What is it, Gokudera-kun?" Even if Juudaime didn't have his hyper intuition, he still would've asked, and Gokudera finds that reassuring.
"I kept your secret," he says.
"Yeah?" And Juudaime is smiling again, but it's a different, softer sort of smile this time.
"I wanted to tell you so badly, when you asked." They both know which conversation Gokudera's talking about; it was the one where, sitting together up in Juudaime's room in one of those rare moments of privacy, Juudaime had asked Gokudera who his first kiss was. It was you, Juudaime, Gokudera had responded, blushing and looking at his hands, and then the brunet had smiled and kissed him again.
"But you did," Juudaime points out easily. Gokudera tells himself that he is not turning pink.
"I don't know…" he trails off, and then swiftly changes the subject, looking back down at the report. "We should finish this tonight, since I'm pretty sure I also recall Yamamoto coming in and harassing you about that." When he's not pink anymore and therefore able to look up calmly, Juudaime seems slightly disappointed.
"Gokudera-kun..." Gokudera looks back down at the report again, still, for the moment, composed.
"You've got a busy day tomorrow, Juudaime, and it should go as smoothly as possible." Juudaime sighs, and Gokudera feels bad about it, but... neglecting his duties as right-hand-man in favor of his personal wishes isn't something that Gokudera should be doing.
"We can finish that stupid report tomorrow morning before breakfast," Juudaime decides, "and then you can hand it over to Yamamoto when we see him." Gokudera frowns down at the nearly-finished report. If Yamamoto had been asked about it himself, didn't that mean it was important to make sure it was done thoroughly?
"I suppose, but-"
"Hayato." He looks back up sharply; it never fails to make him breathless, no matter how many times he hears it. "Put that report down and get over here."
"Yes."
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
Juudaime and Kyoko-san are finally getting married, and Gokudera is so, so happy for them. He thinks the only thing keeping him from acting like one of those silly women who cry at weddings is Haru smiling at him from across the aisle, standing by Kyoko-san's side just as he's standing by his Juudaime's side, just as proud and just as elated. Miura-san and Sawada-san, however, seem to have no such hesitation and are clutching their handkerchiefs quite tightly. Even the little boy sitting on Miura-san's lap – and it's still surprising sometimes to Gokudera that he and Haru are actually parents – is calmer than his usual inquisitive-bordering-on-hyperactive self, enthralled enough by all the people to just sit and observe the ceremony.
Yamamoto, on Gokudera's other side, is grinning like a complete idiot at everything in general and nothing in particular, Sasagawa is trying to be both enthusiastic and serious at the same time, and Lambo is… Lambo. Kurokawa, Dokuro, and I-Pin are there, too, on the women's side, as well as his sister, who – after an entirely too long discussion on the matter that threatened nausea all by itself, and Gokudera really does not understand women and their obsession with fashion – is wearing a pair of thick-rimmed non-prescription glasses. Gokudera supposes that the glasses are probably going to have to come off for the photos, but he'll just… not look at her, or something; it's gotten a little better over the years, too, so maybe the nausea won't be very obvious.
Later, after what seems like hours of photos, when everyone is mingling at the reception, Gokudera finds a spare minute or two to talk with Kyoko-san relatively privately.
"Does this mean I'm supposed to call you Sawada-san, now?" he attempts to joke, and she makes a face.
"Oh, that makes me sound so old!" she protests, delicately covering her laugh with the hand that isn't holding her champagne flute.
"I'm sure Juudaime would still marry you even if you were a hundred years old," he replies, still with the trying-to-joke smile because he's always been terrible at small talk.
"I'm glad to hear that, then," she says, "but I'm even gladder we have the chance of many years together ahead of us."
"Juudaime, he-" and Gokudera doesn't know why he's become so serious at such a happy occasion as a wedding, but continues anyway because he should at least finish what he's started, "He's looked forward to this day for a very long time." Somehow, she manages to both regard him seriously and still appear as a radiant and graceful new bride. "You mean so much to him, Kyoko-san." If you break his heart, I'll never forgive you, is what he doesn't say, but he doesn't need to because she already knows.
"It's okay, Gokudera-kun," Kyoko-san says, and she's got the same look in her eyes that her brother gets when he's about to go into a fight. "I'll take good care of him, I promise."
"…Alright," he says, inclining his head once with a small smile, because she's always been better than him at this kind of fight. "I'll talk to you later, Kyoko-san." She nods back, and then Gokudera goes off to find some champagne of his own. What he wants is to be away from all these annoying, wedding-obsessed people, but Juudaime will be upset if he leaves – and Gokudera will never forgive himself if Juudaime gets hurt in his absence – so alcohol will have to do.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
"Gokudera-kun," Juudaime says, Flame burning on his forehead, his hands, and in his eyes, "please move out of the way."
