Inspiration: I watched /watch?v=R9rymEWJX38 on YouTube, which reminded me of Pregnancy is No Joke.
The timeline is a bit handwavy because of some plot points. ...Don't analyze it too closely.
Over the summer, Reborn generously took Tsuna and his guardians on a short, normal vacation to Tokyo Disneyland. Normal.
Of course, that meant splitting them up in teams against the Varia and forcing them to shoot each other down with paintballs while appearing to be normal tourists. During those four hours, Yamamoto was shot in the head with pink and green paint three times, Gokudera accidentally splattered a garish neon orange in Squalo's hair while trying to shoot Mukuro, and Tsuna was separated from his group and looked so lost and afraid that a kind elderly couple took him to the missing children's station.
Then, when Reborn wandered in and came to collect him, he was mistaken as a lost child as well.
"Ciaossu. I'm here to pick up my student," Reborn told the staff.
But the staff member seemed to not have heard him. "Oh, what a cute little baby you are," she cooed. "Where's your mama? Is she here?" She looked around, but none of the adults nearby seemed like they were associated with the small baby. She picked him up and coddled him closely. "How irresponsible. Let's take care of you while we wait for your mama," the worker crooned.
Then, with the air of an experienced mother, she swept up Reborn's pacifier and stuck it in his mouth.
So Tsuna sat terrified next to his coldly glaring tutor for two hours while they waited for an "adult" to come for them.
This was why three days later, Reborn called Tsuna and his guardians over for a meeting and then handed each of them a cell phone. "I have acquired some civilian-style cell phones for you in case any of you are dumb enough to get separated and lost in a public area again." Reborn wasn't even trying to be subtle. He was still miffed at being mistaken as a child and being forced to suckle a pacifier. The fact that it was his now-redundant Arcobaleno keepsake didn't make it any better.
Tsuna sheepishly accepted his phone with a subdued air.
"Be careful with these," Reborn warned. "Use them only for talking to each other. They're being funded through Vongola's coffers, so I don't want to see any useless apps like Candy Crush. Understand?"
By that point, Hibari had taken his phone and loped off to his regular patrols, Mukuro had grabbed his and Chrome's to browse through the app store, and Lambo had already dropped his twice. Gokudera listened attentively and nodded while Yamamoto finished scrolling through the already entered contacts and editing the names. "...Tsuna-kun, and Haya-chan. Good! Thanks, Reborn!" And with that, Yamamoto left, too.
Gokudera split his attention away just enough to hear the end. "...Wait, what did you call me? Hey! BASTARD!" The bomber ran off to chase Yamamoto down, but the Rain user caught on and ran down the street, laughing as he avoided Gokudera's frenzied grabs.
Despite knowing that most of his audience was gone or not paying attention, Reborn continued on. "Now, I know that school is coming up in the next week. This is common sense, but I will say it anyways. Make sure you silence or turn off your phone during class. If a teacher gets a hold of your Vongola-issued phone because it rang during class, I will punish you severely."
Tsuna did not think he imagined the malicious glint in Reborn's eyes when he caught Tsuna looking.
Tsuna's first year of high school started off fairly normally. Normal.
As in not only were Yamamoto, Gokudera, and Nagi in his homeroom class, but also Naito Longchamp and Enma. Two or three of his mafia-related friends he'd be able to toss up as a chance event, but five? That just showed that Reborn had full control of what went on in his class somehow.
But it wasn't like he wasn't thankful for it. He at least had lots of his friends in his class.
Too bad that none of his friends reminded him to turn off his phone when they all did.
Granted, it wasn't their responsibility; Tsuna should be able to handle himself as a respectable freshman of high school. However, he was known to be forgetful, often forgetting his homework on his desk after painstakingly completing it under Reborn's watchful gaze. (Hey, Reborn was only supposed to teach Tsuna the material, not to make him turn it in. It at least meant Tsuna's slightly unsatisfying grades were because he didn't turn in some of the homework, not that he didn't know the material.)
So two weeks after class started and Tsuna had forgotten to turn off his phone again, Reborn took the chance to exact some revenge on him.
Tsuna's homeroom teacher had a policy: if anyone's phone went off during class, they had to answer it on speaker, whether it be their mother notifying them to grab some juice on the way home or a scam caller claiming to be a Nigerian prince.
Knowing that Tsuna didn't turn off his phone that morning, Reborn smirked and dialled Tsuna on phone-Leon.
Tsuna, who had been absent-mindedly flipping through his math textbook, jolted when he heard his distinct ringtone. He blushed as he dug through his bag for his phone, which was playing the Star Wars theme composed of dog barks.
Tsuna was about to quickly press the cancel button in hopes that it would be quickly forgotten since it was his first offense, but his homeroom teacher had walked over to his desk and was waiting for him to press accept. Left with no choice, he pressed accept and set it on speaker.
