A/N – so the emotional muse struck again. This is a twist of new moon and portions of eclipse, mixed and meshed for my own amusement. I hope you enjoy it.
Have you ever loved someone so much you thought your heart would burst into flames of heated passion if you couldn't be within their heated embrace? The desire to be loved by them was so great every waking moment of the day was consumed with thoughts of what you would be like together. Your heart swelled to the point that your chest pained from its instantaneous growth and it felt like if that unconditional love wasn't returned your heart would fail to continue beating.
You weren't sure what brought on this immediate need to be loved by her. You would like to think it had always been that way but you realize now it was with a more mature eye that it came to be as it stood now. Unfortunately, by the time you finally embraced it, she was taken, her heart and body given to a man who didn't love and appreciate her for who she truly was.
The thought of his pale white hands caressing her tender skin and his chapped lips coursing over the crook of her neck made the bile rise from your stomach. You tried your hardest to fight the urge to have your fist greet his face whenever you were around them together. His presence burned your very soul with its deceit. You knew she was merely a show and tell doll for him to show off to his buddies. He didn't love her like you did and the more you saw them together, the more the beast grew weary of his presence.
However as much as the sight of them burned you, you fought your feelings because you knew she didn't feel the same. You had been down this road countless times before and the conversation always ended with "I love him more".
You thought it incomprehensive that the notion was ever possible. How could she love someone more than she loved you? You had done everything she ever asked. You had been there for her when no one else was and in her darkest moments she revealed that had you professed your love sooner, it would be your arms cradling her and not his.
Her words were like liquid anger on your skin igniting goose bumps of regret and hatred at the putrid thought. How can she deny you when all you want to do is worship the ground she walks on? You were born to love and care for her and you couldn't understand why she didn't see it.
You fought tireless over the last year to make her see you were the natural choice. You professed your love for her every moment you were together until you were blue in the face. Even in this moment, when the words "I love you more" trickled from your lips and she stood there, the look of hurt and disappointment weakening her stance, her hand moving over your shoulder in an effort to comfort you because she still didn't reciprocate your feelings was enough to drive you mad. You were done with the pity party. You didn't want her pity. You wanted her heart.
You found yourself lost in the heat of the moment, your eyes blinded by need and your body fueled by obsession. In that moment you didn't allow her hand to grip your shoulder but instead you pulled her to your chest and kissed her with all the passion you could muster. Her body thrashed and pulled in an effort to free herself from your hold as if the mere taste of you disgusted her.
Her fist hit your ribs forcing you to hunch over in pain as she pulled away. She yelled out in disgust, screaming that she told you not to press the matter. You were merely friends and although she knew you felt more, wanted more, there could never be more.
You weren't ok with just being friends. Friends didn't feel the way you felt about her. Your love for her was on some levels obsessive. You needed her in the worst way. She was the air you breathed, the cause for the strut in your step and your very reason for living.
Your conscious told you to back down and let her leave because if this deep seeded anger within you was released, you knew it would sever what little of a friendship you still had left.
She started to walk away from you, her hands wrapping around her small frame as her sobs filled the morning air. The anger you felt superseded everything your heart told you to be true. Did she not understand how important she was to you? Did she not care that you could love her in a way no other could?
"You're good at that aren't you Bella? Always running from things you can't control."
You knew you were playing with fire but the anger could no longer be contained. You were tired of being the doormat to her on again off again friendship. She was either going to choose you or lose you and although you felt strong in your conviction, your heart pounded in defiance of your minds intent. You weren't ready to lose her even if she didn't choose you. You had told her once that you would love her until her heart stopped beating and yet in still, you lay the law down like it is something you can actually accept.
You were pathetic. You were constantly throwing you soul on the sharp knife of seldom friendship. Her soft footsteps on the dusty forest ground came to a halt and for a moment you thought she had finally seen the light. Your heart was beating steadily into your ears as you awaited her apology and acknowledgment of her true feelings.
She turned towards you, tears streaming down her face as the evil words seeped from her lips. "I'm just not in love with you Jacob."
Your body shuttered at their meaning, your mind refusing to believe the truth and your body succumbing to the painful truth of it all. You fell to your knees as her words repeated in your head like a record stuck on the main chorus of a song, each syllable as it filtered through felt like tiny needles punching holes into your heart.
This wasn't the way it was suppose to be. When two people love one another like you and she did, they didn't just walk away. "No!" You roared the tone and vibration so loud it echoed throughout the forest and forced her to stand petrified in place a few yards ahead of you.
You weren't going to allow this. She owed you an explanation. It might not be what you wanted to hear but the pathetic ones she had been giving you since he came into your lives weren't cutting it anymore. You wanted to know why she loved him more. What made him better than you? Why was he on a pedestal and you were left sitting in the dirt staring up at a man that was not only undeserving of her affections but didn't have the slightest inkling as to what unconditional love truly meant.
