Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, thereby meaning I do not own Lily, James, Sirius, Remus and Peter. I also do not own the song 'Just the Girl' by 'Click Five'. That said, I do own the idea of this one-shot.
Summary: "Sirius has this saying, 'You can't make someone fall in love with you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.'" James finds his love for Lily is just a little bittersweet. Songfic, one-shot. JPLE.
Please Note: That words with a '!xox!" means that I've changed it around to fit into potterverse. Thank you.
Dedication: To my faithful reviewers of all my other multi-chapters and one-shots. You guys are the best ;)
Bittersweet
"She's cold and she's cruel but she knows what she's doin'…"
"Go out with me, Lily." I had to try, and to keep trying, no matter the various rejections. Gods know I really do like her. Sirius has this saying, 'you can't make someone fall in love with you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.' Not the most romantic saying, but if you knew Sirius, you'd understand. Well, since this was the first saying I'd heard that didn't leave me confused and the most promising (when I say promising, I mean fun), I took it upon myself to follow it through. True to my word, I've 'stalked' Lily Evans as far back as I can remember her.
"No, Potter." She growled – is there something wrong with me? I even find her growls sexy! – and blew a lock of that gorgeous red hair that I've come to adore out of her eyes.
"Why not?"
"Because I hate you, I hate your friends – well, except Remus – and I hate the things that you do. So, in short, that means that the day I go out with you is the day that I commit mental, emotional – hell, even physical! – suicide." She said coldly, glaring at me for extra measure.
But it's hard to be intimidated by a glare when you could get lost in those emerald eyes forever.
"She pushed me in the !lake! at our last school reunion."
"Evans! Hey, Evans! Wait up!" I'm running now, chasing after her as she's walking by the lake. She hasn't stopped yet and I'm wondering if she's ignoring me or just hasn't heard my yell yet. It is windy after all. "Evans! Wait up!" Oh yes, she's just ignoring me, I can tell now. It's the way she's making a fist with her right hand, and the way she's practically stomping down the shore. Cute stomps, of course, how can you expect anything less?
"Go away, Potter, I came here to be alone, not harassed."
"But my Flower, it's nice to be alone… together." I can feel myself smirk, and I can tell by the flash of her eyes that it's only making her angrier.
"You are so unbelievable!" Lily yelled, pushing me hard… so hard I fell into the lake. It's cold. So unbelievably cold. I can feel my body going numb, and her sudden laughter isn't helping. All I can say is ouch Lily, ouch.
"She laughs at my dreams but I dream about her laughter."
"You want to be a professional Quidditch player? I should have known." Lily's laughing, and though her words were meant to hurt me, I can feel myself start to smile. It's Lily's laughter that makes me laugh, and I think that if I could, I'd live off it for the rest of my life.
"Or an Auror." I mumble, just for the sake of conversation. Any conversation is a blessing, as long as it's with her. She stares at me oddly for a moment before bursting into laughter again. With a broad grin, I realize her laughter will probably fill my dreams tonight.
"Strange as it seems, she's the one I'm after."
"Prongs, why do you do this to yourself? Move on, mate, she doesn't want you!" We (the Marauders) were in our dorm, getting ready to sleep. Sirius, the silly baboon, was telling me that my gorgeous Flower didn't want me, but he's wrong. She does want me; she's just in denial, and I told them so.
Remus, ever the logical one, suddenly decided that his life's goal was to be an imbecile. "If she wants you so badly, then why did she, just this morning might I add, express her sudden desire for you to throw yourself off a cliff, onto a thousand jagged stakes below?"
"Moony, must you use such big words? My brain hurts!" Sirius whined.
Ignoring Sirius' complaint, I turned my full attention to Remus. "That's just her way of saying that she loves me!" At Remus' pointed look, I sighed. "I don't care what you say, she likes me – I know it! I'm not giving up on her."
"'Cause she's bittersweet, she knocks me off of my feet, and I can't help myself – I don't want anyone else."
"James-y!" A shrill voice was shouting from across the Great Hall, and I cringed. Why now? Why now, of all bloody times?! I was so close to –
"James-y!" Why did she just repeat herself? Gods bless it, I was walking right towards her! Did she think I couldn't hear her? People in Mongolia can hear her! She sounds like a wombat! "There you are, James-y, I was just talking about you." Can I please gag now? She's trying to sound… sexy… and failing. Miserably. Actually, I think Peter can sound sexier than her. Why again, did I agree to take her to Hogsmeade last reason? Oh yea, great breasts. Bloody hormones! And I think it should be made illegal to call me 'James-y'.
