AN: Another little piece from the recesses of the mind.
Summary: Daniel had ascended, Jack and Teal'c were still internalising, Sam was feeling more alone than ever. A one-shot of her feelings for her lost friend. Season 6.
MISSING DANIEL.
Sam had been feeling down for a while now, but this was definitely the worst day by far. Thing's just were not the same without Daniel.
The Colonel still refused to talk about it, insisting that everything was fine. "…'cause he's not actually dead, Carter."
Teal'c seemed to spend most of him time either in kel'no'reem or in training sessions.
And let's face it Jonas Quinn was a constant and very painful reminder of her dear friend's sacrifice.
Not that the man did not try, he was constantly popping round, trying to cheer her up or piping about his latest Earth discovery. Death and loss had totally different customs on his planet and while he tried to respect Earth's traditions he did not fully understand them. He did not get the fact that Sam did not want to be cheered up. That's why she had ended up snapping at him when he came round knocking on the door of her quarters first thing.
Before she was even dressed, he was bouncing around in her private room babbling about the fact that toothpaste came in a flavour called peppermint. I mean, my god, who had time to get that excited about toothpaste, especially at five-fifteen in the morning!
They had been due to 'gate out to P8G-7482 at oh-eight-thirty but, unexpectedly, the mission had been scrubbed, causing Sam to feel that her difficult early morning rise had all been for nothing.
It seemed the Colonel had to go and answer for his actions. Something to do with damage to official airforce property. Yeah sure, everything was "fine!"
To make matters worse, Hammond, in his wisdom had decided that she could not handle leading the mission. That had made her feel totally worthless. It was only a standard re-con mission after all. She had done it before, why not now?
It seemed once again that Daniel's absence had changed everything. Sam knew that if he had still been here, the General would not have given her leading the mission a second thought.
Jonas was too new to the field he had told her, too much of a liability and quite frankly he did not think she was ready. His honesty had hurt.
Sam was not quite ready to admit it just yet but the man had a point. If they did go off-world and Jonas ended up doing something stupid she would probably find herself in a similar position to her CO.
Not that she had any kind of clue as to what the Colonel's actual position was. It seemed he did not want her to know and as her superior, if that was what he wanted then the chances were that she would never find out. It was just another reminder of the wall that stood between them.
Not two years ago and maybe even right up until Daniel…before he… She had hoped that later things would work out for her and Jack. Today she had quite clearly realised that it was never going to happen. He would always be 'The Colonel' and she would always be 'Carter'.
They had tried to delude themselves for a while and she had to admit it had been exhilarating but even when they were off-duty and relaxed she was always the subordinate, inferior despite her worth. He just did not seem to see her as anything other than his loyal 2IC, his 'Major'. 'Sam' never came into it.
Suddenly she was sobbing.
'Sam'. There was no-one left to call her that. Jonas had adopted the whole 'Carter' thing, not that she minded really, she could change that quite easily. The fact was, when it came down to it, with regards to SG-1, she had only ever been 'Sam' with Daniel.
She dropped her head onto the table in her lab as she thought about all the different times he had called her that, all the different inflections he had used.
There was the 'I'm hurt' Sam, the 'Help me I did it again' Sam, the 'I've just discovered something amazing' Sam and of course the 'Jack is going to kill me' Sam. But the one she missed the most was the ordinary Daniel-smiley 'Hey' Sam. It was the simple greeting that told her every single day that he loved her, that he was her brother, that they were family.
Sam bounced her head of the counter a few time, it was too much, she needed to get out of here, out off the mountain. She headed for the surface despite the fact that she was still on duty, despite the fact that her lab work was really piling up. She simply made a break for it.
The forest paths around Cheyenne Mountain were restrictive. Sam found that could not go far in any direction before the wire-mesh fences blocked her path and impeded her view. Still it was a relief from the cold grey walls and constant oppression of being under the mountain.
A gentle breeze blew around her and she lifted her face to the weak February sun. Its low light created the allusion of heat as she closed her eyes against the glare.
Inhaling deeply she allowed her mind to go blank. Sometimes a brief escape was the only answer...
Something had changed by the time she was ready to go back inside.
Sure the Colonel was not ready to talk and Teal'c was doing his whole stoic routine. Sure she felt totally alone at the moment and there would be no proper memorial service and therefore no 'traditional' closure. But something had touched her as she stood there.
Daniel had loved February. It had always been the month he had chosen to make big changes, why should this one have been any different?
She remembered the insane amount of joy he had expressed just because last year had been a leap year. Okay so this year there would be no twenty-ninth but Sam knew that he would want her to live each day like it was that special day.
So as the chill evening air descended and the setting sun disappeared from view she vowed that she would try. Not all at once because she just could not do that, but a little more each day.
The first thing, she realised, that she needed to do was to accept that he was not dead, he was simply…away.
As she looked up into the darkening sky the first evening star shone down on her and she smiled.
"Thank you Daniel."
He was out there somewhere and he had just given her back something very important.
Her sense of hope.
AN: Hope you enjoyed it :)