Eyes Half Closed
Chapter 1: A Scattered Dream That's like a Far-off Memory
A/N: So.. I got this idea after reading a prompt on Tumblr. It's not exactly original but yeah. This is the first fanfiction I've ever written. Please bear with any writing or grammar mistakes, I have tried to edit this story to the best of my ability.
Let's meet again in the next life.
Yeah. I'll be waiting.
"You can't turn on the Organization! You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you!" Axel was exasperated. Why was he leaving? Leaving him? Weren't they best friends? Weren't they supposed to stick through this together?
"No one would miss me."
He made soft footsteps as he continued walking. The sky was wholly black. The place was dim with faint yellow lights. Axel could hardly see anything. The blond hair was bright in contrast to the darkness.
"That's not true…"
Axel tried to reach out. His body wouldn't respond. Move, dammit! No matter how hard he tried, his hand could never reach the figure as it got farther and farther away. The figure vanished into the darkness. Frustration and sadness overwhelmed him. He could barely manage the words out of his mouth.
"I would."
He woke up sweating harshly despite the cold temperature of his room. His heart was racing, beating loudly. His shirt stuck to his back like glue and his spiky hair was drooping. The room was dark with only a dim ray of light shining through where the black curtains didn't cover.
Another dream.
Dreams were supposed to be hard to remember, most of it already forgotten by the time the person woke up. Not for Axel. Axel remembered what happened in his dreams with crystal clear details. He'd experienced them before. No, they weren't dreams.
They were memories. Memories of his past life.
"He's waiting for me," Axel breathed out slowly. "Dammit…"
He was never able to stop thinking about him. Roxas… Where was he?
He pushed his blanket aside and lied down in his bed for a few minutes before getting up. His body was restless and refused to go back to sleep despite his earlier than usual awakening. The sweat that clung to him also made him feel disgusting. Switching off the alarm on his phone so it wouldn't ring later, Axel stretched to loosen up the tension in his body before making his way over to his closet.
Axel grabbed a new set of clothes and made a bee-line for the bathroom across his bedroom. He quickly jumped into the shower and turned it on. There was never a supply of hot water, only lukewarm and cold. The water replaced the grimy sweat that surrounded his body. Axel squeezed out a drop of shampoo and thoroughly cleaned his hair. Afterwards, he dried himself with a towel and put on the clothes he'd set aside.
He spent a good five minutes quickly blow drying his damp hair, not giving a fuck to do it meticulously. His hair went back to its usual spiky form with just a small amount of drying and brushing. Sometimes he liked his hair, sometimes he hated it. It could be annoying at times but was also convenient when he was too lazy to actually put in the effort to blow-dry his hair.
Axel exited the bathroom and went to the right of the hall that led to the half-kitchen half-living room. The 'Kitchen-Living Room', as he had come to call it. Well, he wasn't the richest man on the planet and the rent was cheap enough for him to afford, so Axel didn't complain. The apartment was old and was renovated in its entirety a few years ago. Still, it was nothing impressive. The walls were somewhat thin and some layers had peeled off since then. The floors were manageable as long as he vacuumed and mopped once a week.
Axel opened his fridge and saw that it was nearly empty except for some microwavable leftovers and other cheap sustenance. He'd have to go grocery shopping today. He retrieved some orange juice and promptly closed the fridge. On the kitchen counter laid a bag of sliced bread. He groaned. Toast for breakfast. Again.
Once he finished his breakfast, he washed the plate and his cup. He quickly dressed up and carried the strap of his guitar case by his shoulder. He double-checked to make sure he had everything before exiting his apartment and locking the door. As he went out, he noticed two movers carrying boxes into the door next to his. A new neighbor? Axel was curious to see what they were like but decided he'd give them a proper welcome when he got back. For now, he had other stuff to do.
The outside didn't look much different from the inside. The concrete floor looked dreary and bleak. It made for a gloomy atmosphere. Axel's apartment was on the 8th floor. The new neighbor was apparently moving into apartment 8-12. The elevator at the end of the hall was out of order, like always. He walked all the way down using the stairway and exited the building.
It was a frigid day in November. A hoard of leaves dwindled onto the sidewalk. The streets were lined with enormous buildings that cast long shadows during the day. It was early in the morning now, the sky sporting a soft mix of pale blue and gray. Traverse was filled with people and cars. Vehicles passed by constantly in the middle of the street and several buildings loomed over. The buildings were in varying heights, one building stacked next to another that was nearly twice its size.
Axel strolled numbingly on the sidewalk. He'd seen this area plenty of times. He walked through this place every morning to get to work after all. He saw the same road every day, the same trees every day, the same buildings every day, the same signs every day. He looked downwards at the concrete. Gray, huh. Dull and boring.
