A/N: This is my first fic ever, so be gentle w/me, lol. I have just been obsessing over this show & this couple for the last few weeks & remembering how much I loved their story when I saw it all those years ago. God love clips & fanfic for filling an obsession! But I never found a story that covered some issues I was interested in, so here is my version of events after the end of the first season. It is mostly from Jordan's point of view in the beginning, but there is lots more of both his and Angela's opinions to come.
I own nothing.
Chapter 1 –More than Just Friends
As Jordan and Angela drove off, Angela's eyes stayed on Brian until the car passed him on the street. She didn't turn her head to keep looking at Brian as Jordan drove past him, but she continued to stare out the window. Jordan was torn between looking at the road and looking at Angela, who still hadn't turned her head away from the window.
He wondered what was wrong now. It seemed like she was always thinking about something else that took her away from him. What could it be this time? Surely it wasn't that Brain kid, Jordan thought. He didn't like the way they were standing so close when he showed up just now. Kind of like that Corey guy did every time he saw him and Angela talking. It drove Jordan nuts.
Jordan had never felt that way before, and didn't really understand what he did feel. He just knew that when he saw Corey standing so close to Angela in the hallway, he wanted to shove him right into the lockers as he walked by them. It took every last ounce of effort for Jordan to control himself as he walked by and act like he didn't even notice them. He hated himself for turning to look back at them, but he just couldn't stop himself. Damn!
He had never really thought about what having Angela with him meant to him. Actually, Jordan pretty much tried not to think about it. He didn't like thinking about things too much. It just was what it was. He liked her, he finally admitted to himself. He sort of admitted it to everyone else when he walked up to her in the hall and took her by the hand and walked out with her. But after that, Jordan didn't give it much more thought, other than he knew he liked making out with her and was constantly thinking of ways they could be together someplace private to do more of that.
When Angela finally made it clear she wasn't ready to do more than that, they decided to just 'be friends.' Jordan didn't like the idea of letting go of his desire to be with her, but he knew she was serious. It surprised him that he wasn't able to just walk away from her then. He'd always been able to before, with every other girl he'd been with. But the thought of not seeing her or talking to her or just being with her anymore was something he couldn't quite accept.
So Jordan Catalano had agreed to just be friends with a girl he wanted so much more from than that. He knew that made him look totally lame not only to his friends, but even to himself and he had to laugh just a little at what he had become because of Angela. A student with a tutor, a friend with a girl, a...a wuss, he thought with some bitterness.
And that's when Jordan saw Angela leaning against her locker, smiling and staring into Corey's eyes just like she had stared into his a short time ago. He wondered if she wanted to just 'be friends' with Corey too, like she had with Jordan. He told himself to snap out of it and quit being such a loser! He couldn't believe he was getting so twisted over this girl that was too afraid to do more than even kiss! And the more he thought about what a wuss he had become, the more he started to resent Angela for putting him in that position.
That's how he was feeling when Graff came up to him that night, already buzzed and wanting to get even more so. Jordan was up for that, so they went outside to finish off whatever booze they had left between them. He didn't know how or why they ended up in the back seat of his car. But when he had asked about Angela and heard the pathetic words actually coming out of his mouth about her and that Corey guy, he just knew he had to get all thoughts of Angela out of his head before he embarrassed himself even more than he already had.
It wasn't like Jordan was trying to hurt Angela. He really never thought one way or the other about how it might make her feel. He was really only thinking about changing the way he felt. He didn't like feeling like a lonely reject, which is what Angela did to him when she shut him down with 'just friends,' and then turned around and started flirting with that Corey guy. Jordan wasn't used to being turned down by girls. It was a new feeling for him and he didn't like it at all. So he tried to erase that feeling by having a girl who would do more than just kiss him.
The fact that the girl Jordan chose just happened to be Angela's best friend didn't really register as any big deal to Jordan. He just knew at the time that he was feeling loose, and wanting to forget how lousy Angela was making him feel, and Graff was there and she was not rejecting him. It was just so easy, he didn't really think about any of it. He just did it.
Then the next day, as soon as Jordan saw Graff at school, he knew he had screwed up. He hadn't thought about who she was last night, she was just there. Now in the cold light of day, he knew exactly who she was and how weird it would be to ever be around her again. Jordan regretted being with her the night before, and just wanted to get away from her now. He mumbled something to her and walked off, in the wrong direction. 'Dammit!' he thought to himself, as he had to turn and walk past her again.