Your feet pounded the damp ground as you stormed over towards her. She turned to face you, tears of fear and uncertainty running down her cheeks like a broken faucet. Seeing her in this way made your resolve weaken slightly since you knew you were the reason for such a reaction but you had to know.
'Tell me why Bella? Why him? What makes him the better choice? Is it the money, the fancy cars, what?" your voice stern and unsympathetic to her quivering state.
Her bottom lip quivered slightly, her eyes never looking into yours as her arms wrapped around her chest tightly, seemingly petrified to give you the answer she seemed so certain of.
"Because I love him"
You feel the anger and disappointment erupt within you like hot lava from a volcano. Your skin burns, your heart quakes and the words you've held back for so long spill from your lips before you have a chance to extinguish their intensity.
"Do you even know what love is Bella? Love isn't fancy cars or stylish cloths. It isn't promising the one you love countless years of endless blood lust and an empty soul. How can you love someone so lifeless, so empty, and so cold to the touch? You want to know what love feels like?" you hiss as you take two steps forward so your bodies are mesh with one another and you leave her no room to run.
You snatch her hand from around her waist, the anger and longing drumming through your veins while your heart beats so fast it is likely to break skin at any minute if she doesn't concede to your will. You press the palm of her hand to your heart and with hasten breath and longing you whisper "Do you feel that Bella? Do you feel how strong and fast my heart beats? That's the power of love. That is what true love feels like. He can't give you that. He can't even promise you will ever feel that because he lost his beat decades ago. Chose the one that loves you not the one who claims to"
Her hand rests on your chest for a moment, her eye lids closing as the thump of your heartbeat pulsates through her hand and forms similar goose bumps along her arms. You knew on some level you had managed to break that barrier, that stone wall that kept you from her heart. You could feel the heat of her sigh on your bare chest and for one split second you knew she was falling for you.
You leaned down, hooked your spare hand under her chin and raised her head so her eyes could meet yours. You could feel the shutter of her body, her physical defiance of your advances and yet she remained still, her lids still closed and her hand firmly on your heart. You knew this was the last stand, the final moment where you either leapt or succumbed to her will.
You lean down, the shadow of your frame cascading over her small body forcing her eyes to open at the loss of light that once shown over both of you at this important moment.
You could see the confusion and fear in her eyes, the way her lower lids quivered slightly as her lips parted slowly to speak.
You couldn't handle hearing her denial again. If the words came from her lips at this moment you knew you would break and there would be no turning back. If she asked you not to push, you would surely shatter into million non-repairable pieces and become a man tormented by a love he knew and lost all in the same instant.
You couldn't handle that so in your defiance of her words you leaned down, the cold air between you escaping into each others open mouths as you whispered, "Let me show you what love feels like".
You felt her hand shift against your heart and you knew it was now or never. You pressed your lips softly to hers and after a slight squeeze of her fingers against your skin, her hand simmered and her other arm came around your neck and pulled you in deeper. You got lost in the feel of lips, the moisture and tenderness that coated your own was unlike any you had felt before.
A spark, unnoticeable to the human eye but felt by you both burned your lips as they continued their dance, twisting and turning with such intensity you felt your body weaken slightly at the fierce and demand of their union.
An abnormality of this magnitude would have forced you to stop and question its occurrence but you knew what this was. You had seen through the eyes of your brothers this moment occur many times in the past and that made your heart swell even more.
You knew you were destined to be together and now God, your ancestors and your soul had been in agreement by sealing the imprint with your one and only love. You could feel her body's recognition of the imprint, the goose bumps rising along her arms and the slight shiver that befell her body as she continued to enjoy the taste of your lips had to mean something.
You hated to ruin this moment, a moment you were sure was fleeting but felt so sure she felt and couldn't deny that you pulled away slowly to look into her eyes. She moaned in slight defiance as you pulled away slowly, not enough to indicate rejection or fear but enough for her to know you enjoyed it all the same.
Her eyes slowly opened as her hastened breath teased the exposed skin of your chest. You fear her words although her actions tell you there is nothing to fear. You fear her words because just like before, you are unsure if she will once again bestow upon your fragile heart just how inadequate you are in fulfilling her needs.
Your heart, the sensitive yet strong muscle within your chest beats at an exponential rate, your breathing following the same rhythm as your soul cries out to claim her. Her silent whispers pull you from your lover's gazes as your ears hone in on her mumbled words "why do I feel so warm all of a sudden? It feels like every nerve, muscles, pore is on fire and alert. It's like I'm burning from the inside out. Can you feel it Jake? Can you feel that…?"
You finish her sentence knowing the only word in the human language that could adequate be described by her physical reactions to such an emotional moment.
"Love" you whisper back, your arms pulling up from her sides and your hands gently cupping her flush cheeks as her beautiful brown orbs bore into yours with such a longing you had never seen before now.
Your eyes searched hers, desperate to see the change, the physical indication that she now felt the power behind your need. She was always in defiance of your wants, brushing them off as a childhood obsession or an illusion but now, now she saw, she felt the power behind your words and now even if she wanted to, she couldn't deny it.