"I can't do that, Juudaime," he replies, still looking forward. After all, if he moves right now, then the man standing in front of him is going to attack Juudaime, and Juudaime's survival in such a situation is doubtful enough that he's not going to budge. If he can delay the man's attack or shift attention to himself, then Juudaime will then either have the time to escape or retaliate properly, instead of having to deal with the much more dangerous situation that was occurring before Gokudera stepped in.
"Gokudera-kun." Juudaime's voice is all steel, now. It's only a matter of time until the man in front of them fires the weapon he's been charging. "Get out of the way." Gokudera doesn't move. "That's an order." But Gokudera realizes that sometimes what Juudaime wants is not what's best for him, so he stays put.
"I'm not moving," he says, looking over his shoulder for a second. Juudaime is frowning, and looks very displeased with him, but for some reason, Gokudera can't help but smile. Then, Gokudera sees behind the fire in Juudaime's eyes to the person he's known since they were middle-schoolers, and that the part of him that isn't Vongola's Juudaime is scared for what's going to happen; Gokudera suddenly has something he wants to say, but he thinks that the person he'd say it to knows it anyway, so he turns his head back to look again at the man in front of them.
"Not much of a right-hand-man, are we?" the man in front of Gokudera taunts, moments from being ready to attack. Gokudera laughs once, something short and slightly raspy.
"Fuck you," Gokudera shoots back.
"Let me save your Juudaime the trouble of dealing with you, then," the man sneers. Gokudera wants to reduce this piece of trash to smithereens for talking about Juudaime in such a disrespectful manner, but the man's already fired his weapon.
"Gokudera-kun!"
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
"Gokudera-san, you're awake." Blinking slowly a few more times, Gokudera opens his eyes to look up at the doctor, who is in turn looking over him critically.
I'm alive. There's a surprise. And… Juudaime! There was a battle! He needs to find out if Juudaime is alright, and he needs to do it right away. He tries to sit up, but the doctor pushes him back down.
"You're in no state to move just yet, Gokudera-san," the doctor chides.
"But Juudaime-"
"In fact, you are not going to be allowed to leave for at least a week." A week?
"But Juudaime-"
There are things he needs to do. He needs to see if Juudaime is alright, for one. "However," the man continues, looking at a clipboard, "Decimo has requested a private meeting with you when you are discharged, to discuss your recent conduct." Gokudera lies back down with a small sigh.
Of course. How could he forget? He'd disobeyed a direct order, and had done it quite obstinately, too. Juudaime is probably very angry at him. But if Juudaime is able to be angry at him for disobeying orders, then he is well enough to be angry, so that's not as bad. Even if the repercussions of his conduct are… severe, at least Juudaime is safe.
"But until then," and that stupid doctor is still talking, "you are allowed to have visitors, and one of them has just arrived. I will be back later to check up on you again." With that, the doctor turns and walks away, and then someone else enters. Once they finally approach the bed, Gokudera sees that it's Haru.
"Hey," is all he says, smiling somewhat self-deprecatingly. She sighs, and holds his hand.
"You've really done it this time, Hayato," she frowns.
"It's… not as bad as it looks, probably," he tries to explain, but that just makes her frown even more.
"You could've died!" She looks like she's trying not to cry, and Gokudera thinks he regrets opening his mouth, a little. "You were a-all bloody and beat up, and they wouldn't even tell me what was going on."
"I…" He's not going to apologize to her because he doesn't feel sorry for what he did. "It was for a reason," he says, settling on that explanation.
"I expected you'd say something like that," she responds, but at least she doesn't look like she's going to cry anymore.
"…Is Juudaime alright?" he asks, tentatively.
"He's a lot healthier than you are right now, if that's what you're asking," she huffs, "though it's pretty hard to be worse off." And he can tell she knows, now, what sort of reckless and stupid thing he did, but she doesn't seem that surprised by it. Then, her face takes on a pensive expression. "Tsuna-san is very angry with you, Kyoko-chan says." He almost doesn't want to ask.
"…How angry?"
"She told me Tsuna-san called you one of the most infuriating people he has ever known." That bad, huh. Well, at least he has a week to think of something to say. Four or five days, even, if he can bully the doctor properly. "Don't even think of leaving this room until you're better," she says suddenly. Whoops, busted. "Don't think I don't know what you're planning, Hayato. I'll get the others to take turns watching you, if I have to."