It was rush hour. The streets were crowded with people walking in all directions in a frenzy and uncoordinated mess. Cars honked occasionally. The mass of people talking on their phones contributed to a large volume of constant noise. Arms and elbows shoved and bumped at every second. Personal space did not exist in Traverse.
Several shops consisted of window displays that showed off their products. The brick colors of the buildings blended in harmony with the orange-reddish leaves. Axel liked autumn. He loved to see the trees decorated with fiery red.
Red...
Bet you don't know why the sun sets red. You see, light is made up of lots of colors. And out of all those colors, red is the one that travels the farthest.
Like I asked! Know-it-all.
He couldn't help but let a small smile form on his face.
Axel breathed out a puff of air that quickly dissipated. A chilly wind breezed through his spiky hair. He was wearing a black parka with a pair of black jeans and dark boots. Adjusting his scarlet plaid scarf, Axel continued on his way. He walked through the entrance of subway. Instantly, he was enveloped with warmth as he entered. He swiped his MetroCard and passed through the turnstile. Walking down the rusty stairs, he waited patiently for his designated train to arrive. He leaned against one of the pillars. The train station was quiet and there was hardly anyone, meaning that a train had just left.
Axel stared mindlessly ahead. The ground was completely covered with gravel. There were three tracks on the road: one on his side, one in the middle, and the last track was on the opposite side from where he was. Since it wasn't completely underground, Axel could peer up at the sky. It seemed to be darkening as the gray pigment became more intense.
In the meantime, he checked his phone. A notification informed him of one new text message received at 7:16 A.M. Axel opened it.
DestinysEmbrace: Hey.
He immediately typed a reply.
EternalFlames: Sup. Haven't seen u recently
DestinysEmbrace: Sorry. I've been busy with school ever since it started.
EternalFlames: It's no prob. Did u need something?
DestinysEmbrace: Yeah. I have this science project coming up but there are some supplies I can't get where I am and I have stuff to do over the weekend for Thanksgiving. Can you get them for me? I'll pay you back.
EternalFlames: Destiny Islands doesn't have what ur looking for?
DestinysEmbrace: No, and I can't order it online because it'll take too long to arrive.
EternalFlames: Ah ok. Do i give it to u at the Thanksgiving meeting? U don't have to pay me back btw
DestinysEmbrace: Yeah I'll send you the list later. I have to go get ready for school now. Thanks, I'll ttyl. :)
EternalFlames: Cya
Axel stored his phone into his jacket and rubbed his hands against each other for friction. They were numb and red. Why did it have to be so cold? It wasn't even December yet, for fuck's sake. He blew a hot breath of air on his hands before shoving them into his pockets.
The train took a few minutes to arrive. By now, more people had entered the station. Axel's ears perked up at the evident sound of wheels grinding against rails. The tunnel had displayed a small beam of light before the train itself emerged into view. The train decelerated before coming to a full stop at the station. Once the doors opened, Axel entered and gripped one of the straps. It was mildly crowded, all of the seats already taken. A sound beeped to signal the closing of the doors.
"This is Zone 4. Please be sure to retrieve your belongings before exiting the train."
Axel quickly hopped off the train with his guitar case still strapped by his shoulder. A crowd of people was already beginning to form on the stairways of the subway. People were pushing and shoving, eager to get to the top. Axel was, too. After entering the upperground, he could see fresh snow flutter like angels onto the ground.
The sky was dampened with an ash gray, the sun hidden behind the snow dusted clouds. The snow twirled in tune with the wind as it covered everything in its dance. Everything was powdered in pure white. Axel quickly put his hood up and stuffed his hands into the pockets of his coat. It was just a few more blocks before he'd reach his destination.
The Organization was a restaurant located in the more popular section of Zone 4. The large title was carved out above the entrance. The glass window display showed a beautiful and warmly lit interior with cushioned armchairs and sleek round tables. The restaurant was decorated with several homely green plants and dainty flowers. Behind the counter was a young man who looked to be in his early 20s dealing with a customer. The employee had a strange mullet hairstyle with soulful cyan eyes. He looked way too lively for the deadliest day of the week: Monday.
Axel entered The Organization and removed his hood. Demyx finished up with the customer before greeting him. "Hey Axel! You're earlier than usual today."
Axel went over to the counter and leaned at the side. "Yeah, I know. Woke up early and just couldn't seem to fall back asleep. Trust me, I'd sleep the extra ten minutes if I could."
Demyx laughed and the two continued their conversation until another customer arrived at the counter.