"Hello? Is this Sawada Tsunayoshi?" a calm voice filtered through. It was a voice that Tsuna vaguely recognized through his haze of embarrassment. He glanced at the caller ID, but it yielded no answers except an unrecognizable string of numbers. 666-233-2333? What kind of nonsense number was that? From his peripheral view, he could see some of his new classmates giggling at his predicament.
"Yes, this is Tsuna. " he answered. "Who is this?"
The person at the other end coughed to clear his throat. "I am Dr. Reborn."
Ah, that's who. Tsuna instantly realized what was happening. Are you really that petty, Reborn?
He was indeed that petty. An eye for an eye, public embarrassment for public embarrassment. "I have your results here, Mr. Sawada, and your test result was correct the first time. Now, I am sure you are experiencing an immense amount of stress since you are so young and unprepared, but I must ask you to stay calm and relax."
What are you doing? Tsuna questioned in his mind. "E-excuse me, Reb—"
"Doctor Reborn, if you please," he interrupted.
"Alright, Dr. Reborn, but what are you talking about?" Tsuna said with gritted teeth. Curse you and your games. "I haven't had any checkups or tests recently."
Reborn tsked from his end. "Mr. Sawada, it's not good to be in denial. At this point, it is best to just accept it. After all, even if the father is no longer in the picture—"
WHAT FATHER? Tsuna screamed in the privacy of his mind.
"—we have many resources available for you. But please remember to stay calm. The stress isn't good for the baby."
B-baby? Many of the students in the class were shocked. It was exciting gossip, and they'd experienced it firsthand. Not only was it a teen pregnancy, but the… mother(?) was abandoned by his partner.
After Dr. Reborn gave his final platitudes to the expecting "mother", he hung up, and Tsuna was left to the awkward silence of his classroom. Gokudera especially was deathly silent and still. Tsuna's face was red, and he felt like he was unable to face anyone.
Unfortunately, he was forced to when his teacher placed a heavy hand on his shoulder and knelt to look him directly in the eyes. "Sawada, I am so sorry I made you take that call. It was a very private matter, and I should've had you check—"
Tsuna shook his head in a panic. "No, no, no, don't worry about it. It was just my friend's bad idea of a joke." He gave a feeble laugh, desperately hoping it would push the idea of it being a tasteless joke.
It went about as well as almost everything else in his life. "It's alright, Sawada," his teacher said. "I know pregnancy can be hard, but denying it will just make it harder."
"B-b-but I'm a boy," Tsuna stammered, truly hoping for logic to reach his teacher's mind. "I can't get pregnant."
His teacher simply patted Tsuna's head with pity in his eyes.
Meanwhile, Hana considered the merits of transferring to the all-girls private school. They'd probably have more logical teachers there, right?
Over the next few weeks, the other students treated him with kid gloves. While there were some that followed him around in hopes of more gossip—who's the father?—others were conscientious of the difficulties of pregnancies, especially for young mothers(?), and sought to make life less harrowing for him at school. That included keeping away the middle school bullies who'd followed him to high school.
Gokudera was unsurprisingly zealous in protecting Tsuna and his "unborn baby".
After school the day of the phone call, Gokudera broke down in front of Tsuna at his house, wailing, "Tenth! I've failed you… How could I let you give your first time to a scumbag like him? I don't even know who it was!"
"There was no scumbag, Gokudera-kun," Tsuna placated.
"There's no need to defend trash like him, Tenth. Who was it? I'll hunt him down for you and make him take responsibility for the baby." He whipped out a row of dynamite as if he'd find the scumbag just around the corner.
"There is no baby."
"Tenth, you heard what the teacher said. You can't be in denial. It's not good for your heir."
"There is no—" Tsuna stopped and sighed. He wouldn't be getting through to his Storm anytime soon. Was there any point in denying the pregnancy? Tsuna watched with dead eyes as Gokudera ran into town, looking for the imaginary absentee father.
Several weeks later, Tsuna wished he'd tried harder in dispelling the rumors of his pregnancy. Not only was Gokudera abnormally vicious to anyone within a two-foot radius of Tsuna, but even Hibari had joined the hunt for the missing "father".
The only thing he could feel thankful for was that no one had come out to claim that status.
(However, he did feel the assessing gaze of Mukuro, as if weighing the hilarity of being Tsuna's imaginary baby-daddy and the dangers of being in the crosshairs of Gokudera and Hibari combined.)
When he did try to dispel the rumors, however, people just nodded and agreed while privately thinking Tsuna was either in denial or trying to keep the pregnancy a secret.
Two months passed by with no resolution in sight, although one day he woke up with abdominal pain and unconsciously wondered if he really was pregnant. Then he slapped himself once he shook off the drowsiness left over from sleep.
He only vomited once. It wasn't morning sickness. It couldn't be because he wasn't pregnant. Right.
