Warning: Naughty grown up humor that's not for kids. Language and suggestiveness.
Sex and Life According to Friends by Teda
The Sex Talk:
It was that same warm feeling Katie's friends felt about their crazy mate. It was just her nature. Only Katie would cause an international incident at a Quidditch match of thousands and then shrug and chuckle over it. Only Katie would hex someone with an impotency spell for dumping one of her bestfriends and making her cry and then brag about. And only Katie would suggest a drinking contest among friends before passing out after only one glass.
She was nutters. But they wouldn't have her any other way.
And she was about to embark on the most important day of her life. Yeah, yeah, sure she was getting married, but it was the wedding night that was important!
So when she pleaded with a bewildered Angelina Johnson and Alicia Spinnett to come over to her home the day before her wedding, they thought only nerves. After all, Katie was only eighteen. She had only dated one guy and now she was marrying him. She had to be nervous, right? They really should have known better.
Blushing, Katie locked the door to her spacious childhood bedroom and asked her friends to sit
down. It would be the last time she'd stay there as a single woman. If you could ignore the Pepto
Bismo colored explosion of girlish pink wall paper, curtains and bed covers, it was a lovely room.
Opening a bedside table drawer, Katie reached inside and pulled out a thick, heavy volume.
Curious, Alicia and Angelina leaned forward as Katie held the book out for them to read the
cover.
Kama Sutra for Dummies.
Blinking, Angelina and Alicia read and reread the text. Nope, the words didn't seem to be changing. By the anxious look on Katie's face, she was awaiting their reactions. She didn't have to wait long.
"Where did you get that? And more to the point, where can I get a copy?!" Alicia whispered, jealous.
Katie frowned. "I borrowed it from my skanky sister, Bridgette. Since she's always going on about sex, I figured she'd have some books and stuff. Your mouth would fall open if you saw the crap she was hiding under her bed. Whips, chains, some long harness and saddle thing I don't quite understand. I mean, she's never even touched a horse let alone rode one-"
Angelina, shamefaced, interrupted. "Uh, Katie, I don't think she uses it for horseback riding."
"Not on a horse, anyway." Alicia snickered, grinning.
"Guys, I'm scared! I'm getting married tomorrow and I-I'm afraid of, you know, it." Katie replied, falling to the bed in between the two girls. They each sat indian style on the bed and offered Katie comforting words.
Angelina gently rubbed Katie's back. "Hon, it's okay to be scared. Marriage is a big step. I'd be
scared too if I was getting married the next day."
"No, that's not it. I love Oliver. It's just that-that..." Katie mumbled, fidgeting on the pink
covert.
"Afraid of Ollie's how-do-you-do?" Alicia asked, catching on to the other girls problem. Katie's flushed cheeks answered her question for her.
"Ohhh!" Angelina nodded in understanding.
"I heard it hurts-a lot. And it's really messy and gross." Katie said in a near whisper.
The two girls, older by a few months, nodded their heads over Katie's head. Katie was the youngest and they had always treated her as such. Teasing her aside, the friends had always watched out for Katie. Trying to keep the rambunctious personality out of trouble and sometimes succeeding. For all her wildness, she was still a naive young girl. A young girl who had only one boyfriend all her life. Even with their sometimes frank discussions on sex around her, only someone with experience would truly understand and Katie had none.
"Is that why you took the book? To see what it's like?" Angelina asked.
"Yeah, but this book is crazy! Some of the things they do-how is that even possible?!" Katie wailed, flipping open the book to a page of a man and woman engaged in twisted upside down version of the 69 position.
Alicia and Angelina tilted their heads in unison as the pictures in the book moved. Thank Gods for the brilliance of Wizard's photos! They quickly snatched the book from Katie's hands and started flipping through it.
"Wow, I'm going to have to buy a copy of this book!" Alicia's mouth hung open in shock. Just thinking of the possibilities she and George could have had her feeling hot.
"Yeah, no kidding. Hmm, I think Fred and I tried this one once." Angelina mused, pointing to a page of a couple performing anal gymnastics on each other. "Almost put out his back though. It was hilarious."
Katie reached over and slammed the thick volume closed with a snap."Hello! Pay attention to me and stop drooling over this book. Help me please!" she cried out.
Hearing honest distress, the two girls got serious. They each grabbed Katie's hands and dragged her down to sit with them. What should have been Katie's mother's job was now theirs.
