The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are her own, but the characters are owned by Masashi Kishimoto.
Easter Training
"Happy Easter, Sasuke-kun," Sakura said in what she hoped was a sweet, seductive voice.
The boy in question just looked at her out of the corner of his eye, not even turning his body or head to complete this action.
Then he looked back away.
Disappointed, Sakura put her hands together and looked at the ground.
But she wasn't down for long.
She unclasped her hands, and looked up at him again, a big smile once more on her face, as she picked up a tin from by her feet. "I made some Easter cookies. Would you like one?" she offered. "They don't have too much sugar in them, and I made some without icing," she told him.
Sasuke actually shifted his head to look at her this time. "Hn."
Was that a yes or a no? Sakura thought as she stared at him. "Um, Sasuke-kun, does that mean you want a cookie?"
"SAKURA-CHAN!" a voice yelled as a blur of orange and yellow entered the clearing.
Sakura sighed. "Hi, Naruto," she said in a kind voice, but nowhere near the type of voice she used on Sasuke. She didn't hate Naruto per se… it was just that he had interrupted her Special Time with Sasuke. "Want a cookie?" she asked, holding the tin out to him.
Naruto's eyes widened as he took in the sight of the Easter cookies before him. They were shaped as bunnies, ducklings and chicks, and Easter eggs and candy baskets. Some had icing, others didn't. They all looked delicious. "Thanks, Sakura-chan!" he said happily, reaching in and grabbing three (one duck, one bunny, and one basket).
"Are you sure you want to eat all those, Naruto?" a voice asked.
The three looked up to see their sensei.
"You're late!" Sakura and Naruto yelled together.
Kakashi eye-smiled at the two. "Am I really?" he asked with interest.
Sakura looked up at the sun. "Oh," she said, surprised. "No, you're actually on time." She looked at her teacher in wonder.
"How'd you manage that?" Naruto asked, also looking shocked.
Kakashi waggled a finger at them. "Tut tut, cute students! Remember that one of a shinobi's greatest weapons is the element of surprise. If you get your enemies into thinking you follow a certain pattern, you can surprise them by altering that pattern and catching them unaware," he reminded them.
"We're not your enemies, we're your students," Naruto pointed out.
Kakashi shrugged. "Same thing," he said.
Sakura stared at him. "Kakashi-sensei," she said. "Is it really safe for you to teach us?"
"It's a little late now, Pinky," he pointed out with another eye-smile. "I've been teaching you guys for about a year now."
"Right," said Sakura slowly.
Sasuke turned towards his teacher. "Why shouldn't Naruto eat so many cookies?" he asked the man.
Kakashi turned his smile on the boy. "You're as observant as always, Sasuke-kun," he said happily.
Sakura glanced at the box in her hand. All but the three Naruto had taken were still there. He didn't get the sugar from her. "Sensei, what did you eat for breakfast?"
Kakashi finally stopped smiling. His three students were relieved, although Sasuke did his best to hide it. "Sakura," Kakashi said seriously. "It is not nice to accuse people of taking drugs. Or eating sugar."
Naruto stopped cramming cookies into his mouth. "Huh?"
"Never mind," Kakashi said, sounding exasperated. "Anyway, to answer Sasuke-kun's brilliant little question, Naruto shouldn't be eating so many cookies because today we're going to train!"
"…We train every day, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura pointed out.
"True," Kakashi said, poking the cookies in the tin. He pulled out a bunny with pink icing. "But today we're having Easter Training!" He bit a piece out of the bunny and chewed happily. "This is really good, Sakura-chan," he said.
Sakura blushed. "Thanks, Sensei!"
"You should make food more often, for after our training sessions," the silver-haired man continued.
"How did I not see that coming?" Sakura asked rhetorically.
"I have no idea," Kakashi chirped happily, reaching for a chick with blue icing. "Anyway, today you guys are going through Easter Training. You all remember the Easter lessons from the Academy, right?" he asked, watching his students as he licked the icing off the cookie.
Naruto paled.
Sakura paled.
Sasuke's Sharingan briefly appeared in his eye before he got his reactions under control again.
Kakashi smiled. Good. They remembered.
"And now, students, we'll study Easter," Iruka informed the class.
"Easter? Huh? The holiday with candy?" Inuzuka Kiba asked.
"You're stupid," Yamanaka Ino told him. "All holidays have candy."
Kiba stuck his tongue out at her.
"Quiet!" Iruka yelled. "Yes, Easter involves candy. But only in modern times. The original Easter had nothing to do with candy at all." Iruka watched as the class's faces went from bored to interested, with some faces showing shock.
"What did it have to do with, then, Sensei?" Haruno Sakura asked.
Iruka smiled. "The death of a man called Jesus. He was brutally crucified after telling people they should be nice to each other."
"What? What kind of holiday is this?" Uzamaki Naruto demanded.
Iruka looked at him. "Just watch this video."
~~Three hours later~~
The students left the academy, traumatized.
"That was…terrible," Ino said quietly.
Sakura nodded.
"Wait, I forgot to give you your candy!" Iruka shouted from his classroom window.
"Aaagh!" the students all yelled, running away from the academy at a speed none of them had achieved before.
"I HATE EASTER CANDY!" Naruto yelled.