It must just be a stomach bug. Not pregnant. "Bye, Mom," he called out as he wobbled out the door. The latch clicked shut and he took in a deep breath, steeling himself for the day.
Or maybe he should just stay home. The pain was getting worse.
But then Reborn walked up behind him and kicked behind his knee, almost sending him to the ground. "Get going, Tsuna. You don't want to be late, do you?"
"I'm going, I'm going," he muttered. Heaving a quiet sigh, Tsuna readjusted his bag on his shoulder and started walking, considering stopping by a convenience store for some ibuprofen.
The pain didn't go away; it actually intensified as the hours dragged by. By lunchtime, he wanted to hide in the nurse's office and curl up into a ball of misery.
Gokudera, his ever attentive Storm, noticed his paleness quickly. "Are you okay, Tenth?" he asked with worry. "You don't look well. Is it the baby?"
Not in the mood to deal with the baby rumor, Tsuna shook his head. "I'm just tired, Gokudera-kun."
"The baby must be making you tired. Don't worry, Tenth. I'll go grab some pillows and blankets for you!" And with that, Gokudera ran off to the nurse's office to filch some bedding.
"Tsuna-kun, if you're tired, maybe you should just go home," Enma suggested.
The pain really was becoming unbearable, and going home sounded lovely. Tsuna nodded. "Yeah, I think I will. Can one of you tell Gokudera-kun for me?"
"Of course, Tsuna," Yamamoto responded. "I'll go find him right now. He went to the nurse, right?" Yamamoto strolled out in search of Gokudera.
Tsuna got to his feet, shaking slightly with beads of sweat sliding down his face. Enma helped him stand as Tsuna almost fell back into his seat. "How about I help you to the office, Tsuna-kun?" he offered.
"Thanks, Enma-kun." Tsuna gave Enma a wobbly smile. Together, they tottered toward the office with slow, measured steps. The hallways were relatively clear, as most other students were in the cafeteria or dotted around classrooms and eating lunch, so they weren't stopped by any worried or gossiping students wondering about Tsuna's "baby".
Unfortunately, Tsuna's bad luck didn't end. The two encountered Mochida just four doors away from the front office. The kendo club member seemed to be in a bad mood, probably having been scolded for one infraction or another in the principal's office. Mochida kicked the wall angrily before catching sight of Tsuna and Enma. Straightening up, he sneered and approached the two smaller boys.
"If it isn't the two nerds," Mochida growled. He stopped in front of them and derisively chuckled. "Actually, you aren't nerds. You're worse. Nerds at least have book smarts. You're just dame."
Tsuna wasn't quite in his right mind or in a particularly good mood, so he said without thinking, "Better than you. Didn't you fail a history test yesterday?"
Tsuna was just making it up, but Mochida's face flushed red with embarrassment and anger. "I was right?" he said, flabbergasted.
Knowing he was tricked, Mochida roughly shoved Tsuna with rage. The sudden movement caught Enma off guard, so he was unable to stabilize the falling boy.
Tsuna crashed onto the hallway floor with a loud thud. Then, he screamed.
"U-u-uh, Reborn? This is Reborn, right?" Enma said nervously through the speaker of Tsuna's phone. In the background, there was heavy panting and repeated dull thuds along with grunts of pain.
Reborn instantly caught on to Enma's nervousness and fright. "What happened?"
"Tsuna's in pain and I don't know what's wrong. He's curled up on the floor right now. Yamamoto went back to get the nurse, and Gokudera's beating up the guy who pushed him."
"Stay with him. I'll get the paramedics."
The sirens were screeching outside of the school within three minutes. Tsuna was carried out on a stretcher within another. The school nurse had unfortunately been unable to figure out what was wrong with him, which just added to Tsuna's stress.
"I'm not pregnant, am I?" Tsuna screamed in delirium at the emergency medic.
The medic gave him a disconcerted, questioning look. "Of course not. You're a boy, aren't you?"
Tsuna almost sobbed out of gratitude. And then he really did sob because of the pain.
It turned out to be appendicitis. He had gotten medical attention in time, so at least his appendix hadn't burst. The doctor who had done his emergency appendectomy told him he needed at least two weeks of bedrest, and Tsuna took the chance to hide away from the rest of the world.
He hoped that news of his appendicitis would sweep away the rumors of his supposed pregnancy.
The students around him quieted down when they saw him coming down the halls. Tsuna's class was eerily silent even during break times. He had a miscarriage, he heard people say. He wanted to cry, but at least people stopped believing he was pregnant.
Finally, that chapter of his life was over. He could forget about that whole debacle and leave it in the dusty corners of his memories.
He lived carefree for all of a week. Then his father called while also barging through the front door.
"TSUNA! What's this I hear about a pregnancy?!"
Happy birthday, my sis. This is totally not late. Hope your test was okay.
Star Wars dog theme is totally a thing. Very cute.