"Alright, alright," he concedes. "I'll wait out my week here, and then talk to Juudaime after I've been discharged."
"I'll come and visit you tomorrow, alright?" Haru says, squeezing his hand once. "Get some rest, and save the worrying for after, okay?"
"Alright," he repeats, but during the entirety of that long, boring week, interspersed with people who frown and refuse to talk about Juudaime to him, he doesn't stop worrying once.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
After the week is over, Gokudera slowly makes his way to the chamber where he will have his audience with Juudaime. He passes by Yamamoto and Dokuro on his way there, and both of them avoid eye contact with him. Steeling himself for the impending conversation and brushing off the rebuffs for the time being, Gokudera continues on. It takes him some time, due to both the slower-than-usual walk caused by his injuries that haven't yet fully healed and the maze of secret passages and traps designed to provide secrecy, but he eventually arrives at the entrance to one of Juudaime's audience chambers, the one reserved for the inner famiglia alone. Allowing himself to take one more deep breath, he opens the entrance to the chamber, then closes it behind him.
At the far end of the chamber, Juudaime is sitting in the formal chair that has been here for generations, and his gaze is unreadable. Juudaime stands, but does not move otherwise.
"Gokudera-kun." His voice is so painfully formal. "You may step forward." For what is probably the first time in his life, Gokudera thinks that he hates this ritual, but what is even worse is the fear that it may never happen again. Still, he walks forward, kneels, and places his lips against the ring on Juudaime's outstretched hand; it only lasts a moment, and Juudaime quickly withdraws his hand. "Stand up."
"Yes, Juudaime." Gokudera stands, and takes a few steps back so that they are at a more appropriate distance.
"Gokudera-kun," Juudaime begins solemnly, "do you know why we are having this discussion?"
"Yes, Juudaime," he responds, tone of voice just as grave. You are displeased with me. I disobeyed your direct order, more than once. I infuriate you. I would do anything for you, but you think I am doing those things at the wrong times and in the wrong ways. You think I am no longer fit to be your right-hand-man, maybe not even fit to be a guardian at all. I do not recall you visiting me even once when I was in the hospital. Perhaps you never want to see me ever again after this discussion is over. Gokudera acknowledges these things, though he does not fully understand them, and the thought of it all is a sharp, stabbing pain, but he will weather it because that is what he has always done.
"Gokudera-kun," Juudaime continues, "you disobeyed my direct order."
"Yes, Juudaime."
"You were given multiple opportunities to comply, and you still refused." His tone has not changed, and his eyes are still unreadable.
"Yes, Juudaime."
"You did this knowing that the consequences would be severe, and it is frankly astounding that you managed to survive." Gokudera thinks he sees the spark of flame arise for a brief instant in Juudaime's gaze, but it is gone again just as swiftly.
"…Yes, Juudaime." Even if the formality Juudaime had imposed upon this conversation had allowed Gokudera to speak more freely, he wouldn't know what else to say.
"I am going to ask you two questions, Gokudera-kun, and you are going to answer them honestly."
"Yes, Juudaime." Of course he was going to be honest. Juudaime was so angry at him that answering the questions wrong would probably cost him many things, including his ring and all that entailed; Juudaime's hyper intuition would also know if he was lying about something as important as this.
"Are you going to apologize?"
"No, Juudaime." Why would he? Gokudera wasn't sorry for what he'd done, and he'd do it again if the situation arose again. Juudaime looks as if he expected this answer, though he doesn't look any less angry than before.
"So why did you do it?" Gokudera thinks he hates that question more than anything else. He's just spent a week in the hospital waiting to be able to make sure with his own eyes that the man in front of him was alive and well, knowing that Juudaime was displeased at him and walking over here anyway. Juudaime is so infuriated at him that he's boxed them into rituals and formalities he usually follows only because they are required, and Gokudera just doesn't care about any of it anymore: not the orders, not being right-hand-man, not the stupid rings, not Vongola, and not the Mafia. None of it.
"Because you're my friend," Gokudera says, throat choked and completely miserable. He's ready to take off his ring and throw it at Juudaime, but something changes in Juudaime's eyes, and the angry, formal gaze is stripped away, revealing underneath the person who's the reason Gokudera did all of it anyway. That person is the person who dashes forward and wraps his arms tight around Gokudera's waist.
"Juudaime?" He tentatively returns the embrace, and is glad that the sigh Juudaime gives doesn't sound too unhappy, just the slightest bit tired.
