Disclaimer: You do not have to enjoy music or like Taylor Swift of her song "Back to December" to thoroughly enjoy this story. Despite the fact that this is written by song lyrics, it is not a poem or a songfic. It is simply a ficlet inspired by Taylor Swift's song, "Back to December". The lyrics from her song are laced in this story. If you enjoy this song or know it you will easily be able to see them in the dialogue and narrative. Otherwise it is a normal story. I promise this story is extremely good.
I do not own the rights to Taylor Swift's song "Back to December". All lyrics are written and are owned by Taylor Swift. Some of the lyrics are modified to fit person, place, etc.
Neither do I own Iron Man, but I wish I did.
Each crystal tear left it's own trail down Pepper Pott's shaking cheeks, as she wept bitterly, letting each feeling and regret pour out in a torrent of hidden feelings. She wished she had to courage to ask him to make time to see her. She would promise to not talk about what happened that night between them, when she had done the most selfish thing she had ever done in her life. She'd just ask about life, his family, because she hadn't seen them in such a long while. Of course, he'd just say what he always did – he was busier then ever. In fact, that was what had pushed her away.
Selfishness. Pure selfishness. Pepper had known going into the relationship she'd have to share Tony Stark with the rest of the world. Date after date canceled, moments lost they could have shared together. Compunction still flooded Pepper's soul, she knew that the moments they spent apart were nothing compared to the few and far between precious hours they had spent together. Each kiss, strain of laughter, touch and becoming lost in bottomless depths of his murky eyes.
However, Pepper knew the last time he'd seen her was still burned in the back of his mind. He'd given her roses, and she'd left them to die. Pepper turned from the memory, wiping each bitter tear from her face and laid herself down in her seemingly uncomfortable bed. But these days, she hadn't been sleeping. Each night was another vivid memory, good or bad, of the time they'd spent together.
She'd simply play back herself leaving, then his birthday passed and she didn't call. Sometime she'd think about summer – all those beautiful times, the times she'd watched him laughing from the passenger's side. Then she'd realized she loved him in the fall.
Then the cold came, and the dark days. Fear had crept into her mind. That moment of truth, when Tony Stark got down on his knees and gave her all his love, and all she'd given him was goodbye. She went back to that December all the time.
Pepper sat up in bed, hands shaking, and taking a pen in hand, wrote out the words that had burned on her mind since the second she'd spent apart from him forever. The night was cold, the stars bright, and the air clear. Note in hand, she knocked on his heavy door. She'd never done that before in her life.
She didn't expect him to answer. Half of her didn't want him to. But the door creaked open, catching on the heavy chain bolting the door.
"Pepper?" Tony blinked. It had been so long since she'd had the raw, beautiful privilege of diving into the oblivion of his ardent gaze.
"Tony," Pepper was shaking violently in the cold air, in only a nightdress and thin wrap.
"Come in, Pep. You're shaking like a leaf," Tony's hand went out to touch her shoulder, but she drew back quickly. Tony looked confused, and she knew he thought nothing was going to change in that moment.
"Tony," she repeated. Tony leaned against the doorway, brow furrowed, hands still open to take her cold fingers in his warm ones. "I left because I'm selfish, and I couldn't make myself live in your love when all I had to offer was my selfishness. But now I miss everything about you. I miss your tan skin, you sweet smile, so good to me, so right." Tears gushed over her heavy lids, crystal blue eyes almost silver in the moonlight.
"Remember how you held me in your arms that September night? It was the first time you'd ever seen me cry," she wrapped her arms around her shaking figure and continued. "And Tony, maybe this is wishful thinking. Maybe this is mindless dreaming. But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right."
Tony's eyes filled with tears.
"I'd go back and time and change it, but I can't. So if the chain is on your door, I understand. But this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night. I go back to December…" Pepper trailed off for a moment, lost in thought. Raising her eyes to meet Tony's again, she continued. "It turns out freedom is nothing more then missing you, wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine. I go back to December, change my own mind. I go back to December all the time."
Tony was stock-still in the doorway. Pepper dropped the note on the icy pavement and curled her fingers around Tony's outstretched hands. Tony let her hands go, and reached up and pulled out the chain on the doorway.
"Will you come in?" he repeated his plea. Pepper stepped in the doorway, only inches away from everything that could be hers again. Wrapping her in a sweet embrace, Tony held her shivering, weeping body against his, the beat of his heart pounding in her ears.
"You can't go back in time and change it, neither can I," Tony whispered. "We can't go back to December, turn around and make it all right. But we can make it all right now."
Pepper clung to him, letting her tears cease. Tony continued,
"Don't go back to December anymore, Pepper."
The stars shone down on the night, and vanished as two souls forgot and moved on, one swallowing her pride, and the other making it all right. And that December was soon forgotten in swirl of forever memories.
THE END
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