Naruto eyed his cookie with distaste. Then he shrugged, and shoved it in anyway. "It's not the same," he said. "That was about candy; these are cookies."
Kakashi sighed. "Naruto," he began, but was cut off by Sakura.
"You never learn do you, Naruto?" she asked sadly.
"Huh? What do you mean, Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked.
"Naruto, Kakashi-sensei said we were going through Easter Training. Then he reminded us of Iruka's Easter Lesson. He also said you shouldn't eat so many cookies. What do you think we're going to be doing today?" she asked him.
Naruto paled. His mouth dropped open in horror, and bits of Easter cookie fell out.
"That's disgusting, dobe," Sasuke said.
Naruto didn't reply.
Kakashi smiled at them all. "Looks like Sakura figured it out. So smart!" he said happily.
"Wait," Naruto said futilely. "Wait, wait, wait! NO! NOT THAT VIDEO AGAIN!" Naruto ran away, and hid behind a tree.
"Well, all-righty-then," Kakashi said. He turned back to his other two students. "Anyway, Naruto is right; you guys are going to be watching that movie again."
Sakura dropped the tin.
Kakashi quickly caught it, not wanting the cookies to go to waste.
"No. I refuse, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura said.
"Hn," said Sasuke, agreeing.
"Fine. I'll let you do something else," Kakashi said.
Naruto popped out from behind the tree. "Really? Then why scare us like that?"
"I wanted to see your reactions."
"Hn." Sasuke glared at their teacher.
"That was mean, Sensei," Sakura told him.
"Oh, well, cute students! We shall move on from this and love each other always!"
"…Where did that come from?" Sakura asked.
Naruto narrowed his eyes. "Have you been hanging out with Gai-sensei again?" he demanded.
"Well, yes, but that is hardly the point," Kakashi said in a stern voice.
"Hn," Sasuke said.
"Does he know how to say anything else?" Kakashi questioned of his other two students.
"No. I would say his mom dropped him on his head when he was a baby, but I'm pretty sure he was somewhat normal before," Naruto answered, scratching his cheek absently.
"Before what?" Kakashi asked, oblivious to the two glares he was receiving.
"Before the…you-know-what!" Sakura hissed.
"Actually, I don't. That's why I'm asking," he told her with an eye-smile.
"You are really insensitive, Sensei," she hissed out.
"The U-chi-Ha Ma-Ssa-Cre," Naruto said, drawing the words out oddly.
"Oh, of course! How could I forget!" Kakashi said as he pulled Sasuke into a hug. "My poor Sasuke-kun!"
Naruto and Sakura stared. They blinked. They stared. They pinched their own arms. They pinched each other's arms.
"Kakashi-sensei, what are you doing, dattebayo?" Naruto demanded.
Kakashi looked over at him. "What does it look like I'm doing? Comforting a hurt student."
"Geroffmeyouidiot," Sasuke said from his strange position of being smothered into Kakashi's stomach.
"What was that?" Kakashi asked as he pulled Icha Icha from his weapons pouch with one hand, the other holding Sasuke tightly to him.
"I said GET OFF ME YOU IDIOT!" Sasuke shouted after he managed to get away from Kakashi by blasting the man back into the trees with a fire style technique.
Kakashi stared at him shocked. "Sasuke, I didn't know you could talk that loud!"
"Yeah, I've never heard him shout before either," Naruto agreed.
Sakura stared at Sasuke with hearts in her eyes. "Sasuke-kun, you can be noisy!" she said happily.
"Sakura-chan, you shouldn't say such things in public," Kakashi admonished her in a joking tone, as he picked himself up from the dirt.
Sakura blushed. "I-I didn't mean that!" she stammered out.
Naruto looked at her mischievously out of the corner of his eye. "Sakura's a pervert, Sakura's a pervert!" he chanted at top volume.
"Now, now, Naruto-kun, it isn't nice to tease your teammate like that," Kakashi said. "Besides, I think it's time we actually start training now."
Naruto abruptly shut up.
"What is our training, Sensei?" Sakura asked. "And this time, don't lie."
"Actually, we don't have any training today. I just wanted the cookies for myself," Kakashi said, as he grabbed the box, placed the lid back on it, and ran away laughing manically.
"… What the heck was that?" Naruto said, still staring at the place where Kakashi had just been.
"Was that… was that really Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked.
"I think he drank too much Happy Juice yesterday," Sasuke said.
The other two stared at him. "'Happy Juice'?" Naruto repeated.
Sasuke nodded. "You know, wine. It's like sake, but it's made from grapes."
"How do you know this?" Naruto asked through narrowed eyes. "You're the last person who would ever drink any alcohol."
Sasuke glared at him. "I live in a place with hundreds of abandoned homes. There are lots of different types of alcohol all over the place."
"Really? Don't tell Kakashi-sensei that!" Naruto shouted.
LINE BREAK
High up in a tree only few feet away, a silver-haired jounin sat, munching on an icing duck cookie. A genjutsu disguised his presence, and the three genin were never aware of his being there.
"Hmm, so that's where I can get free booze from?" he muttered aloud. Then he finished off the cookie, and stood up, heading for the Uchiha Compound to find the free wine, beer, and sake.
After all, it wouldn't due to have a thirteen-year-old alone with all that alcohol. Kakashi was only going to protect the innocent.
LINE BREAK
Happy Easter!