"Oh, did you now?" I can't believe I managed to choke that out. That, in itself, is a great feat considering I want to kick her and run.
"Yea, I was. I was just telling everyone about our date."
Date? I took her to The Three Broomsticks and left her about twenty minutes afterwards! We didn't even meet up for a quick snog session afterwards! That was no bloody date. "Erm… right."
She's not even that pretty, not like Lily anyway – she's a Goddess, I just know it. I'm actually waiting for her to tell me she's in disguise – I wouldn't even be surprised.
Ok, so I'm just a tad bit unfair right now. Can I help it if no one can compare to my Lily? And can I help it if I'm constantly comparing every girl to her? I don't want anyone else, just her, if she'll only give me a chance.
"James-y? Baby, what's wrong?" Now I know I'm visibly cringing. I hate it when people call me 'baby' and that had two wrongs in one sentence! How to get out of this, how to get out of this… what would Sirius do?
"Hey, Laura," Was that her name?
"Lisa." Obviously not.
"Erm, sorry, I knew that… just… er… testing you. Hey, Lisa, I've got to go… call a Quidditch practice. See you later." Just testing her? Well, it worked, she bought it. I'm walking away from the idiot and her friends – yes, I know I'm insensitive, my Lily's told me a thousand times (yes, my Lily) – and she bought the line that I was just testing her on her own name.
My Lily… there's no one like her. I don't want anyone else… but how to make her see that?
"She's a mystery, She's too much for me, But I keep comin' back for more"
"So my Flower, got a date for this Hogsmeade trip?" She's studying, and I know it's a bad time to ask her this – hell, when is it not? – but I just can't help myself. Lily's sitting there at that desk, legs tucked underneath the chair, hair spilling around her face and she just looks so… beautiful. I can't help myself. I wonder what she's thinking about…
"Yes." Ooh, ouch, she didn't even look up. Wait, what? She has a date?
I'll kill him. Whoever it is will die – they should know by now that Lily's mine. Mine, not theirs, mine! Ok, ok, must breathe, I think I'm turning red. Must find out who it is… you know, casually, make it appear I don't care, that I'll leave them alone. Then, when I find out who it is, I'll tie a boulder to their leg and throw them into the Great Lake. And believe me; I have that kind of power. I'm a wizard. And not just a wizard – I'm James Potter. That should count for something.
"Forget it, Potter, I'm not going to tell you." How does she do that? Read my mind like that?
"Because you're speaking out loud, you pillock."
I am?
"Yes."
Note to self: learn to think inside brain when attempting to plot murder.
"Yes, I should think that would be a wise thing to do."
Crap, she can still hear me.
"Potter, go away. I'm trying to learn and you mumbling about here isn't helping any."
"Sorry, Lily. I just- please come to Hogsmeade with me?" I know I'm begging here, but… I can't help it. It's like I have some sort of obsession with her, and she doesn't even like me as a buddy, an amigo, a friend!
"I told you, Potter, I have a date. Go away."
Ooh she sounds angry now; I should shut up while I still have both my testicles. But then, when do I ever follow my instincts? "Who? Who do you think loves you more than I do?" Inwardly, I smirk – I caught her attention with the word 'love' – but outwardly, I try my best to look sincere; which I am.
Lily's not looking at me, and that's never a good sign, especially when she's packing her things up at the same time. Then, I can just barely hear it but I know she's said it, "No one." …And she's gone. But that was, by far, the best thing I've heard whispered. Ever.
But, if she knows no one can love her like I can, why won't she go out with me?
"She's just the girl I'm lookin' for"
"Ok, truth or dare, Prongsie." We're in our room again, as usual when it's raining this hard and we're not allowed on the grounds, and Sirius, again as usual, wants us to play 'truth or dare'.
"Padfoot, isn't 'truth or dare' a girl's game?"
"It is not!" Sirius look affronted, but he knows I'm right; otherwise he wouldn't have turned red like he did. Obviously he's not going to back down, and I really don't have anything better to do.
Sighing dramatically, I figure I may as well answer him. "Truth." Everyone knows better than to answer 'dare' to Sirius. That would be committing mental and social suicide. Last time, he made Peter kiss Lucius Malfoy… needless to say, Wormtail never lived that one down.
"Why do you like Evans so much?" How did I know that one was coming? He asks that every time!
"She's smart – really smart, Padfoot – and beautiful and-and… she's just the girl I'm looking for."
Of course, this being Sirius I was talking to, and that line having been really cheesy, I get a pillow in the face and a snort. But hey, at least it was true.