"Looks like the place is starting to get busy. I'm gonna go set up my stuff. See ya, Dem." Axel went over to where the small stage was located at the left side of restaurant. After removing his coat and hanging it by the back of his chair, he unpacked his guitar and strummed a few strings.
Axel was twenty-one years old, working as a full-time musician for The Organization. The pay wasn't bad and he occasionally received some extra income from some of the customers. Playing guitar was something he actually enjoyed, too. He was never able to in his past life.
Axel played a few songs. The lighting was dim inside the restaurant, casting small shadows from soft yellow illuminations. The smell of coffee and cooked meals flooded the area.
Some time had passed. It had gotten too warm. He unzipped his sweater and hung it behind him on his chair. Underneath, Axel was wearing a black graphic tee captioned 'Burn, baby!' with a flame design.
The boss of The Organization was kind enough to accept him to work as a musician here. Saix operated as the assistant manager. Vexen and Zexion were in another room in the back, working out sales as accountants. Xaldin and Lexaeus were the chefs. They were pretty good, actually. Axel never expected them to be able to cook back then. Demyx was the cashier and everyone else worked as servers.
Axel liked The Organization. He felt like he had fit in just right. Everything was the way it was supposed to be, just like the old days.
It was his break time, Axel noticed. Carefully setting his guitar upright by the wall, he observed the restaurant. Several customers chatted about the latest trends, some were talking on their phones. Demyx seemed to be cracking jokes with Xigbar.
Marluxia was occupied with watering the plants in the restaurant from which he'd brought from his home. He seemed to be enjoying the act with his own personally customized watering can. Of course...
Axel looked at the window down to his right. Luxord decided to take a quick break and was currently smoking outside despite being in the middle of a motherfucking snowstorm. Hats off to you, Luxord.
Larxene and Xion were busy serving a few customers. The place had less people than usual today, evidently due to the weather outside. Nonetheless, laughter and joy erupted, filling the restaurant in vibrant colors.
Everyone was cheerful and lively here. They were happy.
No one would miss me.
His eyes suddenly got puffy. Axel dug his nails into his skin. He bit down hard on his lip to prevent even the slightest sound from escaping. What a fucking liar.
"Axel?" a soft voice spoke. It was Xion.
The tears receded. He lowered his hand to hide the red marks.
Axel forced a smile. It physically hurt to do so, his heart wrenched at the action. "Hey Xion," he paused, feeling the tears threatening to re-emerge before he continued, "Need something?"
"No, but you look like you do." she stated, handing him a drink. So she had noticed.
"Thanks." He took a sip. Hot chocolate. The beverage was savory and sweet. "...It's good."
Xion smiled. "I made it." She observed him as he took little sips. "Is there something you want to talk about?"
"...Not really," he mumbled quietly. "Not now." Axel stared at the floor. He didn't want to look at her. He didn't want to look at those pretty blue eyes that reminded him so much of Roxas.
A few seconds passed before she responded. He could feel her worrying gaze locked onto the back of his head. "Okay, but I'm always here if you need me."
"I know. Go back to work." He took another sip of the hot chocolate.
She stood in her spot for a moment before finally leaving. Once he was positive that she was out of sight, Axel downed the rest of his drink within seconds and set it aside. His throat scalded but he wasn't in any mood to care.
He resumed his playing. It came out in a godawful tune.
Fucking hell.
Axel never expected having a heart would hurt this much.
It was around four in the afternoon. He had long calmed down after his emotional upheaval. He packed up his stuff, getting ready to leave as he finished work.
"Axel! Good work today. See you tomorrow!" Demyx called out to him.
"Peace out," he waved. Axel went over to the doors but didn't exit. He retrieved his phone from his pocket. The time displayed 4:26 P.M. Monday, November 18. Kairi hadn't sent him a new text yet. She was probably doing her after-school club activities by now. He returned his phone to his pocket and stared out the window. Shit. It was still snowing. He hoped Xion had brought an umbrella.
A few minutes had passed before he felt a tap on his shoulder. Axel immediately turned his head around.
"Sorry Axel. Did I make you wait long?" Xion spoke gingerly. She was wearing a black coat with a blue scarf.
"Nah. I just got off work too."
"Oh," she said, breathing a visible sigh of relief. "Thank goodness."
Axel smiled. "By the way, did you bring an umbrella today? It's still snowing."
"Ah, yep. My mom made me bring one just in case." She unzipped her bag and lifted up a closed umbrella. She didn't seem intent on pushing about what had happened earlier, Axel noted.
"Come on, let's go," Xion urged as she pushed through the doors and opened her purple umbrella. Axel followed her out and promptly took the umbrella from her hand.