They would have to give her The Talk.
And they did. Katie, red faced through the entire thing, soaked up the information like the proverbial sponge. Words she would have blushed at normally floated through her head and would not get out! And although she was grateful, she now wanted to murder her friends because that's all she could think about!
Alicia sighed. "The hymen is a tissue in the woman's body that covers the vaginal opening. It's a
right pain to loose, I tell you. It's what makes you a virgin. Though after tomorrow, Oliver will be
taking care of that..."
"Well, I'm sure you have an idea what a penis is. You may not have personally seen one, but
you'll know it when you see it." Alicia replied, smirking.
"Alicia! Don't scare her." Angelina admonished, fighting not to smile herself.
"The clitoris is the most sexually sensitive female sex organ..." Angelina began, going into a
speech about pleasure and manual stimulation.
Katie's face was an open book and her friends sensed her fear. Angelina wrapped her arms around Katie's waist and gave her a quick hug.
"Hon, don't worry about the positions or the messiness and such. Think about the love. You love Oliver, don't you?" Angelina asked.
"Yes, more than anything." Katie sighed, dreamily.
"Then it'll be okay. Remember the love" Angelina ordered, smiling. She was relieved when Katie smiled back.
"I doubt Oliver knows as much as you do, so stop worrying. Besides Katie, sex the first time is not what's it's cracked up to be, but it's not the end of the world either. And if he stinks at it, he'll hopefully get better with time. All he needs is a firm hand-Ow!" Alicia replied, rubbing the back of her head from the slap Angelina gave it.
Giggling suddenly, Katie just shook her head. What would she do without these crazy chicks?
She didn't want to ever know. And the very next day, Katherine Bell happily and nervously
became Katie Woods, with her two bestfriends in all the world beside her.
~~~~~~
Life:
Life was sometimes a real joy. Or a real kick in the teeth.
Life had been relatively good to the tight knit group of friends. Angelina and Fred Weasley had married four years after Katie had and were starting a family. Their first child would be born in two months. Alicia was still seeing George Weasley, but refused to marry him. Alicia's long issues with marriage made her unable to commit to the union much to everyone's chagrin. Still, George loved her enough to go along with it, although most in the group were just awaiting the day George flipped out and kidnapped her to Las Vegas or Greta Green to marry. Lee Jordan had married a nice a sweet girl, a former Ravenclaw, and they had a son.
Oliver and Katie's fairy tale had it's somewhat happy ending. Oliver, a Quidditch fanatic, had worked himself to the top of his game. Until his accident, that is. After being knocked off his broom in a heated match during the World Cup, he'd plunged forty feet to the ground. Thankfully, he lived. Unfortunately, he had not survived unscathed from his numerous life threatening injuries and been left him partially paralyzed on the left side.
His career was over, but not his love of the game. He know coached for the same team he use to play for and was wildly known as the most brilliant thing to ever happen to the game.
And Katie, she was happy and fulfilled. And very, very pregnant.
"Hey, fatties, drinks are here." Alicia cheerfully announced, bringing in a pitcher of chilled pumpkin juice on a tray onto Katie's outdoor patio. She set the tray down on a side table, poured three glasses before handing them out. Smirking, she sat between her two pleasantly plump mates.
Angelina and Katie glared at their unpregnant, slim figured friend and grumbled.
Alicia chuckled when she thought she heard Angelina mumble something about skinny bitches around the rim of her glass.
"Ah, life is good. We're all happy, healthy and in love. And I finally get to be the slim one. Ha!" Alicia sneered, laying back against her chair before suddenly ducking the deck chair cushions thrown at her.
Never tease overweight hormonal women!
Teasing aside, they all shared a laugh and a warm glance. Three friends closer than even sisters were. Two about to become mothers for the very first time and one a would-be auntie. The mood was distinctly pleasant. Of course, with this bunch...
"You're so competitive, Katie. Can't even let me enjoy being pregnant alone without you trying to top me with triplets." Angelina joked, grinning as she rubbed her swollen belly.
Katie sighed as she caressed her stomach. From Angelina's dreamy, far off gaze, she knew she shared her feelings. She was happily married, she was pregnant and she had the greatest friends a person could have. Life really didn't get much better than that.
~~~~~
Well, that was my attempt at a short story. And a friendship story at that. Hope you enjoyed it. Thanks again and let me know what you think. Bye! ^_^