"I was really, really hoping you'd say that, Gokudera-kun." Juudaime wasn't sure? Gokudera knows he does stupid, reckless things sometimes, in the name of being Juudaime's right-hand-man, but he'd like to think he knows what his real priorities are. "If it's in a situation like this," he says, pulling away slightly to look at him, "I think once or twice is okay."
"…Juudaime?" And he's smiling up at Gokudera, but there's still a gravity to the situation that Gokudera can't quite place, just yet.
"Hayato," he says, and Gokudera forgets to breathe for a few seconds. After another few seconds and an expectant gaze, he realizes that he needs to return the gesture.
"Ts-Tsuna." It's the first time Gokudera's called him by that name. But Tsuna smiles wider and brings a hand up to cup Gokudera's cheek. Gokudera almost asks, but stops himself because underneath all his worrying, he already knows the answer, and the hand on his cheek pulls him forwards.
When Tsuna kisses him, there are fireworks.
Well, Gokudera's ring catches fire, at least. It's kind of embarrassing, actually, but Tsuna catches that hand in his own suddenly warm one, the flame somehow neither petrifying nor burning but instead blending and intertwining with Gokudera's own as the two flames dance around their hands. Tsuna's other hand is pressed, heated, against his back, pulling him closer, and for one perfect slice of time, everything makes sense. Of course, all things must end eventually, and so does the kiss, but it's still so much more than Gokudera expected or even knew he wanted.
"I-I really do love you," Tsuna says.
"I think I've been in love with you ever since I met you," Gokudera responds. He doesn't know how he spent such a long time being in love and not knowing it, but it almost feels like he's been keeping a secret from both Tsuna and himself, maybe one he shouldn't have kept, and he feels a little stupid about it. Tsuna looks both happy and sad at the same time; Gokudera reaches to pull him close once again, but that just makes the sadness more prominent, and Gokudera withdraws his hand, confused.
"But Kyoko…" Right. Of course Tsuna is still in love with Kyoko-san; it was why he had said that something like this could only happen once or twice. Gokudera should never have thought otherwise, not even for a second.
"…Yes," Gokudera replies, subdued, and pulls back the rest of the way, trying not to look as miserable as he feels.
"It's the same for you, too, isn't it? That's why."
"…Yes." And the man in front of him is Juudaime once again, and will probably stay Juudaime for quite a long time.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
When Gokudera gets back home, Haru is standing in the front room, worried. The house is quiet.
"How did it go?" she asks. For a few moments, he has absolutely no idea what to say to her. After another few moments, he just holds up his hand so that she can see the ring and lets a quiet sound out of his mouth that can't convince anyone it's a laugh. She smiles when she sees it, but it's the sort of smile she uses when she's trying to cover something up; he still can't really say anything, so she drops it quickly enough. "…What is it?"
"I love you," he says, and is relieved to find out that it's still true. But it makes her smile again and walk up close to him, which makes him feel a little less awkward.
"I know," she answers softly, looking up at him as he takes her hands. "Okaeri," she adds, belatedly; Gokudera realizes, then, that they hadn't gone through that ritual yet, and there's a distant stab of guilt he feels about it that he forces down because fixing it is more important than letting that uncertainty establish itself.
"Mm," he smiles, allowing himself a moment to breathe and focus on the familiarity, then tilting his head down and brushing his nose softly against her own. "Tadaima," and it's comforting when their kiss still feels honest.
"He's actually taking his nap, for once," she murmurs, after they've parted, but remains close.
"Really?" She just smiles again, that private one, and tugs on his hand. Gokudera lets the feeling wash over him when she leads him upstairs because while she's not going to ask about anything that's happened earlier today, they still need to ground themselves with the reassurance.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
"Alright, everyone," Gokudera says, addressing the group of twenty or so Mafiosi, finishing up the introduction he'd planned out, "this is a very dangerous task, but since Juudaime has determined that we're capable of accomplishing it, let's all do our best to get this done as efficiently and safely as possible." When Juudaime had heard of the warehouse where the Vongola kept damaged, unusable, and mysterious items, he'd immediately requested a full inventory of exactly what was in this place, how much of it could be used, repaired or salvaged, and which items simply needed to be destroyed. Juudaime himself is in a different area of the warehouse, working personally with Reborn-san on some of the most dangerous items, so Gokudera, as Juudaime's right-hand-man, has been appointed in charge of this group.
"Haha, that was a great speech, Gokudera!" Yamamoto says, patting him on the back a few times. It's slightly annoying, but Gokudera's… gotten used to it, over the years. "I can't wait to start now."