"She can't keep a secret for more than an hour"
Ok, so Lily Evans told the whole school I said I loved her. I should be happy that the truth is out, right? I should be happy that now I can publicly show my affections for her, because now everyone knows anyway. Well, like they didn't know in the first place, but still. And it's not her fault – she didn't know it was a secret.
Why is she smirking at me like that? Why? She did this on purpose! She thinks I can't take the pressure! Well let me tell you this, Lily Evans: James Potter can take the pressure. Now, to prove this…
"Oi, Lily!"
I think every head in the Great Hall has turned to stare at us now. And look, she's gone that shade of red that matches her hair – I love it when I do that. Only I can make her turn that particular shade. I don't know whether or not I should be proud of that though… For now, I decide I will be.
"Yes, Potter?"
"I love you." Ha, take that, Evans! I can take the pressure.
"She runs on 100 proof attitude power"
I'm at the Great Lake again… with Lily. Again. But this time, I'm on the other side. No pushing. See, contrary to popular belief, I'm not a moron. Or maybe that's just Lily's belief… oh well, hers is the only one that counts anyway.
"So Potter… You say you love me."
Judging from that tone, I know this is either going to be a challenge, or… pain, lots and lots of pain. She sounds… mischievous. And let me tell you, when Lily Evans sounds mischievous you know there'll be hell to pay. "Yes, yes I do."
"Prove it." Ok, so I wasn't expecting that.
"Prove it?" Maybe if I pretend to be deaf she'll forget.
Or turn red… one or the other. "Potter, learn how to think in your mind! And yes, prove it."
Now I'm the one turning red, Note to Self: Practice thinking. "Ok… how?"
You know, she looks even cuter when she's thinking. Crap, I think she's heard that too… I really must learn how to control my thoughts. "Yes, Potter, you do!" She's really angry now.
"You can prove you love me by… by… leaving me alone for a whole week. I mean, no looking, no speaking, no passing notes, nothing." Ooh now that is what I really wasn't expecting.
"How does that prove I love you?!"
She's looking smug, really, really smug. "If you really love me, Potter, you'll do what I want. This is what I want."
I really do hate it when she's right…
"And the more she ignores me, the more I adore her. What can I do? I'd do anything for her."
That was the hardest week I've ever had to endure. No Lily for seven days, seven bloody days! I think I can officially say I know what hell's like. I haven't eaten, slept or done anything constructive (not that I usually do anyway) for seven days, the seven longest days of my seventeen years of life.
I think Lily noticed too. She kept looking at me funny as I'd sit in class, laying my head on my desk, trying to survive the days without her. Normally, I'd welcome the attention, but normally, I'd also be allowed to talk to her.
Is it healthy to be this dependant on a person? Especially when said person doesn't even like you? I think not… but what can I do? I'd do anything for her. Besides, I've never been one to be healthy anyway.
"But I can't give up just yet 'cause every word she's ever said, is still ringin' in my head… Still ringin' in my head."
"Go away, Potter." "I hate you, Potter." "You disgust me, Potter." "You're so sexy, Potter."
So that last one was in a dream, alright? But still, those are what she says to me most frequently. Can't I just get a chance? Just one. One is all I need to prove to her that I'm a decent human being. Well, decent enough to date, anyway. I really am – I've changed! I only hex Snape on bad days! … Ok, bad example. But I really have changed.
"You're so arrogant, Potter." "You're so arrogant, Potter." "Ew, get away from me!"
Have you noticed she never calls me 'James'? I call her 'Lily'! And she never says anything nice to me unless it's in a dream, and that doesn't really count. One chance! One chance is all I need. I'm not giving up – her voice is always the one guiding me in my head, the one I always think of when I wake up.
I can even remember our very first conversation. If I can remember that, surely it means something? Especially since I have the memory span of a teaspoon. It must mean something. I'm not giving up until I get a chance, just one little chance.
"She's cold and she's cruel, but she knows what she's doin'. Knows just what to say so my whole day is ruined."
"Don't you have anything better to do, Potter?"
"Nothing's better than sitting here with you, Lily." I smile, not smirk; smile. It doesn't seem to be working; she's still glaring at me. Still trying to kill me with her eyes. Well, it's not working, Lily, I'm still alive and loving you.
Still alive and loving you.
"Are you sure about that? Because I'm sure I just saw Snape walk past here a minute ago."
Wow, she must really want me gone if she's willing to let me hex Snape. Won't do it though, it's like a test. If I do it, she'll be convinced I haven't changed and hate me forever, if I don't do it, she'll get annoyed that I haven't left her. So, if it's a lose-lose situation for me, I may as well lose in her company.
