Miranda on her feelings for Declan when Emma was around and tries to handle it in her own way.
This Time
I need to rebuild that invisible wall which I so constructed around me to keep my emotions in. Maybe a little taller and a little thicker, just so it won't easily be broken down, this time. That way I won't be able to let anyone in. Right now, I have feelings of emotions which I have no control of.
For awhile now, I let my walls slowly crumble down to a point of no return where my emotions has taken a toll over me. I rarely let anyone see the real me. But, he has. This time, I need to be more careful in building my so-called wall, shield, barrier or whatever else I choose to call it, just so it will not go tumbling down again.
I am not a trusting person, but yet, I found myself opening up a little more than usual, at least with him. I surprise myself sometimes, well lately, I've felt things I've never felt before. I lay my hand on my chest as if holding on to my heart, my broken heart.
I need this wall to be made of concrete to keep my feelings from slipping out. With this wall, I won't be able to fall, won't be able to hurt, won't be able to cry, but most of all, I won't be able to love. I won't be able to feel all of these things, this time.
I need to be in control of my life, myself, my heart and I can't do that without that brick wall around me. So, here I am, rebuilding my fortress, which was slowly taken apart, to feel secure in this
closed-up world of mine. My feelings won't be crushed, I won't feel sadness, I won't feel loneliness, I won't feel emptiness, this time.
Just as long as I have my thoughts and feelings tucked inside that ever so tall, ever so thick wall, I alone will have control of my own heart, this time.