"I got it." Since he was taller, it made it easier for the both of them.
"Thanks." Xion pulled her scarf closer to her face. It was cold and the wind didn't help in blowing snow all over the place.
They walked along the street next to each other as close together as possible to fit under the umbrella. There was plenty of people walking by as well, though not as crowded as in the morning. The ground was covered in soft snow with traces of footsteps overlapping every second. Axel glanced up at the sky momentarily. It was a bland shade of gray.
"Gotta do some grocery shopping today," he suddenly remembered. "And apparently, I have a new neighbor moving in."
"Have you seen them yet?"
"Nope. Was planning to say hi but I don't have a gift either. What do you think?"
"Hmm… how about your homemade pizza?"
Axel snorted. "Please, it's hardly anything good."
"Hardly anything good? Axel, your pizza is the best! It's better than the ones in stores!"
"Alright, alright. Well since you love it so much, I'll save some for you tomorrow," he winked.
Xion's face lit up with excitement. "Really?"
"Yeah. Now let's head to to the supermarket," he said with a grin. "Can't make pizza without the proper ingredients, now can I?"
Mickey Mart was a supermarket chain with a well-known logo of an animated mouse with large round ears. The nearest one had been only fifteen minutes away by walk. Axel closed the umbrella and shook the remains of snow off as they strolled through the automated doors.
"Finally," he sighed in relief, basking in the warmth of the heat in the building. "I was freezing my ass off."
"Me too," Xion replied. Her nose and cheeks were red.
"So let's see… I'll need some tomatoes and cheese for the pizza," he stated, walking over to get a shopping cart. They entered the milk and dairy section thereafter.
Mickey Mart was enormous, it was renowned for having just about every ingredient in stock at all times. The aisles extended lengthily to fit the towering colossal shelves. Axel browsed the shelves at a moderate pace, being extra cautious to not bump carts with anyone. The supermarket was exceptionally busy and teeming with other shoppers.
"Do you need to get dough for the pizza?" Xion asked.
"Nah. I still have some leftover dough that I used on Friday." he replied.
"Friday? What happened on that day?"
"I made pizza for Demyx since he wanted to see if it was as good as you made it out to be."
"You guys ate pizza without me?" she cried.
"You said you were busy with a school project on that day so I didn't call you over. Besides, Demyx ate it all so there were no leftovers. Sorry."
"Aww."
"Is there anything you need to buy?" He stopped to grab a package of cheese off one of the shelves and placed it in the cart.
"Uhh, yep. I need to get some eggs to make omelette for Sora and Vani."
Axel looked at her questioningly. "Vanitas? Does he even like omelette? Or was it just Sora?"
"He shares some common interests with Sora even if he tries to deny it with every fiber of his being."
"Oh. Makes sense."
Half an hour had passed since they entered the supermarket. Axel was able to pick up all the ingredients they needed. They began heading to the checkout lines.
Xion made an audible gasp. "I almost forgot!" she announced, quickly heading off to one of the ice cream freezer cases at the side. Axel trailed behind her. She grabbed two packs of sea salt ice cream. "One for you and one for my family."
Axel stared at the cover wrapped above the top of the pack that displayed a blue sweet but salty popsicle.
Because we're friends.
Friends…
Friends eat ice cream together, and talk and laugh about the stupidest things.
"Axel? Something wrong?" Xion asked worryingly.
"Nah. Sorry, I was just thinking about something," he said, quickly wanting to change the subject. Shit. He blinked in rapid succession. "I didn't know they sold these here."
"They started selling these back in August. They're really popular." She stacked them neatly in the cart.
"Cool. Let's go to the checkout now, shall we?"
They waited for about ten minutes in line before they reached the cashier. Axel offered to pay for the eggs and ice cream after ten minutes of convincing Xion that it wasn't a problem for him. Really, she was a sweet girl. Afterwards, he asked for two bags to separate their items. The cashier happily complied and offered him two plastic bags along with the receipt.
Axel carried Xion's bag for her as they traveled to the train station. By now, the snow had let up but they treaded carefully as the ground was still coated in thick snow. The two stood in the frosty weather as they waited for their train to come. Axel's train arrived before Xion's.
"Take care of yourself, got it?" He handed her the plastic bag containing the eggs and pack of sea salt ice cream.
She nodded. "Bye, I'll see you tomorrow!"
He stepped onto the train as he waved goodbye to Xion. The train had a few open seats left. Axel chose a spot in the far corner and held his guitar case by his side. The doors closed shortly after and the train began to accelerate. Leaning his head to the side, he almost fell asleep to the calming lull of the moving train.