"Thanks anyway, I'm definatly sure I haven't anything better to do than to sit next to you."
"I hate you, Potter! Can't you just go ruin someone else's day?"
I can feel my heart break, she didn't mean it. Not really. But why would she say that? Ouch, Lily, ouch. Thanks a lot.
"She's just the girl I'm lookin' for"
Bloody hell, look at her! We're at the Yule Ball and she's looking so bloody gorgeous. And I look so bloody shoddy; no wonder she doesn't want to go out with me. She's wearing this ankle-length emerald gown that shines when she twirls – and she's doing that. A lot. With her bloody date. Do you think Dumbledore'd tell if I quickly just went over there and stabbed Amos Diggory? Call it a, you know, crime of passion. Heh, I like the sound of that.
Well, even if Dumbledore kept it quiet, I doubt Lily would.
"Lily, may I have the next dance?" Haha! Just as Remus taught me, and I must say I sounded exceptionally… poof-y. Oh well, it's worth it for Lily Evans.
Ok, she's sighing. Is that good or bad?
"Fine, Potter, but make it quick!" Good, definatly good! And you know, I think there's a God in heaven too because the next song was slow. Who cares if that prat Amos is glaring at me? I don't and for two reasons, too. The first being that I have my hands around Lily's waist (!) and the second being that Sirius is right behind the prick carrying a large water balloon. You just have to love those Muggle Inventions.
"You're being uncharacteristically quiet, Potter. What are you planning?" Does she have to be suspicious during the best moment in my life? "I do when it's you, Potter."
Crap. Really must learn to shut up.
"I'm not planning anything, Lily," I'm trying to be as sincere are as I can be, well, for me, because I really wasn't planning anything. "I just like dancing with you." And it's true; I love the feeling of her body against mine, and I love how when I dip her both her eyes and her gown shimmer.
Sirius once said that dancing is just sex with clothes on, but I think with Lily, I'm going to have to disagree. It's more of a story, an expression of love. I know that sounds really poof-like but I can't find any other way to say it.
… I think I just died and went to heaven. Lily, my Lily, just put her arms around my neck – even tighter than the dance required, and she wasn't trying to kill me either! – and laid her head on my chest. My chest! I think this is the best moment of my life. Better than making the Quidditch team, better than having Sirius move in with me, better than getting that new broom for my birthday, better than –
"Ok, Potter, I get the picture. Stop thinking or learn to think inside your head because you're ruining the moment."
I'm blushing now; I can tell. "Er… right." And I pull her closer, because now's the only time I can do that without having her pull away or slap me. And it feels so… right. So perfect. So us.
And Amos Diggory can just suck on that.
"Just the girl I'm lookin' for"
Guess where I am, and who I'm with. No, not Sirius in our dorm room – because that sounds exceptionally poof-y. No, I'm sitting with Lily, yes, Lily Evans, outside by the Great Lake.
And I have even better news! She agreed to give me a chance! I know what you're thinking; sign of the apocalypse, when're pigs going to fly (actually, I think Lionel Lovegood said something about a flying pig once… called it a Snorklewomph or something that I can't be bothered to remember because I'm going out with Lily!) and all that nonsense. But it's true.
I asked her out, not after our dance, but after the whole ball had been over and we, as Heads, had to clean it up. I couldn't believe I'd been able to wait that long, but she'd said yes! To one date, but one had turned to two and two to three and so on. Slipping my arm around her waist – because I can do that now! – I turn to grin at her, because I have to make sure it's all real and not some dream.
And if it is just a dream, then I never want to wake up.
Our lips touched and I think my brain just exploded. Her lips are so soft, like, plump berries, and she tastes like them too. She's so perfect, really, just the girl I'm looking for. Even her scent drives me wild! It's like a wild berry, coconut mixture that I'm sure can't be Wizarding otherwise all the girls at school'd smell like her and we can't have that. She's one of a kind. Lily, my Lily.
"Potter, shut up! You're ruining the moment again! Think inside your head!"
Just the girl I'm looking for.
Ok, so I've been wanting to write this for awhile and have only just gotten around to it. I hope you guys loved it, and if you did, please just leave me a review! Constructive criticism appreciated, lol. Really, the ratio of hits to reviews is atrocious so please, anyone reading this, just review! It won't take five minutes and I like getting feedback so I know how to improve or what I'm doing right, etc…
Like I said, reviews are appreciated like candy.
Love you all, my people. Let us plot to take over the world! With sheep! Lots and lots of beautiful sheep!
xox Caramel