All Jordan wanted to do was find Angela and make things right with her. He missed being with her and kissing her and it nearly drove him crazy thinking she might be kissing that Corey guy instead. So Jordan tried talking to her repeatedly, about anything. Geez, he couldn't believe it, he was actually babbling like some idiot. He had to though, because nothing he said seemed to make any difference to her.
First she turned him into a student, then a 'friend,' then a jealous guy, then a babbling idiot, all things he'd never experienced before Angela Chase. Jordan couldn't believe how messed up he had gotten so fast over this girl. Why was she making him jump through all these hoops and why was he so willing to try? Jordan didn't know the answers to those questions. All he knew was that he was miserable and Angela seemed to be just fine with that fact.
Oh God, Jordan realized then that she must know. How did she find out? What difference did it make? Jordan knew the instant he saw Graff the next day that Angela was going to find out. He just refused to consider when it would happen and what it would be like. Now he knew and he realized why he had refused to think about it.
Because it was agony. Jordan had never been so down about anything before. In his life, there were plenty of opportunities to get depressed, too. His family life was full of opportunities, but Jordan mostly turned off those feelings and hardened himself to any disappointments. He pretty much just ignored what happened in his life (or didn't happen) that might bother most people. It was his way of dealing with it. But he couldn't stop the aching he felt over completely losing Angela. She wasn't even interested in being his friend anymore. God he missed her so much.
But then Brain wrote that letter and after Jordan gave it to Angela, there she was. It was just like one of his dreams where he finally said something that she liked and she forgave him, just like that. They were kissing passionately again, just like nothing ever happened.
Just when Jordan was thinking he might get everything going his way again, he showed up at Angela's that night and there she was, talking to that Brain kid. Only they weren't just talking. They were standing so close to each other and he was looking at Angela like he wanted to rip her clothes off and devour her. Jordan recognized that look, because he'd had that look himself, plenty of times before. Again, that insane feeling he still wasn't too familiar with washed over him, just like when that Corey guy was standing so close to her.
Geez, they were inches away from each other's face, like they were about to kiss or something! Jordan figured walking up to them both and knocking that Brain kid on his ass probably wouldn't be too cool just now, even though that's what he was dying to do."Angela? Hey." Jordan once again found himself trying so hard to act outwardly calm and unaffected when inside he was a wreck and pretty unsure of what was going on. He just knew that he wanted to get Angela away from here and this guy and somewhere they could be alone.
"Hey," Angela said softly, as she realized Jordan was there. She was still standing so close to that guy, but she had turned slightly away from him to face Jordan.
"Hey, Brain."
"Hi. Hey," Brian stammered, as usual unsure of just which greeting was the right one at the moment.
Jordan couldn't help himself from coming right up to Angela and standing so close he was almost on top of her. Jordan looked possessively down into Angela's face and inched even closer to her as he said, "Come on, let's go."
As Jordan took Angela's hand, he was surprised when she didn't immediately turn and walk away with him. He tugged on her hand and prodded her, "Don't worry, your mom said it's O.K."
Finally Angela turned away from that kid and followed Jordan over to his car. But once again, just when Jordan thought everything could finally start moving in the direction he'd been waiting on for so long, there she sat just staring out the window. Lost again in all those crazy thoughts she was always coming up with.
Jordan was dying to ask her what she and that Brain kid had been talking about, but he wasn't sure if it was the right thing to say just now. Hell, he wasn't sure of anything that would be the right thing to say just now. So he continued to drive on in silence, glancing at Angela every few seconds.
Finally, the silence began to bother even Jordan, who had never minded it before. He noticed that Angela had finally turned her head and was now staring straight out the front of the car. Jordan guessed that was a small improvement over staring out her own window. What was she worrying about now, Jordan wondered?
"So what's up with Brain?" Jordan finally broke the silence to ask. He was watching her to see if she would finally look at him to respond, but she just continued to stare straight ahead.
"Huh? Oh, I uh, just needed to ask Brian about something," Angela replied.
Jordan could tell that the 'something' she asked about was probably what was putting her in this strange mood. "And did you get the answers you needed from him?" he asked her, still watching closely for her reaction.
Angela finally turned and looked at Jordan for the first time since she got in his car. "Can we stop somewhere? I don't really want to talk in this car right now. I don't really want to be in this car right now, if you know what I mean."