I can't... just look inside. But I figure... if there is something in there—inside us— then we'd feel it, wouldn't we?
An automated voice jumped him awake. Crap. He had fallen asleep. Upon opening his eyes, Axel realized it was his stop. He gathered his belongings and rushed to exit the train before the doors closed on him. Rubbing his weary eyes, he checked his phone for a brief moment. 5:48 P.M. There was a notification for a new text from Kairi. He decided he would check it later when he was at home as he departed the station.
The sky was pitch black. Lamp posts illuminated the streets with luminous white orbs. The roads were busy with people traveling back home from work. Polychromatic lights that derived from buildings radiated in the dark like a bundle of millions of tiny stars in the night sky.
Axel made his way to his residence and begrudgingly steeled himself to walk up the eight flight of stairs upon entering. After the first six floors, the rising soreness in his legs made it excruciating to climb the next two. Out of order, his ass. Jesus, when the hell were they gonna fix the elevator?
As he finally reached the golden eighth floor, he noticed someone unlocking the door to their apartment. He placed a hand against the wall for support as he caught his breath. Wasn't that door 8-12? He walked closer to inspect his new neighbor before his entire body went rigid.
Blond spikes and golden locks, bright unclouded blue eyes. They were crystalline clear and absolutely mesmerizing. His eyes were like the deep wonders of the sea, hidden like a lost treasure.
Axel's stomach was knotted into butterflies.
The teen wore a black hoodie, black jeans, and a pair of Converse sneakers. He had a checkered messenger bag slung over his shoulder.
Holy fucking shit.
Axel's hand instinctively shot out and grabbed the teen's arm as a result of the adrenaline rush. The teen winced as his grip was unintentionally harsh.
"Ow! Hey!"
His voice. It played like a perfect symphony to his ears. How many years had it been? He could only hear that voice in his mind, his memories. He played it like a broken record. It was beautiful, alluring, and entrancing. The voices he conjured in his head were nothing compared to the real thing.
Does that mean... it's time for me to go back to where I belong?
Memories flowed through his mind playing through every moment they'd been together. He could see his smile, he could hear his laughter, he could feel the touch of their hands that fit just right entwined.
Yeah. Have to hang onto something, right? It's not like I have memories from before the Organization. Don't you remember? I acted like a zombie.
He had been in a daze for too long because the teen yanked his arm away and gave Axel a rough glare.
Why did the Keyblade choose me?... I have to know.
Diamond blue clashed with emerald green. Axel was lost within those eyes.
No one would miss me.
"Roxas…" The name rolled off of his tongue perfectly.
"What? How do you know my name? Who are you?" the blond demanded.
Axel flinched at those words. He gulped. "You really don't remember? It's me. You know, Axel…" Axel could feel his back heating up like it was an oven.
"Axel?" The way he spoke his name made Axel's heart jump. Please. This was all a joke, right? Roxas had to remember him. He was waiting for him.
His heart was thumping so painfully loud. He wondered if the blond could hear it. Droplets of sweat began to form on the back of his neck.
"I'm sorry. I don't know anyone named Axel."
His throat went dry. He felt like he was being choked.
What?...
He couldn't breathe.
"Um, are you okay? Your face is all red…" The words snapped him back to reality.
Axel stared at him.
Shit. He needed to fucking leave.
"Y-Yeah… I'm fine. I-I should go," he said, his voice quivering. Fucking shit. He quickly stumbled past the blond and unlocked the door to his own apartment, stepping inside and locking it without looking back at the teen at all.
Once inside, he leaned back on the door for support. His legs eventually gave out and he slowly slid down to the floor. He focused on inhaling and exhaling, trying to return his heart rate to normal.
He felt a mixture of conflicted feelings build up inside his body. Just the single encounter left him with a clusterfuck of emotions. He was glad to see Roxas. No, he was fucking ecstatic to know that he was alive. His heart fluttered when he saw those beautiful blue eyes that he loved so deeply.
And then his hope was shortly crushed, stomped, spat on, and shattered.
God, everything was so fucking blurry. His jacket was dampened as he roughly wiped his eyes with his forearm. A few quiet sobs escaped his lips.
Fuck.
Axel wanted to fucking scream. He wanted to fucking scream so loud until his throat was writhing in pain. He wanted to tear everything to fucking pieces. He clenched his fist so hard, digging his nails deep enough into his skin that it could bleed.
He laughed pitifully. This pain was nothing compared to Roxas forgetting him again.
Roxas didn't remember him. He was sure of it. He knew Roxas well enough to tell when he was being sincere.
But…
He tried to choke back a sob and failed.
This was their next life.