"Yes, well, thank you," Gokudera responds, then turns to address the rest of the group once more. "Now, I'm going to read the teams and where you'll be working out loud, and then we'll all start." As the groups get divided and starts going off to their sections of the warehouse, Gokudera looks around once more, mildly surprised when he finds his group has one more member that it's supposed to. "Lambo," he says, slightly annoyed again, "You're supposed to be working in electronics, not ballistics." The teenager looks back at him briefly, before starting to go through some of the items, almost as if he's searching for something.
"I know; I'm just looking to see if it's still here." If what is still here? Lambo rummages around for a little more before giving a small shout of victory. "Ha, I knew it'd be here!" When he emerges again, he's holding something very familiarly pink.
"Ohhh no you don't," Gokudera says, starting to get a bad feeling about this situation. "That thing is here because it's busted and the Bovinos didn't want it after they made the new model. It's going straight to the 'destroy' list." Lambo grins, and Gokudera starts to feel a familiar headache coming on; Gokudera would even call it a nostalgic sort of headache, if it wasn't so frustrating. Although Lambo's calmed down considerably over the years since he was an egotistical, hyperactive kid, if the situation is just right, he still enjoys being Gokudera's biggest annoyance.
"Are you sure it's busted?" he asks, running his fingers lovingly over the faulty bazooka as he inspects it. "I think it might still have one more shot left in it…"
"Lambo." Yeah, that's definitely a headache.
"We should test it out, don't you think?" Lambo asks, feigning innocent curiosity. "That's why we're going through these things, isn't it?" Gokudera starts stalking over to him, to remove it from Lambo's hands himself, if he has to.
"Put it down, you stupid co-" Lambo grins again and fires the bazooka straight at Gokudera.
Waving away the cloud of rosy smoke, Gokudera finds himself in a surprisingly familiar room, sitting across a small table from none other than the Juudaime he visited via bazooka all those years before. The strange thing is: this Juudaime has to be from a different timeline than Gokudera's own.
"Hello, Juudaime."
"Hello, Gokudera-kun," Juudaime replies, looking like he's trying to contain his amusement. "I haven't seen anyone show up from the past for quite some time."
"The bazooka stopped working properly a long time ago; it hasn't really been the same since the fight with Byakuran, so it got put in storage," Gokudera answers. Juudaime looks contemplative for a moment, then smiles.
"So how did you get here?" Juudaime asks.
"We were cleaning out and organizing the storage, and… Lambo found it." Juudaime laughs.
"So everyone's doing well in your time." Juudaime doesn't say in your alternate world, running parallel to my own, and neither does Gokudera, but they somehow both know that they aren't part of the same timeline.
"Yes, I…" He hesitates for a moment, but Juudaime seems interested, and Gokudera doesn't think it'd be bad to tell him. "I have a son now." Juudaime blinks a few times.
"…A son?"
"With Haru," Gokudera adds, then smiles. "We're very happy together." Juudaime smiles, though it's not quite the same smile as before.
"That's good to hear, Gokudera-kun. I suppose that's a world where I ended up with…" Juudaime trails off.
"With Kyoko-san, yes," Gokudera answers; Juudaime looks thoughtful again. "I kept your secret," Gokudera finds himself saying, feeling slightly miserable as he's doing it, and Juudaime's eyes are focused on him once more, "but I never got to tell you." Then, after a pause, "I didn't realize for so long how much I wanted to."
"Gokudera-kun…"
"But," he continues, as much for his own sake as for Juudaime's, "there are other considerations and responsibilities that prevent such a thing from occurring." Gokudera counts it as an accomplishment that his voice does not waver, but he is still unable to meet Juudaime's eyes. "That was what we both agreed to when the subject presented itself."
"It was a mutual decision?" Gokudera looks back at Juudaime, and immediately realizes that it's a mistake, but he can't tear his gaze away, now that Juudaime is looking at him with that ever-calm expression, the one that's always been able to see right through him instantly. "And everyone is satisfied with that decision?"
"Yes, Juudaime." Except for the part where it hurts Gokudera to even think about it.
"…I see." Juudaime knows that he's lying, and he can see the hurt beneath Juudaime's disappointment.
"I think no matter what parallel timeline or future I ended up in, Juudaime," Gokudera says, throat tight all of a sudden, but rushing the words out as quickly as he can, "I'd still be in love with you." Juudaime's mouth forms a little 'o' as he blinks a few times, then that disappointed expression finally starts to fade.
"Ah, Gokudera-kun," Juudaime smiles, albeit a bit misty around the edges, "that's such a relief. I was worried it was just me."