After several minutes of silence, you couldn't stand the wait any longer and questioned her, hoping the answer would be different this time. "You felt the spark, the love I have for you in that kiss didn't you Bella? Are you going to deny it and claim that this moment was just like all the others…that you don't feel the pull of the imprint?"
Her body squirmed from within your arms as she fought the truth, her eyes shifting back and forth as her arms resumed their normal cradling position yet again. You tried to remain calm, the beast within furious at her open defiance of your fated union. The question that has plagued you since childhood parades your mind like a broken record "Why aren't I good enough?"
In your fury you don't realize the words were not only in your thoughts but vocalized though your lips. You hissed your confusion and anger and this time, she didn't retreat, she didn't run, she merely peered up out of her own daze and stared at you. Her eyes, those beautiful rich brown eyes coated in a shield of moisture as the tears cradled within her lids as her body began to shake within her arms was still so beautiful. She felt the emotions, the sadness, anger, jealousy and love you felt because it wasn't just you and she as individuals anymore. You were as one, bound by love and tied together by the imprint of your souls.
You forgot this little addition to your relationship. You forgot that she felt as you did and vice versa. You felt like an idiot for not recalling such an important fact but then again, maybe she was meant to feel it, embrace it and learn from it. She thought she knew love before, a love glazed over by empty promises and selfish lies but now she was experiencing it in its purest form through you.
You take a step forward and she in turn takes a step back. You wanted to comfort her, let her know that even though she didn't understand, you did to some extent.
You tried again and this time she didn't retreat but rather extended her hand out and stopped your advances with her fist. Your hands cup hers while you whisper "You can't fight fate Bella. I know it's scary. I know you're not used to feeling such intense emotions since all the ones before were sugar coated and laced with lies. Let me show you what true love really feels like. Let me be the man you deserve."
You felt her hand twitch and although she didn't say no, she didn't say yes either and at this point you didn't know what else to do. Your body became weak, your knees shaking as you fell to the ground before her, your hands still cupped around hers above your shoulders as your head fell down to the floor. If she rejected you this time it wouldn't be like before. There was no recovery from this break, no getting over it, no return to normalcy. You would be anything and everything she wanted and although you would adhere to the laws set forth by imprinting, your heart and soul would never be the same, not if the feelings weren't returned in the way you longed them to be.
"Jake…I don't know what to do" she whispers and although it's not a firm admission, it's something nevertheless.
You look up and in the sincerest tone possible reply "Chose life Bella. Chose to live your life with me, the natural way. I promise it will be as easy as breathing with me."
You hated that you had to resort to begging, pleading for a love you knew she had for you, but it didn't matter. You weren't too proud to beg, to offer yourself to her if only she would chose to try, to be the one to stand by your side like she always had.
She pulled her hands up forcing your arms to rise and your body to follow suit. You stood inches apart, your hands still joined with one another's hanging between you, always connected, close and hopefully never to part again.
Your shoulders grew heavy in anticipation of another rejection. The silence was deafening between you and the lack of acknowledgement or acceptance of your pleas was more painful than any wound inflicted upon you to date. The longer you stood there, the more doubt chipped away at the hope that she would see past her fear and into the light of the flame you held for her.
In your last attempt and desperation you whispered "He left you here. He left you here to die. I would never do that. I would never leave you, not until my last breath is taken on this earth. I will love you like no other and you will never know pain, longing or sadness. I will be the light to shine through your cloudy days and you're happily ever after Bella. Just give me the chance to teach your heart how to beat again, love again, and feel happiness again. Chose me"
It was the simplest of requests and yet it brought you back to complete silence. You adjoined hands began to swing between you, the nervous energy so thick you felt suffocated by it. As desperate as you were for an answer, your heart was still unsure she would in fact chose you as more than a friend.
You squeezed her hand, a reassuring friendly gesture you always performed when she needed that added confidence. You were friends first and although you were almost direr for more, you never lost sight of that crucial part of your relationship; you would always be Jacob, her Jacob whichever way she wanted it to be.
Her head rose from the ground, the tears falling softly along her cheeks as she smiled and that's when you knew. Your heart nearly burst at the sight of her acceptance. You didn't need to hear the words because you felt the strength of it in her eyes. That was the magical thing about love, no words need to be spoken, no action performed, it was the feeling of complete and total acceptance and surrender that spoken volumes.
You pulled her into your arms; the first embrace that meant more than condolence, friendship and consideration. This embrace was two lovers reunited in love and bound by fate. This was how it was meant to be, the only true path, the most natural one of all. It was friendship that brought you together and it would be the power of love that would keep you forever.
The new moon was the bringer of change and the proclaimer of a new phase in life's cycle. You welcomed it not only because of its textbook meaning but because today it brought with it not only a new chapter in your young life but the other piece of your heart and the completion of your soul.